I'm slumping against the wall, my left side in the front door's line of sight. I stay that way, until nightfall. I only know it's late, because I hear Dizzy coming inside. I haven't turned any lights on, or prepared any dinner. Today, I was able to feel sorry for myself, for the first time. Because I don't care anymore, how it looks to anyone else. I'm a freak, an abomination, a clone forced to walk in the shadow of my donor…for one night…let me worry about only myself.

I stare blankly ahead of me, expecting Dizzy to turn on a light and start berating me. Start asking why I'm being a bitch, sitting on the floor. But, it never happens. I hear her though, pacing around the kitchen. The sound of a lighter flicking tells me it's her. Her cigarettes, although the same as any other's, have a distinct aroma to them. I can't explain it.

"I remember…I remember when I was little…"

She talks like she doesn't know I'm here. Maybe, she doesn't. I don't care.

"I was little, and I would chase after my big search brother. I would chase him, and I would cry 'Play with me, big search brother, play with me' over and over again…he always did, too. He always played with me back then. Always, kept me close, and taught me how to shoot his BB Gun…"

I listen, picking my head up slowly. I've never heard her use this tone of voice before, and to my ears, it's music.

"…I was so scared, back then. Of everything, really. People were so much bigger than me, and even though I had my daddy…I always felt safest when I was with my brother. Always felt like no one in the world could hurt me, as long as he held my hand…"

I hear her sniff, as she exhales a deep sigh. Almost like, she's longing for the days when I had to explain to her why it was inappropriate for her to go topless, but not for me.

"I would say 'Big search brother…big search brother…I'm going to be brave like you one day' and he'd look down and say 'You sure will be'…and for the longest time…for the longest time, I thought I would be. I thought…I would be big and brave and strong like him. But…I just ended up a little girl, didn't I?"

I don't know, if she's asking me or simply talking to herself. I choose not to answer, and let my head hang low at the memories she makes me recall.

"…I always wanted to be strong and brave…like my brother. I always, wanted to walk away from people so easily, and bite my tongue. But…I didn't inherit those genes. I'm still, that little girl chasing her big search brother, just wanting him to play with me, like he use to."

Her footsteps get closer, and soon turn towards the steps. She goes all the way up, and then…silence. I hear nothing more, and in the dark I stare at the couch across from me. Dizzy, never speaks like that, to anyone. Our rooms are next to one another, and even at night, I never hear her talking through the walls. She's always quiet, if not annoying. I don't ever remember her, being so serious and sincere, as she was just now.

Maybe, she talks that way…because like me something isn't right with her. Something inside, gnaws at her, and begs for release. I can't imagine, what it could be, but my uncle Gob's words ring in my head. That Dizzy still needs me, just like she did before. So…as I always do, I push my own emotions aside, and slowly stand up.

In the dark, I navigate myself up the steps, and knock on her bedroom door. There's no response, and I call her name.

"Dizzy?"

No answer. Slowly, I open the door and peer inside. The moon lights up her room just enough for me to see, that she isn't in there. There's only one other place, she could have gone. Looking up, I see the shining silver knob that leads to the sniping perch above the house. Reaching up I open it, and climb up. Dad and I came up here a lot. He showed me how to snipe an enemy, and it was bonding that I looked forward to. Even though, it always got cut short. Dizzy would always come up, and beg us for attention. Our father would laugh with her, and throw her in the air. I'd laugh, too, and we'd take turns basking in the love and affection our father offered us. Back then, things were easier. Adult issues and emotions didn't plague us, and Dizzy and I were freer than we ever have been. I miss those times, I'll admit. But, now, there's freedom in age.

"Dizzy?"

I call her name quietly, as I walk through the wooden tunnel. She stands at the edge of the peak, leaning over the steel rails and gazing out over the Capital Wasteland. Her back is to me, and I can only see a side of her face.

"Dizzy, are you alright?"

It dawns at me, that…maybe…tonight my sister needed me, and I wasn't there to protect her. I wasn't there, to be her big search brother.

"…I always wanted to go to that monument."

She says quietly, her voice restrained and tame as opposed to its usual loud and obnoxious tone.

"What monument?"

I ask getting closer. I stand at the beginning of the peak, watching her. Slowly, she raises her hand and points to the Washington Monument, far off in the distance, and looking over the Capital Wasteland. Mom says, it was there before her time, before dad's time, and it'll still be there when we're gone. She said if we ever got lost, to go to the monument, and her and dad would find us.

"The Washington Monument. I want to go there, and climb to the very tip top."

"And then what?"

She shrugs, resting her hand under her chin.

"Look out over everything. Everything that's mine, and mine alone. I'd look out and feel like the biggest person in the world, because up there, I would me."

"Dizzy…"

Standing up straight, she throws a burnt-out cigarette from her hand. Turning her head slightly, she looks at me, and smiles sadly.

"Erica told me, you know."

"Told you what?"

"About you two. She said she dumped you, because you…scared her."

I wait to hear, if Dizzy knows why I scared her.

"I was on my way home when I saw her, and she told me."

"What did you say to her?"

"That she wasn't woman enough to handle you anyways."

Hearing my sister defend me, against her only friend, makes the pain of Erica leaving dissipate. Dizzy has never defended me in her life. Only…only this time she did. With her attitude, it isn't easy for her to make and keep friends. They come for a short while, but leave eventually. Erica stayed, and Dizzy left her only friend, for my defense.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner."

I blurt out, as if her feelings in my own personal life matter. I guess, they do, though. A cold wind catches us off guard, and I hear Dizzy shudder as she turns her back to me again. For a minute, she looks back, and stares at me. Although we share the same eyes, mine could never show the expressions that hers show.

"It doesn't matter to me. We live different lives now, and have our own secrets."

"What do you mean?"

Sighing, she digs in her pocket for her cigarettes. I watch as her hips move, and how her spine accents her smooth back. Looking away, I tell myself that I'm just looking at a part of my mother. Hearing her light her cigarette, I look back at her, to see her holding two, and one is for me.

"Can I trust you, Cain?"

"Of course you can."

I say as I take the lit cigarette from her. Dizzy turns away from me again, unable to look me in the eye.

"…I can't stay here anymore. I don't know…what it is inside of me…but…after all the years I've spent here, there's this…this undeniable sense of longing. Of, seeing what's out there, and overturning every rock and boulder. I won't be able to fulfill this need, by staying inside Megaton my entire life. And I can't…talk to mom and dad about it."

"What are you saying?"

"That you're my big search brother. And I love you. And I'm sorry, for being a bitch all these years."

"Dizzy…?"

"…Yeah?"

I take a step closer, a bit scared that she might jump. I wouldn't put it past her. Absentmindedly, I look up at the moon and feel something strange. As if, I've been in this place before. This situation.

"I have to get out, too."

I blurt out, in the hopes her feet will come out from beneath the rail. Hoping, she'll turn around, and we can go back to careless children like we once were. I can't house all this doubt and insecurity anymore. I also, don't want to live alone.

"But you can't go, where I want to go."

"Why not? Dizzy, what are you not telling me?"

She turns around, and I see her in the light of the moon. Across her once perfect face, her one symmetrical beauty that made men look past her insatiable attitude, is a long and angry cut. Red and raw, it doesn't bleed, and I notice that she put slight radiation on it.

"I fought you for so long, and I regret it, Cain. I was only trying to save my own skin."

"Dizzy, what happened to your face?"

Tears well in her eyes, as she averts my gaze. I reach out to touch her face, and she lets me. She lets me rest my hand on her jaw-line, and even places the weight of her tired head in my hand. We haven't touched one another, in so long. In nine years, since I was thirteen.

"It doesn't matter. It was my own fault it happened, I'll be alright."

"What will you tell mom and dad?"

She closes her eyes, and I realize…that Dizzy has more secrets than I do. That in her own right, Dizzy has lived her life separate from us, and with that…hasn't told us the truth of her endeavors with the Raiders.

"It seems like forever, since we got this close."

"Please, tell me what happened. I can help you. Just tell me."

Amazingly, she smirks and opens her eyes. Tears wet my hand, and by reflex I pull away.

"Don't…don't cry, Dizzy. I won't tell mom and dad, if you just tell me."

Whoever did this to her…whoever…hurt her, they have no idea. They have no idea that the ties that bind me to her are thicker than blood. That our shared relation, means if they hurt her, they hurt me, too. I never realized, how much I cared for her, until I saw her cry for the first time since we were children.

"Out there, they can't see who we are, Cain."

"Who are we?"

"Products of our parents. And that's something, no one can touch, right?"

"Dizzy?"

"Even if they…if they take everything from you, they can't take away who we are. They can't…take away what makes us stick close. Because…because it runs a lot deeper than skin, doesn't it?"

"Who hurt you? Who? Tell me!"

On top of our house, Dizzy stares at me with fresh tears in her eyes. She wants to tell me, I can see the urgency on her face in the light of the moon. I'm a fool, for thinking I could leave when in reality, she needs me more than ever.

"Erica hurt you, and…and she hurt me, too."

"What did you do?"

"I can't stay here."

"Dizzy! What did you do to Erica?"

Her eyes meet mine, and I shake inside. She narrows her eyebrows, and crinkles her nose.

"Nothing. But I don't want to be a part of your life and be so distant from you."

"You don't have to be if you just talked to me, Dizzy."

"It's too late, isn't it? Didn't it all…all stop when we grew up?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

We stare at one another, and she examines my face closely with her sharp eyes. Instead of answering me, she steps forwards and embraces me. She hugs me, like when we were kids. Pushing her head against my chest, Dizzy sighs and clings to me. I don't know what to do, except return the gesture. Memories consume me, and I feel like it's a wound I'm reopening.

"Goodnight, big search brother."

It's all she says, before pushing past me and heading back in the house. I watch her go, not chasing her, because I know she needs her time. But I can't help but feel like Dizzy is in a lot more trouble than she can handle. A lot more, than she wants to tell me. I don't know what to make of this conversation. Looking down at my hands, and the cigarette between my fingers, I try to catch my breath, as I come to terms with my emotions. I hurt much more now, than I ever did when Erica left. Someone…someone hurt my sister. And it bothers me more than I think it should. Someone hurt the girl I share a part of myself with. My confidant, my best friend, someone…got too close. They mustn't know, that Dizzy has a search brother who has serious boundary and protection issues.

Gathering my thoughts, I finish my cigarette before heading back inside. Going through the wooden passage, I realize Dizzy left the door open for me. Through it, I see the lights are on in the house. If she was going to bed, why turn them on? Going through the passage, I close the hatch and look around. Only the upstairs is lit, not the downstairs. Odd, but not really anything to worry about.

"Dizzy? I want to talk to you."

I say as I open her bedroom door. She's standing in shorts and a tank top, like my mother wears to bed. A wet cloth is in her hand, and she's using shards of a mirror that once stood on her wall to see herself in. She looks at me in the glass shard, and smirks.

"I got a boo boo."

I smirk back and walk inside, shutting the door behind me. It seems, that in one night, Dizzy and I may be able to repair the relationship we lost. Even though the conversation a few minutes ago looms in my head, I can look past it for now.

"Here, let me."

Willingly, she hands me the radiation-soaked cloth. I don't hint to her, that radiation bothers me, and instead just take it as it comes. It's just a little dose anyways, it won't do any real damage. Gently, I place the cloth over the cut on her face. Luckily, because of radiation, she won't need stitched like she would have. Instead, it starts to turn a pink color as I go over it gently, pressing down a bit to get the moisture on it.

"Does it hurt?"

"No. It feels warm. Don't you know?"

Forgot myself for a moment there. Letting out a small laugh, I nod my head.

"Yeah, sorry. So, want to tell me how this happened."

"No, not really. But how was your day? Aside from Erica leaving you, that is."

"Since when did you start caring all of a sudden?"

I say it in a humorous tone, but Dizzy takes it differently. She looks away, a bit hurt over something, and sighs.

"When are mom and dad coming home?"

"If not tomorrow than the day after. They're probably already halfway here."

"Alright."

When her cut is virtually invisible, I hand her the cloth back. She doesn't bother to get up off the floor, and instead of crouching I sit across from her. Scratching her head, Dizzy nervously looks out her bedroom window.

"Look, Diz, I know we aren't close but…you can still talk to me."

Slowly, her eyes shift from the window to me. When our eyes meet, I have to restrain from hugging her. I have to hold back, from embracing my sister, and keeping all the dangers of the world from harming her. I want to tell her, there's nothing safe or pure in this world. Something, though, tells me she knows this already. Thinking this, makes me want to seek out and torture, whoever made her believe this world was less than beautiful. I know, that it isn't safe, that it isn't pure, but putting that aside…I wish she knew, of how our parents fought desperately to keep and secure this world for future generations. For us. Suddenly, I feel so sorry for letting her go for so long. She's the only one, really, whose cared about me aside from our parents. I never saw that. I just let her go, for so long, and didn't think it bothered her in the least.

"…No, I can't. Things now, are different."

She tells me, whimsically, quietly.

"Dizzy, you can. I'm still here for you. I'm still your search brother."

"Maybe that's why I can't talk to you, then."

"Just let me in your head. Remember when we were little, and you'd crawl into my bed at night because of nightmares? Even though you were scared, you always made it to my room."

"What's that have to do with anything?"

"Because even though you're scared now, you can still talk to me."

"I'm not scared. I'm not anything, other than…sick of this place."

"Then tell me who hurt your face."

Curling up into a small ball, Dizzy puts her head between her knees. When she had long hair, she would hide behind it and not let me see her tears. Now, with her hair short, she has nothing to hide behind. Reaching towards her, I touch her arm. Her skin is hot to the touch, and I'm assuming it's from the radiation I put on her face. At first, she tries to pull away from me, but using both my hands I trap her so she can't move. I'll fight her every step of the way, if it means in the end, I can have my loving sister back. What I wouldn't give, to have her chase me again, and beg me to play with her. What I wouldn't say or do, to just have her look at me and smile while her hands dance around my jacket. She used to love to hide in my clothes.

"Stop it, Dizzy. Stop it."

I tell her, as she tries to fight me. Finally, she gives up and lets herself collapse against me. Heaving, she presses her face into my chest, and clings to the fabric of my shirt. Patting her back, I smooth her hair and hold her tight against me.

"It's alright. Whatever is wrong, whatever happened, I'll fix it. I'll fix it, Dizzy."

She says nothing, in between her choked-out sobs. I can't bear to hear her in so much pain, but instead of hurting, my own pain turns into anger. I know and understand the bitch she's capable of being but…it doesn't deserve this. She doesn't deserve to cry this much, and feel this kind of pain.

"I'm sorry, Dizzy. I'm sorry I wasn't there, I'm sorry. Please…let me in. Let me help. I regret it, please."

On the cold steel floor of our home, I hold my sister as she cries tears of pain, hurt, and feels emotions that should have never come to her. She should never, have to feel this way. I blame myself, for letting her run off. Maybe if I chased her, maybe if I intervened, I could have done something about it. Could have kept her home, and this could have been avoided.

"…It…it's not your fault."

She stammers, looking up at me. Her eyes are red, wet, and still blue through the tears. Lifting my hand, I cup her face in my palms, and press my forehead against hers.

"I'll never let anyone make you feel this way, Dizzy. I'm here, and I'm so, so sorry."

Her hands wrap around my wrists, and slowly, she pulls my hands from her face. I lift my head, staring at her, forcing myself to keep the gaze.

"I'll never…never make…you feel guilty again."

She tells me, as if she's the one to blame. Maybe, in a way, she is. But it doesn't matter to me. She didn't deserve this. I don't care how vicious her crimes against the person was, she didn't deserve it.

"Tell me, Dizzy."

Swallowing hard, I think for a minute, she's going to talk to me. That finally, I'll know who hurt her. But she thinks about it first, and realizes I won't simply comfort her. She knows if she tells me, I'll chase them down. I'll do all I can, to make them pay.

"…Just tell me you'll still be my big search brother."

"I always have been, Dizzy."

Looking away from me, I reach down and wrap her hands in mine. Her jaw clenches, and she closes her eyes.

"Erica…told me you aren't who you say you are. She…didn't go into details but…she said you were an abomination. Cain, what does she mean?"

Dizzy looks at me, as my fears of opening up to people are placed neatly in front of me. Mom and dad, never prepared me for what to say or do in this situation. They assumed she would never find out, that I wouldn't tell anyone. Slowly, she looks back at me, wanting answers and assurance.

"She was mad, Dizzy. People say things they don't mean when they're mad."

Accepting this answer, she rests her head against my chest while I'm alleviated and free from a close situation. Pressing my back against the wall, I wrap my arms around my sister-by-word. Her chest goes up and down against me, as we sit in silence. I stare out the window, wondering what the future has in store for us. If tomorrow will be a day to start anew, or instead we'll forget tonight and act as if it never happened. I hope we can start new. I don't want to lose her again, and I don't want to risk never being able to save her, and be there if she needs me.

"Dizzy?"

"Yeah?"

Her response is soft, and I realize, she's falling asleep.

"Tomorrow…will you still want to fix things between us?"

"…Yeah…I…miss you."

I smile down at her, even though she can't see me. Her eyes are closed, and her face is pressed securely against my chest.

"I missed you too."

I tell her, kissing her head and smoothing her short hair. She sighs, and I wrap her in my arms. Gently, I force my back against the wall, and in one easy motion lift her off the ground. As I walk her to her bed, she wakes a bit.

"I don't wanna be alone."

Dizzy says, sleepily. I look down at her in my arms, and realize…how small she still is. Fitting in my arms bridal-style perfectly, Dizzy is petite and light. I know, how much larger I am to most people out here, and somehow, Dizzy perfectly matches my size. Only a foot shorter than me, I realize how easy I can protect her. How, simple it is, to keep her safe, so long as she's close.

"Alright."

I say and turn my back on her bed. I can't give her money, I can't offer her the moon and the stars, or the sky. I'm not the reason she takes off, or gets into trouble, but I can at least be the one to watch her at night. The one to let her rest easy, and comfort her when she needs me. Be there, when I'm wanted, and even when I'm not. With me, she can be as free as she wants. Because then, even though she won't be alone, there won't be anything dangerous around the corner to hurt her. As long as she sticks by me, I'll do all my parents wanted me to, do all she needs me to, and then some. I can forget my own wants and desires, for her sake. So long as she tells me, she still cares, and she wants me beside her. Life, for me at least, will be easier to stay where I know I'm wanted.

Entering my room, I place Dizzy down on my bed, and cover her with a single blanket. I wonder, if she ever feels like she's ever alone? Or that she ever wants to be unknown? I can say, I've felt that way. Sitting on my bed, I kick off my boots, as Dizzy breathes in deep sighs of sleep. Looking back at her, I hope whatever secrets she has, she's prepared to admit and face. Because tomorrow, I won't let her leave without me.

Laying down beside her, I pull the blanket from her, and together we share it. I rest my head on my own pillow, and close my eyes.

"…Cain?"

I keep my eyes closed, as Dizzy reaches and takes my hand in hers. I feel her roll over, and her hot breath against my neck.

"Hm?"

"You'll still love me…no matter what happens, or what I do, right?"

"Yeah, of course. I have to."

While she holds one hand, I take the other, and wrap it around her. Pulling her close, I rest my chin on the top of her head.

"…I didn't mean…for this to happen."

Half-asleep, Dizzy is insistent on talking with me. I think she's scared, that if tomorrow comes, tonight will be forgotten. I'll feel the same as I do today, tomorrow. I've felt this way, since I held her for the first time.

"I know. It's alright, Diz. Just sleep."

"Will you be here tomorrow?"

"Yeah. I won't go anywhere without you."

"…I want to…to spend the day with you."

"Okay, we can do that."

She wraps her free arm around my torso. Beneath this blanket, so close, we look like a single being. I wonder, if our parents would be pleased with our rejuvenated closeness. If they'd be proud that even still, I'm here for her. Even when I was ready to leave, I'm still here for my sister. No matter how much I think I hate her, I'll always love her.

As I drift off to sleep, with Dizzy in my arms, it starts to rain. The pit-patter of it against the steel, lulls everyone to sleep at night. A warm rain, a night rain. Dizzy presses her head closer to my neck, and I feel her breath and lips graze my collarbone. She sighs, and squeezes my hand before finally falling asleep. In return, I kiss the top of her head, and let myself forget the problems of today, and save them for tomorrow.