As night falls, mom and dad start slowing down. I can tell neither one of them want to rest, and both of them are more energized than I could ever imagine. But with me and Dizzy being new to all of this, they decide it's best we rest. At least then, there's less of a risk. So dad builds a fire, while mom lays in the dirt, looking up at the darkening sky. The stars are starting to come out, and I figure I should help dad make his fire.
"Here, you do this. Your mother and I will go and find food."
Dad says, handing me a handful of brush. It's almost like he's eager to get away with mom, for a few moments alone. I don't object, because I understand this is a renewal of youth for them. Especially dad, who is far too old for his age. I wonder if he ever really feels it, though? Getting mom's attention, dad starts to lead her away from our small campsite, over a hill to my left. I start to build the fire, and Dizzy sits across from me, her legs folded under her.
"Isn't that dad's job?"
She asks, watching them vanish in the night.
"Yeah, but they went to get food."
"I don't think they went to get food…"
"I don't either but let them enjoy themselves."
"It's like we're the parents in this situation."
"Mom and dad have been cooped up for a while, Dizzy. Let them feel young again."
She leans back on her palms, and looks up at the sky.
"I think they're youthful enough. Why not let us run away like that?"
"Diz, they're coming back. And we could, but…it'd be odd. I mean…you know what I mean."
I get a spark, and the spark turns into a bright orange flame, that soon engulfs the entire pile. It begins to burn fast, and burn hot. Which is good, due to the cooling temperatures of the night. Sitting down beside Dizzy, I yawn.
"Don't yawn you're gonna….make…me…yawn…"
And she yawns. I can't help but smirk, as she stretches and lies down. We didn't sleep, and spent the whole day walking and adventuring with mom and dad. Exhausted doesn't even begin to describe how I'm feeling right now. Laying down beside her, I feel as if the weight of the galaxy has been lifted right off of my chest. Since we kept walking and didn't rest at all today, my legs are sore and stiff.
"Think they'll at least come back with food?"
Dizzy asks me, and I turn my head to her. I'm so tired, I can hardly keep my eyes open. Her eyes are already closed, but she's facing me. For a last-ditch effort in finding comfort, she curls into the fetal position.
"Yeah, I mean, maybe…I don't know…"
It's not long before the two of us fall asleep. Both of us are tired beyond measure, and getting a good night's sleep out here is near impossible. What sucks, for me though, is while Dizzy snores quietly and peacefully, I'm woken almost instantly by the sound of my parents returning. At first, I want to pick myself up and tell them to be a bit more quit, but soon decide against it. Dizzy eavesdrops on our parents all the time. Maybe, I should have a go at it.
"Charon, they fell asleep."
My mother says, as they get closer to the fire. I hear something heavy drop to the ground, and I can only guess it's the food they set off to find.
"It does seem that way."
In her sleep, Dizzy throws an arm around me and mumbles something not English, and not entirely understandable. It sounds like baby-talk. Words and sounds bunched together to form a half-assed polysyllable meaning.
"Charon…who do they remind you of?"
I hear them sit down, though I'm not sure where or how far away. Instead of risking getting caught, I remain still and silent.
"Who?"
"Us. Charon, you can't deny, they look like us."
"Of course they would, Dezbe. Don't be stupid."
"That's not what I mean and you know it. Cain takes after you, in more ways than one."
There's silence, and I recognize it's the silence that comes when my father is thinking deeply about something. Even with my eyes closed, I can feel his eyes burning into me.
"I can't deny it, Dez. You're right."
"Dizzy is safe out here with him, like I was safe out here with you."
"Perhaps safer, since Cain was not raised in the same way, and understands human emotions and nature."
"Cain understands a lot more than I expected him to. He's still young."
"Yes but remember where we were at their ages."
"I don't particularly want to, to be honest."
My father sighs, as my mother falls silent.
"Dezbe, Cain and Dizzy are smart, and yet sheltered and naïve. They have much to learn."
"I know. But, it's better than being thrown out here, isn't it?"
"Yes, it is."
"Better than being forced to work as a bouncer in Underworld, and…you know, those other jobs you did for Ahzrukhal."
"That is a name I have not thought of, in a long while."
"We haven't talked about the past much, or thought of it."
"Perhaps there is reason for that."
"Maybe, I don't know. It feels like a big dream, doesn't it? Like, looking back on it, it seems too crazy to believe…"
"Yes, it does."
"Think those two…will have similar adventures?"
"Cain's life is not as extended as yours, mine or Dizzy's. In his time, he will have adventures, but not as much."
"…Charon, is there…is there a way to fix that?"
Again, my father sighs. There's a knot in my stomach, and I feel Dizzy press herself against my back.
"I don't know, Dezbe. I don't."
"Look, isn't that cute."
Two pairs of eyes burn into me. I feel them watching, and I stiffen up hoping that my act can fool my father. I probably won't know, until the morning.
"Yes. It is cute. She dreams of him."
"Charon, how do you know that?"
"She would not cling to him that way, if she was not."
"Yeah…I guess you're right. They're closer than they let on, those two renegades."
"Just as we once were."
"…Given the circumstances, Charon, would it be wrong for them…"
"For them to what?"
"Follow in our direct footsteps? I'm asking because you're a lot smarter than me on these ethical questions. Because, I don't know."
"You sound like Dizzy."
"Yeah. But, answer me."
He takes a deep breath in, and my heart freezes in my chest.
"…In my eyes, I see no wrong, in them falling in love. I see nothing immoral about it, because of how Cain came to walk this Earth. However anyone in Megaton wishes to take it, is of their own business. As far as I can see, they are my children. They mean the world to me, and I will love them both equally regardless of who they wish to love."
"How do you feel about it?"
"I feel there is no better man for my daughter, than the man who has cared for her, her entire life. One I have trained, and one I regard as my son, in the same way I have come to see Gob as my brother."
"You've changed a lot, Charon."
"We both have."
"I'm proud of you."
"I am proud of you, too, Dezbe. We have received all we could have wanted."
"You know…I wouldn't mind it, either. Because, I trust Cain as much as I trust you. Alone out here, Dizzy wouldn't last long. Because she's like you and I, only worse. She has all of my traits I would want her to have, except, she's sheltered. And that's our fault, but, as long as Cain is beside her, I have no worries."
"No. No neither do I. And we have their impulsive and stupid behavior to thank, for allowing us to feel young again."
"I feel young all the time. As long as I have you and the kids around."
"Yes."
There's a silence, and the sound of lips smacking together. It doesn't bother me, because mom and dad always kiss around us and stuff. They're not the kind of parents, to simply do dirty things when their kids are sleeping right there. Instead they took off for that, and trust me, I am thankful for their manners. After a few more sounds of movements, and lips touching, I hear mom sigh loudly.
"This world is so big, and vast. We've had the privilege of wandering it, and seeing it. Yet, we sheltered that from our children. Were we wrong for doing that?"
My mom asks, a sad tone to her voice. I hear my father cough to clear his throat.
"No, we weren't wrong, Dezbe. We wanted to protect them from things we saw ourselves. And we did just that. Cain and Dizzy, are raised without prejudice for ghouls and humans, and despite some of their more questionable actions, they are good children. Their naïve attitudes may cause trouble, but a life without trouble, is a life no one wishes to lead."
"Yeah…yeah I get that. I just hope they have a strong bond, you know? Like me and you have. No matter what, Charon, you were there for me. I hope that even if they take different paths, they'll always have one another."
"There's no need to worry. I've spoken to Cain. He…cares very deeply for his sister. And Dizzy, I can assume, feels the same."
"How do you know? That Dizzy won't run away from him, like I did so many times to you?"
"I don't. In fact, I expect her to. But Cain is strong. Cain understands her, and they have a close-knit relationship we may never have with them. But he will chase her. If he knows she is in danger, he will chase her. If she is safe, he will wait. Just as I waited and did not follow you to New Vegas."
"Yeah…Charon, you really have a lot of faith in them."
"They are our children. It would be unwise, for me to truly doubt them."
As mom and dad fall silent, and their breathing deepens, I open my eyes and roll on to my back. Above me, billions and billions of stars light up the night sky in a way tonight, that seems comparable to none. I can't explain, how truly beautiful they are, against the midnight black and blue backdrop of the sky. How smooth and silky, the wispy and thin clouds look. And I can't explain…just how majestic and mysterious, the full moon is, as it overcasts and overshadows everything around it.
Holding my hand up to the moon, I feel like I can grab it. I can't explain, what's going through my tired and wry mind. My father surprised me, and my mother was sincere. They have no idea I was awake and listening, and yet still, they know I'd do the right thing. That is, if the right thing was ever revealed. To secretly know, your parents believe you, and trust you against all doubts, is a feeling that…is better felt, than told about.
I am a complex machine, an android, really. But then again, aren't we all? Aren't we all machines? A complex system of mechanisms and gears and wires all working towards the same goal? I think now, I understand what my father was trying to tell me earlier. That it doesn't matter, how I came to be. Only, that I simply am. And I have a family behind me, supporting and loving me, despite how I feel about who I am. I still, don't know, who I truly am. I never have the right things to say, to make everything perfect like it once was, when I was only a child and not knowing any better. But, I know that somewhere inside, I can still find the strength to come to terms with it. To become stronger, and do what I feel I must do.
Taking my hand down, I wonder, if I was created only to chase dreams. At first, created to chase the dreams of others. Of men much more powerful than me. But out here, that power means nothing. It's my own life now, and has been since my mother clasped her hand around my tiny one, and made the world I know it to be fall into place. It's my own life, to chase my own dreams.
Rolling back on my side, I face a sleeping Dizzy. Her mouth is slightly parted, and her head rests on her arm. Sleepily, I put my hand over hers on the hard ground, as a dying fire offers the last of its warmth to us. I have to be good to her, kind. I have to be strong. My father once told me, that to a woman, the man she loves is everything to her. He, is the weight of her world, and he is the one she will run to. I can't deny he's right. Dizzy, is a maze, and I can never figure her out. Once I think I have her understood, something changes. But maybe…maybe that's how it's supposed to be. I doubt my father, completely understands my mother. But still, he is good to her. He is good to her, and Dizzy just the same.
Dizzy is going to blossom into a beautiful lover, and one day, a mother. She is going to be just like our mother is. A fighter, strong-willed, independent to a point, and…loving like no other woman can love. I don't know a woman, aside from mom, who can love and smile, even when the world she's in is so destroyed. The fact, that in all my parents went through and endured, my mother still loves and never gave up, is unbelievable to me. I don't think, I would be the man I am today, without the warmth of that woman's good heart.
It's the least I can do. I can look after Dizzy, and love her, and protect her. I can be the support she so needs, when all the world crashes down around her. And in that position, I can hope, to find my own dreams. Or maybe, just being beside her until the ends of time, is my dream. I don't know yet, but as I fall to sleep with my hand on top of hers, I feel her fingers squeeze mine.