As the sun shows signs of setting, Dizzy and I decide to get out and dry off. Before we put our clothes on, we lay on the pavement of the walkway, drying off in the still hot sun.

"I like swimming."

She tells me, putting her arms behind her head and smiling.

"Yeah, it was fun."

"We should do it again on our way back."

"Hey, Diz, what are you really going to do at the monument anyways?"

Shrugging, she closes her eyes and keeps the smile on her face.

"I don't know. Climb it. I've just…always wanted to see it. It's so big and tall and…inviting. I never really felt this way at home, you know."
"What way?"

"This way. You know, comfortable, free, happy. I always felt like in Megaton, something was gnawing at me, ya know? Like I had to do something. Maybe I'm meant to be some wanderer out here, doing what I want, when I want."

"You do that at home."

"Yeah but…not like this. Megaton is so small compared to this. There's a whole world out there, Cain. Don't you want to see it?"

"I don't know, maybe."

I want to see it. I want to see it more than I can ever admit. But, I can't let her know that.

"Then see it with me."

I look at her as she rolls over. Putting either hand on both sides of me, Dizzy holds herself up as she stares in my eyes. Even though she's acting out of humor, the look on her face tells me she's dead serious.

"See it with me. If you come, than maybe mom and dad won't worry. We can go back to Megaton, and tell them we want to wander away for a bit. Like Zack did."

"Dizzy, that's…stupid don't be so brazen. Why not wait until you're older?"

"Because then you'll get older too."

"Yeah but we have really long lives ahead of us. Look at mom and dad."

No, that isn't true. I won't live half as long as Dizzy. By the time I'm thirty, I won't be able to do the things I can do now. I'm not immune to radiation. My body will age naturally, and quickly. Dizzy…Dizzy will always be young and beautiful, just like she is now. She won't change, even when she's older, like mom. Mom still looks the same today, as she did the say I met her.

"If we do it now, we can enjoy it. When we're older, we can say we did it, instead of saying we didn't."

"Maybe. I'll think about it."

"Cain, this feels great. Being out here, with no one watching or judging, no one telling us what to do."

I sit up and she moves aside. Kneeling in front of me, as my feet dangle over the edge, she stares at me with intense curiosity.

"Who in Megaton judges you?"

Bringing her thumb to her mouth, she nervously bites her nail. Looking at the ground, she sighs while I raise an eyebrow.

"…It's just that…out here, no one…would find it strange if we walked around holding hands. They would in Megaton, because we aren't kids. But out here…"

"No one knows we're related, right?"

Her eyes grow wide as she looks up at me. Like I've exposed some stupid dirty little secret or something.

"…Yeah. I can be close to you like we were…and not have to worry."

Growing up, and still acting how we did, will raise a lot of eyebrows in Megaton. But, not for the reasons Dizzy thinks. Because Gob, Church, mom and dad, and some of the older citizens know the truth. The citizens think I'm adopted, but still, it's closer to the truth than Dizzy knows. They'll think I'm trying to… I don't even want to think about that.

"For now, you can be as close as you want to me. When we get back home…I'll think about talking to mom and dad with you. After a few days then…we'll see."

"Do you mean it?"

"Yeah."

Dizzy smiles at me. A wide, toothy smile. She curls her knees to her chin, and rests on them, still smiling at me. Behind her, the sun starts to set over the Capital Wasteland, and I run my fingers through her short hair. For all we know, there's danger and chaos waiting above us, at the beginning of the city. Mom and dad could have decided to come home early, and are frantic since we're missing. Raiders could be attacking Megaton, or the whole would could end at this very moment. But, right now, I couldn't care less about any of that. I couldn't give a damn, what happens to the world around me. Because in my own world, everything is perfect. Sitting in the setting sun, drying from a day I wouldn't trade for the world, and staring at Dizzy smiling at me like that…makes the world seem right. Right now, I can't help but look at her, and smile back.

"You should cut your hair."

She says, lifting her hand and brushing the strands of my long hair. It's really not that long. It brushes my shoulders, and slightly covers my eyes. I had it short before, a nice crew cut, but I've just been too uncaring to cut it again. Shortish in the front, longish in the back, my hair is always a mess. Mom says it reminds her of someone named Wernher from her past, but I have no idea who that is.

"I like my hair."

I say in my defense. Dizzy's fingers dance around the strands that dangle near my bare shoulders, smiling thoughtfully.

"Yeah. I do too."

"You should let yours grow."

"Nah."

"Why not?"

"I'll look too much like mom."

No she won't. She has a perfect mixture of both our parents. I should know, because when I see her, it's almost as if I'm looking at the female version of myself. But those eyes…those eyes may be from our father, but the expressions are from our mother. There's no way, anyone else, could say everything and say nothing without words like she does.

"No you won't."

She pulls her hand away, and stares at me while searching for her cigarettes. Putting two in her mouth, she lights one for me. I take it and stare back at her.

"You don't think so?"

"Not at all. You…you'll be fine."

I want to tell her she'll be beautiful, but I hold back. Maybe, that's something a brother doesn't say. Blowing out a cloud of clear and white smoke, I stare at Dizzy, analytically. She reminds me of a Megaton resident who left not too long ago, Amata was her name. Except Dizzy is paler, and has a narrower face. I always thought Amata was a bit broad. But they have similar dark hair, and Dizzy has the bluest of eyes. Her physique is all woman, but you look at her and know she can take on someone twice her size. Something, she gets from our father.

"You're so lame."

Dizzy shoves her hand in my face, and knocks my head down playfully. Going along with it, I let her win this round, because I enjoy the sound of her laughter far too much to want to win. If I wanted, I could easily push her back in the water. Instead of doing that though, I decide to fake it.

"Watch out!"

I yell grabbing her shoulders, and pushing her forward. She screams, and latches on to me. Even when she realizes she wasn't going to fall, and I had her in my arms the entire time, she holds on to me, laughing. Her skin is soft, from the water and sun, and it's a bit darker from being outside all day. A chilly wind hits us, and even though she's bone dry, I feel her shudder in my arms. Instinctively, I pull her close as I move back on the walkway. We stay like this for a quiet and long moment. Dizzy's arms cradled against my chest, with the rest of her body, as my arms wrap around her. She closes her eyes for a minute, and sighs deeply. Her cigarette fell into the water with the joke, so I offer he some of mine.

"We can't sit like this in Megaton, even though I like it."

"Yeah? Why you like it?"

I ask her, curious.

"Because it reminds me of when we were kids. I never thought anyone in the world could hurt me, if you were this close."

"That's good of you to know."

Lifting her head, Dizzy stares at me with a raised eyebrow.

"Because it's true."

"Do you care this much about me, because you want to, or because you know mom and dad will kill you if you don't?"

I can't answer that question. Even though I know the answer, I know I can't tell her. Her ways will pry me, and I'll be forced to give an explanation I'm not even sure I know how to give. Answer things, that I can't even answer for myself. So instead of doing that, I just smile at her, and kiss the top of her head. I know she's displeased, but since I bit my tongue earlier, she'll bite hers for tonight.

"Come on. It's getting dark, and we need to find shelter."

Dizzy nods in agreement and we stand to dress. Another cold wind hits, and I hear her hiss through her teeth in cold. Holding my duster jacket in my hands, I turn to face her.

"Here. It'll be cold."

I leave no room for her to argue, as I drape the heavy coat around her shoulders. She looks up at me with those emotion-filled eyes, and gives a smirk. Leading the way, I let her follow me up the stairs, and we're greeted with an obstacle. Mom never told me, neither did dad, that there were giant piles of rubble in the way of getting to where we need to be. Something we could have traveled to in a night, just became a few days' trip. Dizzy joins my side, as I stare at the vast piles of concrete and debris that block the easiest routes to the Washington Monument.

"Now what?"

She asks again, like we've collided with another river. In a way we have, only this river is a giant, tangles mess of broken concrete and steel. Scanning the area, I seen an opening to what looks like an underground tunnel system. On the map of the Capital Wasteland mom has on her Pip-Boy, there were things called 'metro stations'. I'm assuming this is them, and also assuming that there's no other way around the city than to just simply travel beneath them. On a bright note, it's shelter.

"We go down here."

"How do you know?"

"Would you rather climb over that?"

Dizzy looks where I'm pointing, at the pile of rubbish, and she smirks. Making eye contact with me, she shrugs as she holds the edges to my jacket.

"Why not?"

Shaking my head I grab her wrist to tug her forward.

"Come on, Diz. We're not climbing over that."

"Just saying it's possible."

"Yeah I know."

I know because mom told me she did the exact same thing. It's sort of interesting to know all this about my parents, and watch from the sidelines as their own traits show in Dizzy's way. She has my mother's stubborn, hotheaded and immature ways, while holding on to my father's strength and drive. I think, as well, Dizzy inherited the gene to finding trouble, attracting trouble, and…somehow…holding it all together when the world has nothing better to offer you. I can't think of a woman, who could smile and laugh today, after what happened to her last night. That is, except, Dizzy.

When we get to the bottom of the concrete stairs, there's a gate with a lock on it. I see it as a dead end, but Dizzy takes it instead as a challenge.

"We can manage."

Not wanting to give up the hopes of seeing the Washington Monument, Dizzy's mind begins to work in ways I've never seen before. She scans the ground, looking for some unknown object. I keep an eye out at the top of the steps, for danger and other such things.

"Found it!"

She yells, and I look back at her.

"What'd you find?"

Without saying a word, she shoves a small, thin piece of metal in my face.

"What're you doing with that?"

"Watch."

And I do. I watch as she kneels down in front of the lock, and painstakingly inserts the piece of metal into it. Quietly, diligently, Dizzy goes to work on picking it. It takes a few long minutes, but soon she succeeds, and I stare at her in wonder.

"I dunno how I knew that."

I know how. Mom used to do that all the time. Dad always told me there wasn't a computer she couldn't hack, or a lock she couldn't pick. Dizzy seems to have inherited a lot of mom's traits, even the ones I thought couldn't be passed down. At the same time, as much as she is both of our parents, she's still herself. Twirling the lock in her hands, she smiles at me as the gates swing open.

"Say it."

"Say what?"

I ask as I walk past her. Ahead of us lies a very dimly lit tunnel system. Too bad we didn't bring a light of some sorts. I hear the drop the lock on the pavement, and her footsteps behind me as she follows.

"Say I am the most amazing creature to ever walk this earth."

"You are, happy?"

I look back at her, feeling a lot more serious about this adventure than she is. Beaming, Dizzy smiles and follows behind me. This place is dark, lit just enough to see your hand in front of your face. It doesn't matter if it's day or night outside, whatever light is available here is all we have. Neither one of us have ever been far outside Megaton, and instead of taking this matter seriously, Dizzy is busy going through lockers and making a shit ton of noise.

"Stop being so loud."

I whisper, and my whisper echoes just as loudly as her clanking around.

"Why? We haven't run into any danger."

"Yeah but we might."

Cautious, I take the gun from my back and hold it securely in my hands. Dizzy doesn't copy me, but she does stop making all that racket. In the dark, she sticks close to me. I hear my jacket flapping as it hits her feet, and I hear her feet moving across the cemented ground.

"What kind of danger?"

It's a stupid question to me, but Dizzy doesn't know any better. She's a lot like how mom was when she left the vault. Really naïve to the outside world. I guess I'm the same way, but at least I have my parents' history and stories to rely on. Dizzy is a wet match in a dark cave on this one. All the more reason to protect her, and be the big man in town. Not like I want to be the toughest guy around, I don't. I just want to get my sister to where she wants to go, and then back home, without losing any digits or appendages in the process. That might be too much to ask, though.

After a few minutes of walking, Dizzy and I come to a large, open room. It's spacious, and has steps leading down to a lower half.

"Oh, wow…it's huge."

Dizzy says, letting her voice echo loudly.

"Echo!"

She screams, and then bursts into girlish laughter. The light is brighter here, due to some cracks in the, I guess, ceiling. Those cracks could lead to a cave-in, though, so I step around the rays of light.

"Cain, my legs really hurt."

It dawns on me that Dizzy has never walked this far in her entire life, nor spent the day swimming. I didn't think that the small rest we took would do much harm, but it did. Allowing her muscles to rest meant starting them up again would make them sore. Tomorrow they'll be even worse. I have dad's training to thank for my legs not being nearly as tired as Dizzy's.

"Can we camp here? It seems safe."

Her version of safe is a lot different than mine, but I can't help but tell she's right. There's one main way in, and one alternative way down. If we stick to the shadows, and not make a lot of noise, someone could easily walk right past us without knowing. Putting my gun back on my backside, I look behind me at Dizzy. She's pouting in overdramatic pain, and I sigh.

"Yeah, alright. Look around for something to sleep on."

Nodding, she listens to me. She likes to tinker with things and explore, and I know she's taking this chore pretty seriously. Small things entertain her, and I like that. She's not easily bored.

"This really sucks."

I take that last thought back. Looking over at her, she's kicking a stale mattress she found in the corner. Obviously not wanting to touch it, I wonder how she'll be when she has to actually use her weapon. When she sees what's needed to survive out here, I wonder if she'll fall into place, or fall to pieces. I hope at least, until we get back to Megaton, she can keep it together long enough for us to survive.

"Here, just leave it there."

I tell her, and promptly she sits on it. Wrinkling her nose, she stares at me.
"It smells like death."

"Probably someone died on it."

Jumping up, Dizzy gives me a look of horror. Her face goes white, and in the dim light it looks like it's glowing.

"…You mean…someone died on it?"

"Probably. Dizzy did you even think this through? People die out here all the time. Horrible deaths. Why else would mom and dad keep us in Megaton?"

"How do you know this?"

I sigh and shake my head. Walking over to her, she sucks it up and sits on the mattress. Eyeing it carefully, Dizzy waits for my answer. Folding my arms in front of my chest, I tower over her. I guess I'm working the intimidation card, so that hopefully she'll listen to me this time.

"Because I hear about it all the time back home. It's obvious by looking at the traders who come through Megaton, this life isn't lavish or wanted by many. Why else would Megaton be so damn popular? Because it's safe, Dizzy."

She curls up again, and I'm thinking it's this new defensive maneuver she's adapted. Sitting beside her, I put my hand on her knee and sigh. This wasn't thoroughly thought out, and Dizzy really didn't know the severity of leaving Megaton. Maybe now she will and not be so adamant about taking off.

"You know, it was for your safety that mom and dad didn't let you leave sooner."

"I know that now but I didn't then. Hey maybe I just had to learn it on my own, ya know? Like, figure shit out for myself."

"Yeah and maybe when you have to actually use your gun you'll think twice and stay home."

"Do people really kill one another so easily out here?"

"Yes, Dizzy. And they won't take pity on you because you're a woman. If anything, it'll be harder for you because of that."

She gazes down and makes circles with her finger on the concrete. Her silence tells me she knows this already, and her posture tells me she's scared. I want to offer to bring her back home, but I feel it's too soon. Maybe after spending a cold night in a dark, unknown place she'll feel differently. Tomorrow, I can try to convince her. We're no deep in the tunnels, and the way out is right beside us. All we'd have to do is cross the river and keep on track. If we left early enough, we could make it by the afternoon, dusk even. I know, that myself alone can do fine out here. My emotions are limited, and caring for myself would be easy. But with Dizzy…it's ten times harder. She depends on me for nearly everything out here, not knowing even the most basic of survival skills. I doubt she even knows how to spark a fire without her lighter, or keep watch for danger in the night. Granted I'm no survival expert, but I have enough training and knowledge passed down from my parents to know better. I knew better than to run blindly into the Capital Wasteland, but because I was chasing Dizzy, I didn't have time to think twice.

"Look, maybe tomorrow you'll want to go home. If you do, that's fine. Just…tell me. Because I have no idea how to navigate these tunnels, and chances are we'll get lost."

"I'm hungry."

"And we have no food."

She looks up at me, pouting.

"Dizzy you ran out here, with nothing. I can't magically pull food out of my ass for you."

"You could, but that'd be disgusting."

"The fact you thought of that is disgusting."

I smile at her, and she smiles back. Leaning forward, Dizzy collapses into my lap, sighing through the fabric of my pants. I feel her hot breath on my skin, and cover her with my jacket that fell off. Patting her back, I make sure she's covered. If she gets any colder, I'll have no clothes left to offer her.

"Yeah well, I'd rather be stuck here with you than anyone else."

"Yeah? Why's that, Diz?"

"You're not stupid. And you keep me warm. And I don't feel lonely when you're around."

She rolls over on her back, her head still in my lap. I can see in her eyes she's exhausted, and it'll be an early night for her. Hope she doesn't fall asleep on my legs, though. I'd have to wake her to move her, and waking her is never a simple task. I stroke her hair, absorbing the tenderness she's giving me. I suppose, as long as the wrong feels right, it isn't very wrong.

"You don't? Even when we weren't talking?"

She nods, pulling my jacket to her neck.

"You were just a room over. I'd sit against the wall sometimes, and it'd feel alright. Because you were close, and you'd hear if anyone came in. I knew you'd keep me safe, regardless of if we were talking or not."

"I'd rather us be talking, though."

"Yeah me too. It's better. I like it."

She reaches in my jacket, and pulls out my own cigarettes. Again, she lights two and offers me one. I take it, and lean back on my palms. I'm uncomfortable, but she's alright, and right now that's all that matters. It's strange. As hostile inside as I was towards her, I've realize if she's happy, than I am too. My selfish wants and desires take second place, to Dizzy's wants and desires. In a sense, I'm a hostage to the feelings I have, and to what she wants. But it's not bad, only if it isn't there, and I'm free to think about myself as a single person, is when I want to abandon her. It'll be harder to think that in time. To want to abandon her. As long as we keep up our relationship, Dizzy will always have me around. For that, I wonder, if I'm acting out of codependency for her approval and care, or if instead of a free man and my own wants and desires?

"I should have tried to talk to you more, so don't put the blame on yourself."

I tell her, smoking my cigarette, and laying down. My arms can't support me for very long in this position, so it's easier for me to lie down and let her stay on my lap. But as soon as my back touches the mattress, Dizzy sits up. With my jacket around her, she scoots her butt near my side, and I put my hand on her hip. Almost encasing her, protecting her against danger and the cruel world outside of our bubble.

"Hey, can I show you something?"

Dizzy asks, jumping up. I sit up, and stare at her in wonder. Dropping her gun, she smiles shyly at me.

"…I haven't told anyone this, and you're going to call me crazy but…"

"Should I be concerned?"

I ask as she takes a drag of her cigarette. She shakes her head at me and inhales the smoke, closing her eyes.

"No, no it's…it's a good thing. Music."

"What about music?"

"Here, look, I can't explain it I just have to show you."

"But you have no music here. What are you saying?"

"I just need a beat and then…then it comes to me, and I've wanted to show someone so long. I do it in my room all the time."

"Show what?"

She smiles and bends down. Taking my hands, she slaps them against my thighs until she hears a rhythm.

"Do that. Okay? Do that, and go a bit faster."

I do it, and look at her. I'm worried as to where this is going.

"Like this?"

"Faster."

I does as she says, because I have no idea what else to do.

"Alright good now, watch. Watch this is…Cain you wouldn't believe how I feel when I do this."

I raise an eyebrow as I concentrate on the rhythm she taught me. Closing her eyes, Dizzy starts to move her body. She learns the rhythm in her legs, and it slowly moves to her arms. Her stomach becomes the center of all focus, as her hips move up and down. Accentuating the movement, her arms add small detail, but most it's a focus on the torso. I stare at her, wondering where in the world she picked this up from. Wondering, how she learned to do this. I can't hear anything but the rhythm I make for her, but inside her head, I know there's music. There's an entire orchestration behind her, directing her body in these mystical and entrancing movements. I don't want her to stop, but then she does.

"That's it. I can't do it anymore."

I stop the rhythm, a bit more than a little disappointed.

"Why? What's wrong?"

"I need someone to dance with me."

My eyes grow wide and I raise my hands.

"No way. It's pretty when you do it, but…I'm a guy. We're not supposed to move our hips and stomach like that."

Leaning forward, she looks at me like she's possessed. But, not by a demon or hellish figure, instead, by something powerful. She's passionate about this, I can see it in her eyes. This, must mean more to her than I could ever understand. Her secret love for music and dancing…is something she's been wanting to share with me since it's discovery, whenever that was.

"Come on, here, I'll show you."

Because she's so passionate about it, I listen to her. Pulling me to my feet, Dizzy positions my body beside hers.

"Just move, in a manly way, to my movements."

"That's not vague at all, Dizzy."

"Look, if you know when to jump in, than I can finish the dance, Cain. I can finish it and perfect it and it'll be beautiful."

I want to tell her it already is, but I know she won't listen to me.

"Fine."

I say, and she nods.

"Okay, just watch me, and try to feel the rhythm."

"How?"

She puts herself in front of me, and with the palms of her hands, pats my chest.

"Like that. Rhythm. Dig?"

"Dug."

"Good."

And then, it begins. I watch her, as her eyes close and she feels the deaf rhythm inside of her, and her arms and legs start to dance. It isn't in any way sexual, but it is enticing. It's beautiful, and I make sure to watch her carefully, unsure of what to do. In her movements, she expertly grabs my hand at the right time, and raises it above her head. As if she's passing on this passion of music to me, through our contact, I jump in beside her.

"Clap, like this."

She raises her hands, and I follow her lead. I clap my hands in the air, trying to imagine whatever is going on in her head. On the third clap, I think I feel it. Wrapping my arm around her waist, I spin her into me. As I do this, she bursts into uncontrollable laughter, and I can't help but feel a bit embarrassed.

"What?"

I say, as I hold her in my arm. Opening her eyes, she smiles at me.

"Maybe I can make the song, so you can get better. It's in my head, and it's high beats. It's…it's stupid to dance with no music, but I can hear it in my head."

"I think…I think it's great you feel this way about something."

"You don't think it's stupid?"

I've never heard her so serious about something before. Shaking my head, she stands there, and my arm is still around her.

"No. No I…I think you'd be great at it. Not that you aren't already but…if there was music it'd be easier for people to catch on."

"It's…I woke up one day, and just started dancing. I heard music playing outside of my room and…and I fell in love with it."

Resting her hands on my stomach, Dizzy looks at me as if I've just given her the world. She shares this thought and idea and passion she's held inside with me, and I see how much it means to her. I don't know much about music, but, if it makes her happy I can try.

"I think…I'm happiest these days, when I hear strange music in my head, and I dance to it. Do you think that's strange?"

"Not at all. I think, it's a good thing for you to have that kind of feeling."

Dizzy smiles up at me, happy to have my support and acceptance.

"Like, look, see this?"

She starts to clap her hands, and with the clapping her hips sway. I let my arm fall from her side, and watch as she moves with controlled force and defiance.

"It just happens. I feel it in my hips. And then my feet move."

I look down and she starts to move her feet, in perfect opposing union to her hips.

"But, all my dances are around my lower half, so I have to be careful with my hands. I know, it sounds stupid."

She stops clapping and moving, and sits down on the mattress. I smile down at her.

"It's not stupid. Talk to mom about it. Maybe, she can help."

"Mom will laugh at me."

"How do you know?"

Dizzy shrugs and steps on the cigarette that fell from her hands. I sit beside her, and stare at her. The person my sister has become, is something to admire. Despite her attitude, she has passions and admiration for things most people would overlook. I never see anyone, never saw anybody, ever enjoying the simple movements of dance as she has. Never even witnessed any single person dancing, or entrancing anyone, as she did me. Instead of hiding it, I think she should work on improving it. With the help of Megaton, maybe we could turn it into something that could profit everyone. An entertainment, a class, something that would make everyone want to help and be involved in. Even better, something my sister could do, instead of finding the attention she craves from Raiders. Everyone would stare at her, watch her, and be hypnotized by her.

I sit beside her, as she pulls my jacket over her shoulders.

"Cain?"

"Yeah?"

Looking at her, I see the excitement fade away, but the happiness still lingers.

"I'm happy."

I smirk at her, and put my forehead against the side of her head.

"Good to hear it."

She yawns, with our heads still touching.

"You should get some sleep."

"Yeah…I think I will. Will we be okay?"

"We'll be fine. I'll stay up for a bit, and fall asleep soon."

She closes her eyes, and nods. I close my eyes too, and feel her head move against mine. Lifting her head, Dizzy's hot breath warms my chilled face. Kissing my cheek, I open my eyes and watch her flop down on the mattress. Asleep before she can get comfortable, I smile at her. Picking up my jacket, I cover her entire body with it. She's had a long day, we both have, and sleep is probably the best thing. Even if we're both thirsty, cold, and hungry, it's the only escape we have right now. She must have exhausted herself when she showed me her dance, but she wanted to so badly I couldn't say no.

I watch my sister, as I sit against the wall. She's not a little girl anymore. Now, she's a woman. The place where her lips brushed my cheek is warm, and tender. Soon, Dizzy will find a relationship. She's going to grow up, and have a family of my own. Thinking of her, with a man although normal, makes me feel strange inside. As if I don't want her to. As if I can keep her beside me, and only me for the rest of our lives. I know that isn't true, though. I know, like every other girl, Dizzy will find a man worth her time, and leave home. But, just because she thinks he's deserving, is he? I want to keep my sister, close to me, beside me. I know it's wrong, that she's not the little girl who chased me anymore. She has feelings and urges I as a brother cannot offer her. I have urges, too, but I found someone to comfort them. I had Erica. But, I never got mad at myself, when I thought of another man with Erica. Instead, mentally, I knew I would accept it as a loss, and feel the hurt for a while, but eventually get over it. When I think of Dizzy, laughing, smiling, and enjoying the company of another man, I get angry. In a childish way, I feel whatever another man can give her, I can offer double. Only, there are things, that siblings can't offer one another. Even though the voice in the back of my mind says we're not related, I remind myself it doesn't matter. We share genes, and have been raised as siblings. There's no way around that, and I have to accept it. I have to accept, that slowly, Dizzy won't rely on me like she use to. She's growing up, and we missed out on a lot by not speaking. Sooner than later, Dizzy won't need me anymore. I don't know, how I'm going to deal with that day when it comes. I just don't.