"That's funny," the Doctor said to himself, "I could've sworn I parked her here."
The year was 1993 and the gig had just finished. The band had really outdone itself this time. Well, not really. This would be the Doctor's seventh time at this particular concert. Not very responsible timelord practice but he couldn't help it. He loved Wyld Stallyns. Their lyrics and harmonies always made him feel at peace, which was not something he felt very often.
Going to the same concert over and over again did have its issues. This time he came to the realisation that it was him in his seventh life that had spilled his drink on his fifth incarnation all those years ago. It was quite confusing for him personally. He apologized profusely for his stupidity and his fifth incarnation told him not to worry about it. However, the Doctor distinctly remembered in his fifth life, when he was on the receiving end of that drink, he wasn't nearly as forgiving as he made out to be. In fact, he secretly held a little grudge about it.
He also suspected that he saw one of his future incarnations looking at him during the concert. There was a young man wearing a tweed suit and bow tie, a woman with red hair, and a man with a slack jaw who looked quite dense. He hoped the slack jaw wasn't something that he had to look forward to.
But now the gig was over and he was looking for the TARDIS. His TARDIS. He'd already walked into one and was met by a rather rude version of himself wearing a black leather jacket. He spoke with a strong northern-England accent and basically threw him out on his rear.
"But I'm trying to find my TARDIS!" he'd cried. "Do you remember where it is?"
"It'll show up soon, now clear off!" the other Doctor said, before abruptly slamming the door.
'Soon?' thought the Doctor.
As the Doctor pondered this, he heard the sound of the TARDIS a few hundred yards away. He picked up his hat and umbrella and ran towards the sound. He was just in time to see another TARDIS materialising behind the stadium.
"Oh Doctor, your time dial's out again," he said, thinking that one of his later selves had turned up late to the gig.
He walked towards it, intent on reprimanding himself for his lateness. He was about to knock on the door when it opened.
"You imbecile! Do you have any idea what time it is?" the Doctor asked.
A familiar figure appeared at the door. "Now what kind of a greeting is that?"
"Xena!?" the Doctor exclaimed, "What the devil are you doing in my TARDIS?"
Xena didn't get a chance to explain, because in that moment, Gabrielle came running out of the TARDIS.
"Doctor!" Gabrielle exclaimed, giving him a big bear hug.
"Hello Gabrielle, it's wonderful to see you again," the Doctor said hugging Gabrielle "It really is, but how did you get here?"
"Read this," Xena said as she handed the Doctor Gabrielle's scroll.
The Doctor put on a pair of glasses and unrolled the scroll.
He read aloud, " 'All of a sudden, the Doctor's TARDIS appeared in front of Xena and Gabrielle. Xena scratched her nose. Xena did a chicken dance'?" he looked from Xena to Gabrielle, perplexed.
"Keep reading," Gabrielle said.
" 'Luckily Xena, the Warrior Princess, was a woman of many skills and quickly picked up the basics of travelling in 12 dimensional vessels'?" the Doctor continued.
"I didn't know about the last part," Xena said, giving a death stare to Gabrielle.
Gabrielle looked down, sheepishly.
"Why are you showing me this?" the Doctor demanded.
"Every thing that we have written on that scroll has come true," Xena said.
The Doctor stroked his chin.
"An enchanted scroll? Interesting," The Doctor said.
He walked past Xena and Gabrielle straight into the TARDIS. They quickly followed him inside and saw that he was attaching wires to the scroll and running beams of green light over it. He was acting very oddly.
"What are you doing, Doctor?" Xena asked.
"For something written on a scroll to come true, it requires an incredible amount of psychic ability and telekinesis. They would also have to know what was written on the scroll in order make it happen." The Doctor was typing into the console's keyboard as he spoke. "Tell me, did you write anything on the scroll while you were inside the TARDIS?" he asked.
"Just the 'Xena can fly the TARDIS' bit," Gabrielle admitted.
"I see," the Doctor said, still tapping away at the keys.
"I said what are you doing?" Xena asked again.
"The TARDIS itself is telepathic, it's scanning the scroll for a psychic wavelength," The Doctor said.
"Will that help us?" Gabrielle asked.
"It will help pinpoint who is responsible for this mess," the Doctor said.
Gabrielle walked towards the fireplace and sat down in front of it with her back to the Doctor and Xena. The Doctor was too busy running around the console to notice.
Xena noticed. She walked over to Gabrielle and sat next to her watching the fire.
"That'll be me then," Gabrielle whispered to Xena. "I'm responsible for this."
"It was an accident, Gabrielle. We'll find out who…"
"Aha!" the Doctor shouted in triumph.
Gabrielle and Xena both turned to the Doctor.
"You found it?" Gabrielle asked.
"Can we track it?" asked Xena.
"Yes, Gabrielle. No need, Xena." The Doctor said quickly. "Think about it. This psychic signature has the power to make incredible things occur but has to be within earshot to know what is written. You wrote on the scroll while inside the TARDIS, which means whoever enchanted the scroll…"
"… Is on board with us," Xena finished.
"Precisely," the Doctor said.
The Doctor then grabbed the microphone on the console and said, "It has come to my attention that there are four people onboard my ship. Xena, Gabrielle and myself have all been accounted for. Which leaves you, whoever you are. Show yourself this instant!"
As the Doctor spoke into the microphone, his voice boomed around the TARDIS. It seemed to come from everywhere.
"This must be a truly remarkable ship for him to project his voice all around us," Gabrielle remarked in wonder.
A woman's voice replied to the Doctor, "You'll have to come and get me!" she laughed.
"Oh, that's how you want to play, is it?" the Doctor growled. "Not on my ship!"
"That's Aphrodite," Xena said to the Doctor.
"Aphrodite? Greek goddess of love?" asked the Doctor. "This is going to be harder than I thought."
He turned to the screen on the console. Xena and Gabrielle were standing alongside him also looking at the screen. They saw amongst images of alleys and corridors a pink dot on the screen.
Xena pointed to it. "Is that her?" she asked.
"Yes," he said.
While they were looking at the pink dot on the left of the screen, it disappeared and reappeared on the right side of the screen.
"How are we going to catch her?" Gabrielle asked. "We could be here forever trying to find her. Unless you can teleport after her?" she added, hopefully.
"That won't be necessary. She'll come to us. I won't give her a choice," The Doctor replied.
He began tapping furiously on the keyboard. Xena and Gabrielle continued watching the screen as the image of the TARDIS's layout began to shift and alter.
"What are you doing?" Gabrielle asked.
"I'm changing the dimensions of the TARDIS. Adding rooms, subtracting rooms, multiplying rooms, dividing rooms. Even 'gods' can't be in two places at once," he said.
"You can add and take away rooms on the ship just like that?" Xena asked.
"TARDIS stands for 'Time And Relative Dimensions In Space'" The Doctor explained, not taking his eyes off the screen. "The dimensions of the ship are relative to this console. I have direct control over how many rooms there are and what size they are. From here, I can make a room as big as an arena, or as small as a grain of sand."
As they listened, Xena and Gabrielle saw the pink dot dart around the screen as the Doctor continued to manipulate the layout of the ship. It was as if he was playing a ball game, and Aphrodite was the ball. The pink dot was being stretched, flattened, bend out of shape, and split in half.
"I expect she's getting quite a headache by now," the Doctor said.
Then in a puff of pink smoke, Aphrodite appeared in the console room.
"Okay! Okay! You got me!" Aphrodite said putting her hands up.
The Doctor turned to Aphrodite and smiled. He walked slowly over to her, looking her up and down. He saw by her clothing that she was not armed or dangerous. She had no place to conceal a weapon if she was. So he decided to be courteous.
"Hello, I'm the Doctor," he said. "You must be Aphrodite. Pleasure."
There was an air of infinite superiority in the Doctor's voice that made Aphrodite grimace.
Aphrodite put her hands on her hips. "That was mean," she sulked.
"What you did was irresponsible," the Doctor said. "Do you have any idea what would have happened if the TARDIS fell into the wrong hands? Thank heavens it was Xena and Gabrielle who found it. Any one else, and the entire history of the universe could've unravelled."
"Sorry! I didn't think it was a big deal," Aphrodite said.
"Well," the Doctor said, "now that you've learnt your lesson, you can remove the spell, and then I'll take you all back to your time."
"Fine," Aphrodite said.
Gabrielle picked up the scroll, unhooked the wires from the TARDIS console and handed it to Aphrodite. The scroll glowed pink in her hands and then the glow disappeared. She handed the scroll back to Gabrielle and then turned to the Doctor.
"I only wanted to meet you," she said.
"Next time, meet me face-to-face," the Doctor said.
The Doctor turned back to the console and set the TARDIS in flight, back to Ancient Greece.
"Let's just make sure the coast is clear," the Doctor said.
He checked the view screen and saw only the campfire. He pulled another lever and the TARDIS doors opened. The Doctor shuffled everybody out before closing the door behind him.