By some miracle, I make my way through the maze of hallways and doors and eventually end up finding my room. It's where I must have been staying before I woke up in the infirmary. I assume it's my room, because it's done up exactly the way I would have designed it. It was simple, and nothing too extravagant. There is only the one bed, which means I haven't needed to share with anyone. I remember the interaction I had with Peter in the cafeteria and I immediately go to the closet to search for clothes that don't belong to me. I don't find any hanging up and in the dresser there are just clothes of my own. I let out a breath of relief because that I wasn't completely freaked out by Peter kissing me. If I had to spend one night in the same room with Peter…being intimate...I probably would have killed myself. I shudder at the thought. It makes me sick to my stomach and I have to run to the conjoining bathroom and throw up.

I lay down against the cold tile before I strip off my clothing and get into the shower. I turn on the water and let the cold water fall over my body. I hate it here. I hate what my life has become. The decisions I've made brought me here. To this path…to this place…and I don't even recognize it. I don't recognize my life anymore. I choke out a sob and bang my fist against the wall. I never wanted to be the girl who organizes her life around her boyfriend. But Tobias was more than just a boyfriend. Or at least he had been. And now he wasn't anything more to me other than a partner. We were training the initiates together and that's all that we will have between us. He's with Christina now. And I'm with…Peter. I shudder again and pour myself a cup of water. I don't care what I've been placed here for…or why. I can't do it with him. Not with Peter. Not with anyone.

I walk to the closet and change into clothes before leaving, almost tripping as I'm out of the door. I catch myself on the wall and look at the wall to see what I've tripped over. Tobias is sitting under on the floor next to my door with his legs stretched out. It's like he didn't even feel me. Typical.

"What the hell are you doing?" I ask, straightening out my jacket. He looks up at me and I shake my head. "Shouldn't you be out celebrating with Christina or something?"

I don't wait for his answer as I start to make my out of the hallway toward the stairs leading up to the tattoo shop. I don't know what I want, I just know that I want one. I just need to do something to get my mind off of this. Or maybe I should have gone to sleep so that I could wake up the next morning and throw myself into training. Training always made me feel at ease, balanced. I nearly make it away from him when I feel a tug on my arm, pulling me back into the hallway that leads to my room.

"Tris."

He's staring at me and I lift my hands up in frustration. "What?" I ask. "What do you want from me?"

Being around him makes me feel several different emotions. My heart, which knows him, knows everything about him, soars and I'm filled joy and excitement. But my brain…it knows that this Tobias doesn't know anything about me. He doesn't know the first thing about who I am or what makes me tick, or that when he touches me, my body sets fire. With him looking at me in the way that I know that he has no idea who I am, it crushes me entirely.

"I just want to talk to you," he says.

I shake my head. "We have nothing to talk about." I turn to leave but he grabs my arm and pulls me back. He opens the door to my room and pushes me inside. If I hadn't known better, I would have thought he was trying to make a move. But I did. And this wasn't Tobias.

"How do you know about Marcus?"

I sigh and take off my jacket. I have a feeling that I'm going to be here for a while. I hang it off the back of the chair before sitting down on the bed. "I told you. You let me into your fear landscape."

He shakes his head. "No I didn't!" He shouts the words at me and I flinch. I look away from him and clench my jaw.

"Believe what you want," I tell him. "I don't have any reason to lie to you." He crosses to me and I look up at him. "If that's all you came here for then you can leave. I have plans."

"Do those plans involve Peter?"

I narrow my eyes at him. "What does that even matter?"

"It doesn't," he says, turning away from me. The muscle in his temple is throbbing again and I swallow, looking away from him. He runs his fingers through his hair and I can't help but notice that they're trembling. He pulls the chair out from the desk and sits on it. "If you were in my landscape, what's in there?"

This could be a dangerous path. But he wasn't going to leave without an answer. So I sit up and nod at his question.

"You only have four fears…hence the name. Which, you know, was given to you by Amar," I tell him. He raises his eyebrows at me, obviously surprised. "Not many people know that either do they?" I can't help but ask the question with a grin. Surprising Tobias was difficult to do, but I'm sure given my currently situation and the things that I know about him, I think that I'll have my fair share of surprising him. I don't fight to keep my smile off my face lips. It feels good. "First is fear of heights," I say. "I found that out at the Ferris Wheel though."

"Ferris Wheel?" he repeats.

I shake my head, not wanting to go into that right now. "The second is fear of confinement," I continue. "Then fear of following orders….killing an innocent. And the last fear, the worst fear, is Marcus."

He stares at me. "How can you possible know that?"

He sounds completely astounded. I would be to, if I was in his position. "I know a lot about you," I say. I take a deep breath. "But you don't know the first thing about me." I get up from the bed and grab my jacket from the chair he's sitting on. "But you should stop coming around," I say, pulling the jacket on. "You might end up giving Christina the wrong idea."

"And what about Peter?" he asks, getting up from the chair.

I shake my head. "I don't care about Peter," I answer. "But that doesn't matter anymore. Nothing matters."

"I don't understand you when you talk like that, Tris," he says staring at me, shaking his head.

I shrug. "I'm sorry about that," I say. I look up at him and place a hand on his cheek. I stand on my toes and press my lips to his other cheek. "I'll try better next time."

I settle back on my feet and he's looking at me, not with anger, but with confusion. I should get used to that look. "Where are you going?" he asks me.

"I don't know," I say throwing my hands up. "But I can't stay here with you." I give him a smile and head for the door. I shut it behind me and rest against it. That was it. That was the beginning of goodbye. I couldn't have him the way that I wanted. So maybe just being friends would be enough. But not yet, not now. I had to be able to handle myself around him and deal with the consequences of my actions.

All I need to do is survive.