Chapter 4
It had been a really long day at the office for Lexa. She had gotten stuck in meeting after meeting. It wasn't what she had in mind when she told her father that she would step in as CEO in his absence. Really she wanted to get back to practicing law but she loved her father and would do anything to help the family.
Her leg was still sore but sitting all day wasn't her style so she decided to walk the short distance to her condo in the city. She had bought it for nights like this, when she was too tired to drive back to Laguna. It helped that her best friend lived in L.A. so it made for a good excuse to stay.
"Hey hobbles." She smiled and hugged her best friend as they stood out front of the restaurant they had agreed to meet at. "I do love getting your last minute dinner invitations but I hope you know I expect to hear about that leg of yours and how a certain blonde doctor stitched you up."
"Did you get a table Anya?" Lexa asked as her stomach grumbled.
"No I just got here." Lexa gave her a look. "What? I was out with Gus."
"But we're gonna have to wait and I'm hungry."
"Suck it up Commander." She hated that nickname but Anya had started calling her that when they were little and it stuck.
Lexa rolled her eyes as Anya held the door open for her. "Have you heard from her at all?" Anya nodded as they walked up to the front desk. "For two please." Lexa smiled at the hostess.
"It'll be about ten minutes, if that's okay." The hostess said with a smile.
"That's fine." She turned back to her friend and folded her arms across her chest. "Well…"
"Nothing really to tell she was letting me know she was in town and that if it was okay with you and I wanted to grab coffee to let her know."
"And do you?"
"Do I what? Want to see someone who was one of my good friends, even though her perky nature drives me crazy."
"She's not perky."
Anya laughed as Lexa stood up for her ex. "Old habits die hard don't they? That's a change in tune from the 'we hate Clarke Griffin' phase."
"I'm trying to be mature and I guess this is her home too. It can't be easy to come back after being gone for so long."
"You're totally into her still." Anya realized as they were escorted to their table. "She's still that attractive eh?" The taller woman wiggled her eyebrows as they sat down.
"I'm not into her, I'm in a committed relationship and have been for almost three years. When are you going to accept Costia?"
Anya shrugged, she had struggled with Clarke and Lexa's breakup almost as much as Lexa had. "I accept it, I've just seen you really happy Lexa and as happy as you have convinced yourself you are there's no fire in your eyes. I told you, I support your decisions but Costia and I are never going to have the relationship Clarke and I had. Especially since we all grew up together, don't forget it was me that used to invite her to your parties."
"It's okay, if you want to see her. You should see her, she seems to be doing well for herself. You have my blessing." Lexa realised that Anya was right, Clarke and Anya had been closer than her and Clarke until they got to University.
An hour later the two best friends hugged once again outside of the restaurant. "Are you sure you don't want me to drive you?"
"It's literally three blocks away. I can handle it, thank you though."
Anya nodded with a smile. "Before you do what you're about to just do me a favour and really think it through. Don't rush into something because you think that that's the only way to truly move on. There was a time when you would have left work or the library at 2 a.m. and still driven home, just so you could be with someone. Yet here you are at 11 p.m. about to crash at the condo because you're too tired to go home."
"What are you trying to say Anya?"
"I'm saying maybe that means something, maybe it doesn't but you would have literally flown across the country to fall asleep with Clarke for an hour."
"I was young and dumb, text me when you get home."z
"You got it captain." Lexa shook her head as she watched her friend walk away before turning in the opposite direction. Just as she was almost passed the glass windows of the restaurant she had just come out of she saw blonde hair tilted back laughing. She shook the cobwebs out and took another step telling herself not to look because she was acting crazy. She was usually good at reasoning to herself but tonight curiosity got the better of her. Turning towards the window she thought she was trapped in a nightmare. Sitting by the front glass was Clarke. Her head tilted back laughing in the way only she could when something was really funny. Then she saw who it was that was making her laugh and her heart stopped momentarily. Tears welled up in her eyes causing her to look up and compose herself. Clarke had him and she had Costia. If Clarke was going to be back in town then they'd definitely run into each other and that would have to be okay. Or at least that was what she attempted to tell herself.
Twenty minutes later she relaxed in her bed after a quick shower. It had been four years, four hard years but they had their own lives, they had moved on but still all Lexa could think about was what Anya had said, not that Lexa would ever admit it to anyone else.
XOXO
5 Years Ago
They had both had classes all day and were utterly exhausted but that hadn't stopped them from making sure they made it home to the other. Sometimes life got hectic, between work, school and friends it was hard to manage time together so they had come up with a pact. No matter what, they would try their hardest to make it home to each other at night. Even if it was just a face time call.
Clarke rolled over with a hum of approval as she drapped her arm over Lexa's waist and looked up at her girlfriend. Her hair was pulled back into a loose bun, her glasses sat low on her nose as she read over her case notes.
"When did you get here?" She asked, her voice raspy from just waking up.
"Late last night, or I guess early this morning. Octavia left the key out for me."
Clarke leaned up and kissed her cheek, barely gravzing the corner of her lips. "You should have waken me."
"You should kiss me properly, I did have a long flight after all."
"Only if you put that down. I know you have studying to do but you can do that after you get some more sleep with me."
Lexa smiled wider than she had in weeks. "You're trouble, you do know that right."
"The best kind." Clarke grinned as she moved her hand up and grabbed the notes out of Lexa's hand, tossing them onto the floor. "Don't worry, their feelings won't be hurt. So how long do I have you for?"
"Roughly, 36 hours," Lexa answered as she looked over at the clock.
Clarke reached up and undid Lexa's hair. "Mmm, that's better," she husked as the curls fell down past Lexa's shoulders. "Not that I am at all complaining to waking up to my crazy beautiful, intelligent girlfriend, but are you okay? What brings you to my end of the country?"
"Honestly? No judgment?"
The blonde leaned up and kissed the tip of her nose. "No judgment."
"First all of you forgot to add sexy as hell to your list of my qualities and I haven't been sleeping very well. I'm so stressed with school and dad teaching me about the business that I can't sleep. Then I come home and you aren't there and I know this sounds absolutely pathetic but I miss you so much more at night. It used to be our unwind time and now with time difference, it makes it hard sometimes."
"You flew all the way our here because you couldn't sleep?"
Lexa blushed, now that Clarke said it she heard just how crazy it was. "Is it too psycho girlfriend if I say yes?"
Clarke laughed. "No, maybe to some people but when you've been together as long as we have I think it's normal."
"You'd think after almost two years I'd be used to it but I'm not. Don't get me wrong as hard as this is sometimes, it's worth it and I've never thought otherwise. It did get me thinking though."
"Oh no, you thinking can be a scary thing Commander."
Lexa looked down at her girlfriend pointedly. "You've been talking to Anya again haven't you? I thought she was my best friend?"
"You and Octavia talk for hours on the phone sometimes."
"Yeah about kick boxing and muai thai!"
Clarke rolled her eyes and she leaned up on her girlfriend so that her chin was resting on Lexa's chest. "Still, and I know you have coffee with Raven, and dinner with Raven."
"Raven doesn't count! Her and I have been friends since preschool."
"Yeah but she's my best friend, anyways what were you thinking?"
Lexa laughed, Clarke always had a way of making her forget her point, something that was so uncharacteristic of her. "When we graduate we should get an apartment together, here in New York. That way when I come visit we'll have our own little hideaway."
"Seriously?"
Lexa nodded. "Yes, it's not like we haven't lived together before."
"In college, that hardly counts but I'd like that. For now how about we turn on some cartoons and get some more sleep."
"I was working on my notes you know?"
Clarke raised her head back up from where she had just laid it down on Lexa's chest. "You work too hard, I hereby give you at least an eight hour break. Then you can study while I run to the hospital to pick up my lab reports and then you are all mine again because you didn't fly for four hours to work on your notes plus I know you worked on them on the plane."
"Deal, but that means no work for you either."
Clarke shook her head and placed a feather light kiss on Lexa's collarbone. "That sounds like a great game plan. I'm so glad my girlfriend is loaded."
"That you are and that your girlfriends even more loaded parents happen to adore you."
"That reminds me, I need to text your mom about our dinner date."
Lexa sighed as she ran her fingers up and down Clarke's back under her shirt. "Why am I not surprised you have dinner with my mother when they're in town."
"Sometimes your dad comes but your mom usually likes the girl time."
"Tell me about your day yesterday." It was a gentle request. One that Lexa often made when she was tired. She loved hearing Clarke's voice and she was always genuinely interested about her girlfriend's life outside of their relationship.
Five minutes in Clarke looked up at her girlfriend and smiled at her sleeping form. Sometimes it was clear that this was what life was meant to be like. Outside of friends, family and careers, it was about the simple moments that took your breath away and in that moment as Clarke watched her girlfriend sleep she found herself breathless.
XOXO
"I can't believe it, you really are home." Anya smiled as she embraced her friend in a tight a hug.
In that moment Clarke had realised how much she had missed Anya. She reminded her a lot of Octavia, she was hard headed, stubborn, said it like she saw it and loved just as fiercely. She squeezed her friend back before they ordered their iced coffees and sat out on the patio. "I can't believe it either to be honest. I really never saw myself coming back. You'd like New York, it's really bad ass."
Anya laughed. "You look older, in a good way and I hear you got that fancy medical degree you were always talking about."
"Facebook could have told you that Anya."
"You did a good job with the stitches but I would have made it hurt more."
Clarke nodded as she took a sip of her drink. "She told you about that."
Anya's eyes went a little wide accompanied with a laugh. "Only you two would run into each other after four years that way but I don't want to talk about her. I want to talk about you. Make up for lost time, you never called."
Clarke's throat was suddenly really dry. "I know, I'm sorry. I couldn't hear the disappointment in your voice too. I couldn't come to you with it, she deserved to have someone outside of Costia."
"Could you say her name with a little more venom?" The blonde rolled her eyes. "There's my preppy girl." Her only response was Clarke's middle finger. "New York has changed you, I approve. I know you don't want to talk about it but for the record, we've always been friends Clarke, even before you two. We all grew up together, yes her and I are closer but I love you too. An email every now and again checking in doesn't cut it so you have a lot of making up to do!"
"I'm sure Raven will be throwing a party within the week. You would think being a rocket scientist would keep her busier."
"Right?" Anya agreed with a shake of her head. "Lets cut to the chase, who are we dating these days? Would I approve?"
"And I'm the preppy perky one?" Anya shrugged and waited for Clarke to tell her what she wanted to know. "His name is Mr. Brosnan and I just removed his appendix. He's 73 years old, has two children and 3 grandchildren and he says my eyes remind him of the sea. No not the ocean, the sea." Anya gave her a look that meant she was not impressed but that she secretly was.
"Is he rich?" There was the devilish smile Clarke loved so much.
"You know it." They burst out into a fit of laughter as they remembered their old high school days and how they used to talk about how much easier life would be if they just married a rich old guy.
"Anya?" They both locked eyes and immediately tried to stop laughing.
"Hey, Costia." She said as the other woman stepped up behind Clarke.
"Sorry I didn't mean to interrupt, I just wanted to say hi."
Clarke finally turned around and she took pleasure in the way Costia's facial expressions changed. "You weren't interrupting. Hi, Costia." Her name came out strained even though Clarke had tried not to let it.
"Clarke." She said with a half smile. "Welcome back. I'll let you ladies get back to your coffee. Oh and Anya don't forget about the party on the 25th."
"Already in the calendar."
She was about to turn and leave until her head swiveled back around. "You should come Clarke, would you mind giving her the details A, I'm late to meet with a client."
"Sure will." Anya smiled and Clarke knew it to be the fakest smile Anya could muster. Once they were sure she was gone, they started laughing like school girls again.
"What the hell was that? A?"
It was Anya's turn to roll her eyes. "Fuck, I hate that she calls me that. I really have tried to like her Clarke but I can't, I can't stand her. 'Mind giving her the details?'" She mocked. "Yeah bitch, I do." Clarke bit her bottom lip as she tried not to laugh. "What?"
"Nothing, I just wasn't expecting that, I mean at all and then your reaction. By the way there is no way in hell I am going to that party."
"I just find her so weak. Don't get me wrong, she can be nice enough but I can't, I feel like I have a cavity every time she talks. But about that party, you may actually want to go. It's for Mrs. C's birthday."
Clarked laughed once again and it was clear to her that no matter how much time had passed some people picked up right where they left off. "I'll take her out for dinner afterwards. I'm not about to show back up like I never left. I did leave and I've come to terms with that and what I lost because of it."
"Your mom is going to be there and I'm sure everyone else would love to see you. You know she'll be late, I can text you and let you know her whereabouts. Think about it, please?" Clarke nodded with a heavy sigh. "Now back to the real question before we were so rudely interrupted. Does shit like that happen in New York? Running into your ex's current?" Clarke shook her head no this time. "Anyways, back on track. Name, and social insurance number."
"There's no one, I went on a couple dates about a year ago but no one can handle my schedule. So for now, career first and we'll see where life takes me. Besides don't you think Octavia already would have had every single detail about anyone?"
"True, and I hear her and I are going to be co-workers." Anya had decided to join the police force after University, it suited her hard ass personality.
"Frankly, that scares me. How about you, still with Gus because the last time I got on facebook and creeped it seemed like maybe there was a ring on the horizon." Clarke wiggled her eyebrows.
Anya finished her drink as she scoffed. "Maybe one day but not any time soon but things are really good. Don't think I haven't see the pictures of you and that guy on your instagram either. I don't know who is he because he isn't tagged but he's decent looking, if you're into that."
"Who? There are a lot of hot men in New York, a lot of hot women too." Clarke watched as Anya picked up her phone, made a few taps and then showed Clarke a picture. "Jesus Christ Anya that's Bellamy."
"Wait that's Bellamy?" Clarke nodded. "And you two are just friends?"
"He's Octavia's brother! Why does everyone think there is something going on?"
Anya shook her head and held up a finger. "You have that rule… that you'd never date your friends siblings because it's too messy. I remember because we were trying to set you up with Monroe's sister."
"Golden rule, it's done me well. So you aren't going to get in shit for being here right?"
"He might be worth breaking that rule for, again if you're into that." Anya grinned with a shrug and a laugh, still shocked at who the guy turned out to be. "We aren't actually in high school anymore Clarke. Besides, I asked her, she said it was okay. Not that it would have stopped me either way. I'm proud of you. You left to discover yourself and become a doctor and now you're so much more. She won't say it to you and maybe it doesn't mean anything but she's proud of you too. I could tell when she was showing me the stitches. 'Oh my god, so Clarke is totally this amazing doctor and look how good these stitches are. Like she's cured cancer and everything.'" She mocked with an eye roll.
"For starters she has never sounded like that and for another, not cancer, not yet but I am great at my job. Cedar Sinai don't fly any resident out for nothin'." Her Brooklyn accent needed work but to a non New Yorker it sounded decent.
"She sounds like that when she talks about you."
"When she used to talk about me, now she hates me."
The gears were moving behind Anya's eyes. "Wait, rewind, they flew you out?"
"Not to toot my own horn but yes. They want me as one of their attendings next year. No I haven't made a decision yet, I really do love New York but we'll see, it wasn't something I could pass up."
"Always an over achieving smart ass."
XOXO
"You are the biggest fucking dumb ass this world has ever met!"
Lexa shook her head as she answered her phone without getting the chance to say 'hello'. "What did I do this time?"
"You ruined a perfectly good relationship because you suddenly became insecure. She wasn't cheating on you dip shit but that's all I'm going to say on the subject because otherwise I'll verbally berade you for at least an hour and I don't have time for that."
"I take it you just had coffee with Clarke."
"You're damn right. I missed that woman, did you know that she really is a bad ass doctor and me mocking her for being a bad ass doctor now makes me seem like the ass?"
Lexa shook her head as she rubbed her temple with her hand that was free. "It seemed like she was doing. You always sounded like an ass, now can I get back to my work since I know you aren't about to tell me anything about your cryptic message."
"Be gone." Was all Anya said before Lexa heard a click on the other end of the line. She tried not to think too much about what Anya had said because she knew it would only hurt her head.
XOXO
4 Years Ago
Octavia told her exactly where Clarke would be but she had texted her girlfriend just in case she changed her mind. It tended to happen when she was at work and didn't have any concrete plans. She felt like the ring was burning a hole in her purse but she had it all planned out in her head. She had asked Abby, her parents, Raven and Octavia and not one person had said no or hesitated in promptly hugging her.
"You can do this Lexa, you're a ruthless warrior in the court room, you got this." She kept repeating the same line to herself for at least four blocks. She probably should have taken a cab was she was just too nervous. Clarke was as career driven as she was and she didn't want anything to lead either of them off course. When it got to the point that making Clarke her wife was all she could think about, she knew she had her decision. She was going to surprise her at dinner, then take a walk through central park to where they showed old movies on a projector. She maybe made a few calls to make sure that the movie being played tonight was 'Breakfast at Tiffany's'. Finally when everyone had cleared out of the park she'd slip the box over for Clarke to open only to find it empty. At which point she'd be on bended knee holding the ring up.
She had thought about it for so long that she was seriously starting to doubt herself. Then the rain started and she tried to ignore it and not take it as a bad sign. She was a block from the restaurant so there was no point in her hailing a cab.
Looking at her phone and then up again she realized she was at the right address and waited to cross the street. Then she felt her heart break into a million tiny pieces. Outside the restaurant Clarke was hugging a tall guy with curly black hair. It wasn't just any hug, as he started twirling her around before placing her back on the group and kissing her. It was a brief kiss but Lexa would know Clarke's smile anywhere, in any lighting and Clarke was smiling bigger than Lexa had seen in what felt like months.
The tears fell down her face, there was nothing she could do to hold them. She couldn't believe this, she didn't want to believe it. She couldn't breath, she couldn't see straight, all that she knew was that she was in more pain that she ever had been. In that moment she would have rather jump into a bed full of needles then deal with the pain in her chest. She was frozen in place as she watched the pair get into a cab after the man held the door open for her. Once her feet finally started listening to her brain she left and she never looked back.
TBC…
A/N: Thank you all so much for the love of this fic, I'm honestly in love with writing it and that hasn't happened in a very long time for me so it makes me so happy that you all like it too. I have to admit the hate for Costia has made my night even though I'm not intentionally writing her that way, I think it's great that's how she's being received.
Also please feel free to drop me a line if there's any particular flash backs you want to see and if I'm not already planning them I'll do my best to get them in.