Specter~Chapter 15
Quinn woke up feeling absolutely refreshed. She felt like a ton of bricks had been lifted off her shoulders…she now understood her connection with Sam better and, admittedly, was in a very strange relationship with him but she'd think about that later. Right now, she was happy with where she was and happy with herself and felt ready to take on anything.
On her way out of the suite to go downstairs, she found a handwritten note on the table in the sitting room.
Good morning beautifull it read, written in Sam's hand. She smiled and traced her finger over his handwriting, then tucked it away with the first note he left her, the one reading Lucindy.
She met Will and Emma downstairs with a renewed sense of energy. Today was the day they were going to transcribe Lucinda's diary.
Emma decided to read while Quinn transcribed the entries.
"It's labeled Lucinda Q Fabbrae 1852," Emma started.
I took the eggs to sell to Mr. Landry and he had these journals for sale. On a whim, I bought this. Since Sam's been gone, I've really had no one to talk to. Talking to my sisters is different than talking to my soulmate.
"Oh, how beautiful," Emma said, pausing while Quinn typed. "That was written on December 1, 1852. The next entry is dated December 7, 1852."
Today it has been 1 month since Sam's and my father's passing. I find myself thinking of them often. I miss Sam catching up with me on the way to town. I miss hearing my father whistle in the morning as he fed the livestock. I sometimes sink into a state of depression, wondering how I shall go on.
Emma waited for Quinn to catch up.
December 14, 1852...It is bitter cold today. School is done for the term. I visited Rachel Berry at her home today; all she did was cry about Finn being gone. I tried to cheer her up by reminding her of Arthur Abrams' upcoming holiday party. It did no good.
December 21, 1852...Still dreadfully cold. I miss Samuel every day. I dropped by to visit his family today. They grieve yet also. I braided his little sister's hair. I wondered what our babies would've looked like.
December 25, 1852...Christmas Day. Sunny and cold. I visited Sam today.
December 28, 1852...Attended Arthur Abrams' party this eve. He tried to kiss me under the mistletoe. It was not to be. He kissed Rachel Berry.
"Interesting!" Emma said. "Arthur seemed to be interested in Lucinda first."
Quinn gazed out the windows. The party was a nice distraction, her dress had been pretty, Rachel was happy, but she missed Sam, she thought.
"Now the diary goes to 1853…"
Emma read a few entries about the Maine winter, Rachel performing at the theater, and notes about her mother and sisters but then came upon an interesting entry.
May 1, 1853…Artie told me and Rachel that he was going to build a home once he got rich for us all to live in…he blames himself for the Lizzy Dean tho we told him it was most certainly not his fault…he thinks he owes it to me and Rachel since we lost Sam and Finn…our future…
"This is such a telling record!" Emma said, clearly excited.
I thought what Artie told us that day was all hogwash! Quinn thought. I never expected him to get that rich!
Emma went through some more day-to-day entries, then scanned over something and handed the diary to Quinn.
"You should probably read this one to yourself," Emma said, blushing slightly.
Quinn already knew what entry it was: August 16, 1853 but it was the details of what happened one year prior.
August 16, 1853...I am thinking of Sam a lot today. This day holds special meaning to me and I tend to think of it often. I know that as time takes my memory this is one memory I'll never want to forget so I'm writing it down to read over and over as time slips by.
August 16, 1852...A picnic was held at the church. The entire town came out for it, it seemed. The day was hot, muggy. Mother had Frannie, me, and Bea make up bean salad and sliced tomatoes from the garden. I wore a white muslin dress with cap sleeves covered in tiny green flowers with a green sash at my waist and green ribbons in my braids. Sam was there with his family, of course. When I arrived at the picnic, I felt a tug on my braids. It was him and he smiled at me as he followed the other boys to play a game. I remember he ran his hand across my back, and I shivered at his touch even though the sun was blazing hot. His sister Stacia stuck to me like glue that day. We watched the boys play a ball and stick game, then prepared the food in the shade. Even in the shade it was hot, though. That day, Sam was wearing a white shirt like usual and navy blue trousers. Playing their game in the sun had most of the boys bare-chested when it was time for lunch, including Sam. He came up to me, sweating and breathing heavily, the skin of his chest red from the sun and shiny with the sweat. I could make out a few blonde hairs on his chest. He must've caught me staring because he rushed to cover his chest and belly again. What I had seen though was beautiful for a man. He's slim yet muscular, the muscles in his belly very defined. I blushed, and so did he, when he caught me staring at the line of hair trailing up to his belly button from his pants. I could even see his hip bones at the waistband of his trousers, even a line of tan skin against pale white skin. Oh! How I felt flushed, excited, with him standing so close by me. Once all the men were served, then the children were tended to, then the ladies could join their spouse or beau. Sam was sitting beneath a tall oak tree with Finn, Rachel, and Arthur. I sat down with them and we enjoyed our lunches. I remember laughter, so much laughter and smiles with my friends. How I miss Sam now...even Finn...even Rachel and the young happy girl she once was.
The day continued on with more games and swimming in a nearby lake. At dark, Mr. Landry lit a bonfire and people crowded around for treats from his store. Sam and I sat together, as was becoming customary for us, but away from the heat of the fire. He had his arms wrapped around me, kissing me along my neck when we thought no one was looking. He whispered to me…want to sneak away? We hopped up and snuck off into the darkness of the meadow.
Once we were far enough away from the bonfire, he grabbed me around my waist, dancing with me amongst millions of fireflies. It was then that he kissed me for real, not just a tiny peck on the cheek, but a full kiss on my lips. It was kiss like none other…his lips supple and warm and sweet. His hands crept up my back to my shoulders, pulling me to him. I touched my tongue to his lips and he responded.
It was like nothing I had ever experienced...I wanted more...more of him. Somehow...I can't remember now...we wound up lying together in the grass, still kissing those wonderful kisses. He hovered over me but I pulled him close so our bodies were pressed together. Thinking back on it, I find it funny that my mother allowed me and my sisters to go without stockings that day due to the excessive heat. I jumped when his hand landed on my bare knee. He stopped kissing me and asked if I was alright. I think I nodded and went back to kissing him.
Neither one of us knew what we were doing...we just did what felt right. He lay on top of me a bit and I could feel his manhood against me. This didn't feel wrong or sinful...it just felt right, like we were meant to be together. His hand slid further up my thigh, pushing my dress up. Slowly, he moved over me all the way. I had pulled his shirt up and was touching his belly...he was breathing heavy, as was I. He looked at me then, his eyes shining in the moonlight, and pressed his hips against mine. It was in that moment I knew I was his and he was mine...even though there was no physical connection...just in the way he looked at me.
Using what little judgement I had left in my swirling mind, I told him we needed to wait until we were wed for anything to happen. Now, I think of how wrong I was…I should've allowed it to happen that night…I wanted him as badly as he wanted me.
After that stare and what I said to him, he pushed against me a few times, his hand up under my dress to my backside, pressing me into him. He kissed me and kissed me, then held his breath, and trembled against me, sighing into my mouth at his moment.
I've relived this night a thousand times since it happened. I'd give anything to have that night back.
After Quinn read it, she found herself so moved she was crying. Sam watched her as she read the passage; he had witnessed Lucinda write it originally. He recalled that night just as Lucinda had written it. He floated up behind Quinn and kissed the back of her neck. She sat up straighter at his touch and sniffed back the tears.
"It was so moving, don't you agree?" Quinn asked Emma.
"I agree. It seems to have affected you deeply," Emma said, looking at her strangely. "Do you want me to type for awhile?"
"Sure…"
There were several entries about Lucinda's sisters marrying and leaving the area, then Lucinda and her mother were left alone and Lucinda cared for her mother and other elderly community members in their final years. Scattered among these entries were mentions of Arthur Abrams and Rachel Berry and their growing, yet secret, relationship.
After a long afternoon of transcribing Lucinda's diary, Quinn retreated to the back patio to relax once Will and Emma had left. It had been grueling to relive those memories...was she reliving them? Her mind was so confused; she didn't know anymore...were they her thoughts or Lucinda's thoughts? Through Lucinda's diary, she had learned more about the misshapen silver ring...given to her by Sam the day he shipped out. They found pictures in her belongings...the original photo of the Lizzy Dean crew and the original class photo.
"Sam? Sam? Are you here?" she asked the silence. She heard the breeze through the tops of the trees and birds singing to one another and waited. "Please, Sam, come kiss me..."
Her voice was pleading, and it broke his heart. He was afraid, though, that the more he revealed himself to her, the quicker he'd lose that power, according to Figgins.
"I just don't understand what is happening to me...I have Lucinda's thoughts but I'm Quinn...I'm Quinn! How could I be Lucinda? Sam, please help me..."
He couldn't stand to see her in distress; he floated up to her, kissing her deeply. He began to appear before her. She wrapped her arms around him tightly.
"I'm so sorry, Quinn..." he started.
"Please tell me, Sam...what is happening?" she begged him.
"I think Lucinda's spirit is in your body..." he said.
"I feel like I've known you forever, Sam, when you're kissing me..."
"We have known each other forever..."
"I want to be with you, Sam, now and forever...how are we going to make that happen?" she asked of him. "I can't bear to lose you again."
"We will be, Quinn...you have my promise..." he replied, kissing her tenderly.