A/N: I have to dedicate this chapter to my very own Motivational Anon! Thank you friend for keeping me on track and having some great words of wisdom!

Chapter 13

Lexa opened the cab door once they stopped at her apartment. She took a deep breathe before running out the cab to the cover of the entryway. It took a minute but Clarke soon followed as they crammed themselves into the small door way. Even though the run from the cab to the door was short they were both soaked as the rain continued to assault the pavement.

Lexa let them into the complex, only to find that all the lights were off. "Great." She mumbled to no one in particular as she reached her hand out until she found Clarke's hand in the dark. She felt the other woman flinch slightly but more than that she felt the warmth of the other woman's hand radiate through her entire body. She practically pulled her down the hall way and up the stairs, only being led by the light of her the flash on her cell phone.

After going up three flights of stairs they finally reached Lexa's apartment. She opened the door and let Clarke in first before walking in herself and closing the door. Clarke stood frozen in the foyer, not sure of what to do. She really hadn't thought this through, all was thinking about was not dying in the storm. A little dramatic sure but a little flair never hurt anyone.

"I'll get you some dry clothes to change into." Lexa said before walking off down the dark hallway.

"Great, just great Griffin, you've trapped yourself in an apartment with your ex-girlfriend." She spoke to herself in the dark as her eyes started to adjust to the lack of light.

A minute later Lexa appeared with clothes in hand. "I was going to bring these home for you but this seems like a better way." Clarke took the blue Columbia sweater and USC track pants out of Lexa's hands. Washroom is the second door on the left. I lit a candle in there so you'd be able to see."

Clarke nodded. "Thank you." She slowly made her way down the hall and into the washroom. She steadied herself again the sink, she really never thought she'd be standing here in Lexa's apartment when she made her way home. She held the necklace that hiding under her shirt and shook her head. At least she was close enough to the hospital so that if they called her could rush over.

XOXO

An hour later the two women sat on opposite ends of Lexa's couch. Candles were lit around the room but they were few and far between. "This is far more awkward than I thought it would be after the hospital." Lexa let out as she stood up and walked over to the fridge. She came back with a full bottle of wine and two glasses and what looked like left over pizza. "It's all I have. I'm not here much, and I usually eat out when I do decide to stay here."

Clarke nodded as she looked up from her ipad. "I'd say awkward is an understatement." They both let out soft chuckles.

"Thank you for taking such good care of dad, Costia said she talked to you at the hospital."

"Yeah, and you don't have to thank me, again, just doing my job."

"Thank you for coming to moms party then. She adores you, sometimes I think more than she adores me."

Clarke shook her head no when Lexa held the bottle up to her. "Storms always mean trouble so I may get a call to go in. She doesn't adore me more than she adores you, she is so proud of you. Every time we'd have dinner or go shopping she'd accidentally mention you somehow and it was only because she couldn't help herself and your father is just as bad."

"They're great parents."

"They are, and they raised a great daughter." The admission left Lexa looking at Clarke with a shocked expression. "Despite everything that has happened, I don't hate you Lexa. You've worked hard and accomplished your goals and then some. I'm just as proud of you as you are of me."

"I appreciate that, thank you."

"Stop thanking me. We are where we are. You were right to an extent, me being angry isn't going to make things any better."

"Is that why you haven't seen you at the gym?"

Clarke laughed. "Yeah I don't go to that gym anymore. I don't mean this in a bad way but I run into you enough, I didn't need one more reason for that to happen."

"Understandable. Pizza?" Lexa offered as she flipped the box open.

"No thanks, not real hungry."

"What made you say yes, to coming here? I could see the hesitation."

The blonde shrugged and took a deep breath. "Probably the same thing that made you ask. Reflex and you live much closer to the hospital than my house."

"You really are great at your job. Watching you work was amazing, it's like an art form."

"Thanks, I've logged a lot of O.R. hours so I'm glad it's paid off."

"Congrats to you too, youngest CEO of a fortune 500 company, that's far more impressive than my operating skills."

Lexa closed her eyes and leaned her head back against the couch. "You heard that eh?"

"Yeah, it was kind of plastered on a few magazines around the hospital and my friends are assholes. Maya made it her duty to point it out to me quite often."

"How is Maya?"

"She's good."

The conversation went quiet after that, they really didn't know what to say to one another or how to act. It was clear that they were both trying to move forward with their lives but they could both feel something holding them back. A half an hour later, Clarke was reading something on her ipad, and Lexa was sitting on the floor, her back against the couch, files spread out over the coffee table.

When Clarke looked up she couldn't help but remember the first time they had spent time together like this. It was much less awkward then but there was something far too familiar about Lexa reading at the table, pizza box open next to her and a bottle of half empty wine.

XOXO

USC – Freshman Year

Lexa closed her textbook as she got up to answer her dorm room door. "Hey, sorry to bother you. Raven mentioned that you hadn't been feeling well when I talked to her earlier so I figured I'd bring you a little big of a pick me up." Clarke smiled sheepishly as she held up the box of pizza and bottle of cheap wine.

"You didn't have to come all the way over here to do that." Lexa said in between sniffles, she was clearly stuffed up.

"Maybe not but I did in order to bring you the other stuff." She held up the bag that was dangling from her arm.

"Please, come in and let me grab that." Lexa took a hold of the pizza box and stepped aside so Clarke could walk in.

She looked over and admired what Lexa had done with the somewhat small space. "I'm sorry did I interrupt your studying?" She asked as she took notice of the desk lamp on, textbook open on the table.

"Oh yeah, I have a stupid test tomorrow but I welcome the break. Really, my mind hasn't absorbed anything in what feels like hours. Lexa moved the pizza box to the coffee table and set the bottle of wine down next to it. She gestured for Clarke to sit as she went over to her really small kitchenette and pulled out two regular glasses. "Sorry, no wine glasses."

Clarke smiled and Lexa was sure her heart had stopped. She didn't know she could get butterflies from something smiling at her but as Clarke sat on her couch with a smile on her face butterflies were waging a battle in her stomach. "That's okay, but are you sure I'm not keeping your from studying or sleeping?"

Lexa shook her head as she sat down on the floor in front of the couch and filled the two glasses. "No, trust me if you were, I would have said it. So… going to let the suspense build? What's in that bag of wonders?"

Clarke laughed and reached for the bag she still had dangling from her arm. "First, we have some vicks vapour rub. Second we have some super trashy Laguna Beach magazines. Wonder if the Kim and Kanye are going to name their next child South West." Lexa couldn't help but laugh, she really had never noticed just how funny Clarke was. "Last but not least, we have the first season of Bones, something to binge watch while you're curled up getting better."

"You're adorable." Shit. That was not at all smooth. Or so Lexa thought because her comment earned her a shy grin as she watched Clarke's cheeks start to turn a little red.

"Is that a legit record player?" Clarke asked as she spotted the small machine across the room.

Lexa took out a slice of pizza. She really had been starving but had been far too lazy to make anything. "It is, I love the crackling sound, something so soothing about it."

"I agree, we have one at home but I haven't used it much lately." Clarke stood up and walked across the room to look at what record was playing. "I've been really trying baby, trying to hold back this feeling for so long and if you feel like I feel baby, then come on, oh come on. Let's get it on." She sang softly as she moved back to wards the couch,

Lexa sat sipping her wine as she watched Clarke sway to the music and she was certain that the blonde didn't even realize she was moving with the beat. "You like Marvin Gaye?"

"Love him! One of my all time favourites."

Lexa grinned. "Me too, his voice is just so… perfect."

"Agreed." Clarke leaned forward and grabbed a slice of pizza out of the box. She wasn't sure why she was so comfortable with Lexa because she couldn't remember a time where they had spent this much alone time together.

They spent the next hour talking about their favourite Motown artists and songs as they finished half the wine and half the pizza. At some point Lexa had gone back to reading her textbook while Clarke had decided to pick up the magazine she had bought for Lexa. They were only sitting together but it felt like greatest thing in the world and they were both certain that something big in their lives were about to change. They just had no idea that it was going to revolve around the other woman in the room.

"Listen baby, ain't no mountain high, ain't no valley low. Ain't no river wide enough baby." Lexa mumbled as she flipped the page in her book.

Clarke couldn't hide the grin on her face as she heard Lexa mumbling along with the song. "If you need me call me, no matter where you are, no matter how far." She finished her sentence with a wink as Lexa looked up at her.

"Don't worry baby."

"Just call my name I'll be there in a hurry, you don't need to worry."

By the time the next chorus played they were both on their feet dancing along. Lexa was singing into the wine bottle and Clarke was singing into the remote Lexa had handed. They danced around the small apartment as they each continued to sing the song to the other. When the song ended they fell onto the couch in a fit of giggles. Clarke's head ended up awfully close to Lexa's and they both felt the intense surge of electricity between them.

Clarke had managed to take the bottle of wine out of Lexa's hands and take a long swig. Maybe it was the lack of sleep, maybe it was the alcohol or maybe, just maybe it was the cold medicine but no matter what it was Lexa watched as her arm reached out to take the bottle away from Clarke as she leaned in.

There was a warm unusual feeling in her heart when Clarke moved away instead of moving closer. "I am so sorry, I don't know what came over, I must have read it wrong. I am so sorry Clarke."

The blonde reached her hand out and caressed a strand of hair behind Lexa's ear. "No you read it absolutely right. I want nothing more than to lean forward and kiss you but I want us both to be entirely sober the first time I kiss you and believe me, after tonight I really hope there will be a first time for that."

"Keep bringing me pizza and wine and there will definitely be first for that, even though I believe I was supposed to come over to your place."

"All's well that ends well?" She asked with a wink, watching Lexa's smile grow. Neither would ever admit how much their cheeks hurt at the end of the night from smiling so hard.

XOXO

Clarke stood at the window, watching the sky light up. Her iPad told her it was around 9 p.m. but the colour of the sky made it seem much later than that. She heard the water stop running and a few minutes later she heard the soft sound of feet padding towards the living room on the hardwood floor.

"Still no power?" Lexa's voice was gentle in the quiet room as she walked in and saw Clarke standing at the window, wrapped up in the large sweater. It felt far too natural for Clarke to be in her apartment, too natural for her to be standing the way she was taking in the darkened city. "Getting inspiration?"

"It's oddly beautiful, the sky so bright from the lightning and the city so dark. I can hear the ambulances."

"Why haven't you gone in yet?" Lexa moved closer to the window and saw what Clarke was describing.

"My mother would kill me, she sent me home to sleep, or at least rest. The problem with having your mother as your boss."

Lexa nodded. "That couldn't have been an easy choice for you, to come back."

"It wasn't, but she's one of the best and the program is one of the best so professionally speaking it was a good opportunity."

"You miss New York?"

Clarke thought for a moment before a smile appeared across her face. "I do. It became home, I love Laguna and being closer to Raven but New York felt like it was mine. Sounds weird I know, Octavia makes fun of me for it."

"Not weird. New York fits you, and you've done well for yourself there."

"It does." Clarke looked over at Lexa and smiled before turning her attention back out the window. They fell into an easy silence as they watched the rainfall and the sky continue to light up.

"At least you aren't out running around in it this time. I much prefer watched it this way."

Clarke couldn't help the laugh that came out. "It never rains here so I had to make it count when it did."

"By dancing around on the beach?" Clarke shrugged. "I couldn't get the sand out of my hair for a week!"

"I never told you that you had to dance around in it with me!" She looked over at Lexa and waited for her response. Nothing. "That's what I thought."

"Anyone dancing around in the rain with you in New York?" Lexa wasn't sure why she asked but the words just seem to come out.

A pause. "There was someone for a little while but sometimes the first time is enough." Lexa gave her a questioning look. "Wells moved to New York, we had lunch, then dinner etc, but it never really got off the ground. We may have been much older but we weren't going to be those high school sweethearts that got married."

"I'm sorry."

Clarke laughed. "Don't be, you never liked him and it was like a year ago. No feelings were really hurt, I think we both just needed someone. Why'd you ask?"

"The song you played at the bar the other night."

"And you thought that was about someone I was seeing in New York?" Lexa nodded and Clarke only laughed. "Some things never change, you'll always be oblivious to anything right in front of you."

"What are you talking about?"

"How much of it did you hear?"

Lexa shrugged. "Enough."

"Go put your favourite Motown record on." Clarke said leaving Lexa with a questioning look.

"I can't, the powers out." A pause. "The lyrics, the song is about me?"

"Welcome to the party." Clarke moved away from the window and sat down on the couch.

"Why am I such an idiot?" She cursed herself a little louder than she had intended. "Must be part of my charm."

Clarke laughed as she leaned her head back on the couch with her eyes closed. "If you say so."

"I do."

"Want to watch a movie? I don't have much on my iPad but it's got 70 percent power and it beats sitting in awkward silence."

"I could watch a movie, since I can't get much more work done in the dark." Lexa moved towards the couch and sat down as far from Clarke as she could. She watched as Clarke moved her iPad so it sat in the middle of the coffee table.

"How's I Know What You Did Last Summer sound?"

"Should I be worried that you're going to kill me?"

Clarke shot Lexa a look as she turned the movie on. "No, if I wanted you dead Octavia and Raven would have already made that happen." She tried to joke but Lexa knew that she wasn't entirely far off from the truth.

"I'm actually surprised Octavia hasn't killed me yet so thank you."

"Your welcome, but you better tread lightly, especially since her Raven and Anya are all getting rather chummy."

"I take it that worries you as much as it worries me?"

Clarke nodded as the movie finally started. "Oh, it does."

XOXO

A half hour in Lexa saw Clarke yawn out of the corner of eyes. "How long as it been since you've slept?"

"I don't know roughly 24 hours."

"So no big deal then?" Lexa let out a laugh. She was well aware of hour many hours Clarke could stay awake and fully alert. Once she went to bed though, it was like waking the dead.

"Not really, last year I think I stayed up for about 72 hours straight, when the hurricane hit. It was a total mess but so much fun. I learned so much it was amazing, I was so wired I couldn't sleep but I think I slept for a solid 20 hours after that. Octavia kept coming in to check on me." She laughed as she remembered it like it was yesterday.

"It's funny to you but you sleep like the dead. Sometimes you barely move, besides have you ever tried to wake you? It's not fun."

"You're one too talk."

"I get up when I'm supposed."

Clarke rolled her eyes. "Sorry the rest of the world doesn't like getting up at the crack of dawn to go surfing. A habit that I've seen hasn't changed."

"Have you been spying on me Griffin?"

Clarke shook her head with a huff. "You wish Callaway, but when you people surf on my beach, I notice."

"Whatever, at least you woke up to a great view."

"Wrong again. I went to bed with a shitty view and it gave me nightmares."

It was Lexa's turn to roll her eyes. "Why do I argue with you?"

Clark shrugged and leaned into the couch as the room lit up as another bolt of lightning flashed across the sky. Their conversation ended there as they went back to paying attention to the small screen of Clarke's iPad.

It wasn't long after that that Lexa woke up and realized that she had fallen asleep for at least twenty minutes. Her legs were stretched out onto the coffee table in front of her but there was a weight on her legs that hadn't been there before. Coming to her senses in the dark light, the rain still crashing against the window she saw Clarke's head in her lap. Her first instinct was to get up slowly but she knew that as hard as it was to get Clarke to wake up, the slightest of movements would jar her awake. Instead she reached behind her and grabbed the small throw blanket on the back of the couch and tried her best to cover the blonde lying in her lap.

The situation should have been much more awkward but they had fallen asleep like this too many times. With one of their heads in the others lap, especially after a long day. That's when it all finally sunk in. She had ruined a perfectly good relationship because she was far too insecure, sure maybe it wasn't meant to be after all but she hadn't helped matters. Looking down at the sleeping blonde in her lap she couldn't have been beating herself up anymore. All the hurt and the pain she caused was for nothing. She tried to remind herself that she was where life wanted her to be, with who life wanted her to be with. No she wasn't in love with Clarke Griffin anymore but she knew she had to explain herself, to apologize for the damage she had caused, she had to take ownership and responsibility. Even if it meant that Clarke would never speak to her again, she need to tell her that it wasn't her fault, that going to New York was something to be proud of.

As she leaned her head back against her couch and watched the rain fall she thought of all the different ways that she could tell the other woman how sorry she was for what she had done and in every scenario it left Lexa just a little more broken. She knew they had talked about it briefly and that she shouldn't bring it up again but she couldn't help it. Clarke deserved more than what Lexa had given you the other day and more importantly four years ago.

An hour later, her leg numb from not moving Lexa felt Clarke let out a quiet yawn. It warmed her heart to hear her make such an innocent sound.

"I am so sorry!" Clarke rasped out as she immediately pulled herself away from Lexa as she woke up. "What time is it?"

"3 a.m. and don't worry about it, you were tired and no the hospital didn't call or I would have woken you. I still remember the golden rule."

Clarke pulled her knees up to her chest. "I should let you go to bed, I'm sure you've slept just as little as I have with everything you have going in."

Lexa waved her hand and shook her head slightly. "I'm alright." A few moments passed. "I met Bellamy."

The sudden sound of Lexa's voice pulled Clarke out of her daydream as she turned her attention away from the window and looked at her ex. "Yeah so we've discussed."

"I really didn't know he was Octavia's brother." Lexa could tell she wasn't making sense to Clarke as she watched the questioning look on Clarke's face grow.

"We talked about this Lexa, why are we talking about it again?" Lexa could see the tension building in Clarke and she figured that telling her during a huge storm wasn't the best idea but it was all she had.

"I didn't know what he looked like, the only pictures I had ever seen of him were of him and Octavia as kids. I saw you laughing and touching his arm, then he kissed you and I freaked out. I ran and I never looked back and I never did all the things I should done to keep you. I blamed you, I blamed you for it all. For leaving, for breaking my heart, for cheating on me but you didn't. You've never broken your rule." Tears were threatening to spill out as Clarke stood up from the couch and put her hand out to stop Lexa from doing the same.

"No, no. I must be still sleeping because this is a nightmare, it has to be because we talked about this and frankly, I never want to talk about it again."

"You said you didn't have time for it then but we have all the time in the world right now and I think we need to have this conversation." Lexa could see the anger boiling up in Clarke but she knew it was necessary, they had to get it all out there in the open if they ever wanted to be some sort of okay.

"He kissed me on the cheek that night because we were celebrating me getting engaged, we were celebrating us, getting engaged." She motioned her finger and back forth before the two of them as if there were other people standing in the room. "I trusted you, I played everything over and over in my head for longer than I'd care to admit. I blamed myself, I came home for you. How could do that to me? To us? Then not even talk to me about it? What because Costia told you I was cheating on you? God you are such an idiot. I couldn't exactly talk to Octavia or Raven about the ring because they were both in on it all. You made me feel like I ruined us, like I ruined one of the best things to ever happen to me. You made me think I broke the one heart in this world I was trying to protect and guard with every fiber of my being and now you're telling me that what? You're sorry you made a mistake? That's a pretty fucking big mistake to make Lexa. He's like my brother and one of my best friends! You never knew me at all. And I know I said part of this to you the other night but you have an tendency to not listen to things that you should be hearing loud and clear. For instance how I told you that Costia had a huge thing for you, but it was me that cheated."

She was yelling now and there wasn't much Lexa could do but take it. She deserved this, she deserved this and so much more. "For Christ's sake I came home for you, to fight for us because I went through two weeks of hell. Two weeks of you not answering the phone, a text message, an email, nothing. So you want to have this conversation here and now fine but you damn well aren't going to like it. Every possible way I tried to get a hold of you, you ignored so I got on a plane and I came back here only to find out that you ran off to Europe with some bitch from law school who wanted nothing more than to have you all to herself. Is that what you wanted to hear? That I stood there as your mom told that you have gone on a trip her. That coming back here now was hell because I knew I would run in to the two of you."

Tears streamed down both their faces and the thunder crashed and banged around them. "I saw him kiss you and his hand on your arm. I never, I…" She couldn't get the words out, there was nothing left to come out, there was nothing she could say to make it better, to fix it. "You came back for me?"

"Of course I came back for you! I was so in love with you that I would have given up my entire career if it meant I got to keep you. That's how stupid in love I was with you but let me tell you how glad I am that I don't love you anymore. I can barely even look at you. And to think that I was going to propose." She grabbed her jacket and bag with a sarcastic laugh as she headed for the door. "You cheated on me Lexa, not the other way around but I guess you got your perfect happily ever after."

"We… I…"

"Tell me you didn't sleep with her in Europe, tell me you didn't act all sweet and romantic and buy her a flower and tell her she was the most amazingly, beautiful, gorgeous, talented, breath takingly stunning woman that you had ever seen."

Lexa was standing now, closer to the window than to the door. She couldn't get too close, the blows hurt enough from where she as standing. "I would never say those things to anyone else."

"So you didn't sleep with her in Europe?" Clarke was holding back the sobs and she stalked towards Lexa, making the woman feel as small as humanly possible.

"I… I can't tell you I didn't."

Clarke nodded. "I can't believe you right now. I have no idea what you've become but I can tell you one thing. I really do not like it."

"It's not for you to like." Lexa found the will to speak.

"You're right, it's not. Enjoy your life and stay the hell out of mine. Seriously Lexa stay the fuck out of my life because looking at you right now makes me want to throw up." With that she grabbed her shoes and slammed the front door behind herself. She leaned up against it for a few brief moments before getting herself together to head back to the hospital.

She wasn't far from Lexa's apartment when she felt someone grab her arm. Turning around ready to fight she saw Lexa standing in front of her, tears streaming down her face, rain dripping from her curly hair. "What do you mean you were going to propose?"

"I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you and I wanted it to start as soon as possible so that I could spend every morning waking up to you because I could barely sleep without you. I went out and searched and searched for this stupid ring, this stupid perfect ring. I didn't tell anyone because I was waiting to ask your parents the next time I saw them." She reached her hands behind her neck and unclasped the necklace she had been wearing and held it in her hand. "I've been wearing this around as a reminder that things don't always work out the way you want them to or the way you planned but it's time for me to let go." She tossed the chain at Lexa's chest as the brunette stood frozen in the warm rain.

"I didn't know, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

"Do you feel better now? Do you feel better now that we've talked about it Lexa? Because I sure as hell don't but like always at least you got what you wanted. You have your perfect little housewife and your perfect apartment. But if you think that you saying sorry and trying to explain yourself once again does anything to fix the past it doesn't. I was trying so hard to let it go, to not be mad because of your dad but I can't. I am angry, I'm fucking livid, and yet I have been trying so hard to make amends with you and it because it's the past and I don't live in the past. We both have different futures, do us all a favour and stop trying to make yourself feel better. I don't love you and you sure as hell don't love me so let it go Lexa, just…let it go." Clarke turned on her heels as soon as the words came out and started walking away again. This time Lexa's feet didn't move she just watched her walk away. The rain falling over her head, but it didn't matter she was stuck.

She squeezed her hand around the necklace she had caught. There was something attached to it, something that felt very much like a ring. Closing her eyes she tilted her head up towards the sky and tried to bury the hurt.

It was a long few minutes before she headed back into her apartment, soaking wet. The power was still off as she made her way into her bedroom to change, setting the necklace on her dresser next to a lit candle. Once she was finished changing she looked over as the blue light of the ring caught her eye. Walking towards it she looked at it without picking it up, as if touching it again may have burned her. But there on her dresser sat the most perfect ring she had ever seen. A beautiful sapphire sitting on a diamond encrusted band. Clarke Griffin was going to propose to her.

TBC…

A/N:

Who saw that coming? If you want to see the ring head on over to my tumblr and let me know what you think and check out what's playing on Clarke and Lexa's ipods :)

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