Chapter 12

I had never taken a sleeping pill before and since I had a low tolerance to pretty much any kind of drug anyway I slept through the rest of the day and didn't wake up until four o'clock in the morning. I was groggy even after the thirteen hours of sleep and I accidentally walked into the wall when I got up to pee. Ow, that was gonna leave a mark. No more sleep aids for Harley. I turned on the television, walked into the kitchen and started a pot of coffee.

My TV takes a few minutes to warm up and my cable defaults to the local news station when you first turn it on, which if I hadn't been doped up on medication I would have remembered. The screen lit up with a picture of the Joker next to a picture of Penelope Young and I dashed back out to the living room, jumped over the back of the couch and grabbed the remote off the coffee table to change the channel. I was just not emotionally ready to deal with reality at that moment in time. I flipped back to the cartoon network. Adult Swim was playing re-runs of Robot Chicken and that suited me just fine. The smell of coffee lured me back into the kitchen. I poured myself a large mug as my stomach growled loudly. I had forgotten that I spewed out the entire contents of my stomach earlier and after that much sleep and no food I was ravenous. I opened the fridge and sighed at how empty it was. I had plenty of condiments, some non-dairy coffee creamer, a tiny bit of milk just past the expiration date, a couple slices of pizza that had started growing green fuzz on them and a half can of grape soda. The freezer was not much better although there was half a pint of Chunky Monkey in there, but I needed something more substantial than sweets. I checked my cabinets, and came up with a choice between instant oatmeal or Ramen noodles. God I needed to go shopping, which was going to be a lot harder without a frickin' car. I settled on the Ramen noodles, I could manage boiling water.

I sat on the couch slurping my noodles and watching the Venture Brothers. I guess I must have dozed back off after a while because when I opened my eyes it was light out. I decided I needed to get my butt in gear, so I got cleaned up and put on some clothes. I checked my bank account and was happy to discover that I could afford to buy food this week, yay! I grabbed a small purse, chucked my wallet, phone and keys into it and was about to head to the store when I heard someone knocking on my door. It was probably one of my friends checking in on me after the news report the night before. I opened the door to see a delivery guy standing there with a huge bouquet of flowers.

"Delivery for Miss Harleen Quinzel. That you?" Who in the world was sending me flowers?

"I'm Harleen Quinzel." He handed me the parcel which I set down on a side table as I signed for them. "Does it say who they're from?" I asked.

The delivery guy looked at me like I was retarded. "You'll have to check the card." he huffed as he walked away.

I brought the flowers into the kitchen and rummaged in my cabinets for a vase. I found one, although it was on the short side, filled it with water and brought it over to the counter where I untied the red ribbon and peeled back the green tissue paper. I didn't see a card anywhere. As I was cutting the stems down to fit them in the vase I lifted up a large sunflower which had a small box attached to its stem with a smaller red ribbon. What the hell was this? I carefully untied the ribbon and opened the box. There was a set of car keys inside. This had to be a mistake. I walked outside of my apartment building and clicked the unlock button on the key fob. In my usual parking spot, the lights on a brand new, bright red Audi A4 blinked. Whaaaaaat? I rushed over to the car and opened the door. It was magnificent! It had black interior and all the bells and whistles. I sat in the driver's seat marveling over all the buttons and functions. It had a backup camera, heated seats, GPS navigation, dual thermostats, the works! I opened the glove box and pulled out the paperwork. There was a bill of sale and temporary registration both in my name. I looked over the bill of sale, the car was paid for in full with cash. As I sat there puzzling over who had done this one name came to mind, Dick Grayson, billionaire. While it was thoughtful, and he certainly could afford it I couldn't accept it. It was way too much! Why would Dick buy me a car? I hadn't even told him mine had been stolen so how did he know?

I locked the car back up, darted up the stairs and went straight for my phone. I dialed Dick's number. Just as I thought I'd get stuck going to voicemail again he picked up.

"Hey Harley, what's up?" he said pleasantly.

"Dick, while I really appreciate the thought I just can't accept this gift, it's way too much! What were you thinking?" I stammered.

"Harley, what in the world are you talking about? What gift?"

"Oh c'mon Dick, you're the only person I know who can afford to go around giving away new cars!"

"What? Someone bought you a new car?" He honestly sounded puzzled. I was trying to figure out if he was just pulling my leg.

"Seriously Dick, was it you? Just level with me before I go nuts."

"I swear to you I have no idea what you're talking about. What kind of car is it anyway?"

This was crazy, who else had the kind of dough to buy me a luxury sedan? I ran through a list of everyone I knew and came up empty.

"It's an Audi A4 loaded." Dick whistled through his teeth.

"Wow, nice! Well since we know it wasn't me who else could it have been?"

"That's the thing Dick, I don't know anyone who could afford something like this, other than you and Bruce of course. I'm at a loss."

"Well Harley, as my father always used to tell me, don't look a gift horse in the mouth." I sighed.

"I know, I know but it's going to drive me crazy until I figure this out. With the week I'm having I'm going to end up as a patient in the asylum instead of a doctor! Gah!"

I filled Dick in on everything that had happened in the past 48 hours then said goodbye. I finished putting the flowers into the vase, hoping to find a card somewhere, but there wasn't one. I went back outside and just stared at the car for a few minutes until I said "Fuck it." and got back inside of it. I turned the key and the engine roared to life. I needed to go grocery shopping anyway so I pulled out onto the road and headed to the Stop and Bag. Wow this car had some get up and go and the engine was so quiet! It was amazing! I pulled as far away from the other cars in the parking lot as possible, the last thing I needed was someone to scratch it before I figured out who gave it to me.

I finished my shopping and opened the trunk to load up the bags when I froze. There was a green envelope tied up in a purple bow sitting on the floor of the trunk. I cautiously reached down and retrieved it, untied the ribbon and opened the envelope. Inside was a card with a plain front which I opened as my heart pounded like a rabbit in my chest. It read,

Dearest Harley Quinn,

I am terribly sorry about damaging your other car, so I gave you an upgrade. Hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me.

Regards,

-J

No, no, no, no, no! This can't be happening. My elation turned to dread. I just can't get away from this clown! Why would he do this? There had to be some terrible joke in this, some deadly punchline. The Joker was not the kind of man to do anything decent unless there were something in it for him. He was a sociopath with no conscience, he didn't feel things like guilt or remorse. I just wished I could figure out what was in it for him where I was concerned. I pulled out my phone and sent Dick a text.

'I found out who bought the car. It was Joker. What do I do?'

I received a reply as I was loading the groceries into the trunk.

'Come to the Manor and we can discuss. 7:30 we'll have dinner. Bring gym clothes."

'Kk. 7:30.'

I knew Wayne Manor was posh so I packed my gym bag but made sure I looked nice before I left. I chose straight leg black pinstriped slacks, a red lace topped camisole and topped it with a gray and silver woven cardigan. I chose simple silver jewelry and wore my hair down for a change. I got in the Audi, I couldn't call it my car yet since I wasn't sure what I was going to do with it at that point and drove out to the Palisades. It was one of the nicest rides I'd had in many years. This car handled like a dream.

I had known Dick for several years but I had never been to his home before. As I approached I was struck by how obscenely massive it was. The gates had been left open and I pulled up the long driveway and parked beside a gigantic fountain that sat in the center of the property. I grabbed my things along with the card from the Joker I found in the trunk and made my way to the huge entryway. I rang the bell and waited only a moment before it was answered by an elderly gentleman.

"Good evening Miss Quinzel, do come in."

He had a British accent, kind eyes and a cute little mustache. I entered the foyer and couldn't believe how amazing this house was! I can't believe I even referred to it as a house, this place was a freaking castle!

"Master Dick will be along directly. May I take your coat Miss?"

"Yes, thank you. You must be Alfred, I've heard so much about you." I said cheerfully.

"Yes miss, I hope Master Dick was not telling stories out of school for I will deny them fervently." I couldn't help but laugh, Dick was very fond of Alfred from what I could tell. He was more of a grandfather to him than a butler.

Movement on the stairs caught my eye and there was Dick, dressed in tight black jeans and a blue button down shirt. He must have recently gotten out of the shower because his hair was still damp.

"Harley, thanks for coming. Welcome to Wayne Manor."

"Dick this place is amazing!" He flashed me that gorgeous smile of his.

"Oh, you haven't seen anything yet. C'mon, we'll have dinner in the east wing." He placed his hand on the small of my back and guided me through one room after another each more elaborate than the last. He brought me into a formal dining room that held a very long table and had beautiful crystal chandeliers hanging from the ceiling. Thankfully I saw that the place settings were all on one end. I would have hated to have to yell all the way to the other end of that thing.

"I hope you don't mind but Bruce and my brothers Tim and Damian will be joining us for dinner." I knew Dick had a brother named Tim but he had never mentioned Damian before.

"Damian?" I inquired.

"Yeah, that's kind of a long story but the short version is Bruce and Damian's mom Talia had a fling about ten years ago. Talia showed up a few months ago, dropped the bomb that Bruce had a son and ditched the kid before sailing off to God knows where."

"Wow!"

"Yeah, it's taken some getting used to. I should warn you that his social graces leave a lot to be desired."

A door at the other end of the room opened and a dark haired teenager entered. He looked to be about seventeen, was slightly thinner and more wiry than Dick but had an open and friendly looking face.

"Harley, meet by adoptive brother Tim. Tim this is Harley."

Tim walked over and shook my hand. The kid had a hell of a grip, he was a lot stronger than he looked.

"Very pleased to meet you Harley. Dick has been telling me about your lessons together. He says you've gotten quite good."

"Well Dick is one heck of a teacher, I owe it all to him."

At that moment Bruce Wayne entered the room with a small sullen looking boy trailing behind him. Bruce walked directly over to me to also shake my hand, the little boy, who I assumed was Damian simply scowled and crossed his arms across his chest.

"Dr. Quinzel, a pleasure to finally meet you. I've heard wonderful things about the work you've been doing up at Arkham. In all my years on the board I've never heard Jerimiah rave about one of his employees like he has about you. He says you have a gift."

I felt my cheeks flush at the unexpected praise. Bruce was a big guy, very tall and barrel chested and very good looking. He had blue eyes, not as deep as Dick's but close, that had just the first hints of wrinkles forming at the corners.

"Thank you Mr. Wayne, but just doing my best to make a difference in the world one troubled mind at a time. Please call me Harley." I glanced behind Bruce and gestured towards the boy with my head, "And who is this handsome young man?"

"This is my son Damian. Damian, can you say hello to Harley?"

The kid rolled his eyes as if it physically hurt to be pleasant.

"Tt. Greetings." He said morosely. He looked up into my face, "You don't look old enough to be a doctor."

I knew it was meant to be rude but I smiled as broadly as I could manage and bent at my waist to offer my hand to the young man.

"I suppose I should take that as a compliment. Very nice to make your acquaintance Damian."

Damian made no effort to remove his arms from their position against his chest and just moodily looked away.

"Ooo-kay."

"Don't mind Damian, Harley." said Tim, "He had an unusual upbringing. We keep hoping he'll come around eventually."

"Don't patronize me Drake or I'll break your face!"

"Damian, that's enough!" said Bruce. The tone of his voice was suddenly a little deeper and had a no nonsense edge to it. "Alfred will be serving dinner in a moment, shall we sit?"

Once everyone was settled around the table Alfred entered the dining room with a cart and served us plates with silver lids. When he lifted the cover the delicious smell of rosemary and lemon hit my nose and I was suddenly starving. We were having roasted chicken with a rosemary and lemon deme-glacé, fingerling potatoes, oven roasted Brussels sprouts and a turnip purée.

"This looks wonderful Alfred! Did you make this all yourself?" I said to the kind old man. He turned with a proud smile and replied.

"Yes miss. I do hope you enjoy it."

"Tt. You don't have to applaud the help. Anyway, Pennyworth's culinary skills leave a lot to be desired."

"DAMIAN!" Shouted Bruce, Dick and Tim in unison.

"From what I understand Damian," I began, as I stabbed a Brussel sprout with my fork, "Alfred is not an employee here, he is a very important part of this family. I hope everyone will forgive me for saying, but I think it would befit an obviously bright young man such as yourself to show a little respect for him." I popped the sprout in my mouth and chewed. "Alfred this is heavenly, thank you."

"Tt."

"Thank you, miss. I will be in the kitchen preparing the dessert. Do enjoy your meal everyone."

With that Alfred departed and we ate as we chatted cordially. Well with the exception of Damian who was just a seething ball of hate. If I had to hazard a guess this little boy needed a whole lot of love, something I suspected he didn't experience much from his mother growing up. I felt sorry for him, really.

Once the dinner plates were cleared Alfred brought in a magnificent looking crème brûlée, coffee, tea, and brandy. I skipped the brandy but helped myself to some coffee. At that point conversation turned to the reason I was actually there, the Joker.

"So Harley, Dick tells me you're having some troubles from the Joker?" inquired Bruce.

I took the time to explain everything that had happened from the night of the Monolith Square attack, through the arrival of the flowers and car this morning.

"How did you figure out that it was the Joker?" asked Tim.

"I'll show you." I retrieved the notecard from my purse and handed it to Tim whose eyes widened as he read it and then passed it around the table so everyone could see it. "I found that in the trunk when I went to load my groceries this afternoon."

Bruce studied the card carefully before responding.

"Harley, have you had anyone look the car over?"

"No, it's brand new, why would I-" I trailed off as I answered my own question, "Oh, I suppose I was so excited that I just hadn't thought about it."

"If you're going to be here for a little while I'd like to call in a friend of mine to examine the vehicle to determine if it's safe. Do you mind?" I didn't, the sudden realization that it could be rigged with explosives or Smilex or any other number of lethal gags I was relieved that he offered.

"No not at all. Thank you so much. I feel like an idiot for not thinking of it sooner."

"Tt." Damian actually had the hint of a smile on his face for the first time all night. "Having a PH.D., one would think that would have been the first thing you thought of."

"Damian!" Dick interjected, "Can't you lighten up?"

"This is as light as I get, Grayson."

"Harley, I'd like to have Commissioner Gordon examine this," Bruce held up the card from the Joker. "May I keep this for now?"

"Yes, by all means. I just wish I knew what this obsession with me were all about."

"I have had some experience with the Joker before, he's robbed several of my charity events, and the only thing I can tell you is that his motives make sense to no one but himself."

"So Harley, wanna spar while Bruce calls in his specialist?" asked Dick.

"Yeah, ok. I just need to change into my gym clothes. Can you point me to the restroom?"

Dick stood up from the table. "Sure Harley, follow me."

I gave the car keys to Bruce and grabbed my gym bag. Dick led me down the hall to a bathroom.

"I'll be right back, Harley I'm gonna get changed myself."

I opened the door and my eyes just about popped out of my head. This wasn't a bathroom, it was more like a Turkish bathhouse! There was a bathtub the size of a pool. Everything was made of imported marble and elaborately carved woods. There was a mosaic mural on the wall and three sinks on the opposite wall. It had a toilet, urinal and a bidet. There was also a bench that sat in front of a gigantic floor to ceiling mirror. I quickly changed my clothes and when I stepped out Dick was waiting for me.

"Holy crap! That bathroom is bigger than my entire apartment!"

Dick flashed me that adorable smile of his.

"Bruce doesn't really do small or simple. Whatever he does, he goes all out."

"I guess so!"

I followed Dick through the halls of Wayne Manor towards the gym which was in the opposite wing of the house. I marveled at all of the amazing artwork. We were in a hallway full of portraits. It seemed to be the Wayne family ancestry. I reached a portrait which made me stop and take a closer look. It was Bruce, seated in a chair surrounded by Dick, Tim and another boy I didn't recognize.

"Dick, who is this?"

"That is another long story. It's my other adoptive brother, Jason. He doesn't live with us anymore, he's kind of the black sheep of the family. He and Bruce had a….falling out and he took off on his own. We don't really hear from him much these days." Dick looked a little somber, I felt I may have struck a nerve.

"Oh, I'm sorry Dick, I shouldn't have pried. I apologize."

"No, it's fine. I just hadn't thought about him in a while. C'mon the gym is down this way."

We entered a gym area that was bigger and better equipped than two YMCA's. It was amazing! I couldn't help myself I went straight for the uneven bars.

"Do you mind?" I asked Dick, "I've been so busy I haven't been able to get to the gym lately, I could use the practice."

"Go right ahead. Mi casa, su casa."

"Yeah I wish."

I hopped on the bars and went through one of my old routines. Dick watched me twirl and flip and spin through the paces. I ended with a triple backflip and stuck the landing. God I wished I had something like this in my house!

We sparred for a while and I had to admit I was getting pretty good. After a bit Dick stopped and brought me over to a wall of weaponry.

"I thought it might be a good idea to start with some of these today. When it comes to the Joker any edge I can give you is a good thing. Let's start with these." He grabbed two sticks off the wall. They were about three feet in length and made of some kind of steel alloy. "These are escrima sticks, here I'll show you how to use them."

We worked with the sticks for about a half an hour and I have to admit I was abysmal. We also tried wooden staffs, which I was much better with, sais again terrible and nunchucks. I ended up smacking myself in the back of the head with the latter.

"Let's try something else." Said Dick as he walked over to the batting cage, yes they had an actual batting cage inside the house, and grabbed a Louisville slugger baseball bat. He brought me over to a sparring dummy. "Show me what you got, Harley."

The bat felt good in my hands. It was just heavy enough and I played softball in middle school so I had a little experience with it at the very least. I pulled back and swung the bat forward with all the strength I had and hit the dummy squarely in the head. The head of the dummy detached and went sailing all the way to the other side of the room.

"Wow. Yeah, okay then. Baseball bat it is! Ya know, you're stronger than you look, Harley."

I smiled pleased with myself. "I've been lifting." I went to hand the bat back to Dick.

"No, no. You keep that, put it in your car, just in case. I did actually get you something. It's no new car but I thought it would help keep you safe."

Dick pulled out a small handheld Taser. "Dick, thank you so much. How does it work?"

He ran through the instructions and it was surprisingly easy to operate. I had that feeling of being watched again. I looked up to the balcony surrounding the upper level of the gym and saw Damian sitting there with his legs hanging down between the rungs of the bannister.

"Hi Damian, do you spar too?"

"Tt. Do I spar? I started training before I could talk. I must admit you are far more capable than I imagined. For a girl."

"Would you like to join us?" I asked the boy.

"It would be counterproductive; I'd have to take it far too easy on you. Father asked me to tell you to meet him in the garage. They've finished with your vehicle."

"Oh, okay thanks." With that Damian stood up and strode out of the gym. I looked at Dick.

"God help Bruce when Damian hits puberty. You know Dick, I would be happy to have a few sessions with him if you'd like, pro bono of course." Dick laughed.

"I wouldn't subject you to that. Damian has a chip on his shoulder, but he just about bleeds a need to be accepted. He just makes it so hard. He and Tim fight like cats and dogs, I think Damian feels threatened by him for some reason. He didn't really grow up in a family per se, he was mainly raised by his tutors. It's going to take him some time to adjust, but I have faith in him." He put his arm around my shoulder and started leading me out of the room. "Let's go check on your car."

Walking into the garage was like walking into a car museum. Bruce had more cars than Jay Leno, it was amazing! Bruce was standing by the Audi.

"Harley, my mechanic friend just left and there was nothing to worry about. You can feel better knowing that nothing was tampered with."

"Thank you Bruce! I can't tell you how much I appreciate this!"

"Well, any friend of Dick's is a friend of mine. I have some business to attend to, so have a good night you two."

I leaned against the car, relieved. The stress of the last few days finally caught up with me and it must have showed on my face because Dick looked concerned. He walked towards me.

"I'm worried about you Harley. This thing with the Joker I don't like it and I fear you're in danger." He gently placed his hand on the side of my face and raised my chin so that I was looking directly into his eyes. I felt a jolt, like electricity run between us. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"As okay as I can be with a mass murdering psychopath obsessed with me." He stared at me and I felt that pressure below my belly again. Without warning he quickly leaned in and placed his lips on mine. I was so shocked I didn't respond right away but after a few seconds I placed my arms around his neck and reciprocated. His lips were soft, warm and gentle at first. After a few moments he leaned his body flush against mine and the kiss became deeper, more demanding. Reluctantly I broke the embrace. Dick looked at me curiously.

"Dick, I'm sorry. I'm very attracted to you, but I'm also very particular with who I let into my heart. I've been hurt before and I think we both know you don't have the best track record where women are concerned. You're a good friend and I appreciate you. I don't want to mess that up."

"No you're right, I'm sorry. I've just been wanting to that for a really long time."

"Honestly I have too. So our curiosity is sated now. Friends?" Dick smiled.

"Friends."

I didn't want to stick around and put that friendship to the test. My body was still screaming yes even if my head was telling me no, so I got in my car and headed back to the Bowery.