Chapter 19

I got to the asylum early on Wednesday so I decided to go down to I.T. and check on Pam and her plants. As I entered the ward I immediately noticed the change in her demeanor. She was sitting on the floor next to the glass front of her cell cooing and talking with the plants I had brought her. She didn't even register that I was watching her. I cleared my throat to get her attention as I didn't want to startle her. She glanced up at me and actually smiled.

"Dr. Quinzel! It's good to see you again. My babies asked me to thank you for the music, they really enjoyed it. I would like to thank you too. Ya know, for a "meatbag" I guess you aren't so bad." I giggled and a smile spread out over my face as I gazed down at her.

"Pamela, I'm just very happy to see you happy. Maybe we can talk some more when we meet on Thursday?"

"I would like that." It was more than I could have hoped for. I didn't want to push my luck so I started walking down the hall to collect the Joker. "Dr. Quinzel?" I turned back around to look at Pam. "Bernie told me he really liked it at your house. He likes to hear you sing. He wondered if he could come home with you."

"Of course Pam. Only if you're sure you don't need him."

"Now that I have these," she motioned at the other plants, "I can talk to him anytime I want to. And it would make him happy." I picked Bernie up off the floor.

"I would be honored to give Bernie a home. Thank you Pam. We'll talk tomorrow."

I walked down to the Joker's cell. Thankfully he was fully dressed today. I was having another bout of sexual frustration after the Nightwing butt incident and I don't think I could have handled any more visual stimulation. He was lying on his cot with his hands behind his head. His left leg was bent, the right one was lazily swinging back and forth off the side of the cot. He turned his head towards me quickly and caught me staring again. Shit! Stupid, stupid hormones!

"Good morning Mr. J."

"Morning Doc." He glanced at the cactus. "You're looking a little prickly today." He chuckled at his own pun, I simply rolled my eyes.

"Ready for our session?" He smirked at me then looked at the empty spot on his wrist where a watch would have been had he been wearing one.

"Is it ten 'o'clock already?"

"No, I'm a little early today. The orderlies will be along shortly." Just then I spotted Charlie and Daniel coming down the hallway. Daniel was carrying a straightjacket. "Woah, wait a minute fellas. Who authorized this?" They looked at me like I had just spontaneously sprouted horns or something.

"This is standard procedure when an inmate attacks an employee. No one authorized it!" sputtered Charlie. I crossed my arms over my chest.

"The Joker is my patient and unless I authorize something it doesn't happen, got it?" They didn't look happy with me but they both nodded. "Now what I am authorizing for this session is longer chains for the handcuffs. Do we have those?"

"You want to give him more freedom, are you crazy?" I had been asked that so often lately.

"Look, not that it's any of your business but I need my patient to be able to gesture. He talks with his hands a lot and I need to be able to analyze his body language." Joker was grinning wildly watching this all unfold. The orderlies just stood there dumbfounded. "Well? Chop, chop fellas. I have a schedule to keep." They scurried away to find what I had asked for as I turned back to my patient. He really did have an unusual face, I found it interesting to look at, pleasing even. He was staring at me and his eyes were really intense today. I bit my lip as I involuntarily clenched my thighs together. I hoped Joker didn't pick up on that. I really needed to buy some damn batteries.

"So Doc, what's with the cactus?" He leaned down and whispered. "If you really need a prick that badly, I'd be happy to oblige."

Shit, he noticed. It was hard to get anything by the Joker. I must have turned twenty different shades of red.

"Mr. J, that's highly inappropriate!"

I think I figured out why he did this to me. He knew it flustered me and threw me off my game. He was about to open his mouth to respond when the orderlies came back. Saved by the freaking bell!

We entered my office and the orderlies used the new, longer chains on Joker's wrists. They went to shackle his ankles but I stopped them. Again they looked at me like I was nuts but I didn't care. If my treatment of the Joker was going to succeed I needed him to feel comfortable. Plus, I really didn't think he'd hurt me, don't ask me why. I placed Bernie on my desk as the orderlies left and closed the door behind them. My face still felt hot. I sat in the therapy chair today since with his extended mobility, I didn't want to get too close. I started talking before he could taunt me about his comment earlier.

"So Mr. J, I want to talk a little bit about your career so far." He raised his eyebrows at me. "So shortly after your accident at Ace Chemicals, when you first showed up as the Joker, your crimes were completely different than they are today. Your M.O. at the time seemed to consist of thefts and robberies and building elaborate death traps for the Batman. You seemed to be more of a happy clown with zany gags than the mass murderer you have evolved into. Can you comment on that?" He shifted his body so that he was sitting up with his feet on the floor. A position he wouldn't have been able to achieve if his ankles had been shackled.

"Well an accident of epic proportions like I had can leave you a little unhinged. Back then, mostly I was just trying to figure out my act. I was trying new things, fine tuning the gags. Those were strange years for me. Now I refer to them as the "What was I thinking?" stage of my career. It was fine for a while but it quickly lost its luster. The theme weapons, the wacky henchmen, the Jokermobile it was all so ridiculous." He huffed out a laugh. "This was before I was declared insane, mind you."

"So what changed and when?"

"It was my first stretch in the clink. It happened in the cafeteria. I couldn't even tell you what set me off that day, maybe someone tried to shiv me, maybe the guy in front of me took the last butterscotch pudding. I really don't remember, but what I do remember was killing six guys with a plastic tray. After that day I was declared mentally unfit to stand trial and they shipped me off to Arkham, my home away from ho-ho-home!" I made a few notes before I asked my next question.

"So did things change gradually or was it like flipping a switch?"

"It was a little of both, really. After that day I immediately realized that life was just one big game with no rules, and no purpose. Nothing really matters, your morals and rules mean nothing in the grand scheme of things. Life is just one big joke."

"But there are rules and they do matter. If there were no rules why are you locked up in here?" He leaned forward a little bit and I realized maybe I had given him a little too much freedom with the new chains after all.

"No, you see, society has rules and the reason they have rules is because they believe some mythical father figure in the sky will spank them if they don't follow the status quo. I refuse to be trapped by the constructs of a rootless value system." He spat, "Its fear that holds the human race back. Fear of God, fear of jail, fear of the unknown." He pointed at himself with his thumb. "I have no fears. Ask Crane, he's dosed me with his silly little fear toxin before and it has no effect on me."

"So do you have a philosophy?"

"You could say that. Look doll, old Willy Shakespeare said it best 'All the world's a stage and all the men and women merely players', and it really is. I just happen to write my own script."

"Let's expound on that, you seem to like being in the limelight. If all the worlds a stage, what's your role?" He rolled his eyes as if it should have been obvious.

"I'm the headliner, the leading man, the main attraction!" He was gesturing wildly with his hands at this point.

"So you create chaos so you can be center stage?"

"More or less." I jotted down some thoughts on that before continuing.

"Okay. Tell me a little bit about your victims." Joker smiled widely at me.

"Great question Doc! Well, I have my favorites of course. I particularly like the ones that bring pain to Gordon or the Bat. Like crippling Gordon's little girl, or killing the Boy Blunder, those are just soooo satisfying. Of course they can't all be A-list. I like it when they fight, begging is good too but it's never as much fun if they don't fight."

"How do you determine who your victims will be? Do you have, say, a type?" He slid back on the couch and laid back down with his hands behind his head.

"If it plays into some specific gag I may be more selective but honestly I'm an equal opportunity executioner." I jotted down a few more notes. I decided to change the subject.

"Sooo, um I would like to talk a little bit about your personal relationships. You said your friends call you J. Who do you consider your friends?"

"Well Batman, of course." I sighed.

"Outside of Batman. For instance, who do you talk to when you're on the lam?" He considered it for a moment.

"Well Harvey is okay for a poker night, Croc may not be particularly bright but he's loyal, you gotta appreciate that and ol' Pengers has his uses. Have you ever been to the Iceberg Lounge, Doc?" He had lifted his head to look at me. I was a little shocked by the question. The Iceberg was a place for the elite of Gotham to live dangerously and rub elbows with some of the most notorious people in the city. Mobsters, drug dealers, dirty politicians and of course costumed criminals.

"No, no I haven't. I don't really, um...get out much. Besides a place like that is not in my budget."

"Well that's a shame Doc, you're missing out." I pushed my glasses up the bridge of my nose.

"I will take that under advisement." I looked down at my notebook. I knew what I wanted to ask but wasn't quite sure how to phrase it. "How about more personal relationships. For instance, it's been implied that your obsession with Batman is more than just a friendly rivalry. It's been suggested that there is a somewhat sexual undertone to it. Do you have anything to say about that?" He started chortling.

"Are you asking me if I'm gay, Doc?" I backpedaled a bit.

"N-no not exactly. I'm simply asking what you have to say that the general public as well as the medical community think it's a possibility. Quite frankly based on your file it would seem you're completely asexual." He continued to chuckle as I turned a few more shades of pink.

"Awww, you're just so cute when you're embarrassed. Hahaha! Listen Pumpkin, I'll admit to a little experimentation, but I like-a me the ladies." He winked at me again. I couldn't look at him when I asked him my next question. I busied myself with my notebook.

"So you're heterosexual? How many partners would you say you've had in the past three years?" I didn't look up.

"Look cupcake, I told you I'd answer your questions, but if we're going to discuss this you have to lose the pad and pen." I pursed my lips into a little moue of disapproval. "This doesn't go on the permanent record."

"Mr. J, you gotta stop with the pet names." I finally looked up at him. He sat up again and leaned towards me resting his hands on his knees.

"If you're going to ask me about my sex life, then I get to call you whatever I want. Deal?" I rolled my eyes.

"Fine."

"To answer your first question, yes I am a heterosexual. To answer your second, exactly two." I met his eyes, I couldn't believe he actually answered the question. "Don't look so surprised, you'd be shocked at how many people out there have clown fetishes. It's mundane and a bit messy but it's pleasurable enough as a recreational activity I suppose. I mean even guys like me have down time. Of course my brain is located a little bit higher than most men. It's just not something I think about often. Is that why the doctors seem to think I'm asexual?" I could feel my damn face getting hot again. I didn't really want to explain all the reasons they felt that way. I squirmed in my chair and realized my panties were very damp. Shit.

"W-well, um I uh-"

"Or is it because I don't jerk off like the rest of the cretins in this place?" I tried to answer but my mouth just opened and closed a few times like a fish out of water. "Lemme ask you something, Harley. Is this making you uncomfortable because you're embarrassed to discuss it or because you're aroused?" I swear it was like he could actually see the thoughts rolling around in my head!

"Both!" I blurted out. Joker just smiled which turned into another leer.

"You really have had a dry spell haven't you Harley? I can smell your arousal you know. Poor dear, nose buried too deeply in the books, denying yourself the simple pleasures in life, eh? No matter. The question you're dying to ask is, who were they, am I right?" I was utterly embarrassed at that point and didn't trust myself to speak but he hit the nail on the head. I simply nodded. "The first was a television producer named Cassandra Hahn. She was actually quite a homely little thing, terrible haircut but she did have the key to my cell at the time so I indulged her and then took over the show of course. The other was a lawyer, Donna Gugina was her name, she wanted to live dangerously. I gave her what she wanted but in the end I broke her. Now she was a fighter. Strangling her to death was far more arousing than the sex itself." My mouth went dry.

"Y-you s-slept with her and then murdered her?" My hands were shaking a little. He looked at me and gave me an innocent look.

"Don't get the wrong idea, I don't kill everyone I sleep with. She was asking for it, really! If you pick up a famous and recognizable murderer in a bar you deserve whatever you get." He rolled onto his side and propped his head up with right arm. His expression was a mix of smugness and curiosity. "So, Harley, three whole years eh? Pretty girl like you, I'm sure you get propositioned quite a bit, so why? No dates, no boyfriends?" I shrugged but still wouldn't meet his eyes.

"School I guess, then work. I just didn't really have time for a relationship and after what happened with Guy, I didn't want one."

"Yes but that's not the whole truth now is it Harley. You wear your heart on your sleeve. After what happened with Guy you feel you don't deserve one, am I right?" My eyes started to tear up a little and I nodded my head. Who was analyzing who here? "Well let me tell you something Harley, sometimes being happy means throwing caution to the wind. Your problem is that you're wound so damn tight. You need to let go a little." I sniffled but still kept my head down. "Harley, look at me!" His voice was so forceful my head immediately snapped up and I met his gaze. "You need release, so this is what I want you to do. When you go home tonight, while you're lying in bed I want you to touch yourself. I want you to let go of all of that longing, all that pent up frustration, all of the guilt and you will let yourself enjoy it." My eyes must have been the size of saucers. Did he just say what I think he just said?

"Mr. J, I, I mean you can-" he cut of my stuttering rebuttal.

"Harley. You need this and you will do it. You will do it because I told you to. Understood?"

"Yes sir Mr. J." I replied quietly. He glanced up at the clock.

"It appears our time is up Harley dear." The orderlies were knocking at the door. "Until next time." I just sat and stared as they took him away.