The One Where Cartman Is Not QUITE Himself

A South Park FanFic

OneShot

"Okay, Cartman, what the hell is it this time?"

Kyle's angry tone died when he looked up. He saw me, sitting there, and I knew how pathetic I must look. I hadn't been keeping up on hygene recently. My hair was unwashed, I was wearing the same clothes I'd worn everyday that week. Not that I cared, ususally. But I could've kicked myself right then, because now I did care. I should've gotten a shower before he got here.

"Cartman, what's wrong?" And although he still sounded annoyed (And a little suspicious. But of course, he had every right to be.), there was also a little concern in his voice, and that concern is what gave me strength to lift up my greasy head.

"Hi, Kyle." I said simply-geniously. He must've been amazed at my brilliant conversation skills. It was time to face facts: I was only a big-talker when I was insulting some kid who didn't deserve it.

Kyle sat down heavily on the bed beside me. When I didn't say anything, he sighed and stood back up, but only long enough to take off his coat. Beneath it, he wore an obviously old T-shirt, possibly one he wore as pyjamas. Again, I felt that he did it to make me feel better. I cleared my throat.

"I just needed someone to talk to." I told him.

"And you chose me." It wasn't a question. It was a rather blunt, rather sarcastic sentance. It was said in that 'I-should-have-expected-this' tone that Kyle can do so well. He and Stan both.

He and Stan He and Stan He and Stan

The phrase made me sink back into the hole a little more.

When I just nodded in answer to his non-existant question, Kyle grumbled something under his breath.

"Look, dude..." He sighed. It sounded as if he were pleading for me to be reasonable. As if I were, I don't know, Kenny or something. Like I was his pal, and not some schoolyard bully he hadn't talked to in months.

"Look..." He said again. I gave him time to marshal his thoughts. He seemed to need it.

"I don't know what your deal is..." He began eventually. "But just 'casue I'm...'Cause me and Stan are..." He seemed to be struggling with the word. I resisted the temptation to simply slide back into my old suit and say 'faggots'. Somehow I doubted that this would help my situation.

"Because Stan and I are gay," He blurted, both correcting his grammar and finally spitting out the word he was so afraid of. "It doesn't mean we can't try again."

This startled me. I was forced by something inside myself to look up into those eyes. I have never before in my life seen anything like the green pools of intelligence and wisdom that are Kyle Broflovski's eyes. They mesmorise me everytime.

I guess that's why I always honed in on the hair, the freckles, the...the...the Jewiness. I couldn't bring myself to look into those eyes and admit that I was falling in love with everything that I once hated.

That's right: I had fallen in love with Kyle Broflovski.

The hair? He chopped it off. Now only a few curls tickle the tips of his ears. I ran my hand through it once. Just once. I was teasing him about something. Something I can't remember now, and I touched the hair. Something I had been longing to do for a while.

The freckles? Like chocolate, scattered over his skin. Chocolate or sunlight. Pick your poison, either way I died on the inside whenever I pictured Stan counting Kyle's freckles...all his freckles.

"Try what again?" Barely a second had passed since I looked up and I had already registered all my favourite things about him. The perfect nose, the goofy hat...the goofier smile...

"To be friends, of course." Kyle offered.

The slow smile that had been forming on my face died. If there had been a light-any light at all- lingering in my eyes, it died. Right there, in that moment, I knew my childhood was a lie.

Dreams NEVER came true.

Kyle saw my newly formed scowl, watched as I scooted away from him. I didn't want to hear it.

"I don't want," I told him sternly. "To be friends."

Kyle stood quickly. He grabbed his coat from the floor, pulled it on. I watched in silence.

"Then I don't know what you want." He said coldly, turning to look at me, one hand resting on the doorknob.

And as he began to turn, I knew I had to do it.

"Kyle?"

Those eyes. I couldn't blame Stan for wanting him. Who could resist those eyes?

"I love you."

There was no hiding the shock that traveled over Kyle's face, but he tried. He tried to stop his mouth from falling open, but I heard his teeth grinding. He couldn't stop the blush anyway. The one spreading ever so sowly but surely across his cheeks. The perfect hue of pink to accentuate his freckles...and those eyes.

"W-what?"

I sighed and stood up. If he didn't want to listen, I wasn't going to resort to sitting on him and making him listen like I would have done three months ago. Instead, I would have to show him.

Reaching him at the other end of the room took no time at all, though I would have liked it to. There was no hiding the fact I was scared. Terrified, even. My hand shook as I took his wrist.

"You heard me." I breathed, and I put my mouth to his.

As I kissed Kyle (And it was weird because it felt like he was kissing me back...), I could have pretended I was kissing a girl. Really. My hand, at first, was in his hair, which was fairly long at the time, since it was growing out. But it traveled, ended up at his waist, following the curve of his stomach. His hip jutted out a little. His lips were soft and the little sounds he made as I deepened the kiss were very, very girly.

But I didn't pretend to be kissing a girl. I knew full well I was kissing Kyle and I liked it.

I was the one that pulled away. Not Kyle. Me.

And I said I was sorry.

"I'm really sorry Kyle." I said, and turned to walk back to my bed.

It was his turn to stop me from walking away.

"Eric."

It was weird, but I couldn't remember the last time he called me that.

"I...I need to call Stan first."

Comprehension dawned on my face. I looked at him, the light in my eyes probably burning a hole in my skull.

"You mean...?"

"Yeah. I love you too."

He shrugged as he pulled out his cell phone.