After we finish training, we let the group to down to the cafeteria, but I stick around to put the knives away. I think that I'm alone but I see Tobias pulling blades out of the targets that's next to me. I don't know what happened back there, before everyone came in, and I don't want to push matters because given memory serum, I don't know if anyone can come back from that. Even with divergence, people with perfect genes hadn't been able to fight it. Then again, no one should have been able to fight the death serum, and I did that. I swallow and, trying my hardest not to look at him as I pull the knife from the gel and drop it into the box I'm carrying. He had almost kissed me. And though I wanted it, I couldn't do that to Christina…as messed up as that relationship was. As different as she was treating me, I couldn't do that to her. She was still my friend, even if it wasn't in the same way I remembered. I couldn't sweep in and expect things to go back to the way they were. Especially since I knew the way the serums worked. She would hate me and I would lose her. Maybe I've already lost her though. The Christina I knew…she wouldn't have said the things she did back in the cafeteria.

He steps toward me and drops the knives into the box before moving onto the next target. I bite my lower lip and take a breath. "Can I ask you something?" I ask.

He looks at me and nods, looking a little surprised by the question. "Yeah of course," he says. "What's up?"

I lick my lips. "How did..." I pause because I'm not entirely sure how to word it. "How exactly did Peter and I happen?"

His hand pauses on the knife and his eyebrows come together, confused by the question. "What do you mean?'

I make a face and shrug. "I don't understand how we started dating."

He opens his mouth to speak, but stops, shaking his head. "I…uh…I don't remember," he says. "You guys both transferred over last year…"

I shake my head. "No, that part I remember," I say. "But what I remember doesn't seem to be the same as what everyone else remembers."

"What do you remember?"

"I remember Peter hating me and beating me senseless on that mat," I say pointing behind Tobias to the mat where he had taught us how to fight. "I remember things being different with everyone. Especially with you."

"What was different?"

I look at him and contemplate answering, but shake my head and drop the last knife into the box before walking away from him. I set the box on the table and I hear him let out an annoyed laugh. I don't turn around to look at him.

"Why do you do that?" he asks me.

"Do what?" I ask, resting my hands on the table and biting my lip.

He walks around the table so that my back isn't to him. If I turn around now it'll be too obvious that I'm trying to avoid his gaze. So I look up at him. "You say things that don't make any sense and then when I ask for an explanation, you completely ignore the topic."

I shrug. "What do you want from me, Tobias?"

He sighs. "I want you to give me a straight answer," he says. "Why is that so hard?"

I scoff. "Becausethisisn't my life," I snap at him.

"I don't know what that means!"

"And you wouldn't," I say. "Did you know that Abnegation has a memory serum?" I ask. "Like Candor has the truth serum and we have the Fear serum?"

He nods. "Everyone knows that."

"And you wouldn't remember ever taking it," I say. "You wouldn't know what's real and what's not. You take the information they give you and that's it. That's all you've got to go off of. Because that's the truth you've been forced to accept."

I shake my head and turn away from him, running my shaking fingers through my hair. This is frustration and it's starting to get annoying.

"So you're saying is that we've all been given a memory serum?" he asks. He doesn't sound like he thinks I'm crazy. But he doesn't sound like he believes me either. "What about you? What's the life that you remember?"

I think about running away, hiding out from him until it's time for the next training session, but I know that it's not the best idea. He knows where to find me. "You loved me," I say, my voice no more than a whisper. I turn my head, but don't look back at him. .I lick my lips. "And I loved you."

He is quiet at that and neither of us moves. I close my eyes and shake my head. "What happened?" he finally asks.

I shrug. "I don't know," I answer. "I pissed the wrong person off and now he's taken everything from me. I don't have anything anymore."

I hear his footsteps and I take a deep breath as his hand wraps around my wrist and pulls me to face him. He can see the tears that are sliding down my face and I don't care. He lifts a hand to brush his thumb across my cheek. "That's not true," he says.

"It is though," I tell him. "You don't know me. You only know this version of me and it's not the girl I am."

"Who are you then?" he asks, his voice soft, his hand still on my cheek. He doesn't move, and I don't want him to.

I want to tell him; I want to kiss him. I want things to go back to the way they were before. Because that was the life that I knew. That is the life that I understand. And that's where I want to be. I want Tobias to be holding me like this because he loves me, and not just because he's confused. But I can't tell him. I can't make him remember.

"I'm your girlfriend's friend," I say, shaking my head. "I think,…I'm not actually sure what our relationship," I sigh. "And that…the two of you together…don't get me wrong, but I don't understand at all. It just…doesn't make sense to me. None of this does." He doesn't drop his hands, even at my mention of Christina. He just stares at me, with those dark blue eyes that I love. "Do you love her?"

The corner of his mouth twitches up and he shakes his head. "No," he says. "To be honest with you…I don't remember how or why it happened. It just did. She and I don't have anything in common."

I want to fight to smile on my lips because the idea that him not being in love with her, it shouldn't make me happy. She's my best friend and I shouldn't want this for her. But if it's not real…like I know it's not real, then why should it matter? But the smile comes and I let out a quiet chuckle.

"Do you know anything about me?" My voice comes out as a whisper and he looks down into my eyes. He shakes his head and I sigh. He drops his hands from my face.

"But I want to," he says. "There's something…here. I don't know if you feel it, but it's here. And It's strong."

I bring my hands to my face to wipe my cheeks dry. I nod. "Yeah, I feel it," I say. Because I do…but not for the same reasons as him. He doesn't know me…but maybe it's in there somewhere. Maybe if given enough time, he'll remember something.

"So…what now?" I ask. "You're with Christina and—"

He shakes his head. "Don't worry about Christina," he says. "I'll take care of it. But what you and I need to worry about is making sure that Peter doesn't try this again." He gestures to my neck and I lift a hand, it's already starting to scar. At least it's not bleeding anymore. I nod.

"I probably won't be sleeping for a while," I say shaking my head.

"No, you will," Tobias tells me. "You'll sleep in my room and I'll sleep on the floor."

"No, I can't…"

He narrows his eyes at me. "I'm not arguing about this. If Peter wants to continue to be a coward and try to come after you, I'm going to take care of him."

I nod. "We can share the bed," I say. "You don't need to sleep on the floor."

He looks up at me and the corner of his mouth twitches up again. He nods. "Okay," he says.

I can't help but smile at him. "I gotta go get this cleaned up," I say. "But I'll meet you back down here?"

He nods. "Yeah, we're going to start with some hand to hand combat when they get back. You up to fighting me?" he asks me with a grin.

I smirk. "I think I can handle myself."

"I thought that's what you'd say."