Chapter 11

When I came to, I was in the infirmary. Ben was sitting in a chair next to the bed and stood when he saw my eyes were open. He approached me and took my hand in his.

"Harley, are you okay?"

"No. I am definitely not okay. Penelope, is she-" Ben looked down at his feet as he answered.

"She didn't make it, Harley. I'm sorry."

I already knew that was the case but it was still hard to hear it out loud. The sound of her neck breaking would haunt my dreams for weeks.

"How did the Joker get out of his cuffs?"

"He had a bobby pin hidden inside of his cast. He must have picked the locks with it."

I felt bile rise into the back of my throat. Ben must have noticed the change in my color and the sweat that had broken out on my brow and he quickly grabbed a small basin and handed it to me as I struggled with the sickness. I leaned forward and wretched into the basin several times as Ben rubbed my back in a comforting gesture. He took the basin from me and set it aside when I had finished vomiting and that's when the tears began. I pulled my knees up to my chest and sobbed uncontrollably. Ben put his arms around me, pulled me towards him and continued rubbing my back and neck. I wrapped my arms around his chest and bawled into his shoulder as he whispered in my ear that everything was going to be okay. Once my tears subsided and I was able to speak again I pulled away from Ben, rubbed my tearstained face and tried to collect myself.

"This is my fault, Ben. If I hadn't been so damn distracted I would have realized one of my hair pins fell out. Penelope is dead because of my negligence."

I was starting to lose it again and Ben pulled me back to an embrace to try and calm me. He gently rocked me back and forth as he quietly made shushing sounds in my ear. He gently brushed a stray hair off my face and said, "That's nonsense Harley. This is not your fault. If it wasn't a hair pin it would have been something else. When the Joker is determined to do something, he always finds a way. Please don't beat yourself up about it." he pleaded.

"What did they do to the Joker?"

"They stuck him in solitary. In my opinion they should leave him there and throw away the fucking key."

I couldn't help but smile a little against Ben's neck at hearing him curse for the first time. I realized I'd been embracing him for longer than was appropriate. I sniffled and broke contact, which was fortunate because that's when Jerimiah and Joan walked into the infirmary to check on me.

Joan rushed over to me and hugged me. She and I had grown close over the past several weeks and she was a comforting, motherly presence in my life.

"Harley, I was so worried." She pulled back and looked me in the eye. "Are you hurt?"

I noticed she asked if I was hurt and not if I was okay. She was a great shrink, she already knew I wasn't okay and I appreciated that.

"No. I have a little bump on the back of my noggin, but other than that I'm physically alright." I grabbed Joan's upper arms, "But I have to tell you something. I think the pin the Joker used to pick the cuffs was mine. I was distracted and I didn't realize. It's my fau-"

"Now, you just stop that sort of thinking Harleen!" Dr. Arkham had stepped forward. He placed a firm hand on my shoulder. "None of this is your fault. I have seen the Joker slit a throat with a sheet of paper. He planned this and he would have had any number of ways to accomplish it. Blaming yourself does not change anything. You need to let it go."

My eyes were starting to tear up again and my breath hitched. Joan placed her hand in mine and squeezed it as she looked imploringly into my face.

"I know how difficult this must be for you Harley, but really you can't put this on yourself."

"Harleen, I want you to go home and I don't expect to see you back in this asylum until Monday." stated Dr. Arkham.

"B-but my patients-"

"Your patients will be taken care of. Now I need you to take care of yourself. I'm writing you a prescription for a low dose of Alprazolam for the anxiety and Ambien to help you sleep."

"And if you need someone to talk to, you call me okay?" Joan added.

I nodded feeling a little defeated. I had a tendency to throw myself into my work when things were bothering me and I was worried that five days of idleness would leave me too much time to think. At least I'd still have my lessons with Dick to take up a little bit of the time. Arkham stepped forward and took my hands to help me off the bed. My bare feet touched the cold tiles and I shivered as I broke out in goose bumps.

"Go home Harleen, get some rest and we'll see you at the gala on Friday." Arkham quickly wrote out the prescriptions and handed them to me. "Take these down to the dispensary and have them filled. I'd like you to take the Alprazolam before you leave. I heard your car was stolen, so I've already called you a cab and it should be waiting outside the front entrance for you. Take care of yourself. I need you to be focused when you come back on Monday."

With that Arkham left. Joan handed me my shoes and watched me as I shakily put them back on.

"Would you like me to keep you company while you fill your scripts? I have some time before my next session."

"No thank you Joan, I appreciate it though." I turned to Ben, "Thank you too Ben."

"It's nothing Harley. Here's my number. I have a few days off this week so if you need anything at all please don't hesitate to call me." He handed me a business card with a cell phone number scribbled on the back. "I'll pick you up for the gala Friday night at eight, okay?"

I nodded, hugged both Joan and Ben and headed to my office to gather my things. As I entered my office I immediately noticed someone had left something on my desk. I walked over to see a single red rose sitting there with a note attached to it. It said. "Come down and see me sometime. –J". How the hell had he gotten this in here? He had to have paid one of the orderlies. I ignored it and went about the business at hand. I grabbed my bag and collected my notebook and some files to work on when I noticed the box of the Joker's personal property sitting beneath my desk. I had not gotten around to examining it yet. I pulled the box out lifted the lid, threw the rose and the note inside of it and sealed it back up.

When the asylum pharmacist handed me my medications I immediately opened the Alprazolam, shook out one of the peach colored pills and dry swallowed it. Gah! I forgot how foul an aftertaste this medication had. I located my cab and was happy to discover that Jeremiah had already paid both the fare and the tip. We drove in silence and I leaned my head against the window as I watched the city roll by. I couldn't get the images of Joker attacking Penelope out of my head. Nor the sickening sounds. I tried to focus on something, anything else but I just couldn't. He drew a heart with her blood. What was his fascination with me? I knew it wasn't sexual, even though he'd been flirtatious and crass with me. I had been studying his files for weeks and as far as anyone knew the Joker had absolutely no interest in sex. In all the time he had been confined within Arkham's walls he had never been observed masturbating, nor had he ever revealed any sexual fantasies, discussed sexual partners or anything else of the sort. As far as his doctors were concerned the Joker was completely asexual. So why me, and why pursue me in such a way? I was completely baffled by the whole thing.

When I got home I took as hot a shower as I could stand then changed into a warm comfortable set of pink flannel pajamas that had Hello Kitty printed all over them. I topped that with a thick fuzzy lilac bathrobe and my bunny slippers. I thankfully still had some wine in the fridge. I didn't even bother with a glass, I just swigged it straight from the bottle. I know I wasn't supposed to mix alcohol with my medication, but I just didn't give a crap so I took another swig and settled onto the couch. I was afraid to turn on the news, I didn't know if the press had gotten ahold of the story yet, but I didn't want to take the chance of having to relive the encounter by hearing it repeated over and over on the news.

The box of Joker's belongings was sitting on my coffee table. I took another swig of wine, followed by a deep breath and opened the box. I removed the rose and the note and looked it over again. It was definitely the Joker's handwriting. I recognized it from some of the psychological testing he had taken in the past. The note was written in lavender crayon. It occurred to me that he had to have done this before the incident with Dr. Young since he was locked up in solitary confinement which was very well guarded and monitored by video surveillance. No one would have been able to slip him writing instruments without getting caught. I tossed the rose aside and began digging through the rest of the box.

I pulled out a garish orange dress shirt. It smelled faintly of chemicals, smoke and something slightly musky, which I had to assume was Jokers own unique body odor. Next I discovered several knives. They varied in shape, size and function. I laid them next to one another on the table, there were five in all. I dug deeper and found a set of vibrating chattering teeth, a joy buzzer which I placed very carefully on the table and a silk flower boutonniere that had a small receptacle which allowed cartridges to be placed into it. He had been known to use it to spray acid or Smilex gas in the past. At the very bottom of the box I discovered a photograph of a woman. She was smiling and obviously very pregnant, plain looking but still attractive in her own way. I turned the photo over. There was something written there. It simply said "Jeannie 1992". I wondered who this woman Jeannie was and what if any connection she had to the Joker. Furthermore, why was the Joker carrying this around with him? Was she a victim, a relative, a girlfriend? I grabbed my notebook, flipped to the last page and wrote down some questions I wanted to look into at a later date.

I tipped back my bottle of wine and finished the dregs. I started feeling the effects of both the medication and the wine and my eyes began to droop. I was supposed to meet with Dick tonight, but I just didn't have it in me after everything that had happened today. I dug my cell phone out of my purse and called him. Thankfully I went straight to voicemail.

"Hey Dick, its Harley. I just wanted to let you know I have to cancel our lesson tonight. Something serious happened at work and I just can't make it. I'll see you on Thursday, okay. Talk to you later. Bye."

As tired as I was I didn't think I was going to be able to sleep so I went to the kitchen and took one of the Ambien with a big glass of water. It was still the middle of the day but I needed some solid sleep so I could stop thinking for a little while. I pulled the comforter off of my bed and snuggled up onto the couch. I decided to switch on the cartoon network since it was the only channel I didn't have to worry about hearing any news reports on. My eyelids got heavy as I watched an episode of Chowder and before I knew it I was sound asleep.