Chapter 6
"You ran into her at the gym? I mean the fact you were at the gym to begin with is hard to believe." Clarke threw the grape she was about to eat at her Octavia.
"I will get my mom to kick you out!"
Octavia raised an eyebrow. "She wouldn't, she's never here, I swear if we didn't come and go I would have thought this house was abandoned."
"Anyways, she ended up following me to the hospital because it's not safe outside. I mean for someone who just decided they didn't want to be with me anymore and almost literally just up and left I don't understand why she wants to follow me around. I would expect her to run, literally run in the other direction."
"I know you aren't going to like this but I think it's pretty clear…Girl misses you, one look at you and she knew she fucked up. Cause Costia ain't got nothin' on you. Not only that, you guys were best friends. I used to dream of having what you had. She used to call you to tell you everything and not because you were her girlfriend but because you really were her best friend, you knew her better than anyone. I know it's her fault but that's gotta be hard. Lexa is a creature of habit, you and me don't work that way so we can't understand it. Remember that time you decided to 'take a break'?"
Clarke nodded. "Yeah, longest two weeks of my life."
"Exactly my point. You barely lasted two weeks without talking, multiply that by four years."
"She's moved on so none of this should matter and it infuriates me that the world hates me and wants to rub it in my face. Like I'm sorry what the fucking fuck did I do in this life to deserve this cosmic torture? I save people for a living, even people who I don't always think deserve it."
"Ever think maybe it's not your karma." With that Octavia stood up and walked outside to go for a run leaving Clarke alone with her thoughts.
XOXO
5.5 Years Ago
"Maybe we should take a break then." Clarke had tears in her eyes as she held the phone to her ear. "I mean if you aren't happy and this isn't what you want then maybe we should. All I have ever wanted was for you to be as happy as you make me and if you aren't happy I will not hold you back from that no matter how much I love you."
There was a long pause as Lexa processed what Clarke had said. The last couple years had been tough on them. Distance didn't make it easy, especially once you threw the rest of their busy lives on top of it. "Maybe we should."
"So that's it then, call me when you're ready to talk Lexa because lately the only person you're talking to is Costia. Maybe you should give it a try with her." It didn't come out malicious or jealous, it was simply clear that Clarke was deflated.
"That's our problem, you keep saying that, every time we fight you say that."
"And every time you say that and I say that you should look into why I feel that way. I have never been jealous, you know that. In fact I generally think it's hilarious when you get hit on because you come home to me. But you don't come home to me anymore Lexa, and I don't mean actually home before you make a smart ass comment about how it was me who chose a med school on the other side of the country. You go to school with her, I get that but you spend every other waking moment with her outside school. You've barely seen Anya and I know because she asked me what was going on. Take the time and figure it out Lexa, I know that I left and that maybe I deserve all of this for leaving but I had a plan before we got together and I promised my father that I would live up to that. I'm not saying that to make you feel bad or to justify my actions. I'm saying that because I'm proud of myself for sticking to my promise, to him and myself. Do what you need to do."
"I'm sorry Clarke." Was all Lexa could think to say. She didn't want to be mad at her girlfriend for where she chose to went to school, she had encouraged it and she knew that it was the hardest on Clarke, being in a brand new place with brand new people.
"Me too." Was her only response before Lexa heard the phone click.
1 Week Later
"You haven't talked at all, in a week?" Anya asked, eyes wide with shock.
Lexa looked down at the coffee she had barely touched. "Not even a single text message. I had a huge exam yesterday and she didn't say a word about it. She usually sends me a 'you'll kick this exam's ass' message and then an 'I'm proud of you no matter what but I'm sure that exam will show up in the E.R. for me to piece it back together because you beat it up so bad' message when it's done."
Anya couldn't hold in her laughter. She knew her friends were huge nerds when it came to each other but she could literally picture Clarke's face as she typed or said those messages. "You miss her so pick up a phone."
"This was my idea. I don't know what I was thinking. No one compares to her, sure as hell not Costia."
"Lexa, I mean this in the best possible way. That girl is bad news for you because she's easy and she's here. She also has a huge lady boner for you."
"Why do you all keep saying that? We're just friends."
"You are her friend, she wants more than that whether she says it or not. Imagine how you would feel if Clarke had someone there that clearly was into her and you couldn't be there to take her to a movie, or to dinner."
"She has Octavia." She argued.
Anya rubbed her temples. "Lexa, I love you, but we both know Octavia is as straight as an arrow. I'm only going to ask you this once. Do you think you may have feelings for Costia? I won't judge you, I'm asking for your sake because if you do you aren't being fair to yourself or to Clarke. I've got training but think about it."
2 Weeks Later
"Clarke's not here. She has a practical at the hospital." Octavia said as she opened the front door and grabbed her purse. "Do I need to hurt you?" She whispered as she pulled her gun out of her bag. Lexa shook her head, she really wasn't all that surprised that Octavia had a gun on her. "Good. I'm going to Lincoln's for the night, if I come home to her upset I won't keep my mouth shut anymore. It's your relationship and I don't want to get involved in it but she's become my family."
"I appreciate that but I really hope she isn't upset because she's my family too, she's my person."
"Good, Anya and Raven said you finally got your head screwed back on. But she really isn't here, she's at the hospital, I don't know when she'll back. I don't have all night Lex Luther, do you have your key or do you need mine?"
Lexa dug into her pocket and pulled the key out. "I've got it."
"I'm leaving then. Don't destroy my house if you end up having crazy wild make up sex." Lexa chuckled as she walked into the house and Octavia walked out, closing the door behind her.
It had been months since she had been in the apartment but it didn't seem like much had changed. Some new artwork, which she knew was Clarke's. She didn't know much about art but she had come to have an appreciation for it because of Clarke. She rolled her suitcase out front of Clarke's room but couldn't bring herself to bring it inside. She wasn't sure how Clarke was going to take her being there. She had wanted to get a hotel room but Anya had told her that that was stupid.
Taking a look down at her watch, she looked up the directions to the hospital Clarke worked at on her phone. If it was L.A. she would have walked but being so tired she figured she'd cab it over. Twenty minutes later she got out of the cab and walked across the street. It was rather cold out, especially for her since she wasn't used to the change in weather. She walked into the store and picked up a couple of things before walking into the hospital. She knew this was how Clarke usually left from the all the picture messages she would get so she took a seat in one of the chairs and waited.
People had come and gone, an hour had passed and still Clarke hadn't emerged. Lexa was about to text Octavia when she heard a familiar laugh. Looking up she saw the blonde step off the elevator with a few of her colleagues. A large grin on her face, even though she looked tired but Lexa figured they were all tired by the looks of them. Hearing her laugh sent chills up and down her spin. It was a sound she had taken for granted and even though it had only been two weeks she felt like she hadn't heard it in years. As she sat there waiting for her to get closer, she was sure that Clarke's laugh was one of her favourite sounds.
xoxo
"Hey Clarke, who's the total babe?"
"Maya, I know we're all sleep deprived but what the hell are you talking about?" She watched as the girl nodded her head towards the brunette that just stood up. Flowers and a coffee in her hand. "Why would you think I would know?"
"Because she's looking at you like you're the only person in the room and the room isn't exactly empty. Plus she looks exactly like the girl that was the wallpaper on your phone, you know the one you talk about all the time."
"I don't talk about her all the time." Her group of colleagues looked at her. "Okay, maybe I talk about her a little bit."
"Go on, we'll see you later."
Clarke shook her head, she was still mad and hurt. "We were all supposed to go celebrate though."
"Look at us, please give us an excuse to go home and crash."
She took a look around. "Okay, fine. I'll see you all later, get some rest."
Taking a deep breath she finally looked up and Lexa who was standing still. Slowly, she took her first step towards the woman.
"Hi." Lexa said softly as she ran her fingers through her hair.
"Hi." Clarke motioned her head towards the nod as she started walking around. "What are you doing here?" She asked once they were outside and away from prying eyes.
"I wanted to congratulate you on finishing your exam."
Clarke looked at the flowers in Lexa's arms. Orchids. Her favourite. "You could have called."
Lexa looked down at the ground before looking back up with a shake of her head. "I was an idiot, I never should have suggested we take a break. A break from you is the last thing I ever want. When you didn't call or text me after my exam it hit me smack in the face. I was trying to be stubborn but I can't be stubborn with you. My life isn't the same without you in it. I understand where you're coming from about everything and you're right. And yes that's hard for me to say." She smiled as she saw Clarke shake her head with the cutest little laugh. "I don't want to waste anymore time being away from you, more than we have to be. Losing you scares me, I'm scared that you've got this new life and maybe you'll realize there isn't a place for me in it but it's irrational of me to take myself out of the equation if that's what I'm scared of. I have nightmares about you never coming home, that maybe this is your home now and someone is going to come along and sweep you off your feet. I know we have our own lives but you're the one I want to share it with. You make everything better, like my life is vanilla and you're the sprinkles."
"You don't like sprinkles." Clarke said as she surprised Lexa and wrapped her arms around the woman's neck pulling her in for a tight hug. "More like strawberry sauce and cherries."
Lexa inhaled deeply. "I promise to be more secure and more bad ass Lexa."
Clarke pulled back and took her flowers out of Lexa's hands. "You've never been bad ass Callaway but you have to trust me. I know life is hard and I made it harder but please trust me."
"I do trust you Clarke." They looked each other in the eye as goose bumps covered Clarke's arm from the way Lexa had said her name.
"Good, or I'll have to kick your ass."
Lexa shook her head. "Octavia already threatened my life."
Clarke shook her head and closed her eyes before looking at Lexa again. "Tell me she didn't pull the gun out."
Lexa's eyes widened as she nodded her head. "She showed me the gun."
"You've been warned." She smiled. "We still have a lot to talk about but let's go home so you don't freeze."
XOXO
Clarke let out a yawn as she sat in the busy coffee shop. It wasn't her favourite one in Laguna but she also knew it wasn't Lexa's and that was good enough for her. It was harder than she expected to come back. Everything she passed reminded her of Lexa or them. All the memories she tried to bury for years were wanted to boil over and she just couldn't let them. The pain was still to real, even though she was sure after four years that it would have subsided.
She took her book out and began to sketch. She was trying to kill sometime until Octavia got home from training so they could go out. Normally she would have gone to the hospital but her mother had told her to take the day off and that she wasn't allowed a single step inside the hospital. Looking out the window she could see the ocean across the street and she'd be lying if she said she hadn't missed the view.
"I'm sorry can I sit here?" She looked up at the woman and her heart stopped, not again.
"Why me?" She said under her breath as Lexa's eyes widened in shock.
"Sorry, I didn't know it was."
Clarke shook her head and went back to her sketch. "It's fine." Her answer was dry but it was that or yelling at this point. "Are you going to stand there all day Lexa or are you going to sit."
Lexa gulped, she hadn't heard Clarke say her name in years. She closed her eyes as she sat down. She had to remain cool, calm and collected, she was not about to let Clarke know she affected her. "Thanks." She sat down and pulled out her iPad.
They sat in complete silence for a half an hour before Clarke couldn't take it anymore. "What are you doing in here?"
"Working." Lexa answered without bothering to look up from the screen in front of her.
"Why would you pick the busiest place in Laguna to get work done?"
"Why would you pick the busiest place in Laguna to sketch?" They still weren't looking at each other but they didn't have to, they knew the exact look on the other's face.
Clarke slammed her book shut, though it was barely audible since the coffee shop was so busy. "Because I was being respectful, not that you deserve it, but this is your home and I was being polite"
"If you want to drink coffee at the Beacher, drink your coffee at the Beacher. It's your favourite too, this was your home."
"Yeah, was but it's always been your home so continue about your normal routine. We both know we're going to run into each other but I can't avoid you if you keep switching what you do."
"How would you know what I do? You haven't been around in four years."
"And whose fault is that? Enjoy your work." With that Clarke grabbed her bag and stood up leaving Lexa alone to finish what she needed to get done. She truly hadn't meant to keep running into Clarke but like always she couldn't seem to avoid it.
XOXO
Later night Lexa pulled into her family driveway and shut her car off. Opening her car door she raised an eyebrow at her best friend who was standing against her own car. "What do you want? I'm tired."
Anya clearly didn't care, as she didn't budge. "Come on we're going down to the Hennessey's."
"I worked all day."
"I don't care, I've barely seen you and I want to go out."
Lexa rolled her eyes. "Call Gus."
"He's working. Get changed, I'll meet you there in an hour. If you aren't there by then, shit will go down. Raven and I will make sure of that, especially since Octavia looks ready to kill you anytime your name is mentioned." Lexa's face was unchanging. "That doesn't scare you?"
Lexa shrugged and she moved towards her house. "It should but I got the whole, I have a gun thing years ago. Effect starts to wear off after awhile and I don't like you two talking by the way."
"You said it wise fine that I had coffee with Clarke."
"Not Clarke, you and Octavia."
Anya laughed. "We're technically co-workers so tough, see you in a bit. Look like less of a lawyer please, you scare people."
"Then I suppose you should wear a mask." Anya threw up her middle finger at her friend as she got into her car.
"One hour Lexa." She yelled as she pulled out of the driveway.
XOXO
Exactly fifty-five minutes later Lexa walked into the bar to the sounds of an acoustic guitar being played and some really bad vocals. "Fucking open mic night, really Anya." She cursed under her breath as she looked for her friend. Of course she wasn't there yet. She hated open mic nights, it reminded her of too much but Anya had been right, they really hadn't spent much time together recently.
"Boo." Lexa turned around after she ordered her drink and immediately wrapped her arms around her friend.
"How's it going Ray? I heard you were finally back from Texas."
Raven smiled and leaned across the bar ordering two drinks. "Yeah, I figured everyone here missed my good looks."
"Why, they had me?" Lexa shook her head as she sipped on her drink.
"Please ladies, they've always had me and let's face it, legs for days wins every time." They both shook their head at Anya.
"Double fisting already?" Lexa asked as Raven picked up the two drinks the bartender set on the table for you.
"Nope, that weird shit isn't mine, it smells like moonshine."
Octavia rolled her eyes as she stepped up behind Raven. "It's bourbon."
"I swear I didn't know she was going to be here." Anya leaned over and whispered in Lexa's ears as they heard someone start singing."
"We're gonna go get sit down, you ladies have a good night." Raven smiled as her and Octavia went back to their chairs.
"I felt this coming for a month or two, you don't look at me like you used to do. So when you leave it's gonna be too soon, give me a minute, while we're still in." They heard the male voice start singing again, neither Anya or Lexa paid much attention to it as they found a place to sit.
It wasn't until they heard a familiar female voice that their heads shot up. "Lie with me, hold me like you need it. Kiss me like you're lovin' only me tonight, make me feel like it ain't over. Go a little slower baby one last time. It ain't the truth's gonna set me free, come on, come on, lie with me." The sound of their guitars picked up as Lexa's mouth went suddenly dry. Looking over at her best friend she realized the woman looked mortified, she clearly had not planned this.
"That's him." Lexa swallowed as Anya looked over at her to see if her friend was okay. Lexa's attention was brought back to the stage when they heard Clarke's voice. "Go put your favourite Motown record on. Do what we need to feel it all night. Make me believe you ain't already gone, let's make our last time our best time. Lie with me, hold me like you mean it." Her voice captivated everyone in the room. It wasn't perfect and that's what made it so special. At the mention of Motown, Anya looked over at Lexa, she had clearly figured something out that Lexa hadn't. As she watched the two friends on stage she could see why Lexa would have gotten the idea she had but at least to her it was clear just how platonic the duo was.
Once the song was done the room erupted into the sound of cheers and clapping. Clarke laughed into the mic and shook her head as she adjusted her guitar on her lap. "You guys are too kind, I haven't done this sort of thing in years so thank you and it's been about that long since I wrote that song so I'm glad you liked it." As she got up to leave the group chanted one more.
Even Anya caught herself repeating the words with everyone else earning her a glare from her best friend. "What, she's good. I haven't heard her sing in awhile."
"Then have a bon fire. Ugh I need to permanently move to L.A."
"Knowing you too, you'll have to make it China."
Lexa rolled her eyes and finished her drink. "China it is."
Clarke started to strum her guitar again. "Oh hey, boy with your hat back, mmm I kinda like that. If you wanna walk my way, Imma shoot you straight up, show me what you're made of. I don't have time to waste on the boys that are playing the games, leaving the girls crying out in the rain. So tell me baby, do you got what it takes? If you're gonna hold me, hold me like I'm leaving. If you're gonna kiss me, kiss me like you need it. Baby if you're not your best get to leaving. If you're gonna love me, love me like you mean it. If your gonna talk the talk you better walk it. If you wanna keep me, keep me like you lost it. If you're gonna say and make me believe it, love me like you mean it."
The next time Lexa looked around the room she saw people started to stand and clap their hands in time with the beat. Looking back at Clarke, she saw the woman singing to the table in front of her and immediately noticed something she hadn't before. Talk dark and moody was wearing his hat backwards with a large grin on his face. "I'm sorry Anya, I gotta go."
"Hey sugar, where are you going so fast?" She was stopped by the feel of someone's hand on her arm.
Looking up she smiled at her girlfriend. "It's too crowded in here for me tonight, you should stay have fun though."
"No, I came looking for you. Your parents said you mentioned something about coming here. Want to go for ice cream and a walk?"
Lexa shook her head. "I kind of just want to go home and rest. I've had a long few days. What do you say we finish prepping for mom's birthday?"
Costia kissed Lexa's cheek. "That works, but why are you leaving so fast, who ever is singing isn't half bad for once."
Lexa stepped out of Costia's way so she could peer into the room. It took a minute but once the crowd broke she nodded. "She's everywhere, I can get you a restraining order if you want."
"Not necessary. Like I said this is her home too."
"New York is home, she left her home here, she left you here. So this isn't her home anymore."
Lexa fought the urge to argue with girlfriend because she knew it would just be a fight and she just wasn't up for one of those at the moment. "Can we go home please?"
Costia nodded as she linked arms with Lexa. "Home, we go. I'll drive since you smell like tequila."
"I didn't drive here anyways, so sounds good and blame Anya for the tequila." She really had to find a way to avoid Clarke because as much as she wanted to be civil if she was going to parade around town with him of all people she didn't know how civil she could keep it.
TBC…
A/N: Since it seems to be the new thing I now have a tumblr, that I really don't know how to use but if you want feel free to stop by, say hi or ask me question about this fic or any other my others. Blog handle is... faithangel_3 (I clearly really like changing things up) Until next time... Cheers.