(Cain)

We sit on the side of the riverbank. The water, reflects the sun, and it makes everything shimmer. Dizzy draws circles in the dirt with her finger, as the silence continues. Neither one of us, say anything, even though there's so much to say. Although I chose to not pursue the feelings I harbor, I can't help but feel the pain that comes with her departure. Looking at her right now, kills me.

"You know, I'll be alright out there."

She says to me, soft and quiet.

"…How do you know that?"

"I don't know, I just do. Because…it feels like, I can finally find my place. You know, the place I belong. I can wander off, and figure everything out."

"There's nothing to figure out, Dizzy."

"There's a whole world out there, Cain. Aren't you the least bit curious as to what it holds?"

Turning my head, I look at her. Her eyes, are filled with sadness and excitement over the future. I hurts me, but I don't look away.

"Sometimes, I am. But I would never venture it alone."

"I have to. I have…to find out what I'm supposed to be."

She's supposed to be with me. She's supposed to come to me, laughing, smiling, and never sad. Never sad, because I would never make her sad. When she's here, the sky shines so much brighter.

"I can't really say anything against your wishes, Diz. It doesn't matter."

"Yes it does. Your opinion matters."

"But would it change how you feel about this?"

She closes her mouth. Her naturally pale pink lips touch one another, and she swallows hard. Breaking her gaze on me, Dizzy looks out towards the river. I watch as she brings her knees to her chin, and sighs.

"…No, I guess, it wouldn't."

"Alright then."

I tell her, standing up. She looks at me, like she's just lost some sort of game.

"Where're you going?"

"Home. We have to get home, Dizzy."

"…But…"

"What?"

She looks away, and stands up. The things left unsaid, hang in the air. I don't like how this feels.

"Nothing."

I go to lead her, walk ahead of her, so that way I'm not tormented and congested by the way she makes me feel. As I walk, though, I feel her hand grab my wrist. She holds me back, and I turn my head to see her. Her eyes, are filled with tears.

"What is it?"

I ask, colder than I initially intended.

"…Will you be home, when I get back?"

"Where else would I go? I have no drive to leave home. We've only ever left, because you wanted to."
"That isn't my fault. You chose to follow me."

"Because you wouldn't have survived without me."

"It was still your choice."

She's right. Damn. I hate when she's right. As we stare at one another, I feel her hand drift down, and her fingers intertwine with mine. It makes my heart beat faster at first, and then slower. Feeling her hand compressed into mine, feeling the warmth of her hands, makes the entire world around me vanish. But I know, I can't act. I have to move on and accept the situation we're in.

"Come on, Dizzy. We should try and get to mom and dad before they get too far ahead."

"We can take our time. We know…how to get home."

She squeezes my hand. I don't squeeze back.

"Come on."

"Cain I really can't do this without your approval."

I raise an eyebrow, and let my hand fall limp. She holds my hand, but I don't hold hers.

"Oh? Why?"

"Because I need you. Stop…stop being so stupid. Stop acting like what happened between us didn't really happen. Because it did. It did and we both enjoyed it. Stop…stop pretending…that I don't matter."

The tone in her voice breaks my heart. She has no idea that if I had it my way, in my own world, I'd never let her go. Not for anything. Not even the world.

"Ever since we were kids…I always wanted your approval. I always…wanted you to just…like me. But it always felt like you were just taking care of me. Don't you understand any of this?"

I want to tell her I do. And that I feel the same way. But instead, I hold it inside.

"What happened between us was fueled by liquor and poor judgment."

"That's bullshit and you know it."

I meet her eyes with mine, and give her a stern look. Pulling free of her grip, I don't think I've ever felt so much hurt before.

"Stop it, Dizzy. It's time to go."

Suddenly, I feel her arms around my waist. Her face, presses into my back. My entire body freezes, as I feel her quietly sobbing into the back of my jacket. I stand still, straight, and move only when Dizzy moves.

"Stop…stop…."

She pleads with me, and it takes every ounce of strength I have, not to comfort her.

"Dizzy…don't do this."

Her small hands grip at the front of my shirt, tugging, pulling, pleading with me to just look at her.

"Liquor…doesn't make people…feel that way…"

I have nothing to say, no explanation. Sighing, I shake my head, and feel strands of my hair brushing against my eyebrows. Dizzy shudders, still sobbing. Her movements, make me sway a bit. People, might see love as a pink or red color. The way I see it, it's blue, black, like a bruise. My skin starts to crawl, and I look up to the sky. Ignoring her pleas like this, is completely out of character for me. But…I know it has to be this way.

"Please…please…"

She grips me tighter. I look down, fighting back my own tears.

"Dizzy, let go. Stop this. Grow up."

"Just listen to me!"

"What do you have to say?"

I pull from her, and turn around. Her tear-stained face is quickly hidden by her arms attempting to wipe away all the excess fluids. She looks like a child. Not someone who is going into the Wasteland by themselves. I can't look at her for very long, because it hurts me to see it. Hurts me, to see her in so much pain. Pain that I caused.

"…If you just…just…talk to me about it all…"

"There isn't anything to talk about, Dizzy. I'm…I'm sorry what happened, happened but you need to grow up now. If you want to go off to The Pitt alone, then start acting like someone who can handle that."

Moments like this, won't kill her. They won't haunt her for years, or make her lose any sleep. Instead, they'll make her stronger. If she wants to follow her dreams, she has to take the good with the bad. Take the broken heart, with the laughter. She has to stare these lies in the face, accept them as truth, and move on.

"Come on, Dizzy, let's go."

I begin to walk, and she follows slowly behind me.

"You can't talk about it, like it won't happen."

She says to me, as she keeps her distance.

"Like what won't happen?"

"That if you're mean, I'll stay. Regardless of how you say goodbye, I still plan on going to The Pitt."

That wasn't my intention. But…subconsciously, was it? I don't know. I just know, I've never felt more worse, than I do now.

"I know, Dizzy. I know that."
"Then why are you acting like this?"

I turn around to look at her. Her face is moist, but the tears have ceased. There isn't anything on her face, no emotion, except…there's a look in her eyes, that wasn't there before.

"Because it's time we grow up, Dizzy."

"…Can you just tell me, one day, it'll be alright?"

"One day, it will be. When you're older, and wiser, it will be."

She takes a silent comfort in my words. Defeated, Dizzy looks out at something I can't quite see. Suddenly, I feel as if the way I've acted, was wrong. That maybe, she's more scared than she's ever been, and I've simply interpreted everything the wrong way.

"…Hey…hey come here."

I walk towards her, and wrap my arms around her. She buries her face in my chest, and I sigh.

"I'm sorry, Dizzy. Look, come on, wipe away those tears. Everything will be alright one day, you'll see."

I'm afraid of my feelings. Terrified of them, and I'm in need of love, too. But, there's nothing I can do, now. Nothing, except try and help her through this. Help her understand, that she'll get over these feelings. And maybe, I will, too.

"Nothing is right, when we're not together."

"We'll be together when you get back. We live together, Dizzy."

"You don't understand."

No. No I understand completely. It's just…I have to be mature. I have to simply file these feelings away, push them deep down inside. All I can do anymore for her, is support her, like a brother should. Not a lover, but a brother. But, lately, I'm not doing a very good job at that.