Chapter 4

Care of Magical Creatures had easily become Io's least favourite subject in the course of two lessons. They were still studying porlocks, yet Io didn't make any progress with the little horse guardians. If they remained in her vicinity at all it was only to protect their herd. The furry beasts looked harmless, but their sharp teeth were not.

Io was once again trying to attract one of the tiny monsters with a fresh bouquet of green grass. Her porlock wasn't impressed.

When laughter erupted around her, Io didn't even react, what with her being a constant source of amusement and all. When it persisted though, she swung around warily.

Abby's face had turned scarlet from trying to suppress laughter. Elaine bit down a grin. She looked over to the Gryffindors and saw Sirius whistling innocently.

Then she felt something fluffy brush her head.

Io's hand darted to her forehead and caught the fluffy thing. She tucked at it harshly and it hurt.

A slow realization dawned upon her: it was her ear.

It was long. It was furry. It was...

Oh no, he had not-

Suddenly she felt something grow on her butt. Io clasped her hands on her behind and touched what was unmistakably a plush little tail.

She whipped out her wand with a shriek. The class laughed harder. Io started firing hexes at a snickering Sirius, who jumped around in a half-hearted attempt to escape her scorn.

"Good little bunny! Sweet little bunny!"

An unhuman growl escaped from Io's throat which sent the porlocks running for their life.

"What? I thought it might help with the Porlocks!"

Fortunately Io didn't have to wait long to retaliate.

Defence was one of the few classes where she didn't need to worry about keeping up with the others. Professor Laurel was a middle-aged, very tidy looking witch who seemed better suited to teach them about household charms than the dark arts.

When they were getting ready to duel yet again so the teacher could avoid actually teaching them something, she knew this was her chance.

Sirius and that chubby little friend of his, Pettigrew, had been paired up together. Io muttered the curse under her breath and waited for the events to unfold.

All of a sudden Sirius' mouth puckered up and pulled him forward with a jerk. At first Pettigrew was too shocked to react as Sirius' mouth drew nearer in an attempt to smooch him.

When he came too close Pettigrew jumped aside with a yelp. But Sirius' lips would not rest before they got the kiss they longed for. He chased after him.

The other students turned around just in time to see Sirius lock the other boy in a tight embrace and plant kisses all over his face while Pettigrew desperately tried to escape.

Potter jumped in to break the curse, but that just made Sirius turn to persecute him instead.

That was the beauty of it, Ionia beamed. Each time someone tried to break it, the curse got more powerful.

Professor Laurel clearly wasn't equipped to handle the situation and kept trying to release Sirius from the curse. His puckered lips just continued growing in size and his romantic advances became more frantic.

Finally, Sirius managed to plant his comically blown up lips on Potter's for a passionate kiss. The class howled in excitement and clapped.

When Sirius' finally caught his breath, his eyes found Io. She just shrugged with a smile. His face darkened.

"What? I thought I'd help you lovebirds out."

Io's potion essay exploded when she handed it in to Professor Slughorn. Her shoes got stuck to the ground when she tried to get to Arithmancy on time. Her writing vanished from her Ancient Runes homework, because someone had switched her ink with Zonko's famous prank-ink.

In short, Potter and Pettigrew had become equally as keen on getting their revenge as Sirius.

And Io fired back with all that she had.

Pettigrew's candy developed laxative qualities, which made for a hilarious potions incident.

Potter's glasses got stuck to his nose, upside-down. It took Madame Pomfrey two hours to detach them and resulted in ugly red burns around his temples.

Sirius' date with Meredith Fairchild took an unexpected turn for the worse when, instead of murmuring soppy things, white mice started jumping out of his throat.

With each prank, the answering one got more severe. In less than a week, things were spiraling out of control.

That one time Io iced the floor on the potions corridor, Potter crashed and nearly broke his neck. That other time when the boys made the self-fertilising shrub attack her on the way to Kettleburn's class, Io nearly lost an eye.

Somewhere deep down Io knew that at this rate they were going, someone was going to get hurt soon. Maybe it would be wiser to back down.

But then she remembered how they had bewitched the Hogwarts populace of Mucopus Toads to believe Io was their queen.

If someone was going to get hurt, she would just have to make sure that it wouldn't be her.

Arithmancy was as irritating as ever. Although Io was slowly catching up on the material, that hardly brought any relief. Now she was simply able to fully appreciate how complicated it was.

Professor Wenlock had set them to the task of investigating the usefulness of numerological systems when applied to other cultures. She had to admit that was an interesting concept. If only it weren't for all the bloody Ravenclaws in her class.

Io scowled. While she fully understood her housemates' loathing for the Gryffindor prats, Io herself felt a lot more resentful toward the house of Ravenclaw. She couldn't compete with their pace nor scholarly discipline and instead of flaunting it, they thought they were so beyond clever they didn't even need to show off.

She stared down at the chart she had drawn and the numbers started to swim, prompting Io to rub her eyes and let out a frustrated sigh.

"Let me take a look."

Io flinched in surprise, when she found the teacher leaning over her work, checking what she had written down. This close up, she noticed there were white strands in his dark hair.

Huh. Professor Wenlock wasn't actually all that young.

She hadn't thought him to be older than thirty-five. Io shook her head at her own silliness. Obviously wizards didn't become teachers straight after school.

"Here."

He put his index finger to the third line of her calculation and then she noticed it: an accidental switch of numbers. The entire equation was wrong.

Io groaned.

"It's not that bad." The teacher gave her an encouraging smile, before he turned to another student.

Sympathy. Could she sink any lower?

Io went ahead to furiously strike out her previous work and was just about to start anew. That was when she saw it: a singular white hair on her parchment.

An idea dawned on her and drove away the dark clouds in her mind.

Oh, this was going to be good.

She stealthily took out a vial and put the white hair inside.

The rest of it was pretty easy to organize.

Sirius had made plenty of enemies among the Slytherins and Io's ongoing feud with the Gryffindors had earned her more respect in the course of a week than anything else could have ever accomplished that. So the potion wasn't hard to come by.

Io had also been right about him being arrogant enough to believe a secret admirer would send him chocolates, apparently.

They were in their Charms class when they heard the commotion outside.

"Stay where you are."

Professor Flitwick moved towards the door. They could hear the yelling now.

"Please, just let me explain-"

"Stay away from me!"

Of course the entire class was out on the hallway in no time and found Sirius chasing after a horrified Professor Wenlock.

Laughter erupted all around Io. She grinned contentedly.

The Professor was looking for an escape from the love-crazed teenager but he soon arrived at a dead end.

"Hear me out! I'll do whatever, just don't leave me, please..."

Io could hear Abby whistle right next to her. Wenlock was shaking in anger.

"This is not funny. I don't know who told you-"

He was enunciating every word very clearly.

"Portius!"

Sirius fell to his knees and wailed.

"Why can't you love me?"

He started to sob uncontrollably.

Oh. That was... unexpected.

Judging from his dumbfounded expression, Professor Wenlock thought so, too.

Io looked around. The laughter had only grown in volume, the Slytherins were positively jeering. Severus looked like someone had given him the best gift of his life.

"Stupefy!"

Potter's angry yell pierced through the laughter. Sirius fell to the floor; the spell had rendered him unconscious. Potter moved toward his side and cast a quick levicorpus spell.

Professor Wenlock had finally come out of his shock and went to take Sirius to the hospital wing, as Flitwick was shooing them back to their class. Before Io left she turned around and caught Potter's eye.

His icy glare made her shiver. Maybe she had taken this too far.

Someone patted her on the back; it was Severus.

"You're cold, Rivers."

He meant that as a compliment.

As soon as the teachers had found out about the love potion, they had suspected her. So Ionia had to come clean to avoid further investigation.

Not only had they taken 50 points from Slytherin for it, costing them their early lead in the house cup. Her prank had landed her a month's worth of detention with Professor Wenlock.

He still appeared visibly shaken when she explained to the teachers about the expired love potion and how it had been meant as a light-hearted joke. The look of utter disappointment Wenlock had cast at her had been far worse than any harsh words Slughorn had offered.

Meanwhile Sirius and his friends had ignored her all day, otherwise acting like their usual pratty selves. She should probably be relieved by that instead of feeling crushed.

What the hell was wrong with her? It's not like they'd been friends.

To make matters worse the other Slytherins were mad at her. Not because of her stupid prank. Not even because she got caught! But because she had confessed.

Ionia sighed as she leaned over another long Potions essay. It was past midnight and she still hadn't finished her homework. How was she going to get anything done if she was to spend every night at Wenlock's office reorganizing his scrolls by date and topic?

All because of that infuriating, smug little- A burning pain shot through her skin. Io closed her eyes and breathed deeply.

She really had to do something about her temper.

Io sighed.

When she opened her eyes again, she realized she wasn't alone. Severus was approaching with two steaming cups and set one down in front of her. It smelled like coffee.

"Thanks."

She took a big gulp and spluttered. It was really strong coffee.

They sat together in companiable silence for a while, until Severus spoke up.

"You know what they say about fighting with idiots."

Io looked at him with a quizzical expression. Severus sighed.

"They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience."

Io tried for a smile and failed. She managed a grimace.

Severus shook his head, as if he had just realized something.

"You actually feel bad about it." It wasn't a question.

Io remembered how she'd made Sirius cry. She really hated that git, but...

"Yeah", she admitted in defeat.

"You know they've done a lot worse."

Io thought about that. It wasn't all that hard to imagine, especially where Severus was concerned. They called him Snivellus.

Severus smiled faintly, but didn't comment any further. He glanced at her half-written essay.

"Do you need help with that?"

Io gulped, feeling the last remnant of her academic pride dying. She nodded. Yeah, she did.

Severus grabbed her scroll and started reading. A few moments later he sighed in exasperation.

"That bad?"

Severus smirked.

"It's not hopeless."

Footnote: Snape is of course (mis)quoting George Carlin here, which is rather unlikely but not entirely impossible, I think. The original quote is: "Never argue with an idiot. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience."