AN: Sorry, it's a bit longer than I would normally like to leave updates but I've been dealing with some family issues. Hoping to get up a few chapter before too long to make up for it. Remember to vote on the poll, it will be closing soon.
Chapter 5: The Dursleys Departing
Bill took the book and began to read.
The chapter title revealed that the book would be featuring the Dursley's prominently.
"Ugh, do we have to read about them?" Ron asked. No one even bothered to answer him.
"Is that your Uncle?" Molly asked Harry when the book described a voice screaming out at some unknown person.
At Harry's nod Remus asked him "who is he talking to like that?" Harry just shifted uncomfortably, he hoped the book wouldn't go into too much detail of his time at Private Drive.
"Why wouldn't he call you by your name?" Tonks asked Harry when the book revealed that it was him his uncle had been calling.
"Honestly? I'm not even sure he knows it." Harry just shrugged his shoulders like that was normal. Everyone else stared at him incredulously. He had never told anyone much about his 'family'. There was no reason to when he was cared for and loved with his friends, they were his real family.
"He has a name!" Ginny yelled, looking at the book when Harry was addressed as 'you'.
Fred and George started snickering. When they got questioning looks George burst out "Gin-Gin is-"
"-Talking to a book." Fred finished. Ginny glared at them and they shrank back into their seats allowing Bill to continue reading.
"He could be a bit more polite." Said Tonks to which Harry snorted.
"He wouldn't be Uncle Vernon if he was." He said.
The book described the Dursleys' physical appearance for the first time. There were looks of disgust on the faces of many in the room.
"They sound attractive." Charlie deadpanned.
Harry snorted in response and motioned Bill to continue reading..
"He has difficulty saying please?" Arthur asked. "I knew that they weren't the friendliest people out there but that is just ridiculous."
"Oh, it's not that bad anymore." Harry told him. "For the last few summers they've mostly just ignored me."
"And that's a good thing?" Remus asked incredulously.
"Well, it's better than the alternative." Harry shrugged, while everyone else wondered what the alternative was.
"He has a mind?!" Shouted the twins when Vernon had said he had changed it. Ron, Harry and Ginny burst out in laughter.
After everyone had settled down Minerva turned to Harry. "What has he changed his mind about?"
"Leaving." Without waiting for a response, Harry motioned for Bill to continue reading.
In the book Petunia was objecting to Harry being sarcastic with Vernon.
"Oh ya!" Tonks exclaimed. "It's okay for your oaf of a husband to scream at and insult Harry but Harry can't use sarcasm at all. That makes sense."
Remus turned towards Tonks and gently said "Dora dear, you know you are talking to a book right?"
Tonks blushed but glared at her husband until he turned away, his lips turned slightly upwards in a smile.
Fred and George burst out into laughter when Harry described Vernon's face. "He's got piggy little eyes." They managed to get out between their guffaws. "Harry, how much bigger is his stomach than his eyes?"
Harry just rolled his own eyes at them and turned back to Bill.
Mr. Weasley frowned when Vernon said he didn't believe they were in danger. "Didn't Kingsley and I explain to them exactly why they had to leave?"
Kingsley nodded and Minerva added in, "And does he really think that if it came to it we would have given them a choice?"
Hermione looked around at all the adults in the room. "Would you really have forced them to go?"
The members of the Order exchanged looks. "Their safety and Harry's are our top concern," Kingsley started to say. "We wouldn't have hurt them but we also wouldn't have allowed them to be a danger to themselves or Harry." Hermione frowned but nodded and turned back to Bill.
"You could feel amused looking at him?!" Fred and George devolved into laughter. Bill continued reading without even waiting for his slightly insane brothers to stop.
Fred and George who had just recovered from their previous laughing fit burst into another one when Dudley adding his weights and Vernon dropping them on his foot was described, this time they were joined by Ron, Tonks, Ginny and, to everyone's surprise, Lily.
"Harry, I don't know who is more stupid your Uncle or cousin." Ron got out in between laughter to which Ginny redoubled over.
Hermione, who had been scowling at Ron, said, "I don't know what you're laughing at Ginny, you're gonna be related to them someday." Ginny looked at Hermione with a horrified expression on her face as the room grew silent waiting for Ginny's reaction. Bill took advantage of the quiet to continue reading before his sister could do anything to drastic.
"No mate, it's definitely your uncle who is the more stupid one." Ron informed Harry when Vernon's theory that it was a plot to get the house was revealed. Harry just nodded, he hadn't told anyone about Dudley's revelations, they would find out in a few pages he guessed.
Ginny was starting to turn green when Vernon's pulsing vein was described.
"Wow, he really is unintelligent." Remus said. "Why on earth would you want that house? Is he really as stupid as he looks?!"
Harry burst into laughter at Remus's statement. Everyone turned to look at him with questioning eyes, he just shook his head trying to stop laughing.
"No way." Fred and George exclaimed when in the book Harry said exactly what Remus had just asked.
"Well what do you know Remus, Harry thinks just like you." Tonks said.
"Ugh." Ginny groaned, burying her face in her hands as the true idiocy of her future relatives continued to be exposed.
In the book Harry was wondering aloud why he would want the house and asked if it was because of all the happy memories.
"What happy memories?" Ron asked.
"Harry was being sarcastic Ron." Charlie exasperatedly told his younger brother.
In the book Harry was trying to reinforce just how big of a deal it was and mentioned Dumbledore's visit the previous summer as well as Kingley and Arthur's visit early that summer. The book described Vernon's anger towards both visits.
"Why was he angry about our visit?" Arthur asked. "I thought it went rather well."
Harry opened his mouth to respond but before he could Kingsley had beaten him to it. "So did I Arthur but if they have been changing their mind about whether to leave or not then they must not have thought so."
Arthur blushed at the questioning looks when his past visit to the Dursley's before Harry's fourth year was described. Only his family, including Harry and Hermione, knew about the incident.
"What exactly happened Arthur?" Minerva asked with a hint of disapproval in her voice, meanwhile Aberforth was chuckling where he was sitting.
"Well, ah, you see…" Arthur trailed off and looked down.
Bill sensing his father's discomfort continued to read.
In the book Harry said that they were worried that Voldemort might take the Dursley's hostage in the hopes that Harry would rescue them.
"Would you?" Hermione asked Harry.
Molly and Ron both answered for him at the same time.
"Of course he would." Molly smiled at Harry.
"No, he wouldn't. And really who can blame him." Ron said.
Molly turned to glare at Ron but everyone else looked to Harry for an answer. He just shrugged. He still wasn't sure and Dudley's statements from that day made everything more uncertain in his mind. Everyone turned back to Bill, but Harry caught Hermione and Molly both casting looks in his direction.
"That's true. Dedalus and Hestia are very good." Tonks said while the rest of the Order members nodded when in the book Harry described their protection as the best available.
The book described Harry as being surprised when Uncle Vernon brought up the Ministry of Magic.
"Yes, I'm surprised as well." Aberforth remarked. "Why would he care if we have a ministry? Why should anyone care?" He then whispered something under his breath, the only words of which that were distinguishable were "horn", "honey" and "goat".
When the book described Harry laughing at his uncle for asking for ministry protection he was joined by almost everyone in the room.
"Didn't you tell him the ministry has been infiltrated?" Minerva asked Arthur and Kingsley.
"Of course we did." Kingsley answered. "But it seems as though he didn't believe a lot of what we said.
Ginny shuddered once again as Vernon's face was described. She turned to face Harry. "Harry James Potter, I don't care if these are your only living relatives I am never going near them!" She exclaimed.
Harry just turned and faced her with a bemused expression. "Do you really think I want you or our future kids anywhere close to them?" He asked.
Ginny frowned. "I don't care what you want around this. I want your promise that neither me nor our children will ever see your aunt or uncle."
Before Harry even had a chance to respond Lily snorted from her place in front of her parents. "If only!" Her snort and short statement drew the attention of everyone in the room.
"What does that mean?" Ginny asked her daughter. Lily just smiled innocently up at her parents. "Lily Luna Potter you will tell me what you mean by that right now! Have you ever met these retched people before?!"
As Ginny spoke Lily's eyes grew wider. "Wow Mom, you sound like you do in the future whenever James does anything stupid." Ginny's eyes narrowed and Lily sighed. "Fine! Dad and Uncle Dudley are on much better terms in the future. I'm not sure when exactly but apparently sometime soon after the war ended Uncle Dudley wrote a long apology letter to Dad for all the ways he mistreated him." Everyone was looking shocked at Lily but none more so than Harry.
"Dudley can write?" He asked. Inside however his thoughts were in turmoil. Apparently Dudley really had been affected by the dementor in a lasting way.
Lily just nodded before she continued, looking up at Harry as she did so. "Anyway, you two started meeting for lunch once a month to talk and slowly started getting along. You invited Dudley to your wedding and he invited you and Mom to his. There is a muggle photo of you and Mom and Uncle Dudley and Aunt Mel at their wedding over the fire along with other family photos." Ginny and Harry were both in shock that they would be this close with a member of the Dursleys.
"We always go over to their house the day after Christmas. Christmas day all the Weasley extended family spend here at the Burrow and then the day after everyone goes to the other side of their families. Like Uncle Ron and Aunt Hermione and Rose and Hugo go to the Granger's and Uncle Bill and Aunt Fleur and Vic, Dom, and Louis go to the Delacour's, well we always go to Uncle Dudley's." At the sound of their kids' names Ron, Hermione and Bill looked up and smiled widely. "Well even though you and Dudley got over your differences Petunia and Vernon never could get over their issues with magic. Apparently at his wedding Uncle Dudley had to stop Vernon from physically attacking you, Dad."
"So you have never met Vernon and Petunia?" Molly asked hopefully. She didn't want her daughter or grandchildren exposed to them.
"Well, not purposefully. See the Christmas before I started Hogwarts when we arrived at Uncle Dudley and Aunt Mel's they were still there. We were early arriving and they were late leaving. James had just started his fifth year at school and decided it would be fun when Uncle Dudley asked him and Al how school was going to go into detail about a transfiguration lesson."
"Oh godric." Harry groaned.
"Ya, Petunia fainted and Vernon lunged at James cause he thought he had done something to her." Lily frowned. "It took Dad and Uncle Dudley to restrain him. Mom came really close to shooting off a stunner."
Ginny and Harry were both frowning. "That's the one and only time I've met them. But we all enjoy our time with Uncle Dudley's family."
Nobody in the room knew how to react to the story. Fred and George were laughing at James's antics; McGonagall was frowning and wondering which Transfiguration lesson it had been. Molly was shaking her head angry that someone would try to attack one of her Grandbabies even if it sounded like the child was a Fred and George type and had deliberately provoked it. The others were frowning slightly but eventually everyone turned back to Bill so he could continue reading.
Everyone in the room turned to look questioningly at Kingsley when Vernon asked why he wasn't going to be their guard, who wore a shocked look. "The wanted me to guard them?"
"Umm, ya." Harry told him. "I'm not really sure why but of all the wizards they've met you seem to be the one they tolerated the most."
It appeared that for a moment Kingsley was trying to decide whether to be sick or not. Eventually he strained a smile, "I guess that's nice of them." It was apparent to everyone in the room that he didn't really mean it.
When Vernon exclaimed that Kingsley was the best he started to shake his head and object but was interrupted.
"Don't try to argue Kingsley," Tonks told him. "We all know that it's true. You are the best guard we have left now that Mad-Eye is…" She trailed off and looked down.
When Kingsley opened his mouth to object once again he was stopped by Remus shaking his head slightly. Not knowing what to do the rest of the room turned back to the book.
The twins and Lily burst out laughing when the book mentioned that the Dursleys had never seen Kingsley with his earring in. Once again at her laughter Lily received questioning looks.
"Oh, come on!" She exclaimed. "Do I need to remind you again who I'm related to?" Slowly the room's occupants turned back to Bill and he continued reading.
At Vernon asking for resumes of Hestia and Dedalus many of the readers snorted. Remus slowly shook his head as if to clear it. "Is he seriously asking for that? He's lucky we are sending anyone given what he's done." Remus had never liked the idea of leaving Harry with Petunia, Lily had told him and the other marauders enough about her sister over the years.
As Harry in the book began listing all the things that Voldemort and the Death Eaters had been doing to the muggle world all the readers began shaking their heads or looking down sadly. "Really, your uncle is the stupidest person I've ever met Harry. He still didn't believe you after seeing how shitty things have gotten in the last few years." George's statement pretty much summed up what everyone else was thinking at the time and so they turned back to Bill to continue reading.
Many of the readers shivered at the reminder in the book of the dementor attack in Little Whinging.
"Really, you would think that after what happened to his son he would understand how dangerous it could be. Any logical person would." Molly exclaimed in frustration.
"Yes, but Mrs. Weasley, for that to be the case my uncle would have to be a logical person." Harry reminded the woman who had been a surrogate mother to him for the past 6 years.
When Dudley questioned whether there were more than the two dementors that had attacked them it proved to once again be too much for the twins. "He really is an idiot isn't he?" They asked in unison between their guffaws, but then cowered from the look their future niece fixed them in.
"He had no way to know." Lily justified. "He was terrified of them."
When in the book Harry reminded the Dursleys of the last time they tried to outrun wizards Harry burst into laughter. Everyone else in the room looked at him questioningly and he just began to laugh harder.
Eventually he calmed down enough to explain. When he told of Hagrid showing up at the hut on the rock and Dudley's pigtail everyone joined Harry in his exuberant hysterics.
"What don't these idiotic people understand? They would be killed if they had stayed." Minerva exclaimed when Vernon continued to attempt to find reasons to object (this time it was work and school), her accent thicker than it usually was.
When Dudley agreed to go with the Order the room fell silent.
"Seriously, it's the fat lard who agrees first?" Fred asked.
George nodded in agreement with his twin. "Bill, could you re-read that last bit?" When the eldest Weasley sibling complied the room once again fell silent. It seemed that nobody present had much else to say about Dudley's sensible statement and so Bill continued to read.
"Well, you summed that up pretty well Harry." Charlie told him.
The book asked what you say to someone as a goodbye after 16 years of dislike. "How about 'thanks for nothing, I hope that I will never see you again and never introduce my wife and kids to you.'" Ginny suggested, glaring mildly at Harry as she did so.
"Dedalus is the best!" George said. Ron joined the twins in laughing at how exuberant Dedalus was about seeing Harry again and only stopped when fixed in a glare from Hermione.
"I bet the muggles loved being addressed that way." Aberforth surprised many in the room by speaking up at Dedalus's use of Harry's name to greet the Dursleys. He had been the most silent of the listeners so far.
"Ya," Ron agreed. "That sounds like the way Dobby would great the Dursleys." After an awkward moment following Ron's statement Bill began to read again.
When in the book Dedalus angered Vernon but asking whether he knew how to drive Arthur shook his head fondly. "Dear old Dedalus, he never was very subtle when dealing with muggles.
In the book Dedalus and Hestia mentioned that of how Harry was leaving had changed. "That really confused me." Harry told the room in an effort to distract everyone from the sadness that they felt at the mention of Mad-Eye's name in the book. Tonks in particular was looking very sad.
Tonks snickered at Harry's confusion in the book surrounding Dedalus's talking watch. "I sometimes forget that you didn't grow up with everyday magical objects Harry." She said as she continued to chuckle before turning back to Bill as a signal to continue reading.
The book remarked that Vernon was staring in shock at Dedalus's pocket watch and Tonks finally lost it. "Oh come on!" She exclaimed. "It's just a watch. Even muggles have watches with alarms on them."
"Yes, but Dora, those watches don't normally talk to their owners." Remus tried to explain. Tonks just snorted and turned back to Bill.
Ron snorted at the possibility of Harry and the Dursleys exchanging tearful farewells. "As if!" He exclaimed rather loudly.
"Ronald-" Hermione and Molly both started to reprimand him.
"No, it's okay." Harry interrupted. "He's right."
At Vernon's goodbye to Harry many of the adults frowned.
"After 16 years that is all he has to say as a goodbye?" Molly asked. She had never liked the idea of the Dursleys, but neither had she believed that they were as horrible as Ron, the twins and Ginny had said.
"He wouldn't even shake your hand in farewell?" Kingsley asked, frowning. He knew possibly the least of all those present about Harry's home life. It was shocking to read just how poorly he was treated.
Harry, in the book, compared Dudley to Grawp. "And just where did you meet a giant Mr. Potter?" Minerva asked him. Mrs. Weasley joined Minerva in glaring at the Golden Trio; whilst Charlie, Arthur, Remus, Tonks and Aberforth looked back and forth between the three of them with a mixture of excitement and apprehension.
Ron and Hermione turned to look at Harry, who in turn looked away from the adults. It was another several minutes before the adults realized that they weren't going to get anything out of the three teenagers and turned back to Bill to continue hearing the book.
At Dudley's statement that he didn't understand Fred and George looked at each other and then burst into laughter. "That must have been a new experience for him." George began.
"Ya, when has Dudley ever not understood something before?" Fred continued.
"Now that would be a sight to see." Lily was laughing. "Uncle Dudley as a ballerina." She threw back her head in a fit of hilarity.
"Damn straight he doesn't want to go with you!" Ron almost shouted. He then turned to Harry. "You didn't did you?"
Harry shook his head in amusement at his best mate. "Of course not."
As Dudley was continuing to question where Harry was going Bill stopped reading. "Blimey, he really does care about you Harry." Bill said.
Harry just shrugged, he still couldn't believe what Dudley had said to him that day.
At Vernon's statement in the book everyone in the room with the exception of Harry frowned. "Off with some of our lot?!" Was the general exclamation from the readers.
"What is that supposed to mean?" Molly asked.
"What does it sound like?" Harry asked her and then turned back to Bill without giving her a chance to answer.
In the book Harry tried to claim that it didn't matter what the Dursleys said. Remus shook his head sadly. "It does matter Harry. It matters very much. Lily would be outraged by the way her family has treated you." He felt a prickling at his eyes. "I should have been there for you. You didn't deserve this."
"It's okay Remus. It really is." Harry attempted to assure his surrogate uncle. Remus shook his head but remained silent and so after a moment Bill began to read again.
Remus shook his head again at Harry making light of his relatives neglect of him. He began to berate himself even more. He should have been there for his cub instead of cutting himself of from society for so many years.
Once again Dudley in the book had shocked the room into silence at his statement. Nobody know what to say there was silence for a full five minutes before Bill slowly began to read again.
"Hestia is right!" Molly exclaimed with Minerva nodding along. "Dudley didn't say thank you at all." Harry just smiled indulgently at the two women.
The twins burst out laughing at Harry's statement about how coming from Dudley saying that Harry wasn't a waste of space was like saying 'I love you'. "Harry, how come you aren't this funny-" Fred began.
"In real life?" Finished George. Harry just shrugged and chuckled slightly along with others in the room.
Following Dedalus's parting words Harry groaned loudly. "Like I don't already have enough pressure on me!" He exclaimed, but his smile let everyone know that he was partially joking.
Dudley had effectively already shocked everyone as much as possible and so nobody felt the need to comment on his final farewell handshake and short goodbye with Harry. Hearing it again Harry had to conclude that maybe his future daughter was right, he could have a future relationship with Dudley.
At his farewell with Petunia Molly shook her head slightly. "Well at least she said something." However this was said in quite a sarcastic tone.
Meanwhile Hermione voiced what many others in the room were thinking. "I wonder what she was about to say." Harry shrugged his shoulders. He too had wondered about this but had no idea and doubted he would ever find out.
Finally the last part of the chapter was read and there was a collective sigh of relief. Finally they didn't have to read about those moron Dursleys anymore.