Chapter 35
I felt like a new person when I left the bathroom. I was clean and smelled nice, although my hair was going to have to air dry. I would have to ask Rocco to get me a hair dryer sometime soon. I put on the grey yoga pants and one of the tight t-shirts that had the band name Arson Anthem on the front. I had never heard of them before, but yup, this one was making the list. It felt nice having clean panties and socks on. As I entered the bedroom I saw J was deep asleep. He was lying on his back with one hand on his chest and his other arm bent above his head. I didn't want to wake him, I knew from Arkham that he very rarely slept, but I couldn't help but stare at him for a few minutes. He looked so different in sleep. He was completely relaxed, all his usual tension gone, the twitching of his eyes as he processed all the information he took in absent from his face. In sleep he looked like an angel. I swooned to think that he was mine and that we were living together now. Wow, I guess I hadn't really taken much time to process that yet but this was my home now too. I figured I may as well explore the rest of the hideout and get the lay of the land, so to speak.
I walked around the upper floor opening doors. The first room I entered looked a little bit like Ivy's lab, sans plants of course. There were beakers and test tubes full of multi-colored liquids. Bunsen burners, microscopes and Petri dishes filled the table tops. There was a huge whiteboard to one side filled with formulas and equations in Joker's messy handwriting. Further down this hallway I discovered three rooms that held cots, tatty twin mattresses and bunk beds. Each was messy with trash and dirty dishes scattered all over the floor. I assumed this was where the henchmen slept when they were in residence. Further into the hideout was a large open space with a huge flat screen TV and several mismatched couches arranged around it. This must be the henches common room. There was an X-box and a Playstation on the coffee table and a cardboard box full of games and DVD's next to the TV. I rifled through it and found some old school games I hadn't played since college. The movies were mostly action and horror flicks, nothing that particularly excited me. I was more a comedy and romance kinda girl myself.
I continued exploring and saw there was a larger kitchen off of this room that actually had a stove. Our kitchenette only had a sink, fridge and a microwave. Not that I cooked all that often, but I liked having the option at least. These rooms were also filthy. I looked around for any kind of cleaning supplies but came up empty. I found a pad and pen and made out another list for Rocco. If I was gonna be living here, there was a certain standard of cleanliness that needed to be maintained. At least I was going to have something to keep me occupied when J was working. The last door opened onto a large area that was obviously used as gym/workout room. There wasn't a ton of equipment but there were dumbbells, free weights, bench press, plyo-box, kettle balls, jump ropes, medicine ball, a pull up bar and a set of rings hanging from the ceiling. There was also a stereo in the corner. I could definitely work with this.
It was only about one in the afternoon and Joker asked me to wake him at six so I had time to kill. I went into the henches living room and played video games for a few hours. When I tired of that I headed to the gym. I turned the stereo to WGTU, which played a nice variety of hits from the seventies to today. I started off by stretching out really well then launched into my usual regiment of crunches, push-ups, freestanding handstand push-ups, splits, box jump-overs and a few other basics to help keep me strong and nimble. I had to admit it was much easier keeping in shape now that Ivy had given me that serum. I moved on to weights and finished up working on the rings. The room was too small for floor work so I wandered down to the warehouse area of the building and cleared a space large enough to work on flips, pikes and handsprings.
As I was in the middle of a complicated combination of moves the outer door opened and about ten of the henchmen came into the warehouse. I estimated it was around five in the afternoon. I ignored them and finished my routine with a triple back handspring that ended in a round off. I stuck the landing and glanced over at the group of guys standing around and staring at me.
"Why doncha take a picture, it'll last longer." I said haughtily as I crossed my hands over my chest and stood with my hip thrust out to one side. One of the bigger, braver and obviously stupider henchmen walked over and glared at me.
"What the hell are you doing here? This is a big boy's game sweetheart, a little girl like you won't last ten minutes out there on the job." I raised an eyebrow and rolled my eyes at him. He was about six feet tall, bulky with full sleeves of tattoos on both arms. He was wearing camo pants, a wife beater, military jacket and combat boots and had a shaved head. I judged he was an ex-marine if the skull tattoo with U.S.M.C. underneath it on his chest was any indication. He was a real tough looking dude. I was going to enjoy taking him down a few pegs.
"Oh yeah, well Mistah J doesn't seem to think so. Especially since I just saved his butt last night." He laughed at me.
"Heh I guess even the boss can get preoccupied by a cute piece of ass. No skin off my nose if you get killed on your first job. You may be able to flip around like a human jumping-jack but you need to know how to fight to make it in this business sugar lips, and you? You couldn't hurt a fly." I stared at him indignantly.
"Yeah? You wanna test that theory tough guy?" I glanced around the room scouting out things I might be able to use as a weapon if I needed it. One of the other henches, one who was obviously wiser addressed his cohort.
"Raze, cut it out. That's Joker's girl, man. You heard what he said last night. Are you fucking nuts?" I giggled.
"Raze? That's your name, meathead?" He gave me the evil eye.
"It's Razor ya blonde bim!"
"Ooooooh, so scary." I said mockingly. "So let's see whatcha got roidhead." He pulled off his jacket and threw it angrily on the floor. He sneered as he began circling me.
"J's girl or not, I'm gonna enjoy wiping that smile offa your smart mouth."
"Well quit flappin your gums already and come at me, bro." I said sharply as I got ready to move.
He swung at me and I ducked to the side as his fist passed by the side of my head.
"Well thanks for that cool, refreshin breeze. Your aim ain't so good is it?" His left came up as if to uppercut me in the gut, but I cartwheeled out of the way. With big guys, Dick taught me that if you can evade their hits long enough, you can wear them out, eventually giving you the upper hand.
"C'mon slut, quit avoiding me and do something already!" he swung and missed yet again.
"Ha. You need glasses or something tough guy? You couldn't hit the broad side of a barn!"
I was really pissing this guy off but I was also wearing him down. I was putting minimal effort into avoiding his blows and he was already sweating and breathing heavily. I finally saw my opening. He swung and I jumped back putting the right amount of distance between us. I did a front handspring and grabbed him around the neck with my legs. My motion continued pushing me up and forward and I was able to flip his body completely over as I landed on my hands, slamming him into the ground. I squeezed hard with my thighs, choking him out as I punched him repeatedly in the nose. When I tired of that I casually got up and wiped my hands off on my pants. He was coughing and sputtering, trying to get back up off the ground. I walked over to a table and grabbed a sledgehammer that was propped there. When Razor was back on his feet he charged at me. I simply stepped aside and brought the hammer down on his kneecap. Everyone in the room cringed at the loud crack and pop of the bone shattering. He went down. Hard.
Razor rolled over cussing up a storm as he writhed on the ground. "You fucking psycho bitch! I'm gonna fucking kill you, you cunt!" I walked over swinging my hips and looked down at him as I waggled my index finger at him.
"Ah ah ah, I don't think so. You kinda need to be able to walk to do that. So, I couldn't hurt a fly, eh? I sure hurt you plenty!" I kicked him in the face before turning to look over at the other guys. In the scuffle it seems a handful more showed up. I put my hands on my hips and glared at them. "Anyone else wanna piece a me?"
The henchmen all shook their heads as they gazed at their wounded buddy screaming in pain on the floor. From above us a slow round of applause echoed through the warehouse. I looked up to see Mistah J, now fully dressed in one of his suits looking down on the spectacle. He was smiling with pride.
"Brava, Harley my dear. Very well done." I beamed at him for his praise.
"Sorry I had to take out your guy Puddin, but you said not to take any crap."
"That I did Poo. Razor should have known better but I think the steroids have addled his brain." He walked down the stairs and over to the huddled mass on the floor that was Razor. He looked at the assembled henchmen. "Let this be a lesson to you fella's. She is not to be trifled with. If she doesn't take you out." He pulled a long barreled gun from his pocket and aimed it at Razor's head. Razor began to apologize and plead for his life. J looked down at him unsympathetically. "I will." He pulled the trigger and Razor's brains splattered all over the floor. Joker looked back up at his men and motioned towards the corpse with the barrel of his gun. "Take care of this mess. Then report back to me in the lab, we're going to have a little meeting."
He walked over and put his arm around my shoulders and led me back upstairs. He looked down at me with a smirk on his face. "I just can't leave you alone for a second without you getting into trouble can I?"
"Sorry Mistah J, but he started it." I pouted. He placed is hand under my chin and tilted my face up to look at him.
"That's okay, Pumpkin. It was bound to happen sooner or later. I'm just glad to see you were able to handle yourself down there." He released his grip on my face. "Who taught you how to fight?" Eeek, I knew he was a little jealous of my friendship with Dick, but Dick was a cop in Bludhaven now so obviously that friendship was caput.
"Um, the rich, pretty boy?" I said it like it was a question instead of a statement. A flicker of annoyance crossed his face. "He taught a self-defense class at the Y. When I took on your case I figured I better learn how." He chuckled.
"You learned how to fight to protect yourself from me? I'm flattered. He teach you how to use a knife?"
"No, and I haven't fired a gun yet either. I bought one but I left it at Ivy's. Dick says I'm better with a weapon that has a little heft and a long reach since my arms are kinda short." He walked me into our living room.
"I saw that. You handled that baseball bat pretty well last night and you looked like a natural with that sledgehammer, dollface. You know what might be funnier though?" I gazed up into his handsome face.
"What Puddin?"
"An L.W.M." I gave him a puzzled look.
"A what now?" He chuckled.
"A large wooden mallet, and I just happen to know where to get one." My eyes widened in glee.
"Ya mean like the ones Bugs and Daffy use on the Looney Toons?" He nodded and made a sound of agreement. "YEESSSS! Puddin that would be killer!"
"What an interesting choice of words Poo." I sat down on the couch. "Now Rocco should be back soon with groceries and some clothes for you. Think you can manage to stay out of trouble while I have a little talk with my men?"
"Of course Mistah J. I'll wait here until you get back." He patted me on the head.
"Good girl. Oh and Poo?"
"Yeah Puddin?"
"Think you can make me something to eat when Rocco gets back? After all of that activity last night I'm famished."
"Sure thing boss!" I winked at him as he turned to leave the room.
I flipped through the channels on the TV for about an hour but there was nothing on but the news. I was starting to get bored when I heard a knock on the door to our living room, which I thought was odd considering the door was wide open. I peeked over the back of the couch to see Rocco weighed down with a ton of bags. He was staring directly at the floor, I guess he didn't want to chance walking in on us again. I turned pink remembering how he found us earlier.
"Come on in Rocco. I'm decent, I promise." I watched him blush a deep red as he wandered into the room.
"Miss Quinn, I have some stuff for you here." I walked over and took some of the bags from him.
"Call me Harley, Rocco. Everyone does." I placed the bags on the couch and scanned the names. His wife obviously had good taste, there were bags from Burgdorf's, Veronica's Secret, Lord & Taylor, Macy's and a slew of other high end department stores. Rocco unloaded the rest of the clothing bags on the couch with the others. "Wow Roc, your wife really outdid herself! What exactly did you tell her?"
"The truth…mostly. I told her the boss just moved in his girlfriend because her apartment building burned down. She doesn't know Joker, but she knows my boss was always an eternal bachelor. She was happy to hear he finally had a lady and was pretty excited to help out."
"How long have you worked for Mistah J Roc?" He looked thoughtful as he tallied it up in his head.
"Going on seven years now I guess." I glanced up from rummaging through bags to look at him.
"Wow, that's a long time. I hope he keeps me around at least that long."
"Say, how did you two get together anyways?" I giggled as I pulled a negligee out of the Veronica's Secret bag. Betty did a great job, so far I loved everything she had picked out.
"We met at Arkham. He slapped my ass and I broke his nose for it. The rest happened over time. After he killed his first shrink I got the job. The rest is history." He stared at me open mouthed.
"Oh, okay. That's um, an interesting way to fall in love. Harley, I'm gonna go put these away in your kitchen for you." He held up a few bags of groceries.
"Thanks Roc. Oh wait a second." I grabbed the new list off the coffee table and handed it to him. "Sorry to ask you, but sometime soon could you grab this stuff too? I can't live in this filth, the place needs a woman's touch."
"Sure no problem." He turned to leave.
"Oh and please thank your wife for me. She has excellent taste!" He smiled over his shoulder.
"I will."
I watched him waddle away down the hall to our kitchenette. I busied myself with sorting out my new clothes and finding a place to put them, then I headed down to make something for J to eat. I found a bag of pre-prepared penne ala vodka in the freezer and popped it the microwave. J came back from his meeting just as I was pulling the pasta from the microwave. I fixed him a plate and brought it into the living room. He gave me a radiant smile as I walked over.
"I think you scared the boys Pumpkin. I don't think you'll be having any problems from them again."
"Yeah? I guess that little scuffle served to mark my territory. That's good, because they're gonna help me clean this place up. It looks like it hasn't been cleaned in, well ever." He chuckled then took a bite of the pasta. "So Puddin, when do I get to go out on a job with you?"
"Well, after we pick up your new suits I suppose. Of course you need to learn how to fire a gun first." He took another bite and thought as he chewed. "Tell you what, I'm gonna have Kilson give you some lessons tomorrow. He's one of the best shots I have and he's a quiet fellow too. Should be easy to work with. Once you're an adequate shot, you can come on a job with me, okay Pumpkin?" I squealed and clapped my hands.
"Thank you Puddin! I promise I won't let you down."
We chatted over our pasta and when he was finished he put his plate on the table and turned to me with a mock frown on his face.
"As much as I hate to leave you Poo, Daddy has a lot of work to do. Think you can manage to not cripple another henchman in the meantime?" I grinned at him.
"Well yeah, as long as none of them challenge me again. Sure." He leaned in and gave me a quick peck on the lips.
"Good girl. I've got to run now, I have a meeting in Otisburg with the Harvey's. I won't be back until late so don't wait up." I pouted a little but I knew better than to interfere with his work.
"Okay Puddin. Please be careful, I love you." He grunted in response and I watched him as he walked down the hall and descended the steps that led to the warehouse. I missed him already.