7 Years Ago
It was ten in the morning when Clarke heard the alarm clock go off in her ear. She went to reach for the thing making all that noise on her day off. It wasn't until her hand was on her alarm that she realized it wasn't going off. In her half asleep daze she rolled over and cuddled further into the pillow. She faintly heard the shower start in the background as she drifted back to sleep.
If she wasn't so half asleep she may have shed a couple of tears. She missed waking up with her girlfriend next to her, to her there was no better feeling than rolling over and getting as close to her girlfriend as she could. She knew that leaving had been her decision but there were days when med school wasn't worth waking up alone.
A noise in her ear made her wake up slightly once again. The sound of a kissing noise, that's what it was she realized as she heard the noise again. She tried to form a coherent word but nothing came out. "Mmm," was all she managed causing her girlfriend to laugh a little.
"I have to leave but get some rest baby and enjoy your day off."
"Mhmm," so much for those words.
"I love you."
Clarke smiled as the butterflies started flying around in her stomach. "Mhmm, love you." At least that's what she hoped she had said but it was hard to really know for sure. She heard Lexa laugh and she was once again reminded why she loved the other woman so much. It was the little things like the sound of her laugh, and the way that without fail if Clarke was still in bed by the time Lexa got up she always said I love you before she left. Even if she was unsure if it was falling on deaf ears. Clarke didn't even know when it started until she was woke up once morning, she stayed silent and listened to her girlfriend get ready and that's when she had heard it for the first time. There was no better feeling than knowing just how much someone truly loves you. Especially when you catch them saying something you may or may not have been supposed to hear.
All she knew in the midst of being ninety percent asleep was that this, this was true love. The kind of love that is spoken about in movies and books, the kind that will last forever.
XOXO
"Hello." Lexa answered her phone as she stood in line at her normal coffee shop.
"Sup fool."
Lexa rolled her eyes as she ordered her coffee. "You realize you're from Laguna right Ray?"
Raven laughed on the other end of the line. "Yeah I know, I'm channeling my inner surfer."
"And more stereotypes." Lexa laughed as she mouthed a thank you to the barista and sat down at a window seat. "What is really up Ray? Not that I don't love talking to you."
"Bitch I have been one of your best friends since preschool and I didn't dismember you when you broke my best friends heart into a million little shards, so if I want to call you at midnight for no reason at all I will."
Lexa sipped her coffee as she relaxed into the chair. "You're so sweet to me but we don't have phone chats."
"When are you going to tell Clarke you want her babies?"
"What?"
"Do you want me to say it in Spanish? I thought you were some brilliant lawyer and CEO?"
Lexa was genuinely confused for a minute but it didn't take her much longer to figure it out. "She told you."
"Of course she told me, I'm her best friend. She tells me everything, so now it's your turn. Make the move Lexa, you'll never know if you don't try."
"I don't want to ruin things, I really love having her back in my life. I really didn't realize how much I missed her. The way she smiles, the way her hair smells after she takes a shower."
"Then don't you think you've spent enough time missing out on those things? Life is too short Lex, and you've wasted far too much time.'
"I hate when you're right." Lexa was about to say something else when she saw blonde hair and a beautiful smile sit down next to her. "Sorry mom, I'm going to have to let you go."
"Tell her I say." Clarke whispered.
"Clarke says hi."
"What the hell, I thought she was at work tonight." Raven gritted her teeth, expecting to really get to lay it on thick with Lexa. "Tell her bye sweetheart."
Lexa laughed at Raven trying to imitate her mother. "Mom says bye sweetheart." Clarke smiled as she leaned back into the chair.
"Alright bye mom, love you." It was almost impossible for her to not laugh at the sound of Raven practically crying from laughter on the other end of the line so before she got caught she hung up the phone, positive that 3000 miles away one of her best friends nights had just been made. "Hi beautiful." She grinned once she put her phone down.
"Hi gorgeous. Thought I saw you sitting over here so I thought I'd at least say hi."
"I'm glad you did, definitely the highlight of my night." Clarke let out a slight laugh. "Not working tonight?"
"Surgery went better than expected, I was supposed to be done about four hours ago. You're out awfully late."
"We had some meetings with Australia and since they're about thirteen hours ahead, it means I get to stay up late. Perks of the job."
"I guess that's a good reason as to why you're the boss lady then."
"Not like I'm a good sleeper anyways." Lexa thought for a second. "Do you want to go for a walk?"
"It's cold out." Clarke noted. "You hate the cold."
Lexa shrugged. "Besides we have hot coffee and each other." She winked with her signature smile as she stood up and extended her hand.
"Fine, a walk sounds good, even though I've literally been on my feet for the past fourteen hours." Clarke could see Lexa wince slightly, clearly forgetting that being at work meant Clarke was on her feet for most, if not all of her shift. "It's okay a walk actually sounds good, I could use the fresh air but if I get tired you have to promise to carry me."
Lexa laughed, the smile reappearing on her face. "As you wish."
XOXO
They were enjoying their walk, gloves on, coffees in hand. Thus far that hadn't really talked about anything that held any real importance.
"I really needed the fresh night air." Clarke grinned as they continued to walk, closer than most people, which caused Clarke to entwine their arms.
"You're a breath of fresh air." Lexa hadn't really meant to say that out loud and usually Clarke would think she was joking but something in the way it had come out caused the other woman to stop walking.
"You meant that." It wasn't a question.
Lexa nodded as she looked directly at Clarke before they started walking again. "Can I be honest about something?"
"Always."
"Things are different with you, they always have been. We can do things like this and it's perfect, there's no rush. We can stay in and have really cheap greasy pizza, crack open a bottle of wine and call it a successful night. Looking back at it, something always felt off with Costia, like something was missing. That's what it was…"
"…the simple things." Clarke finished her sentence before going silent again.
"Exactly. I have a lot of money and I'm from money but you have never treated me like that, it's never been a big deal to you."
"My family isn't exactly poor either Lex."
The brunette looked up at the sky as they continued walking. "I know, but I think it's more of your lifestyle choice. We could choose to live like we had all the money in the world. We could hop on a jet right now and be in Paris for breakfast but that's not you. Costia was used to that lifestyle and it's never been who I am. Being with you, spending time with you has reminded me of how nice it is to decompress and just be without the getting fancy and going out to dinner every night. I never let myself realize how much I missed this, I didn't realize I was missing a part of myself."
"That's what friends are for."
Clarke's words stung a little bit but Lexa knew the blonde hadn't meant them like that. "I don't want to just be your friend Clarke, but if that's what you're willing to give then that is what I'm willing to take. I'm willing to take as much or as little as you're willing to give me because I know I hurt you. I hurt you in ways I can't ever take back but I can damn well try and change the future. I've wasted too much time being away from you."
Clarke's heart felt like it had stopped beating, even though her legs continued to move. They walked for sometime before Clarke finally said anything. "I'm not ready for that, I'm not sure I ever will be and I don't expect you to wait for something that may never happen."
Lexa leaned closer and kissed Clarke's temple. "I know, and I know that I don't deserve your time but I can't help but want it. You always chased after me, you always put in that little bit of extra effort, now it's my turn. No pressure, I just wanted you to know how I feel. Life brought us back together and I'm not going to waste another minute of it, even if that means I have to be your friend. If being your friend is the closest then I am going to be the best friend you ever had." Lexa smiled before leaning closer and whispering in Clarke's ear. "But please don't tell Raven or Octavia, Raven has already threatening to dismember me."
Clarke couldn't help but laugh as she heard her best friends voice in her head and exactly what her threatening Lexa would have sounded like. "Speaking of Raven, I told her two days ago that you weren't into me like that."
"I've always been into you Clarke Griffin."
"It's because I'm cute isn't it?"
"The cutest, thank you for not freaking out."
Clarke pulled Lexa's arm closer to her body. "I know how hard saying that must have been for you and I appreciate it so I'm not going to freak out. I enjoy us being honest and talking about things."
"You're amazing. Your heart astounds me and one day maybe I'll be worthy of it again but until then you should know that I have a huge crush on you but we'll take it one day at a time?"
"I'm always going to love you Lexa, but it's just different now but we all know I take life how it comes at me so whatever happens, happens.
"Deal." Part of Lexa felt like her world had just crumbled but the other part of her understood where Clarke was coming from. She wouldn't rush this, she'd do everything in her power to prove to her that she was her always and forever.
XOXO
"Hey, you alright?" Octavia asked as she peered over the back of the couch as Lexa tossed her keys onto the table by the front door.
"You're up late." Lexa noted as she walked into her room.
"Just got home from work, how's my best friend?"
"I'm great." Lexa called from her room as she changed into her pajamas. The sarcasm in her tone was heavy enough to fill the entire city as she came back out into the living room and sat down next to her roommate. "I told Clarke how I feel, it went how I expected it to. Her heart is so guarded and I get it but it still hurts."
"Good, it should." A pause. "You left her without saying a single word and she didn't sit around and wait for you to come back. We were all convinced you were never coming back and then Clarke got that job in L.A. She wasn't going to take it because she didn't want to have to see you. She stopped talking about you completely, I've never seen so much pain in someone that is by all other means healthy. That kind of hurt and pain takes time, you know she's going to make you work for it without meaning too. That being said, I haven't seen her this happy in a long time. You're different around each other and not in a bad way, you do what all the great couples do."
"Which is? Lexa laughed slightly as she waited for Octavia to finish.
"Which is that you bring out the best in each other, you know each others faults, it's not perfect but it's the purest form of love I have ever seen."
Lexa sighed heavily as she let Octavia's words weigh on her conscious. "The minute I saw her in that hospital a part of me knew right then and there how badly I fucked up. I pushed her away and I deserve for her to hate me, for her to never forgive while I love her, even from a distance. Then she was there, fixing me, like she always does, she fixes everyone else but not herself and god what I wouldn't give to go back and change it all, to have never missed a minute of being with her." A few tears fell down Lexa's cheeks before Octavia's arms were around her.
"Give her time, she's stubborn but I think she'll give you another chance you just have to keep being honest, keep being her friend. I'm proud of you for telling her what you already have, for finally seeing what has always been right in front of you."
XOXO
7 Years Ago
"How was class?" Lexa asked as she heard Clarke yawn. It was 2 a.m. in New York City and Lexa had no idea how Clarke was still awake.
"It was okay." Lexa couldn't help but smile as she watched her girlfriend let out her hair and pull the blankets up to her shoulders as she got comfortable in bed. "I want to hear about your day." It was barely a mumble but Lexa thought it was the cutest thing in the world. She loved talking to her girlfriend when she was half asleep.
"My day was good but it's much better now that I'm lying in bed with a beautiful, insanely intelligent woman."
"Mmm, smooth talker."
"Not smooth, honest." Lexa watched as Clarke's eyes closed and the smile on her face grew. "Do you want to put a movie on?"
"Mhmm." Was the only response Lexa got. Most people would probably be annoyed by the response but not her. She found it to be one of the cutest things Clarke did. Whenever she was really tired the only response she could utter was 'mhmm'. It said all the things she wanted to but couldn't.
"Do you want to cuddle?"
It took a minute but Clarke finally responded, "mhmm."
Lexa had to hold in her laugh. "Okay baby, get some sleep, I got you."
"Mhmm." Lexa was now looking at a mess of blonde hair on a pillow.
"Sweet dreams beautiful, I love you."
"I love you more." And there it was, one of the reasons why Lexa would choose to stay in instead of going out with friends; to hear that groggy 'I love you'.
XOXO
Two hours later Lexa was staring up at the ceiling unable to fall asleep. She was startled when her phone went off and lit up the room. Yawning she figured it was something business related and was tempted to leave it but she decided she might as well work if she couldn't sleep. Reaching over she grabbed her phone off the table without looking at who the caller was. "Lexa Callaway."
"Are you always so formal in the wee hours of the morning? Or has New York already changed you."
Lexa laughed as she heard the sound of the voice on the other line. "I think it's already changing me, for the better. I'm starting to see it's beauty and why it captivates people the way it does."
"Oh is that so?"
Lexa nodded in the dark. "It is and to what do I owe the pleasure of getting to speak with a beautiful woman at this late hour?"
"You said you haven't been sleeping and I can't fall asleep. It's too cold to go for a run so I figured I'd call this girl I know. Really attractive, prettiest eyes I've ever seen."
"She sounds alright."
Clarke laughed. "She's more than alright but I really just wanted to talk to her about something, if it was alright with her."
"It is."
A long pause. "I want her to know that the past is the past and that I've put it behind me, but that I'm very much looking forward to the future. I don't know where it's going to take me or what going's to happen but I wanted her to know that I appreciate all that she's done for me these past couple months." Another pause. "I want her to know that I want to get to know her again, for whatever that may mean."
They spent the rest of the night talking until the sun finally rose in the sky once again. "I should let you get some sleep, you aren't used to being up all night."
Lexa laughed. "You're the one that deserves the rest but before you go, can I ask you something?"
"Always."
"What are you doing thanksgiving weekend?"
Clarke thought for a moment. "I think I'm on rotation and I have a work function to attend. I'm guessing you're going home?"
"No, I have a work thing myself, but did you want to do dinner at some point since I know Lincoln and Octavia are going to meet Bellamy."
"Dinner at some point, sounds lovely. I'll look forward to it. Goodnight Lexi, get some sleep."
"Goodnight Clarke."
They stayed on the line for another moment, neither saying a word. It had always felt weird to hang up on the other and clearly old habits died hard.
TBC…