Xena and Gabrielle stood up, looking at each other then the TARDIS, shocked. They waited for the Doctor to emerge.
Nothing.
Neither of them moved. The silence was deafening. As one by one the birds started flying back to investigate the strange box, Xena and Gabrielle moved closer to the TARDIS.
This whole thing had taken both of them by surprise. That they could just say the Doctor shows up, and then have the Doctor just show up was a hell of a coincidence. Then Xena worked up the courage to knock on the door.
No answer. Knock, knock again, a little harder this time. Again, no answer.
The wildlife around them was starting to settle down. One bird had even landed on top of the TARDIS and started examining the light on top.
Xena finally pounded her fist on the door so hard that the door opened a little. Xena and Gabrielle exchanged a glance.
"C'mon Xena," Gabrielle said excitedly.
"I'm not sure about this, Gabrielle," Xena said, warily.
Gabrielle laughed. "He won't mind, we're friends."
Xena shrugged. "Alright," she said, "A quick visit and then we're leaving, okay?"
"Deal," Gabrielle said as she pushed past Xena and ran into the TARDIS.
She made it a few paces in before she had to stop and gaze at the interior of this amazing ship. It had the feel of a king's temple but at the same time it was very homely. To her right, there was an armchair and side table next to a fireplace. The table was covered in books that all looked like they had only been read halfway before moving on to the next one.
Gabrielle had seen it all before and had only hoped of seeing it again and now that she was, she was savouring the opportunity.
Xena wasn't quite so enthralled with the TARDIS. The more she thought about it, the less she trusted the Doctor. He may not be a god, but his sudden appearance was a bit too much like Ares, showing up unexpectedly.
As she closed the door behind her, she called out, "Doctor!"
"Doctor, where are you?" Gabrielle joined in, approaching the TARDIS console.
It was covered in strange blinking lights, buttons and switches that didn't make any sense to her. One red light was flashing on and off very quickly. Gabrielle put out her hand to touch it. The instant she did, a ghostly image of the Doctor appeared behind Xena saying, "This is Emergency Program One, identify yourselves."
As quick as lightning, the startled Xena drew her sword then turned and swiped at the ghostly figure.
"Hostile intruders!" the ghost Doctor said, "Initiating…"
"Wait," Gabrielle came running up to the apparition. "Doctor, it's us. Xena and Gabrielle, remember. We met you outside that village. There was a time distortion and the TARDIS broke down. We only met you for a few minutes. Joxer was with us, he fainted when he saw the inside of the ship!"
Gabrielle spoke quickly to try and calm the Doctor down.
"Scanning data references." The Doctor said before he disappeared with a 'blip'.
Xena was getting frustrated. She felt as though the Doctor was messing with them.
"Stop playing games, Doctor. Show yourself!" she yelled.
She began searching the console room as Gabrielle started reading her scroll.
It had also occurred to Gabrielle that the Doctor's sudden arrival was a bit of a coincidence. She wrote the words down on the scroll and then, just seconds afterwards, he shows up. She had an idea, too ridiculous to mention to Xena just yet.
She sat down next to the console, quill in hand and wrote, 'Xena scratched her nose.'
Over on the other side of the room, Xena scratched her nose.
Gabrielle decided that wasn't enough. She needed conclusive proof that her theory. 'What would Xena never do?' she thought. Then she wrote on the scroll.
Xena was suddenly overcome by the urge to dance around the console like a chicken, making clucking noises all the while. Gabrielle started to feel guilty, using her friend as an experiment, and crossed out what she wrote.
Just as quickly, Xena stopped her chicken dance and then looked at Gabrielle. Gabrielle grinned sheepishly and looked away.
Xena marched up to the console, snatched the scroll out of Gabrielle's hand and read it.
" 'All of a sudden the Doctor's TARDIS appeared in front of Xena and Gabrielle. Xena scratched her nose' and then it's got 'Xena does a chicken dance' crossed out." Xena said. She looked up at Gabrielle, not impressed.
"I thought the scroll was enchanted. I had to be sure," Gabrielle said, defensively.
"Well, I think we can both be sure of that now," Xena said. "There's another thing I'm pretty sure of too."
"What?" Gabrielle asked.
"The Doctor's not here," Xena replied.
"What do you mean? This is his ship, he's gotta be here!" Gabrielle said.
Xena read the scroll again. " 'The Doctor's TARDIS appeared in front of Xena and Gabrielle'. You didn't write anything about the Doctor being in it when it arrived."
"Then where is he?" Gabrielle asked.
"Welcome, Xena and Gabrielle," the emergency program interrupted, having checked its data files. "Any questions you have, feel free to ask."
"Doctor, where are you?" Gabrielle asked.
"I am not the Doctor," he replied. "You are addressing the TARDIS emergency program interface."
"Okay, do you know where the Doctor is?" Xena asked.
"Information not available," the program stated.
"Oh gods!" Gabrielle cried, "he could be anywhere among a billion stars and now he's stranded because of me!"
Xena put her arms around her. "Don't worry Gabrielle, we'll find him. The Doctor won't even notice it was gone."
Gabrielle smiled. Xena was right, she was always right. They'd find him, no problem. Xena was always able to reassure her.
Xena then turned to the interface and asked, "Can you help us find him? How do I steer the TARDIS?"
The interface paused then stated, "The TARDIS is a twelve dimensional travel vessel. Humans are only capable of moving in 3 dimensions. It is therefore impossible for a human to pilot the TARDIS."
Gabrielle then got a bright idea. She grabbed the scroll and, while Xena wasn't looking, wrote, 'Luckily Xena, the Warrior Princess, was a woman of many skills and quickly picked up the basics of travelling in 12 dimensional vessels'. It was a bit of a long shot but it was worth a try.
She wrapped up the scroll and then came over to Xena and said, "Why don't we look at the console and see if we can make anything out of it?"
Xena, unaware of what Gabrielle had written in the scroll, moved to the console and noted all the flashing lights and spinning dials. She had never been on a ship with controls like these. All she had ever needed before was a wheel to keep the sails in check and she was fine.
Gabrielle watched Xena as she walked around the console. She reluctantly started flipping switches, turning dials, pressing buttons and pulling levers. The console started to buzz as if the whole ship was coming to life. Then she started tapping on the keyboard, staring at an image on a view screen that changed every second.
'She's really doing it,' Gabrielle thought.
She was amazed at how Xena seemed to pick up the controls effortlessly. Was it the scroll's enchantment or just Xena's natural genius? she wondered.
"What are you doing?" Gabrielle asked.
"It's like the ship is alive," Xena said. "It has here a memory of all the places the Doctor has visited. All I have to do is type in the last destination the TARDIS landed and it'll take us back there."
"But the interface said that it had no idea where the Doctor is," Gabrielle said.
"I'm not asking it where the Doctor is, I'm asking where he last parked. It's very pedantic this thing," Xena said. "Well, that should do it. Hold on!"
She pulled a lever and then a groan erupted from the TARDIS as it took flight. The ride was not as bad as they thought it would be and in literally no time at all they arrived at their destination.