AN: Oh my God! The new book is coming out really soon! I can't wait! I think that Snape will be really the same person as Voldemort 'cause they are both half-bloods, so that will explain why he killed Dumbledore and he hated Harry! And then Harry will have to commit suicide so Voldemort will die, because he is really be a Horcrux! OMG! I hope Draco and Harry get together! That would be so sexy, wouldn't it? If they don't, then JKR is homophobic! Fangs for the help with facts, Medusa! You rock!
I sat, depressed, in Dumbledore's office with Hedwig, Satan, James, Sirius, Snape and Lucius. Dumbledore was sitting in front of us. He looked younger than he did in the future. He had taken the iPod away, and now he was listening to a shitty Avril Levine song.
"What the hell is this anyway?" he cackled. I hoped he didn't find out that I was from another time.
"Whatever you do, don't blame Ebony, you jerk," Satan said.
"Yeah, seriously! She was trying to get Satan and Hedwig back together," Sirius said, deviously.
"Be quiet, you Satanists," Dumbledore cackled. "If you're lucky, I'll probably send you all to Azkaban! That will teach you to copulate in the Great Hall." He changed the song on the iPod to an N*Sync song. Suddenly I noticed something strange about the iPod. It was slowly changing! Dumblydore didn't notice.
"You fucking poser," I muttered.
"I bet you've never herd of GC," James said. I knew what the iPod was changing into- Marty McFly's time machine!
"Shut up, James!" Draco's dad shouted.
"Yeah, shut up!" Snape said.
"No, you shut up, Dumbledore!" said Tom.
"I've had enough of you Satanists in my school!" shouted Dumbledore.
Suddenly, I grabbed the iPod from him. "Everyone! Jump in before it's too late!" I jumped into it. But only one other person jumped in. It was... Satan.
"You dunderheads!" screamed Dumbledore wisely as we went.
I looked around. I was in the Slytherin common room with Satan. I was wearing a black plaid miniskirt with hot pink fishnets, a sexy black MCR corset and black stiletto boots with pink pentagrams on them. My earrings were black Satanist signs and my raven hair was all around me to my mid-black.
"Hey, cool. Where is this?" he asked in an emo voice.
"This is the future. Dumbledore's iPod that he tried to take away from me was also a time machine," I told him.
"Cool. What's an iPod?" he whimpered.
"It's something you use to listen to music," I yakked.
"Oh my fucking God, cool! Wait, what's a four letter word for dirt?" he asked in his sexy voice.
"Um, I guess sand?" I said, confused.
"Yeah. I was just trying to make sure you were still the same person." He triumphantly giggled.
Suddenly, some of my friends walked in.
"Oh my God! You're fucking alive!" said Ginny, who was wearing a black leather jacket, black baggy pants and a goffik black From First to Last shirt. I explained to her why I was alive.
"Konnichiwa, bitch," said Willow. She was wearing a black corset showing off her boobs with lace all around it and red stripes on it. With it she was wearing a black leather miniskirt, big black boots, white foundation, black eyeliner, red eyeshadow, and black lipstick.
"Hey, motherfucker," said Diablo with his red hair. He was wearing a black Panic! at the Disco t-shit and black baggy pants.
"Hey, who's that, Ebony?" B'loody Mary questioned as she walked in, wearing a black t-shit with a red pentagram on it with lace at the bottom, red leather pants with black lace, and black stilettos.
"Oh, it's Satan," I told her, and she nodded, knowing the truth.
Suddenly, Satan started to cry.
"Are you okay, Satan?" we asked, concerned.
"Oh, my fucking God! You're from the future! What if you don't like me anymore 'cause we're from different times?" he asked.
"No, I still like you," I said (sexily) to him.
"Okay," he said, reassured. I let him listen to Teenagers by MCR on my iPod while I went to go outside to find out some things. I gave Diablo a signal to keep Satan occupied, but then Satan fell asleep. I took the iPod. I was about to walk outside. Professor Trelawney ran in! She was wearing a gothic black minidress with depressing black stripes, white and black stripped tights, and red converse shoes. She was wearing lots of black eyeliner.
"Oh my fucking God, where's Draco? How did Snape get back here? I thought he was in Azkaban," I asked sadly.
"Ebony! I was so worried about you, but I know you can't fucking die because you're a vampire. Snape came back because that girl Britney freed him. I never liked her. She was a bad student," Trelawney said, reassuringly.
"That bitch! Did she free Hagrid and Lupin, too?" I shouted angrily. I hated Britney because she was a fucking prep.
"Yes. They are on the loose in school. Dumbledore is back, and Cornelius Fudge is on his way to help everyone. Tell everyone you see to lock themselves in their common room!" Trelawney said, worried.
"Okay. But where's Draco? How come he was doing it with Snape?"
"I dunno why, but I know he almost tried to commit suicide after he saw you almost kill yourself," she said.
"Oh my God, that's terrible!" I gasped. Satan was still asleep, so he couldn't tell what was going on. Then I said, "Listen everyone, I have something important to do. Everyone stay in here!" With that, I ran out.
"Good luck, Tara!" everyone cried.
I ran (sexily) down the stairs into the Great Hall, while the portraits around me looked at me, scared. There was hardly anyone on the stairs and there was an atmosphere of horror. On the way, I saw Britney laughing on the stairs. She was wearing a slutty pink shirt with flowers on it, a blue jean skirt from Abercrombie, and pink stilettos. She looked just like a cross between those fucking preps Hillary Duff and Lindsay Lohan.
"You fucking bitch!" I shouted angrily.
"No, you're totally a bitch. Now Voldemort will, like, totally kill you!" she laughed.
"Crucio!" I shouted, pointing my black wand, and she started screaming, because she was being tortured. I laughed sadistically.
"No! Help me! Please!" Britney screamed, terrified.
I put up my middle finger at her. In her hand, I saw the video camera Snape and Lupin had used to take the video of me. I put the tape of Voldemort doing it with Hedwig onto it. Then, I continued to run down the stairs with the camera. When I had reached the Great Hall, I saw Vampire Potter. "OMG! Vampire!" I yelled.
We hugged each other happily. He looked at me with his gothic red eyes and spiky black hair. Around his eyes were black eyeliner and eye shadow He was wearing a black leather jacket, leather pants, a Panic! at the Disco concert shirt and his black Converse shoes. He looked more like Joel from Good Charlotte than ever. (Did you hear their song The River? It rocks!)"I was so worried you died!" moaned Vampire.
"I know, but I'm a vampire, lol. When I woke up, I was back in 1980, so… anyway, I brought a younger Voldemort with me. And where's Draco, anyway?" I asked.
"Draco? You mean that fucking poser who betrayed you?" Vampire snarled, anger in his sexy voice.
"I know he betrayed me, but we have to find him," I said.
"I'll do it, then," Harry said, nastily.
"Okay," I agreed. Suddenly...all the lights in the room went out. And then... the Dark Mark appeared.
"Oh my fucking Satan!" Harry shouted.
"I think Voldemort has arrived," I said, anxiously. "Fuck, I have to find Draco. I guess we should separate."
"Okay," Vampire said, disapperating. I ran sadly into the Great Hall.
Editor's Note: Two more chapters, guys! I think I should make this editing-bad-Fanfiction-thing into a series. I had a helluva lot of fun editing My Immortal and seeing everyone's reactions:) What do you guys think? Should I edit more so-bad-it's-good and it's-so-bad-it-makes-me-want-to-shoot-myself-in-the-face fanfictions? Let me know! (I'll probably end up doing it anyway, haha. Just to keep myself busy and shit when I'm not writing or I'm procrastinating like the lazy fucker I am, lol.)