Chapter 20
I was in a complete daze for the rest of the day. I was sitting at my desk updating my files but I couldn't concentrate. Why had I let him derail our session like that? He was starting to mess with my head and I knew it. The worst part was that I was letting him do it. But he was sharing things with me no one else knew about him. I was utterly shocked when he actually entertained my questions regarding his sexuality. He killed the last doctor who dared to ask, but he was completely candid with me. I knew he was playing a bigger game here. I just couldn't figure out what his motive or goal was.
I found him mesmerizing. He had this aura of raw power about him and I was drawn to it like a moth to a flame. I was slowly becoming aware of my physical attraction to him as well. There was no one else on the planet like the Joker. I found his white skin and green hair beautiful and I caught myself looking at him more and more often. His physique was amazing, I had always been into tall men and he towered almost a full foot over me. He was old enough to be my father, but that didn't put me off. Quite to the contrary, his maturity and worldliness, his ability to talk about uncomfortable topics without guilt or embarrassment was one of the things I admired about him. Holy crap, I'm totally crushing on the Joker! I must be losing my mind. I groaned and dropped my forehead onto my desk. What the hell was the matter with me? I was developing a crush on my patient, a dangerous criminal mastermind and psychopathic mass murderer. I needed to have my head examined. I banged my forehead against the desk a few times hoping it might knock some sense into me. I looked up at Bernie the cactus.
"Please don't judge me Bernie, I'm having a weird day, okay?"
Since I realized I wasn't going to get any more work done I grabbed Bernie and headed home. I tried doing anything I could to distract myself to no avail. I still had that dull annoying ache in my pelvis and every time I acknowledged it I kept hearing the Joker in my head.
"Harley. You need this and you will do it. You will do it because I told you to. Understood?"
I cleaned my entire apartment that night. I organized my sock drawer, rearranged the furniture, did one hundred crunches and none of it did me any good. I still kept coming back to those words. Eventually I felt exhausted enough to try going to sleep. I tossed and turned for a couple of hours and finally just laid on my back staring at the ceiling. I couldn't get his voice out of my damn mind.
"You need release, so this is what I want you to do. When you go home tonight, while you're lying in bed I want you to touch yourself. I want you to let go of all of that longing, all that pent up frustration, all of the guilt and you will let yourself enjoy it."
I finally stopped fighting it and gave in. I closed my eyes and thought about him that day in his cell, all sweat, rippling muscles and masculinity. My left hand slid up my belly and underneath the baby doll top of my pajamas to grasp my breast. I pinched the nipple and it hardened immediately. I ran my right hand down to the waistband of my pajama bottoms and hesitated there for a moment before slipping down over the small patch of hair that was there. I gently rubbed my hand down over my pubis and on its way back used my fingers to open myself up. I slid my fingers over the wet folds of my pussy and moaned at the sensation. I dipped a single finger inside of myself and rubbed the gathered fluids over my hood and clit. I don't remember a time I had ever been as sensitive as I was just then. I moved back downward and plunged two fingers deep within me. I felt my muscles tense and I moaned in pleasure. I slowly manipulated my fingers, rubbing the inside walls of my vagina, relishing the release of several years of frustration. I slid my left hand into my panties and began massaging my clit. My breath hitched as my fingers found that sensitive little nub. I fantasized. I imagined it was Mr. J touching me, imagined what his tongue would feel like against my sensitive flesh. My hand began moving faster and faster and I knew my orgasm wasn't far off. My breathing became labored and my chest was heaving. Finally, like cresting a wave, my climax broke and I felt my vaginal muscles spasming and pulsating against my fingertips. I screamed out his name as I came. It was the single most powerful orgasm I had ever had in my life. The release of three years pent up sexual frustration. I felt unburdened and I lay there unable to move and trying to get control of my breathing. Wow. Okay then. My fingers were slick and my panties were so wet I could almost wring them out so I reluctantly got out of bed to clean up. When I finally laid back down, still in the aftermath of bliss, my heavy eyelids slowly closed and I slept more peacefully than I had in years.
On Thursday I avoided the Intensive Treatment ward completely. I wasn't ready to face him yet. My sessions with Pamela were going amazingly well. She was opening up to me, really trusting me with her thoughts and ideals and I was very pleased with our progress. I was tempted to cancel my session with Joker on Friday but I got over as much of my embarrassment as I could and kept our appointment.
He was grinning like an idiot when he was brought in that day. I couldn't look directly at him and I felt the heat in my cheeks. I only hoped the orderlies didn't notice. Once he was restrained and we were alone he immediately asked me the question I had been dreading for the past two days.
"So Harley, did you do as I asked?" I didn't vocalize an answer, but I nodded. "Harley, look at me." It was gentle this time yet still commanding. I glanced up at him through lowered lashes. "I want to hear you say it. Tell me. Did you do as I asked?" I took a deep breath and swallowed audibly.
"Yes Mr. J, I did what you asked me to." I squeaked. His grin widened.
"And how do you feel?" His eyes were piercing, like he was looking into my soul. It was disconcerting and wonderful at the same time. It took me a moment to phrase my answer.
"I feel, better…unencumbered, free." I finally met his eyes and my heart skipped a beat. My breath caught in my throat. He looked pleased. Whether he was pleased with himself or with me I wasn't sure.
"Good girl." I lit up from that small iota of praise from him.
I won't relate the rest of that particular session. After the first few minutes of intensity we discussed common things and nothing really of note. He didn't give me any more instructions when we wrapped up and I was both relieved and disappointed at the same time.
Originally I had planned to start a program of electro-convulsive therapy on Saturdays after his attack on Ben, but after what we shared on Wednesday I couldn't bring myself to do it. So I decided to bring in a small reward for his cooperation this week. I showed up to the asylum around three in the afternoon. I was able to gain access to one of the common rooms in D block that wasn't currently in use. It had a large comfortable couch a television and a DVD player available. Mr. J was escorted in and looked surprised to see me. Since we were in an open room, there was no way to actually restrain the Joker so the staff left him with his hands cuffed in front of him and eyed me warily when I explained we were to have complete privacy for at least the next four hours.
"What's all this about Harley?" he asked as he smiled at me. I beamed back at him.
"Have a seat Mr. J and you'll see." I walked over to a shopping bag I had brought with me, picked it up and walked over to place it on a neighboring table. I pulled out a number of items, a bag of popcorn, two 16oz. bottles of Zesti Cola, a package of Red Vines and a box of Milk Duds. I reached into the bottom of the bag and brought out a stack of DVD's and brought them over to Mr. J so he could flip through them. He laughed and smirked at me.
"I thought you said we were doing something unpleasant today?" I looked down at my feet and swayed a little as I responded.
"Well, you've been so well behaved and cooperative this week, I thought a reward was in order."
"Nice selection dollface! These are some of my all-time favorite movies! Why, aren't you a clever little minx?" It made me shiver to hear him praise me.
"So what do you want to watch Mr. J?" I pulled a chair from one of the craft tables over and positioned it next to the couch. He responded as I gathered up the snacks and drinks and brought them over.
"Well, you did tell me this was one of your favorites as a girl so why don't we start with this?" He held up the copy of Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein.
"Sounds good Mr. J." I grabbed the DVD out of his hand, placed it in the player and turned on the TV. I sat down in the chair and I noticed Joker was frowning at me.
"Harley, after all we've shared you're going to sit all the way over there. That just won't do." He patted the empty seat next to him. "Come here and sit next to me, I promise I won't bite. Unless you ask me very nicely, that is." He chuckled. I cautiously got out of the chair and sat on the other end of the couch. His voice was a bit stern when next he spoke. "Harley. Come. Here." he said as he crooked his finger. I slid over to sit directly next to him. "Much better. Now see, was that so hard?"
I could feel the heat of his body next to mine. It felt strange to be this close to him and not fear for my life. We watched the movie, shared our snacks and laughed together. When the first movie was finished we watched a Marx Brother's film I had never seen called Animal Crackers. It was really good and I was enjoying it but at some point I must have dozed off.
I awoke feeling warm and comfortable. I slowly opened my eyes and realized there was an arm draped casually over my shoulders. I was leaning against something very warm and very human and I raised my eyes to see Joker looking down at me.
"Didn't like the movie, kiddo?" I abruptly sat up. The credits were rolling and Joker was out of his cuffs. I rubbed my eyes with my hands.
"No I liked it fine, I just haven't been sleeping all that well, I've been a little restless." I had to do a double take to make sure he was actually unrestrained. "Mr. J, how did you get out of your cuffs?"
He reached over and plucked a pin out of the bun in my hair and held it in front of my nose as he chuckled.
"Works every time!" I just sat through a four-hour movie marathon with a notorious killer who was completely unrestrained and I was still alive? I looked at the clock.
"Shit, the orderlies will be here soon. You have to get back into the cuffs Mr. J or it'll be my ass!" He waggled his eyebrows.
"And what an ass it is." I gave him an exacerbated look as I gathered up the remnants of popcorn and soda pop.
"Mr. J we don't have time for banter. Cuffs, now!" I was panicking. I grabbed the DVD out of the player and shoved everything back in the shopping bag as I heard the click of the cuffs going back into place. It was perfect timing too as the orderlies walked in just then. I tried to present an air of professional calm as I turned to Joker and said, "Thank you for your cooperation today Mr. Joker. We'll continue this next session." He smirked again.
"Great session, Doc! You know I really think you're helping me get to the root of my problem! I'll be counting the minutes until we meet again." With that he was escorted out the double doors and back to his cell.
For the next few weeks we fell into a kind of routine. Nothing particularly exciting happened yet it was never boring. We talked, I learned things about him but since the discussion about his sexuality we hadn't really had any new breakthroughs. He didn't ask me to do anything like he had that one Wednesday and I couldn't help but be disappointed. He continued to flirt with me but it wasn't as sexually charged as that one session had been. I was still crushing on him but I had managed to get it under control for the most part. At least I had until that one Friday in early February that changed everything for the both of us.