"Daaa…da da da daaaa…da da daaaa…"

We've been out here two stupid hours, heading towards the city at night and without running takes more time than I thought. You can't see your hand in front of your face out here, even with your natural night vision. Plus, Dizzy has been singing some stupid song since we got out of earshot of Megaton. It's getting annoying.

"Daaaaa….da dummmm…."

"Dizzy, what in the world are you doing?"

"Singing."

"I know that, but singing what?"

She shrugs, and smiles at me. My duster jacket blows in the wind, and Dizzy shudders. Mom didn't pack warmer clothes for her.

"It's our adventure theme song. Can I have your coat."

Smirking back at her, I shake my head.

"Not unless you stop singing that tune."

"Alright, fine."

I hand over my jacket, and no sooner does she have it in her possession, does she start singing again.

"Dum dum daaaa! Da da daaaaa dum!"

"Dizzy!"

She starts to laugh, and I like hearing it. It makes me warm inside, even though it's a chilly night. All we hear is our own footsteps. You know, you never realize how big and wide this place is, until you take the time to look at it. For miles there's nothing, and above us the stars and moon cast down a dim light. But there's clouds in the sky tonight, which makes it seem darker.

"Come on, aren't you excited in the least about being out here?"

"I guess, Diz. I'm just tired."

"Yeah, you had a big day with Erica."

Without our parents near is, I feel like it's time to set things straight with Dizzy about Erica.

"Listen, Diz, whatever Erica said isn't true. I didn't patch things up with her. In fact, she left after I got so angry."

"I don't care. Why are you explaining it to me?"

"You…never mind. Forget I said anything."

Whatever she accepts in her mind as the truth, is the truth. Even if she's wrong, which she is right now, it doesn't matter to her. We walk in silence, the dim light of the moon through the clouds allowing us to only see what our eyes focus on. I realize this is a danger. We could very well walk into an animal, or Raider, or even Super Mutant. I don't want to be caught off guard, so I suggest to make a camp. Dizzy agrees, and I think she's a bit fearful. Otherwise, she would have argued to push onwards. At least this time around, she's being agreeable.

Tossing my pack on the ground, I open it to pull out the sleeping mats. Dizzy makes no movement to help me, and sits herself down across from my pack. She lights a cigarette, her head turning around to look at every little detail. Tossing her a sleeping mat, I decide it might be a bit too late to start a fire.

"It's cold."

Dizzy says, which goes against my want to simply sleep. Looking around for some brush, I start to gather what's needed for a fire. Dizzy, on the other hand, sits there looking at rocks. Literally.

"Mom said it was dangerous out here. Aside from Raiders, there's not much danger."

"We've been out here a short time, Diz. There's been no time to find danger."

"Why would you want to find danger?"

"You know what I mean."

"You're being cruel."

Looking at her as I crouch down to use my lighter to make a fire, I raise an eyebrow. She nods in defiance.

"Yeah, you're being cruel."

"How?"

Shrugging, she lays down on her mat and stares up at the sky, smoking her cigarette. Smoke leaks slowly from her lips as she plays with it, and it dances in the temporarily still air. It's white, against the midnight blue background. Once I get the fire lit, I unroll my own mat and lie down a few feet from her. My gun less than an arm's reach away, we warm ourselves by the fire.

"…You know, Cain, I was thinking about how we've gotten distant over the years."

"Yeah?"

"It's not all my fault. You made yourself scarce."

"What do you mean?"

Turning my head to look at her, she's still staring at the stars.

"I used to wait for you by the door every evening. Every time, I wished you'd take me upstairs and play games with me. But you never did. You just walked in, ate, and went to your own room. Eventually I just stopped, because I figured you were too old to play with me."

I'm sorry I hurt her like that. It never…really processed in my mind that those small instances bothered her. I guess, since we've been apart, I just accepted her as an uncaring bitch, without bothering to look deeper. I watch her in silence, as she puts her cigarette out in the dirt.

"…I didn't think it bothered you."

It's the only thing I can think to say. Apologizing now, wouldn't fix or change the past. All I can really do, is continue learning, and make sure I don't make the same mistakes again. I never knew, Dizzy really did care, and always has.

"I just wanted you to know, it wasn't just me being the bitch. Because…if it was, I would have said something sooner."

"When you got older, you stopped paying attention to me, too."

She looks at me, and her eyes meet mine.

"There's enough blame to go around. We can spend all night, putting it on each other. Like maybe how things might've been different if…if you gave me the time of day when I waited by the door. But it's useless to do that."

"Yeah…I guess it is."

Dizzy's quiet for a bit. For a minute, I think she's sleeping, with her deep breathing. Just as I'm about to close my eyes, with the fire crackling beside me, she speaks.

"I met a boy."

I look at her again, her eyes are closed, and her face is pointed towards the sky.

"Oh yeah?"

Nodding, Dizzy smiles and turns her head towards me. Opening her eyes, I can tell by the look on her face, this isn't just any boy.

"Yeah. He's…he's really nice."

"Is he a Raider?"

"No. No, he's…he's not from Megaton, though. He has a little campsite just over the cliffs. He's a bit older than me, and…we've been hanging out. I think I like him. Ya know, like him."

I think of what this guy could look like. I think of him getting to know Dizzy, and making moves on her. The thought of it, makes me angry. I clench and unclench my hand to keep myself calm.

"Oh? That's good. Is he nice to you?"

"Yeah he is. He thinks I'm really pretty."

"Well, you are but that can't be the only reason he likes you. If it is, he's bad news."

"No he says he likes my character. And I think dad'll really like him."

"Why do you think that?"

"Don't know. Just because he's a nice guy. Wanders around really, and dad likes people who can survive out here."

"Yeah, but it's an entirely different matter if that person is making the moves on his daughter."

Dizzy shrugs and looks back up to the sky.

"You have Erica, so I figure maybe…I can have someone, too. Someone, who isn't a Raider. If I do, maybe I won't feel so lonely."

Rolling on her side, Dizzy faces her back to me. A lump of sadness wells in my throat and chest. Trying to exhale it out doesn't work. Staring up at the stars, I try to collect my thoughts. All I can think about, is Dizzy.

"You don't have to feel lonely. You have me."

"Not in that way, Cain. You know what I mean. I want someone to hold me, and kiss me, tell me I'm pretty."

"I do all those things. Maybe not kiss you in the same sense, but I hold you if you're sad, and I tell you you're pretty. Hell I just did."

"You can't have sex with me. You can't…chase my dreams with me."

"What are your dreams?"

I hear her sigh, and the sound of a lighter flicking. Dizzy rolls back onto her back, and stares at the stars with me. I wish I had the words to say, to make everything go away and disappear. I wish Dizzy would just believe in me.

"I don't know yet. But doing this, being out here with…the ability to do anything I want…makes me happy. I want to walk all around this place as much as I can. I want to fight bad guys, just like mom did. I want…I want to make a name for myself."

"That's more of an aspiration than a dream."

"What's the difference?"

Nothing, I guess. We see a shooting star in the sky, and for a minute neither one of us say anything as we make a wish.

"I can follow you around the Wasteland as much as you want…just like dad followed mom."

"Which by the way I have no idea how he did. Wouldn't he get tired of it?"

"No, he loved her. He was happy to just be around her, and keep her safe."

"Yeah, I want that. I want…someone to do for me, what dad did for mom. It's a real love story, you know? Well, you know it better than me. I'm still digesting it all."

Mom and dad, they do have a real love story. Even I can't believe all the things they endured together, and still at the end of it all, loved each other just the same.

"…Dizzy, I know…I know we're just beginning to build our relationship again, but I want you to know I will always be there."

Curiously, she turns her head. I reach out my hand to her.

"I will be. As long as you…want me to be, I'll stick around."

She slips her hand in mine, and it warms my entire body.

"Yeah?"

I nod.

"Yeah. Whenever you need me, I'll be there. And if you find someone else to…fill the needs I can't, he better be good. Because if he slips up, I'll be there."

"Why do you care so much all of a sudden?"

"I always cared, Diz. I've always loved you. I always kept an eye on you. I know…I wasn't around in the past, and you probably needed me, but…I'll make up for it now."

"You were there for me. You saved me from those Raiders. Which by the way, you haven't told me how I can repay you for."

I squeeze her hand, and she squeezes back. I want to move closer to her, but…I don't think it would be a good idea.

"Let me try. Let me follow you, and do what dad did for mom. I'm not as skilled as he is, and I can't control my anger sometimes but…I can keep you just as safe."

Dizzy looks back up at the stars and the clouds above us.

"Dad…really loves mom, doesn't he?"

"He does."

"And mom, really loves him back. Even after all this time…"

"She was only a bit older than you when she met him."

"I want that, Cain. I want…a love that doesn't die over time and arguments. But, I think I know why they love each other so much."

"Yeah? Why?"

"Because of all they went through together. No one, not even us, can ever match up to that. Mom can never talk to someone about it, the way she can with dad. And dad can't compare any woman to the things mom did for him. I think that's what makes them stay in love. Because they endured, and saw things, no one in this whole big, wide, enormous world will ever relate to."

"I think you're right on that."

Dizzy looks over and smiles at me. She squeezes my hand, and puts her fingers between mine.

"No matter who I end up with, you know, you'll always be my big brother."

Still holding my hand, Dizzy closes her eyes and lets herself fall into a deep sleep. I don't have the balls to tell her, that I don't want to simply be her big brother. That even though these feelings are wrong, my urges are wrong, I want to be the only man in her life. The only one to be there when she's sad, in need of comfort. I want to be the one to brighten her day, make her happy, and love her. No one will know my sister as well as I do. There's a lot more to learn, about Dizzy because we've been so distant for so long. But, she'll tell me, she'll open up to me. In ways…no other man can understand. Even as she sleeps, I can still hear her voice, her laugh in my mind.

There has to be a way, to make right of this wrong. Looking at the fire, I keep her hand tightly in my own. Is there no way, to undermine our blood relation and make it so we can be together? A way to somehow argue it, explain it, and disprove all theories? I don't know. Maybe…maybe someone made a mistake in creating me. Maybe I'm not as much as my father as I think I am. I know that's stupid. I know…that's wrong. Because the scientists who worked there, rarely ever mistook their work. I am…exactly what they told me I was. I only wish I wasn't. Is there truly no way, to go about this? It's going to kill me, when we return to Megaton and Dizzy runs off to see this boy that she's so infatuated with. To meet him, and know he's the man that'll take my sister away from me.

Letting go of Dizzy's hand, I decide…maybe, it's time to give up on this. For all I know, it could be a phase. Something that will pass in time. I should start to disconnect myself with her. At least in this emotional way. My life will be a lot shorter than hers, so…at least for tonight, let me enjoy it.

Getting up I move my mat right beside hers. Without giving any warning, I lie down and wrap my arms around her. The sudden touch and movement wakes her, and I feel her resist as it sinks in. Once she realizes it's me, she stops, and relaxes in my arms. Time is short for me. I can't waste it, playing stupid games.

"Cain?"

"Quiet."

"What're you doing?"

I squeeze her tighter. My father is right. No matter what it's a life. A life, that I want to make the most of, and live. What's a life, without taking chances? Dizzy has no idea, that I'll be dead in forty years, maybe fifty. That's nothing to her. That time, is like a day in her lifespan. She knows this. Mom told her as soon as she could understand, how long of a life she's going to have. She's going to see this world change before her eyes. And I won't be there, to watch it with her.

"…Just let me. Let me hold you."

"But I'm not scared."

"I am, Dizzy. I'm scared."

Her hot breath bounces off my collarbone. Her arms that were pinned against my chest work their way out, and wrap around my back.

"What are you scared of?"

Dizzy isn't use, to hearing me admit my own fears. She isn't keen on it, and doesn't know what to do. But her concern, just knowing that she's there, makes everything feel alright. If only for a short time. I don't know, how to tell her all the things I fear, in a short sentence. So instead, I keep silent. I keep my mouth shut, and eyes tightly closed, as I hold her and wonder why only a kiss, could make me feel this way.

I had wanted to forget it. Wanted to dismiss it as an impulsive thing, but I know better. I know, it was a lot more than impulse. It wasn't only a kiss. It was everything to me. It means even more, knowing she kissed me back. Thinking of someone else, holding her and kissing her, makes my grip around her tighten just slightly. The image inside my mind kills me, takes control, jealousy for an unknown man makes me so angry. But, isn't it the price I have to pay, for feeling the way I do?

"Talk to me, Cain. I'm a real good listener. I swear. I won't interrupt once. Promise."

When we were younger, we would pinkie-promise. Can any other man in the world say he shared that with her? No. They can't. They can't because they weren't there. I want to open my eyes and look at her, but I know it'll kill me. As much as I want to, as much as I desire, I can't. Love…love belongs to desire, and desire is always cruel, isn't it?

"Just be quiet. Be quiet, and let me hold you."

I press my face against the top of her head. She smells sweet, like a candy I've never tasted before. I hold back my urges, my words, and save them for another time. Maybe, another woman altogether. The fire snaps, crackling behind me. I feel her lips on my bare skin, brushing with the closeness. It makes my heart beat faster, and I know I have to let her go. I have to let her go, or else commit one of those mortal sins of the past my father sometimes talks about.

Pulling away from her, Dizzy lifts her head. She looks at me, and I outline her face with my fingertips. I'd do almost anything for her. I'd do it all, anything she asked.

"You don't have to be scared, Cain."

She says to me, her innocence in her own right moving me. Water forms in my eyes, and I want it to go away.

"Yeah? Why's that?"

"Because. I'm here. And no bad guys want to mess with me."

"It's not that kind of fear, Dizzy."

Smiling a bit, her eyes soften. I always want her in my life. I want to fix the past, and see what today would be like, if we never grew apart. Every dream I have, is of her and me.

"What kind is it then?"

"The kind on the inside."

Childish. That's what Dizzy is. But…it's endearing.

"When I was little, and I was hurt, you'd put gauze on it and kiss it better."

"Yeah…I remember."

With that, she kisses my collarbone. It makes me shudder, and freeze up. Gently, she kisses my neck, and then my chin.
"You would tell me, that once you kissed it, it would go away. And it did."

"…Because there was radiation on the gauze…"

"But I didn't know that then. I thought, you could fix anything. So maybe, it'll work this time, for you."

I don't have the heart to tell her, feeling her lips pressed against my skin just makes it worse. Instead, I blink away the tears, and pat her head.

"Yeah. It helped."

She smiles, and puts her head on my chest.

"Try and sleep. I'll lay here with you all night."

Her efforts, make me warm inside. No woman will do such childish things for me, even if they are useless. It's the thought that counts. Kissing the top of her head, I listen to her advice. I try to get some sleep, and hope she's still here when I wake up.