I've lost my father for the fourth time now. The first time he was abducted by the Kraang; the second time he was accidentally mutated into a bat by the turtles. The third time was the Kraang invasion and he was standing next to his party van ready to help us escape when he got hit by mutagen and was mutated into a Kraang. The fourth time just happened recently. He was sucked into the black hole earth gravitated into after we failed to save the planet from the Triceraton annihilation device.

To top off losing my father yet again, I have now also lost my surrogate father, Master Splinter. He was murdered by the Shredder in the midst of our battle with the Triceraton. He and I had gone to enlist the Shredder's help as we knew we could not beat the Triceraton alone. Unfortunately, the Shredder had an ulterior motive for agreeing to help us. We foolishly believed he was there to save the world from being destroyed, thus saving Karai/Miwa from being destroyed. We were foolish and we paid for it dearly.

After Shredder completed his vengeance, my head felt like it was exploding and there was a flash and then the black hole appeared. We all ran to Master Splinter, only to have his body float up into the black hole. We would have followed suit, had an unidentified object not shown up to rescue us. Had it not been for the Fugitoid we would have been on the earth when it disappeared from sight and the solar system. I am grateful for his rescue, but wish Casey and I would have been able to save our families from the annihilation.

I have been going to Casey for comfort, which I am sure is driving Donnie crazy. I can empathize with Casey more so than Donnie though, as my father wasn't murdered. He's just lost out in another part of space somewhere, or in some other dimension (at least he wasn't mutated this time). Casey's father and little sister are out there somewhere with him; hopefully they're all okay and we'll be reunited again someday (I have to believe that). As for Donnie and the other guys though, their father is never returning. Master Splinter is gone and never coming back. It hurts like hell to say it, but it's the heartbreaking, unfortunate truth.

I have also been going to Casey, because or once, I'm not sure exactly what to say to Donnie. I can tell that he's upset (as everyone is) but I don't know what I can do to make it better. Sure I have powers, but I can't bring someone back from the dead (least not that I'm aware of) – especially if they're going to be dead for as long as Master Splinter will be. I mean, maybe if his body was with us, we could've tried something – I'm not sure what, but something at least. But with his body having floated into the black hole, I'm afraid he's long gone and there is absolutely no saving him. Not that there was any saving him to begin with, since we all just stood there and watched Shredder stab right through him.

Those few seconds of watching the Shredder kill Maser Splinter, is what cost us saving the earth. If we had not all turned and paused upon seeing what was happening, we could have stopped the annihilation device – I am sure of it. We've failed missions before, but none cost us as badly as this one. I hope none of our future missions ever cost us as severely as this last one. I cannot endure another loss as painful as this. I know I am strong, but to lose anyone else just might shatter my strength. A person can only be strong so long before their walls are all cracked and they crumble completely.

I am sure we'll all pull through this though, as we have always bounced back from loss and failed battles. This one will be the hardest to overcome, but if we can stick together, I am sure we'll manage it. We're a family and as a family we can get through anything. I know we can. We have too.

I am unsure of where the Fugitoid is taking us, but it seems he has a mission he needs our help with. Of course he needs our help. Every time someone is in trouble they expect us to come to their aid and fight alongside them. Though this time I am unsure of what we are fighting for. The Fugitoid has yet to tell us all the details of his mission, other than that he desperately needs our help. Provided he is the good guy in all of this, we'll of course help him. We don't ever help the bad guys, unless helping them serves a greater good.

I am hoping we reach a destination soon, as it's starting to feel a little crowded on this space craft. Tension, boredom, and sorrow are getting the best of everyone and fights are constantly breaking out. It's usually between Raph and Leo. Raph and Casey have gone at it too, as have Donnie and Casey. The only male who has not gotten into an argument with anyone is Mikey. Granted he's become rather reclusive since we escaped being sucked into the black hole with the rest of the world. I know he's grieving like the rest of us, but he's more clingy and emotional than usual. Okay, I likely would be too if I saw my father killed (I've seen mine mutated numerous times though). But then again it's Mikey and he's always been the most sensitive and caring out of any of the turtles. Donnie's a close second, but Mikey seems to take things harder than the rest of them. I can see why Master Splinter sometimes had a hard time disciplining him – he can bring on the tears in seconds and cause your heartstrings to tighten. He's such a good heart and just wants for everyone to be happy and have fun – which is extremely hard to do when people are constantly trying to take over the world and kill you. I hope he'll be back to his old self again soon. I hope we're all back to being our old selves again – well, as much as we can be, considering all that has happened. Sometimes I wish I could go back in time and change the outcome of certain events to prevent bad things from happening. Impossible as it seems, I've seen it happen.

I tend to sit and observe everyone these days. I am constantly trying to figure out their moods and if they are safe to approach at certain moments. Sometimes it's hard to tell, as they can mask their feelings well. Sometimes I hate that they are trained ninjas and are able to block me out and hide things from me. Granted I am training to be a kuniochi (a female ninja). Though with the death of Master Splinter, I am unsure how my training will go now. I have a feeling Leo will take over – that or he'll try and keep me from going into any battles. I know they want to protect the ones they care about, but sometimes I feel they're all just trying to protect me because I'm a girl. I mean, they don't seem to have any trepidation about Casey running on into battle. Sure he needs to be a little more patient and learn to follow the plan Leo is setting forth, but they don't tell him to sit a battle out as often as they tell me to do so. Even Master Splinter used to tell me to stay in the lair – not that I usually listened. Let's just say disobeying a ninja master is not a smart thing, as I quickly learned. And though I quickly learned that, I still tended to disobey his orders if I felt his ruling to be unjust. But hey, I am a teenager after all. It's what we do.

I am going to miss Master Splinter. Once we get the earth back (and I know we will), it's going to hit hard when we return to the lair. He was always there waiting for us. Whether with kind words or scolding ones, he was still always there waiting. It didn't matter how angry or disappointed he was, you still knew that he cared and just wanted what was best for you and to keep you out of harm's way. He was a wonderful father to the turtles and a wonderful surrogate to me. Not many would take in their children's friends in times of need and loss. I know plenty of humans who would have turned me and Casey away without even a second thought. Master Splinter was warm and welcoming, yet firm when it was needed. Believe me, with all us teenagers in the lair, it was definitely needed.

I am going to miss his great advice and his calming nature. He was helping me tone my abilities and I will have to call upon his training if I wish to continue toning them. I know Leo will want to help, but he tends to get too bossy at times. And Donnie, well, as much as he wants to help, he's actually no help. I know he's there staring at me and wishing he and I were together and that Casey wasn't in the picture as much. Yes I am aware of all this. Donnie is a brilliant turtle, and Casey is a superb human being, but I am not looking for any relationships at this point in time. Life is complicated enough as it is, without adding a boyfriend into the mix.

Hopefully everything works out the way we want in the end. We can't bring Master Splinter back, but I know we'll go to no ends to bring the earth back. We cannot allow for so many innocent lives to suffer the consequences of our mistakes.

Not that what happened is our fault. Our mistake was not finishing he mission and destroying the annihilation device. The fault belongs to the Kraang and the Triceraton. They're the reason behind everything that has happened (other than the Shredder/Splinter feud that goes years back to when they were Hamato Yoshi and Oroku Saki). The Kraang especially are at fault. Everything bad that has happened in my life has to do with them. Granted I do have Kraang in me, thanks to their experimentation on my mother while she was pregnant with me. But still. I am not a Kraang. Will accept mutant maybe, human sure, but I am no Kraang. Kraang are evil, and I am not one of those evil aliens! I hope that they have been defeated and that we never have to set eyes on them again. I am sick and tired of them hurting my family time after time. I do hope the Triceraton annihilated them, and just them. The Kraang deserve to be annihilated. The innocent people of earth do not. Here's to hopefully having annihilated the Kraang!

April