Disclaimer - I do not own DGM
Chapter Five - Defeated
For awhile Mana simply held his little brother in his arms, watching over the child as he slept. Hoping as he did so that the child was having pleasant dreams… something that would help to alleviate the horrors that the boy faced on a daily basis, if only for a little while. Neah was uncharacteristically still, his faint breathing the only thing signaling the fact that he was still among the living. Mana wasn't accustomed to this, since the younger boy had been plagued with nightmares nearly his entire life. Even as a very small infant Neah had thrashed around in his sleep more often than not. Gazing down through slightly concerned brown eyes Mana resolved to keep an eye on his little brother even more closely than he already had been. Because after the look that he had seen in Neah's gray orbs he was concerned for the little boy's mental health. It had seemed as though their father had finally broken something inside the four year old… his eyes had resembled those of a dead person; glazed over and completely unseeing.
"I'm so sorry Neah," Mana whispered, his voice barely audible lest he disturb the little boy that he was speaking to. After all it wasn't as though the words would make what had happened to Neah any better; they were only meaningless words.
At this point Neah let out a soft whimpering noise, twitching slightly although he didn't open his eyes. Shifting in his brother's arms the little boy would have fallen into the floor had Mana not tightened the grip that he had on the child. However this proved to be the wrong move because the moment his arm tightened around Neah's waist the child began fighting to get away from him.
Still without opening his eyes or giving any indication that he was awake.
"Neah," Mana called out, his voice gentle as he made an attempt to awaken the child. He didn't want to disturb his nap but it was apparent that the peacefulness of it had been shattered by something. And now it was almost as though Neah were trying to escape something that haunted him even in his dreams. "Shh Neah, it's alright."
This reassurance was answered only by a slightly louder whimper from the child, who was still making an effort to escape the hold that his brother had on him. Pushing at Mana's arms with his tiny hands Nicholas attempted to pry himself free.
Shifting the sleeping form that he held in his arms Mana maneuvered the boy so that he was lying on the bed instead of in his lap. Surprisingly, the moment that Neah was free from his brother's grip, the child scooted as far away as he could get, positioning himself in the corner of the bed. The mahogany haired child curled into a ball, his entire body trembling. Chewing on his bottom lip Mana crawled over to the spot where his brother was cowering, reaching a slightly shaky hand toward him. After the reaction that his arm around Neah's waist had caused he was almost afraid to touch the boy. But he knew that he would have to do it anyway because it would just be cruel to allow him to remain locked in the throes of what was obviously a fairly bad nightmare.
So, after taking a deep breath, Mana reached out and carefully placed his hand on Neah's shoulder. As expected the little boy jumped and made an attempt to pull away but there was nowhere to go. He was already pressed against the wall and the only path of escape was through Mana. Gripping his little brother's shoulder gently Mana called out to the child. "Neah… wake up, little brother. None of it's real and it can't hurt you."
It took a few minutes, during which Mana continued to murmur reassuring words to the boy, but Neah finally opened his eyes. Large gray orbs shifted around for a moment before his surroundings registered in his mind and he visibly relaxed.
"Hey kiddo," Mana said in a gentle voice, his hand still on the boy's shoulder. There was a concerned expression in his brown eyes as he gazed at Neah, who still seemed a little off. Normally the child would at least offer him a half smile but that didn't seem to be the case this time. His face remained completely impassive. "What were you dreaming about?"
A shadow passed across the boy's eyes for the briefest of instances before Neah shook his head. As though that would banish the images that had been tormenting him. "N-nothing."
Mana could tell, by the faint tremor in his voice, that Neah wasn't telling him the truth. Of course previous experience had taught the older boy that it would do him no good to press the issue… once Neah got something in his mind it was all but impossible to change it. And for whatever reason his little brother had decided that he wasn't going to tell him what the dream had been about. "Well nothing's going to change his mind," Mana thought to himself, his eyes still locked onto the face of his brother. As though he were seeking to determine something from the child's facial features. "So there's no point in pushing it. He'll tell me when he's ready, if he's ever ready."
These thoughts were interrupted as Mana felt a small hand touch the side of his face. Blinking his eyes a couple of times he saw that Neah had crawled closer to him and was now kneeling on the bed with one little hand placed against his cheek. "You okay Mana?"
There was such concern in Neah's voice that it made Mana's heart ache. After everything that he had endured he was actually asking his brother if he was okay. "I'm fine Neah… why do you ask?"
"You look sad," Neah observed, sitting on his knees and staring at his brother intently.
Reaching forward Mana pulled his brother into a gentle embrace, making absolutely certain as he did so not to aggravate the injuries that Neah had received at the hands of their father. "You don't have to worry about me Neah… there's absolutely nothing wrong with me."
Strictly speaking this wasn't the truth. There was a burden in Mana's heart that he couldn't seem to escape, an ache that couldn't be eased, but this wasn't something that Neah needed to know about. The child would only blame himself for this and it was by no means his fault. No, the fault lay entirely with their father… or at least the man who no longer had the right to call himself by that title. Anyone who would willingly cause injury to their own child was no kind of parent and Mana refused to acknowledge him as such.
He could not, and would not, attempt to make further excuses for the man's behavior. It was completely inexcusable and Mana now fully realized this fact.
Offering Neah a smile Mana asked, "Are you hungry Neah?"
Moving his hand away from his brother's face, Neah shook his head. His gray eyes shifted down to the hands that he was now held clasped in his lap, as though he was unable to maintain eye contact with his brother. The brother that he had always adored.
Mana was genuinely surprised by this response, it being the last one that he had expected. Perhaps the child had managed to get something to eat while he'd been away at school, though this seemed unlikely since he was normally too scared to even venture downstairs when he was alone. "Have you eaten already today?"
"Not hungry," Neah said, his voice quiet as he made it obvious that he wasn't going to directly answer the question. This seemed kind of odd since the boy didn't have a habit of avoiding questions, quite the opposite actually. Neah had always been painfully honest when it came to his replies.
"I can't believe that my little bottomless pit doesn't want food," Mana taunted playfully, attempting to put his brother into a better mood.
It normally worked but not this time. This time Neah refused to take the bait. Keeping his eyes focused squarely on his hands the little boy merely shrugged his shoulders, his face remaining stoic and emotionless.
Reaching out Mana placed the tips of his fingers underneath Neah's chin, raising the boy's face so that he could look into his eyes. And the sight that met his searching gaze was one that made his heart drop as a decidedly nauseous feeling overwhelmed him. They were completely devoid of the mischievous spark that they normally held when their father wasn't around.
The boy looked completely and utterly defeated.
Not willing to just let the matter go at that Mana slid from the bed and got to his feet. "Wait right here Neah, I'll be back in just a few minutes." This said the brown haired boy turned and made his way across the room, pulling the door open and slipping out into the hallway.
Neah watched as the door closed silently behind his brother, his face still devoid of emotion. The child couldn't even bring himself to fear the arrival of his father, thinking that one more encounter with the man might just bring an end to his suffering.
Because it was apparent that nothing else was going to. God seemed content to sit around in His Heaven and completely ignore what was going on.
Moving his legs so that he was sitting cross-legged on the bed, Neah awaited the return of his brother. His eyes were dull and listless as he gazed around the room, not really focusing on anything. The child was pretty much just looking around so that he didn't have to continue staring at his hands. Not that there was really anything better to look at in his room, sparsely furnished as it was.
"I should have just dumped you on the Church steps like I thought about…"
His father's words echoed in his mind and Neah found himself wondering why exactly, since the man seemed to hate him so much, he had chosen to keep him. It didn't really make any sense unless the man was so depraved that he merely wanted the kid around so that he could torment him. Which, given what Neah knew of the man, seemed like a distinct possibility. Whenever their paths crossed it seemed that the ruthless man found some excuse, no matter how insignificant, to beat the child.
"I don' even know what I did," Neah thought to himself, his hands clasped together and his gaze once again moving downward as this thought ran through his mind. His father was constantly telling him that everything was his fault but Neah had yet to figure out what he had done.
Other than being born.
Having left his little brother alone Mana silently stole downstairs and back into the room where he had found Neah huddled on the floor. As he opened the door the boy noted that the room appeared just as it had when he and Neah had left it. The bag was still lying on the floor, the apples scattered about where they had fallen.
"Good," Mana thought to himself as he quickly gathered up the fallen apples, shoving them back into the bag. He worked quickly, knowing that if his father discovered him here then there would be hell to pay. "Doesn't look like he's been in here since…" Mana was unable to finish that thought and the boy felt his anger rising once again. Clutching the bag of apples tightly in one hand he turned to leave the office. Walking quietly he made his way across the room, poking his head out the door and gazing around.
Finding the coast clear for the moment Mana quickly left the room, closing the door and putting as much distance between it and himself as he could. At the same time making it a point not to make any unnecessary noises. It was likely that his father was passed out somewhere and Mana didn't want to wake him… that would only serve to increase his anger.
And that was something that he did not need. The man was angry enough as it was though most of his anger was reserved for Neah.
"It's not always going to be like this Neah," Mana thought as he made his way toward the staircase, gazing around ever so often just in case his father decided to show himself. His hands were clenched tightly, the bag rustling slightly due to the grip that he had on it. But of course the boy didn't pay any attention to it.
His thoughts were focused squarely elsewhere.
Taking the stairs two at a time it wasn't long before Mana arrived back at his little brother's room. Reaching out he knocked lightly before pushing the door open and once again stepping inside. Neah was in much the same position as when he had left, the only difference being that now the child was sitting cross-legged instead of in a kneeling position. "I'm back Neah," he called out needlessly, walking across the room toward the bed where his brother was sitting.
Neah glanced up, the same defeated look in his eyes. He couldn't even bring himself to be glad that his brother was back… or even go through the motion of pretending that he was.
Mana was slightly hurt that Neah didn't offer him a smile upon his return but considering everything that the child had been through in the past two days he conceded that it wasn't really that strange. Sitting down on the edge of the bed, a short distance from his brother, the brown haired boy held up the bag that he had retrieved, offering him a smile. "Look Neah, I bought us a treat."
The smaller boy's gaze shifted toward the bag for the briefest of moments before returning to his hands. His expression didn't even change and he appeared disinterested in the contents of the bag.
Which only served to increase Mana's concern. Normally Neah would be bursting with curiosity and begging to know what he had brought. But now it appeared as though he could care less. Or, more likely, that he had suffered so much that nothing could bring the light back to his eyes. But that knowledge didn't make Mana any less determined to try. Holding the bag in his lap the boy brushed a stray lock of brown hair away from his eyes before opening the bag and reaching a hand inside. Grasping the apple that was on the top of the pile he pulled it from the bag and held it in front of his brother's face, a smile still resolutely on his own. "Look Neah, you want it?"
The younger Walker sibling had always been fond of apples, a rare treat, but he didn't even make a move to take the one that Mana was holding out to him. His gaze briefly moved to the offered treat before returning to his hands yet again.
"C'mon Neah," Mana coaxed, moving closer to the smaller boy. The treat was still held in his outstretched hand and he silently prayed that his brother would suddenly decide to take it. "I know that you like apples so why don't you take it?"
Neah shook his head. "I don' want it."
Mana's face fell but he didn't press the matter further. Heaving a sigh he put the apple back in the bag before placing it on the end table that was located beside his brother's bed. Then he turned kind brown eyes back to Neah. "Is there anything that you'd like to talk about Neah?"
Neah seemed to debate the question for a moment before he gazed up at his brother. Mana had expected for the tortured look to return to his brother's eyes, at least a sign that he was returning to normal, but there was nothing. "It's my fault."
This short confession, delivered in a matter of fact tone, shocked Mana to his core. He knew that their father had often told Neah that everything was his fault but he'd never expected to hear his brother say such a thing. And he could tell, by the tone of his voice, that the child meant it wholeheartedly.
Reaching around he wrapped his arm around Neah, pulling the child close and holding him in a comforting embrace. "Don't you ever say that again Neah," Mana said, his voice containing an uncharacteristically stern quality as he gazed down at his baby brother. The look in his brown eyes was stern as well and left no doubt that he was displeased by what he had heard. "I don't want to ever hear you say that again. Nothing that happened is your fault and don't let that bastard tell you any different."
Somewhat taken aback by the stern note in Mana's voice Neah gazed up at his brother, his gray eyes slightly wider than normal.
This wasn't exactly the emotion that Mana had been trying to elicit from the boy but with a sigh he decided that he would take what he could get. Changing the tone of his voice, no longer having a need for the shock value, Mana continued with his impromptu lecture. "He's just an angry old man who's taking everything out on you… he needs someone to blame but that doesn't make it right. Do you understand me Neah?"
The boy remained silent for a few moments, as though debating his brother's words, before he nodded his head ever so slightly. A barely perceptible acknowledgement of the fact that he had heard the words spoken to him. "I understand Mana," he whispered, his voice barely audible.
"Good," Mana said, placing his chin on the top of Neah' mahogany hair. He kept his arm around the kid, hoping that maybe it would serve to offer him some comfort. "You're golden m'boy and don't ever let anyone tell you different."
Neah didn't look convinced by his brother's words but seemed to know enough not to argue the point. He didn't want Mana to use that stern tone with him twice in one day… he hadn't heard it before but knew already that he didn't like it.
A/N - End of chapter five and poor little Neah's been pushed nearly to the edge of endurance. What will happen from here? You'll have to stay tuned to find out. Please be kind enough to leave a review on your way out.