Chapter 29

I quietly moved around the kitchen making Mr. J a sandwich. He was on my couch with his feet propped up on the coffee table watching Reservoir Dogs. It was the Mr. Blonde scene where he chops off the cop's ear and J was laughing hysterically. I carefully placed his plate and soda down next to him and sat on the far end of the couch with my knees pulled up to my chest. He absentmindedly reached for his sandwich while keeping his eyes glued to the screen. I kind of zoned out and stared blankly across the room. I didn't quite know how I felt just then. On one hand I was happy to see Mr. J, I really hadn't thought he'd be back after two weeks with no word. My feelings were hurt for sure, but I knew I still loved him. On the other hand, he hit me. I was a shrink, I knew the signs of a serial abuser and J displayed several of them tonight. If I stuck around this was not something that was going to change so I either needed to come to terms with it or I needed to get the hell out of Gotham. J was very possessive and insanely jealous so it's not like he'd let me walk out on him. He'd kill me first. I was pulled out of my reverie by the sound of his voice.

"Harley." I quickly spun my head to look at him. He was frowning and looked annoyed.

"Yes, Mistah J?"

"Are you going to sit there and pout all night? You know how much I hate long faces." I gave him a smile that I knew didn't reach my eyes. It felt a little awkward but I didn't want to make him angry.

"Sorry Mistah J. Just got a lot on my mind I guess." He pursed his lips.

"Ya know, it's okay to call me Puddin." I nodded. He opened his arms in a welcoming gesture. I took the hint and quickly slid over next to him. He pulled me onto his lap and wrapped his arms around me. "Look Pumpkin, Daddy is under a lot of pressure right now. I have big plans for Batsy that are about to come to fruition and distractions like looking for you are unacceptable. Of course I lost my temper, what did you expect?" He grabbed my chin and made me look at him. "Don't let it happen again."

"Yes Mistah J." He let go of my face and I buried it into his chest and clung to the lapel of his suit jacket. There were several minutes of silence.

"Now Harley, usually I can't get you to shut up. Do I strike you as the type of guy who's going to tolerate the silent treatment from my girl?"

"No Puddin. I'm sorry, really. I just didn't want to upset you again." He chucked me under the chin.

"So kiddo, you said you busted Pammy out of Arkham. Just how did you manage that?" I shrugged.

"I really didn't have to do too much. I took out the security cam, started a fire and stole a getaway car. Ivy took care of the rest." He threw his head back and laughed.

"You stole a car? Really?" He was beaming at me.

"Yeah, Puddin' I did. I had nothing else to do while you were gone so I taught myself a few things I figured would be helpful when you came back." He actually looked interested.

"What kind of things, Poo?"

"Oh, well I learned how to pick locks but I'm not so good at it yet. I can hotwire a car and I can use a slimjim. I taught myself how to use some new weapons and I learned a little bit about demolitions, but I haven't put it into practice. Afraid I might blow myself up." He chuckled.

"Well aren't you a clever girl? How resourceful of you." My heart fluttered at his compliment. I raised my head off my chest and looked at him.

"Mistah J, I don't know what you're up to with B-man but you need to be careful. You can't go back to Arkham or they're going to use you as a guinea pig." He looked a little confused.

"A guinea pig for what, Harley?"

"Arkham is letting my ex-friend, Dr. Diane Green and this creepy Dr. Strange guy experiment on the patients in Intensive Treatment. They're using surgical implants to try to cure psychopathy, but it can all go wrong and lobotomize 'em. They're eyeballing Zsasz for the first trial, but it's you they really want. You gotta be careful Puddin." He was visibly shocked at this new development.

"I go away for a few weeks and everything goes to hell in a handbasket! I've heard of this Dr. Strange fellow before. He's a kook, but I hear he's a dangerous kook. Hmmm, so Jerry went along with this whole idea, eh? Doesn't surprise me." He slid me off his lap and stood up to pace the length of my living room. "You know this really throws a monkey wrench in my plans. I mean Batsy and I have this routine down to a science! I create chaos, kill a bunch of people, we have a good punch up, he drags me back to Arkham, I escape and the fun starts all over again! I suppose I'll just have to find a way to kill those two nitwits when I go back in."

I wanted to tell him my backup plan, but if I had to execute it I'd be giving up everything. For him. My Mr. J., my Puddin. I needed to know he'd stand by me, but if I asked him outright of course he'd say yes. He was a master manipulator after all. I bit my tongue and kept it to myself.

"Puddin?"

"Yes, Harley?" He ceased his pacing to look at me.

"Um, I don't know exactly how to ask this but," I sighed, "I love you Mistah J. I'm sure of it and I just need to know if you care about me too." He huffed out an exaggerated sigh.

"Women! Look Harley, I'm here aren't I?" I nodded my head. "And didn't I pay off your student loans and get you a new car?"

"Well yeah Mist-" he cut me off.

"Harley, you've studied my file inside and out, you know me better than almost anyone. You know things about me no one else knows. So tell me, am I the kinda guy who goes around doing nice things for people?" He didn't let me answer he just talked over me. "No, I'm not. Have you ever known me to spend any considerable amount of time with anyone other than you, well and Batsy of course?"

"No Puddin." He held his arms out to either side with his palms facing upward.

"Well, then you have your answer." I guess I knew that deep down but I just needed to hear him say it. It was like he read my mind because before I could voice that thought he said, "Look, I am not the type of guy for grand gestures and romantic sentiment. You knew who I was before that night between us in your office. I'm the Clown Prince of Crime, The Jester of Genocide, The Harlequin of Hate! Violence and malevolence are a part of who I am. None of that is going to change! If you're gonna be with me Harley, you'll take what I can give or walk away. I'm giving you that option right now. If you take it, then we're at quits. If not, I don't want to have this conversation ever again. So what's it gonna be cupcake?"

I suddenly started to panic. The thought of losing him made me feel completely empty inside and I realized I had already made my decision. I stood up from the couch, walked over to my boyfriend and wrapped my arms around his neck. I gazed into those gorgeous green eyes.

"I love you Puddin and I'm not going anywhere."

I stood on my tiptoes and he leaned his head down as our lips met. His mouth was demanding, urgent even as our tongues explored one another. I breathed in his scent which after two weeks of not seeing him was enough to make me wet. His hands slid down my back until they were gripping my buttocks and he lifted me up so I could wrap my legs around his waist. I ran my fingers through his hair as he walked us to the bedroom.

That night was magical, passionate and very intense for us both. Afterward I fell asleep with my body half draped over him, my head on his shoulder as he casually ran his fingers through my hair. It was the first time we shared a bed for an entire night and it was strange yet wonderful to wake up with him beside me. He was still asleep and I had never seen him look so peaceful. He was lying on his back and I watched the shallow rise and fall of his alabaster chest. I smiled realizing that even though the words weren't spoken the Joker was really my boyfriend. He was my love and I was his. He rolled over and wrapped his arm around my waist pulling me towards the warmth of his body. I was a happy girl.

I was afraid to move as I didn't want to wake him. My Joker wasn't much of a cuddler, so I wanted to savor the feeling of being snuggled up beside him but my bladder was full. Before long it became urgent that I get to the bathroom so I reluctantly slipped out of his embrace and headed down the hall. After washing my hands, brushing my teeth and getting the tangles out of my hair I headed to the kitchen to make coffee and toast. Just as I was pouring two steaming mugs of caffeinated goodness, J woke up and I heard him in the bathroom. The toast was burnt on one side so I quickly scraped as much of the blackness off as I could before buttering it. Meh, it would be ok. J wandered into the kitchen wearing a pair of polka dotted boxer shorts slung low on his hips and nothing else. His green hair was tousled. I walked over to him and slid my arms around his waist as I gazed into his eyes.

"Mmmm Puddin, you look sexy as hell this morning." He looked at me sleepily and raised an eyebrow.

"Don't be greedy you little brat, I gave you enough last night. Where's the coffee?" I walked back over to the counter and grabbed the mug.

"Cream and sugar Puddin?" He nodded as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes. "I made ya some toast too."

We sat at the tiny kitchen table munching our toast as I beamed at him. It was our first breakfast together. I guess he felt me staring because he raised his eyes and said.

"What?"

"Nothing Puddin, I'm just happy is all." He rolled his eyes.

"Let me guess, you're a morning person aren't you?" I nodded my head vigorously with a huge grin on my face. He groaned in response.

"So whatcha wanna do today Puddin?" He drained the rest of his coffee.

"Some of us have to work, dollface. I have a date with our dear Dork Knight and have some loose ends to tie up beforehand."

"Anything I can do to help you?"

"Not this time Pumpkin. Just do yourself a favor and don't go downtown tomorrow."

He got up from the table and headed back into the bathroom. I heard the shower turn on. I poured myself some more coffee then turned on the news. They were reporting on the 67th annual Gotham St. Patrick's Day parade. The grandstand was being erected in Gotham Square, right in front of Wayne Tower. Kiosks were already in place hawking green hats, scarves, beads and various other Irish themed novelties. The parade would start at one tomorrow afternoon and streets along the parade route would be closed all day in downtown Gotham. That had to be what Puddin was up to. He came back out to the living room now fully dressed and I stared at him.

"What?"

"It's the parade isn't it?" He walked towards me chuckling as he did so.

"See, didn't I tell you that you were a clever girl?" He leaned down and gave me a quick peck on the lips. "Make sure you tune in if you want to see your Mr. J in action. Gotta run doll. Pengers should have delivered my stuff and I have a float to put some final touches on. See you in the funny papers!" He walked towards my door.

"Please be careful Mistah J." He winked, blew me a kiss and was gone.

I didn't like this, it was too big, too public and bound to get him thrown back into Arkham. I decided to call Red.

"Harley, are you ok?"

"Sure Red, I'm fine. It's Mistah J I'm worried about. I need your help can I come by?"

"Of course come on over."

"Thanks Red, you're a real Pal!"

I spent the day over at Pam's. I told her what I was going to need and she had no problem at all synthesizing something perfect. She really was a brilliant scientist.

"Oh by the way Harl, Vincenzo called. He finished the commission you had him working on. Said you can pick it up tonight." I squeed and jumped up and down in her living room.

"Really? That's perfect! I can't wait to see it." Ivy gave me a curious look.

"Neither can I frankly." She paused looking thoughtful. "Harley. I have a pretty good idea what you're up to so I have to ask, are you sure this is really what you want?"

"Red, I have never been more sure about anything in my life."

"Okay then. I'll stand by you if you need me. Now let's get something to eat then we'll go see Vincenzo together because this I have gotta see."