"He was like our brother. We all met at the academy when we were kids."

Raido was snuggled into the bed covers, snoring happily now that his belly was full of miso soup and daikon salad; the last of the vicodin he had been prescribed appeared to knock him back on his ass. Genma was lying next to him on top of the duvet, eyes staring up at the white ceiling while Kana was perched between them on her knees.

"Some kid tried harassing Raido for his lunch, and got his ass handed to him as a result." He continued, "Still, his lunch had gotten dumped on the ground so Hayate came up and shared with him. And I ended up sharing my lunch with Hayate. We… I guess you could say we were inseparable by that point, even after we grew up, despite the small age differences. I had been assigned to a team with Guy and Ebisu, and Rai and Hayate were also on different teams as genin…" He sighed with a fond smile, "Even so, we all found ways to see each other as often as we could between missions. I guess it was only natural that we became a part of the elite bodyguard together, too. We didn't meet Kotetsu and Izumo until later, when we were turning in a mission report. Hayate latched onto those two those pretty quick."

Genma chuckled softly at whatever memory had floated to his mind and pushed his bangs back into his beanie with a sigh, senbon clicking between his teeth, "But Raido never got too close with them for whatever reason – I guess they just didn't click well. He never complained when Hayate was always inviting them out with us, so it was always a pretty fun party. Whiiich," he tapped her thigh with the back of his knuckle, "Was how we met you."

Kana's cheek twitched at his friendly tone and watched the hand slide back onto the bed; a thought occurred to her and she looked up to peer at Genma's face, which was still staring up at the ceiling, "I didn't know you were on the same team as Guy, why don't I ever see you two together?"

"Eh," he shrugged, "Guy was promoted to Chunin two years before the rest of us so we just kind of drifted apart. I never got all that close to Ebisu, either, so the same thing happened when he lagged behind as a genin. It's just kind of how it works, I guess. I mean, are you still friends with any of your old teammates?"

While it was obvious it was just meant to be a friendly question to prove his point, Genma's question felt like a stab and it took all of her self control to not cringe at the reminder. "I guess you're right," she said softly.

He must have picked up on the change in her tone, because Genma propped himself up on his elbows to give her a concerned look. "Sorry, didn't mean to hit a soft spot."

Kana shook her head but avoided his gaze, "It's fine. I stayed friends with two of my academy friends – they were both older than me but we graduated at the same time. Two of us became chunin together, but the other was on his own. We didn't get too close to our other teammate, who was much older than we were and died during the third stage of the jonin exam. When we made it to Anbu we were assigned to different teams but… We stayed good friends. Like you three."

"So… What happened?"

Her breathing threatened to hitch when Kana realized that she hadn't actually talked to anyone about this that wasn't with her at the time. "Their names were Shisui and Itachi Uchiha," he said softly.

She heard the man sigh and sit up completely and looked up to see Genma adjust his beanie with a grim expression. He gave her a sympathizing look when his leg slid off of the edge of the bed, taking the senbon out of his mouth and twirling it around in his fingers. "That's rough, lady… Can I ask you something?"

"I think we're kind of past the asking for permission thing, Gen."

"Heh. Yeah, I guess. Just…" His eyes were soft, but wary as he spoke, "Is that why you're so antisocial?"

Kana narrowed her eyes at his use of present-tense words but didn't feel it was worth pressing the issue, focusing more on the words she chose. "Itachi was… The bond we shared… We were more than just friends. I can't explain it. But… The pain I felt when he left… And when Shisui committed suicide..." Kana looked down at her hands as they pinched the loose fabric of her pajama shorts, ignoring the dull ache in her chest as she spoke, "I never want to feel that way again."

"So you pushed everyone away and threw up a barrier so you wouldn't have to."

She nodded wordlessly.

"You were so young…"

Genma sighed again and there were a few moments where neither of them said anything, just sitting in a solemn silence together. Kana's hands stopped moving by this point, but she continued to stare at them so she didn't have to make any eye contact when the man began to speak again. "If you don't mind me asking, why did you decide to reach out again?"

She chuckled darkly and nudged Rai's leg with a loose fist. "You wanna tell him, since you were so curious the other day?"

A dark eye opened and leered up at her. "You knew?" he asked, voice still hoarse from sleep.

"Literally as soon as you woke up your breathing changed."

"Ah, well, apparently daddy dearest got on her case," Raido laughed softly and readjusted his body underneath the sheets so he had his arm under the pillow to support his head.

Genma looked confused, but their friend was already falling back into a drug-induced sleep, so Kana just reached out to pat his hip before crawling backwards off of the mattress. "Alright, we'll leave you alone so you can sleep," she said with a grin, "If you need anything you know where I'll be."

"Mmhm."

When they plopped onto the beige sofa Genma snatched up the television remote, flipping it on while Kana sunk into the comfy seat cushions. "What the hell does 'Daddy dearest' mean?" he asked.

"Hm? Oh, Guy."

"Hold up – Might Guy is your dad?" His eyes widened to an almost impossible measure as he spoke, "I've known you for, what, over two years? How is this the first - no, there's no way - are you serious?!"

Kana snorted at the level of shock in his voice but kept a strong poker face as she looked up at him, noticing how he had begun to chew on his lip, "Of course, why do you think we're so close? How do you think I picked up taijutsu so well?"

The man's mouth just hung open at her and she could almost hear something smoking in Genma's head as he tried to process this information. "What," she asked, "Don't you see the resemblance?" Kana wiggled her eyebrows for effect.

Her lips twitched – just barely, but enough for Genma's keen eyes to see – who laughed and knocked her shoulder hard enough for Kana to nearly topple over onto the sofa, though that mostly had to do with her cracking up into her own fit of laughter. "You are so full of shit, lady," he said with a grin, "We were, like, nine or ten when you were born. God damn, I don't want to think that I'm old enough to be your dad."

"No, no, I was never all that close with my actual family," Kana explained, still fighting off a giggle storm, "They only ever saw me as a tool they could use to bring the Shimi clan up to the same level as the Hyuga and Uchiha clans - there was a sort of rivalry between them, in a sense, due to our bloodline traits being derived from the Otsutsuki Clan. My team was Guy's first group of students, and I guess he just sort of took over the role of father at some point. Not really sure when it happened."

Genma raised an eyebrow, "And, knowing Guy, he wasn't too pleased with you isolating yourself."

"Nope."

"So he told you to make friends."

"Yup."

"Which was when you waltzed into a bar, and sat down at the first table you saw, or…?"

Kana's cheek twitched and she rolled her eyes before she looked away from the television to meet his curious gaze. "Of course not. I knew you were friends with Kotetsu and Izumo, so when I saw you at the table…" Her brow furrowed, "I actually don't know what I was thinking. I guess I would just rather talk to a somewhat familiar face than a total stranger."

She repositioned herself so her legs were folded underneath her, moving slowly as to not irritate her stitched thigh too much, and fully faced Genma. "Now that I think about it… There's something I want to ask…"

Genma's canine hooked on his lower lip again but nodded for her to go ahead.

"When we first met… You were really, like, handsy – for lack of better term. I remember you grabbed me a couple of times, and then there was after…"

"I still can't believe you forgot about that," he laughed.

She rolled her eyes again. "Shut up, I was drunk. Anyways…" Kana paused as she realized that she might be picking at a wound that doesn't need to be picked. Her eyes left his warm gaze to settle on his chest and focused on how it rose and fell with his breathing. "But when we actually started hanging out a few weeks later – both as a group and on our own – you seemed almost… I don't know, I guess nervous? You always kept a distance, and when you got close you always asked permission…"

The sound of the tv was low as to not wake Raido, so she could hear the subtle sound of Genma sucking in a short breath as he chewed on his lip. "Yeah… I'm not too surprised you picked up on that, I guess…"

A calloused finger hooked under Kana's chin to lift her face up to his; Genma's eyes were warm and kind, and Kana found herself feeling almost anxious at how uncharacteristically nervous he looked. "You know I'd never hurt you, right?"

"What the fuck?" The words slipped out before Kana realized what was happening and she couldn't tell if he looked stunned or amused – probably both. She watched him suck the corner of his bottom lip into his mouth to chew on it, closing his eyes and smirking subtly.

"I'm trying to be serious here, lady," he said in a humored tone, "Do you trust me?"

"Of course I do," she said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, which it should have been but she wasn't going to press the issue.

Genma gave a small relieved smile and released her chin to lean back into the couch with a soft sigh. "Well, about a month before we met I broke things off with this girl I had been dating for a few months. I, uh, I've always had a thing for tying people up and blindfolding…"

Kana had to make a conscious effort to not balk. 'Why would anyone want to be restrained like that..?' The thought made her stomach twist.

"She was always into it," he continued, "But after we broke up, about a week after I met you, we got really drunk and… Ah, man… The sex was… Rougher than normal, and she got pretty bad bruises on her wrists from the handcuffs we were using… She was so quiet the entire time that I… Didn't realize she was crying…"

'I really don't like where this is going…'

"Well, she went around telling people that I forced myself on her. I… I don't know what happened. Maybe she wanted revenge or something, for me breaking up with her. She didn't tell me to stop, but when I look back… There were signs. Signs I didn't pay attention to…" Genma trailed off, looking unsure of himself as he gnawed on his lip with his eyes focused on the tv.

"It eventually reached the higher ups, who were forced to launch an investigation into the issue. They even assigned fucking Inoichi Yamanaka to read my damn mind, who confirmed that I didn't… That by definition I didn't do anything wrong… But it stuck.

"When we started hanging out I saw how… You always kept a certain distance from everyone, and you almost looked disgusted if someone touched you…" His voice sounded strained and full of worry – Kana could see the tension in his rigid shoulders from the way his arms were tightly folded across his broad chest, "I just… Don't want to make the same mistake again."

Kana deadpanned, which she knew would probably make things worse than if she were to be completely open, but the last thing Genma needed to see right now was the shock she felt. How could Genma – sweet, benevolent Genma – find himself in a situation like that? Of course she had heard about how a jonin had been caught up in a rape scandal, but she had no idea who it was; why didn't Kotetsu and Izumo tell her? Or Kakashi? Surely one of them had to have known what was going on…

The more she pondered the situation, the more Kana remembered how Raido had said something about how their friend had been having trouble with a lady, but he didn't elaborate; probably out of respect.

As the silence wore on, Genma's shoulders slumped further into the couch and the stress on his face increased. Kana saw a small shimmer on his mouth and realized that, as he waited for her to say something, he had bit himself hard enough to make himself bleed.

Her body moved on its own – Kana's brain had stopped processing her actions as she pushed herself off of her knees, scooting over to the man's unnaturally tense figure. All she knew was that she wanted him to stop hurting himself, to let him know that she was still there with him.

Kana reached with one hand to support herself on the arm of the couch as she leaned over his body, the other coming up to his face to hook under his jaw, just like how he did with her. She felt Genma's breath hitch when she turned his face towards her, acutely aware of how he almost looked afraid.

"Stop biting your fucking lip," she whispered, earning a surprised grin from the man before she closed the distance between their faces. Kana's lips closed over the corner of his mouth first, the metallic taste of blood sharp on her tongue, and she was surprised to feel just how raw Genma had made his lip become. Still, Kana could actually feel the small indent in his lip where Genma regularly held his senbon.

She decided it was an oddly endearing trait when she shifted her head to the side to seal their lips together in a kiss. Genma's mouth was warm and soft, softer than she thought it would be.

The fabric of the arm rest suddenly shifted beneath Kana's hand and she lost her grip, dropping awkwardly – and painfully – across Genma's lap and twisting to the floor. "God fucking dammit what the fuck," she hissed as she rubbed the aching shoulder that had connected with the edge of the coffee table.

A hand found its way to the center of Kana's back, patting gently. "You okay?" she heard Genma ask.

"Just knocked my damn shoulder. I'm fine," she hissed, massaging the pain away, not bothering to mention the throbbing pain in her right boob from where it smashed into his knee as she fell.

She let Genma help her back up onto the couch and, for a moment, couldn't figure out why he was giving her a questioning look. Kana only stared back at him with an arched eyebrow until she remembered why she fell. Heat spread through her face and Kana knew she was blushing. "I, uh… I'm sorry."

"Why did you do that?"

Her body practically caved in on itself beneath the intensity of Genma's stare. He didn't look mad, or offended, but his eyes still looked wary enough to make Kana realize that she may have made a mistake. "You… I just thought you looked… You looked so nervous, and sad, I just…"

'I just wanted you to stop looking so scared.'

That must not have been a satisfactory answer, because his face fell slightly even as he gave a small chuckle. "Lady, you don't just kiss people to cheer them up," he said, a small layer of disappointment in his gentle voice.

"No, I didn't mean it like that… I…" As nervousness creeped up her chest, Kana began to wonder if there were any beds left open at headquarters.

"That guy you mentioned earlier, Itachi, were you in love with him?"

The question wasn't what she had been expecting, and it caught Kana off guard enough to stun her brain into silence. "I don't know," she whispered.

Understanding flashed across his face as Genma's eyes softened. "And you were never with anyone emotionally after he left, were you?"

Something snapped in her chest at the question and Kana slammed her barrier up just before pushing herself up off of the sofa. Maybe it was the almost accusatory way he spoke, or the realization that she had no idea what she was doing, but Kana suddenly just wanted to leave. She ignored the feeling of her heart thundering almost painfully against her ribcage as she swiftly made her way to the corner of the living room where her duffel bag was laying. "Okay so this was clearly a bad idea so I think it'd be best if I just checked into HQ until the rebuild is finished. I appreciate you let-"

She sensed Genma move before she heard it. Kana dipped down and sidestepped the two arms that reached out for her before realizing that she had been effectively cut off from her bag.

"It's been a long day, Kana," he said, "We've all had our fair share of emotions running rampant and we're all tired. I get that this is something of a sore spot in particular, but you promised you would stop running away."

At that, Genma kneeled down and zipped her duffel bag shut. He picked it up and set it on the floor between them, "If you really want to leave I won't stop you… But I'd really appreciate it if you stayed and just talked to me about this."

There it was, that nervousness. The look she was so tired of seeing from him – the one that made Kana feel like he was looking at some injured wild animal, instead of her; it pissed her off.

"Stop looking at me like that!" she snarled, throwing a punch before she realized what she was doing.

It wasn't a strong punch so when it connected with Genma's cheekbone, he took it easily and grabbed her wrist in a firm grip to pull her in. She used the momentum of his pull to slam into Genma's chest to tackle him to the ground, "Why do you always look at me like I'm a spooked horse?!"

Almost immediately Genma had flipped them over, using his body weight to keep Kana pinned to the floor; she squirmed beneath him as his hands held hers above her head by the wrists, releasing a desperate shout and violently ripping her wrists out from his iron grip, stomach clenching painfully at the feeling of being bound, even if it was just Genma.

"What else am I supposed to do when you react like this, Kana," he growled, "When you go bolting for the door the minute you're asked to address your feelings?!"

When Kana didn't answer they both laid there in silence, the only sounds in the room being the television and their own shallow breaths as they struggled to get their breathing back to normal. She was acutely aware of the sensation of Genma's hands bringing her wrists up over her head again, but this time he slide his into her palms, lacing their fingers together while holding her eyes in a gaze that toed the line between compassionate and frustrated.

"Tell me," he whispered, "Did you only kiss me out of pity?"

"I came to understand that I was in love with her memory by that point, not her."

How long was she going to continue to hold onto someone she hadn't seen in years? How long was Kana going to torture herself with memories and what ifs?

How long was she going to insist on convincing herself that she was better off alone?

Kana didn't realize that she was crying until Genma leaned down to kiss a tear away from the corner of her eye.

"Can I kiss you?"

Her breathing faltered and doubt flashed across her mind.

Was she ready for this?

Could she let go?

She watched Genma's eyes search her face, flitting from her hair to her mouth, to her eyes and forehead; he was looking for discomfort, and Kana realized that if she pushed him away then he would probably never trust her like this again. But if she let him in like this, there wouldn't be any going back – she wouldn't be able to just turn away or shy away like nothing happened. Kana wouldn't be able to just treat him like the others.

"Will you please just let yourself be happy, for once?"

She nodded, but he only frowned.

"I need to hear you say it."

"Kiss me."

Genma's lips were just as warm as before, with a particular softness in the corner where he had been chewing. They moved in a slow, tender way that was almost teasing; Kana closed her eyes and sighed into the kiss before both of their lips halted.

Her brow furrowed as Genma frowned. "That was…"

"Weird," he finished.

Kana snorted as the blush drained from her cheeks, scooting to the side so her friend could roll off of her and lay down on the floor next to her.

"Aw, man, that was a whole lot of build up for nothing," Genma laughed, "I actually feel really bad now."

"You feel bad?" Kana rested her head on his outstretched arm, peering up at him with a sheepish smile, "I'm the one that turned this into a big scene."

He snickered and looked down at her with a small smile, "You okay, though?" he asked as he rolled onto his side, keeping his arm in place so Kana could use it as a pillow, who nodded wordlessly.

The sun had already set, with only the dimmest rays of light of dusk being able to reach into the apartment; most of the light in the room came from the television and the dim nightlight Genma kept in the bathroom, so it was only just bright enough for Kana to still see the man's face.

He was peering down at her with a stupid grin, which caused them both burst into a hysterical fit of laughter on the floor.

"Y-you know, I actually would've felt rea-lly bad i-if this worked out," Genma snickered when their laughter had died down to light giggling.

Kana took a couple of deep breaths to get her breathing under control, though she still released a couple of titters when she asked, "Wh-at the fuck, why?"

Rolling onto his side, the tokujo gave her a knowing look that was accompanied by a casual shrug, "Now that I know Raido and you have a thing going on, I guess I'd just feel like a real loser for getting in the middle of that."

"Aren't you known for being able to read people?" she asked, "We don't have anything going on. When have we ever even hinted at there being more?"

That knowing look turned into a small smile. "When Rai was in the hospital a few months ago, he let you touch his scars."

Kana rolled her eyes, "If you're referring to when he took a wakizashi to the fucking chest in the Land of Wind, I was checking his wound."

"You're right, lady, I am really good at reading people," Genma stated, "But it doesn't take much to see that you don't like touching people more than you have to. I saw the way your hands lingered, and I saw how he let you."

She narrowed her eyes in response. Kana was well aware of how Raido felt about his burn scars – they made him self conscious and, as a result, he refused to remove his shirt in public or allow people to even mention that they existed, never mind actually touch them. Hell, it had taken her literally months to convince him to take his shirt off in bed.

At the time, she truly was only interested in inspecting the man's injuries to reassure herself that the medical corp had done their job properly, which was a ridiculous notion considering how they were the professionals… But, in hindsight, Kana knew that the level of trust that must have been placed in her for their friend to allow her to touch his wealed flesh so freely must have been great. She didn't even realize it then, she was so accustomed to touching him by that point.

Genma smirked, "Ahh, she's catching on-ow, Jesus!" he flopped onto his back when she punched him in the rotator cuff.

"You over think a lot of shit," she grumbled, "That's a big stretch, even by your standards."

"Lady, I could give you a damn play-by-play of the revelation I had when you spilled the beans about your guys' midnight bangs, but I'm exhausted." The humor left his eyes as he sighed and stared up at the ceiling, "I just wish you two told me… That kind of hurt."

Guilt flared in her chest; the pair had agreed to keep things a secret in order to not cause confusion and to protect each other, but Kana had always assumed that Raido had let him in on the secret. "He tells you everything," she said softly, "I honestly thought you knew, and didn't feel the need to bring it up..."

Genma rolled back over and wrapped an arm around her waist to pull her into a one-armed hug. "Water under the bridge, lady. Are we okay?"

"Duh," she rolled her eyes, "Of course we are. But Neji's gonna be unhappy – I'm pretty sure he was banking on us."

"Really?"

"Oh yeah, he actually really likes you. Believe it or not, he and Kakashi both encouraged me to start something with you."

He chuckled and helped Kana off of the floor, "The relationship you have with those two will forever mystify me… Kitten."

Heat flared in her cheeks as her head snapped up to gape at Genma's leering face, "How..?"

"It's what he called you the night we met," he said mischievously, "I wanted to see if he still did. Guess so – night, lady!"

She could only blink stupidly as the man sauntered off to his bedroom. Had he called her that then? Raido randomly used the name the third or fourth time they had found themselves alone – "Because you're soft and make those cute little mewling noises," he had explained with a furious blush – but the kunoichi didn't know he had ever used it before then.

Then again, she still didn't remember most of that night.

Kana curled up on the couch with a quilt, lovingly provided by the Hyugas since Genma sucked at thinking ahead when buying sheet sets, and tried to not think too much about what the tokujo had said about their friend. She was lulled into a dreamless sleep by the familiar sound of Raido's snoring.