Chapter 26

I tossed and turned all night worrying about Mr. J. What if he fell off the radio tower, or the Bat got him or a million other scenarios my mind came up with? I went to work the next day and resumed sessions with Tetch and Pamela and since I didn't have the Joker three times a week now I was assigned to a handful of the D-list villains, which was boring but at least it kept me busy.

My session with Pamela was the last one I had for today. Over the past several months she and I had grown fairly close and developed a sort of friendship between us. When I saw her today though she did not look happy at all and it troubled me.

"Pam, what's wrong? Is everything okay?" She glared at me through the glass.

"Harley, are you completely out of you mind?" she hissed. I was baffled, what was she talking about?

"You're going to have to be more specific." She scoffed and rolled her eyes.

"Okay, how about you sleeping with the Joker? That specific enough for you?" I was struck dumb. How did she know, did anyone else know? As these thoughts ran through my head Pam said, "Look your secret is safe with me, I just don't understand why you'd risk everything for that psycho. I thought you were smarter than this."

I leaned in as close to the glass as I could and whispered. "How do you know? Who told you?" I turned my head and looked around, afraid someone might hear us.

"Bernie did." I pivoted my head to stare at her open mouthed.

"What? What do you mean? How could Bernie tell you?" She smiled.

"Harley, I communicate both with and through the Green. Since you brought me these," she gestured the plants I had given her, "I can speak with virtually every plant in the city, including Bernie."

"O-oh, um, I didn't know you could do that. So, um, what exactly did he tell you?" I asked as I turned pink. She screwed her face up.

"Enough to make me want to lose my lunch. The Joker is a lot of things but sexy is not one of them." I scowled at her.

"Heeeyyyy! He is to me!" The corner of her lip quirked up.

"If what Bernie told me is true, that much is obvious. So, you're a psychiatrist/contortionist who likes ice cream and has a clown fetish and I'm the one they have locked up in here?" She chuckled.

"Hmpf. I'm a gymnast, not a contortionist." I stuck my tongue out at her and she laughed.

"That's not the impression Bernie got." Her face suddenly took on a serious expression, "Look Harley, I don't care about many people, but I do care about you. You're smart, friendly and have a kind heart. I just don't want to see you get hurt. I've seen the Joker in action and I've been around him in the long term. He's dangerous and violent and I'm just worried for you."

"Well you don't have ta worry about me, Red. Mistah J cares for me and I'm in love with him. It's crazy, I know, but we just…fit." Pam looked down into her lap for a moment before meeting my gaze again.

"Look, I don't want to rain on your parade Harley, but how is this going to work between the two of you? If you carry on an affair in Arkham, eventually somebody is going to find out and you can kiss your career goodbye. And it's not like he's going to leave Gotham, he's not going to run off somewhere with you to settle down. He's simply too obsessed with Batman for that. So what do you see happening in the long run?" I was suddenly crushed. Honestly I hadn't thought that far ahead. My eyes started to get a little misty.

"I don't know Red! I just, it's not. Dammit. I've been so caught up in the now and been so deliriously happy that I hadn't really put any thought into it." She gave me a rueful smile.

"I know and that's why I wanted to talk to you about it. I don't want to see you get so wrapped up you throw away everything you've worked your whole life for. I don't want to see you trapped inside one of these cells and if you keep fooling around with the clown that's a very real possibility Harley. You're a strong intelligent woman and you deserve so much more out of life." A tear escaped and ran down my cheek.

"I know, but you don't understand, Red. I love him. I mean really, really love him. I've never felt like this about anybody before. I can barely think about anything else. Everything I look at reminds me of him, and when I'm not with him it physically hurts, as if there were a hole in the middle of my chest. When we're together it feels like all is right in the world and I'm so happy I could burst." I took off my glasses and wiped at my eyes with the back of my hand. Pam had a look on her face that said if there wasn't a foot of glass between us I'd hug you.

"There are no easy answers Harley. I only want you to think about it." I gave her a half-hearted smile.

"Thanks, Red. You're a great gal. I hope someday, when you're on the outside we can be friends." She smiled back at me.

"Harley, we're already friends. There aren't many people I can tolerate but, I like you and I care about your welfare. Please be careful."

"I will."

After our session I went to my office and checked my bank account online to make sure my paycheck cleared. I called the electric company to pay my bill so I wouldn't have to sit in the dark tonight. The woman who answered looked up my account and said,

"You've already paid your bill today Miss Quinzel."

"What, no I didn't. I just checked my bank statement."

"Well I'm showing that not only are you paid in full, but you have a $500 credit on the account." How is that even possible?

"O-oh okay. Um, thanks."

I hopped back onto my work computer and logged into my student loan account. I stared at the screen in disbelief. My balance read $0.00. Yesterday there had been a balance of $42,533.29. I logged into account after account. My credit cards, my car insurance, my cell phone and every single one was completely paid off. My hands shook as they hovered over the keys. I pulled the prepaid cell phone out of my pocket and stared at it. I flipped it open and checked the contacts but there weren't any. It had to be Mr. J. How the hell did he get access to my accounts? It's not like he swiped my bills off the table, they were still sitting there when I left this morning.

I was conflicted. I was ecstatic that I was suddenly debt free and my heart swelled to think Mr. J cared about me enough to do something like this but Pam was right, I hadn't thought about the long term logistics of our relationship.

I went to shut down my computer and it hit me. Oh my God, my laptop. Mr. J had my laptop and I had all my user ID's and passwords saved on my browser. I am such a dope! That's how he was able to get into my accounts. I quickly logged onto my personal Goth-mail account and checked my messages. There was all the usual spam, a slew of payment confirmation e-mails, one from my mom, one from Di and right at the top of my messages was an e-mail from Joseph Kerr. I smirked, very clever Mr. J. I clicked on it.

Dr. Quinzel:

Hasn't anyone told you not to save your passwords? You just never know what can happen if they fall into villainous hands. Not to worry, I've made sure everything is taken care of. You should go out and do something nice for yourself. Until we meet again. Regards.

Joe Kerr :D

My heart swelled. Screw the logistics! I loved Mr. J and he obviously loved me too or he wouldn't have spent over $60,000.00 to pay off my debts. We'd figure it out. If I ended up in the nuthouse, I didn't care as long as I had my Puddin. I responded to his message.

Mr. Kerr:

Thank you for taking such good care of me, next time it's my turn to take care of you. ;) Missing you terribly. Hope you wrap up your business trip soon and counting the minutes until I see you again. Xoxoxoxo. Harley.

On my way back to my apartment I stopped at the store and grocery shopped, like I hadn't been able to in years. I made sure I had plenty of food on hand just in case Mr. J stopped by. I stopped by the liquor store and grabbed some wine, both red and white since I didn't know what J liked and some Champagne. Then I stopped at the G-Mart and got some men's clothes in what I thought were Mr. J's size. In his business he got bloody and dirty a lot and I wanted a few things in my apartment just in case. I also stopped at Veronica's Secret, a high end lingerie store on the East side and picked up a nice selection I thought would get my Puddin's motor running.

I happily headed home with my treasures. I danced around the apartment as I put things away. When I was done with the groceries I turned and looked at Bernie and shook my finger at him. "No telling Pammy about my sex life anymore, got it? Next time, you're going in the cabinet. I suppose it's a good thing you weren't there for the Whoopie Cushion incident."

I showered and shaved and even though I knew he wouldn't be by tonight put on one of the things I had picked up at the lingerie store, just in case.

I checked my e-mail on my cell and hadn't gotten a response yet. I picked at some vegetables and hummus as I watched the news. Riddler released another stupid riddle clue but there was no mention of Puddin. It was getting late and I had to be up early so I crawled between my sheets and fell asleep.

I was having this crazy dream that Mr. J got pushed out of a window by the Bat and I was so angry I attacked him with a giant mallet when I slowly started to stir.

"Wakey, wakey, sleepyhead!" I felt his breath on my ear. I was still mostly asleep but I registered his presence and rolled over to put my arm around him.

"Mmmm. Mistah Jaayy." I said sleepily, "You came back." I tried to snuggle myself into him but I was suddenly rudely awakened by a series of light staccato slaps on my cheek. I sat up abruptly. "Okay, okay, I'm up already!" I heard him chuckle in the dark. I pounced on him. "I didn't think I'd get to see you tonight." He rolled me over so he was lying on top of me.

"Yes and that's becoming a problem. You're disrupting my work and that bothers me. A lot." He grumbled.

"Awww, Mr. J, all work and no play makes Joker a dull boy, ya know." He grunted.

"I'm hungry. How about you get up and do something about that." I smiled widely although I doubted he could see it.

"Okay Mr. J." I threw on my bathrobe and went into the kitchen to make, okay to warm up, some dinner for my Puddin. As I was in the kitchen he wandered out still fully dressed in his suit and overcoat. "Ya know Puddin, I gotcha some comfortable clothes if you wanted to change. They're in the top drawer of the wardrobe." He smiled, surprised I had thought of it I suppose. As I was pulling some store made chicken Marsala out of the microwave he came back out from the bedroom.

"Harley." I turned to look at him with a smirk in my face. He had a bright yellow pair of underwear dangling from his finger and a sourpuss on his face. "Did you buy me Batman boxer shorts?" I started laughing as he looked at me. I laughed so hard I almost wet myself.

"I, haha, I'm sorry Puddin, tee hee, I just couldn't resist. Oh my God the look on your face!" I was holding my stomach and tears were starting to run down my cheeks.

"Oh, so you're a comedienne now, eh?" I wiped the tears from my face and looked at him.

"I don't know about that, but this just keeps getting better!" I threw off my bathrobe and he stared, gaping at me.

"You have got to be kidding me." I started chuckling again as he stared in confusion. "They actually sell Robin Underoos?"

"So whaddya think Puddin?" I said as I twirled around and shook my tush at him. I was smiling so wide I thought my face would crack.

"I think you're nuttier than squirrel shit, Harley." I held my belly as I doubled over.

"Wait, Mis-Mistah J, I gotcha something from Veronica's Secret today." I gave him a peck on the cheek as I ran to the bedroom.

"Oh this can't be good." He said with one eyebrow raised.

"Okay, Mistah J hold out you hand and close your eyes" He gave me a skeptical look.

"I am not closing my eyes. You're having too much fun with this." I smirked as I placed what was crumpled up in my hand into his palm.

"Surprise Mr. J!" He opened his hand and hung the object between his thumb and forefinger as if it would bite him.

"Harley, what in blinking blue blazes is this?" It was very obvious what it was, it was a male G-string with a picture of the bat signal on the crotch.

"Aww Puddin, I thought it would make you look sexy." He stared at me, stunned.

"I'm not wearing that." I tried to hide my smile although I don't think I was totally successful.

"Why?" He screwed up his face.

"Because it's a banana hammock!"

"Aww c'mon Puddin, wontcha just try it on once for your little Harley girl?" I gave him a pouty look. "Pweese?"

"No, I'm drawing a line here Harley!" He snapped the G-string at me like it was a rubber band and it hit me square in the face. "Get rid of that! Better yet, burn the damn thing!" I couldn't hold it in anymore I was hysterical. "Oh, that's it little girl, you are soooo getting a spanking!" He walked over to me, threw me over his shoulder and stalked towards the bedroom.

"But Mr. J, your dinner."

"Spanking first, dinner later!"