Chapter 38
The next day, Puddin finally briefed me on the Gotham General Bank and Trust job. GGB&T was a relatively small bank in Gainsley which the Joker chose for multiple reasons. First of all, it was located far away from any of the GCPD precincts which gave us about seven minutes response time before the police arrived. Secondly it was open until two in the afternoon on Saturdays. Gotham cops had a change of shift at three so it was a perfect time for a heist as all the squad cars would be heading back towards their respective precincts instead of patrolling. A small bank like this didn't have a bullet proof glass partition separating the tellers from the public and wouldn't have any armed security so that was less to worry about as well. The take would be small, ten to twenty grand, but we were in this more for the publicity than the money anyway. This was meant to be my debut and an announcement to the world that I was the Joker's moll, partner and second in command. An announcement to Gotham, the Bat and the world that a young, beautiful, successful doctor had given up everything to join her man, the Joker, The Clown Prince of Crime, in a life of crime and debauchery, which I knew stroked his ego in all the right ways.
It was a fairly simple plan. We'd plant two of the less obvious looking guys on the inside as bank patrons, then we'd bust through the front doors guns a blazing. One of our inside guys would subdue the tellers, the second would handle any account managers hiding out in the back offices. I would be on crowd control. Two of our other guys would collect the money while Joker worked the crowd. The last guy would film the whole thing and afterward we'd make multiple copies of the disk which would be sent to the media.
Joker was locked away in his office for most of the day putting the finishing touches on our plan. Late in the afternoon he came to find me. I was sitting in our living room watching Adventure Time when he walked in.
"Ah, there you are Poo." I glanced over my shoulder at him.
"Hiya Puddin! Are ya finished working for the day?" He flopped down in the seat next to me and grabbed the remote.
"What the hell are you watching?" He hit the mute button.
"Adventure Time. It's about a kid named Jake and his magical dog who's also his adopted brother, Finn who live in a kind of post-apocalyptic world called Ooo. It's kinda Dungeon and Dragony, but I watch it because I like Princess Bubblegum." He gave me a blank look. "So was there anything I could do for you Puddin?" He pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket and held it up. "What's that?"
"Your lines for tomorrow. I highlighted your parts. Are you capable of committing them to memory overnight?" I took the piece of paper and glanced over it.
"No problem Mistah J! Easy, peasy, Japanesey!" He grinned.
"Good. Now, what gun did you feel most comfortable with Pumpkin?" I gave him a half shrug.
"Well the .22 was the easiest to aim but I know that won't do much damage, so I guess the Glock?" It sounded like a question instead of a statement.
"Good enough. Go see Kilson in the morning and have him equip you." He gave me an inscrutable look. "Are you sure you're ready for this, kiddo?"
"As ready as I'm ever gonna be I guess." He slung an arm across my shoulders and pulled me into his side. I leaned my head against him as I savored his warmth.
"Are you scared Pumpkin?" I glanced up at him.
"Not scared, no. Just a little nervous. I'll be fine though, don't worry about me Mistah J. I won't let you down, I promise." He squeezed my shoulder.
"I never had any doubt Poo." His stomach growled loudly.
"Ya want me to make you something to eat Puddin?" His look was slightly pained.
"No offense darling, but I don't think I can choke down yet another burnt grilled cheese. How about we send Leo out for some Chinese. I could really go for some Kung Pao right about now." I felt a little dejected by his comment but I was well aware of the fact that my cooking skills sucked.
"Sure Puddin, Chinese sounds great. I'll go get Leo." I lifted my head from his shoulder. "You want egg rolls and soup too?"
"That would be wonderful. Thanks, doll."
As the day of the heist arrived I was a bundle of nerves and excitement in equal measure. I had memorized my lines after we finished dinner and felt pretty confident I wouldn't muck it up. I sought out Kilson and he set me up with a Glock 19 and three clips. I carefully applied my makeup and mask then donned my suit and cowl and looked at myself in the full length mirror. I loved the way I looked in the suit, it hugged every curve and made my ass look amazing. I had to strap the extra clips to a belt that I wore loosely draped around my hips. I held the Glock in both hands and posed in a firing stance to see the full effect when I heard the bedroom door open.
"Now that's just how I like to see my girl. She's beautiful and dangerous." I dropped my arms down and spun around to look at Mistah J.
"I look okay Puddin?" He walked over and placed his hands on my shoulders.
"You're truly a vision my little Harley Quinn. I can't wait to see what the media makes of you." I beamed at him.
"So do ya think Batsy is gonna show up?" I knew cops weren't going to be a problem but the thought of Batman busting in on us was the one thing that made me nervous about this whole plan.
"No. No worries there my dear. Guano-man doesn't like coming out during the day. I would have to threaten to blow up a stadium or something to get him out in the daylight. 'He is the night,' " he used air quotes, "after all."
That really made me feel better. J was already dressed but he reached past me to grab his trench coat and fedora. It was almost go time.
"Well come on Harls, time to get a move on."
We loaded ourselves, our weapons and a duffel bag into a panel van and headed out. We arrived at GGB&T at quarter to two. We sent our boys in and waited for the signal. A few minutes later J's cell beeped. He checked it, tossed the phone aside and said,
"Let's go kiddies!"
My stomach felt like it was full of angry bees. We walked quickly to the entrance, pulled our weapons and entered the bank. There were two tellers that were now being covered by one of our henchmen and about five customers. Leo was on film duty and got the camera rolling right away. The first line was mine.
"Everyone on the ground! Don't try to be a hero and everyone might be lucky enough to walk outta here!" I stuck my gun in the face of the biggest guy in the bank just in case he tried something. "Now without any further ado, may I introduce the one, the only…Joker!"
Joker walked through the bank lobby and you could see everyone blanch at his appearance. I thought the big guy I was holding my gun on was going to crap his pants.
"Good afternoon everyone! Don't worry yourselves we're just here to make a little withdrawal." He motioned to the other two henchmen who got to work collecting the cash. The henchman who searched the offices in the rear came out dragging the bank manager along with him. He saw Joker and his eyes flickered first with fear and then defiance.
"Take what you want and get out, but leave these people alone!" Joker pulled his long barreled gun out and pointed it in his face.
"Do you know how the Banker died?" The bank manager's eyes widened in terror. He realized he should have kept his big mouth shut. "He cashed out!" Joker put a bullet between his eyes. He looked round at the other hostages. "Anyone else want to add their two cents?"
He looked around and it appeared no one else was going to make any trouble.
"In a moment my men and my lovely assistant Harley Quinn will be coming around to collect your valuables. If you cooperate this will all be over in a matter of minutes folks." He paused, "Harley?"
"Yeah boss?"
"Do you know why money is called dough?"
"No boss, why is money called dough?"
"Because we all knead it!" It was my job to laugh at his jokes so I let out a high pitched chortle.
"You know Harley, money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with."
"Good one Mistah J!" One of the guys tossed me the duffel bag and I slung it over my shoulder.
"Do you know what the midget said when I asked him for a dollar?"
"No Mistah J, what did the midget say?"
"Sorry, I'm a little short." I giggled as our men took the hostages wallets, purses, jewelry and watches and I tossed them in the duffel bag that was now heavy with cash.
"Ya know, men are like bank accounts."
"Why is that boss?"
"Without a lot of money, they don't generate much interest."
It looked like we had cleaned everyone out and we were approaching the seven-minute mark. It was time to get moving. I was feeling pretty damn good. Everything went off without a hitch, or so it seemed. I wouldn't realize until later that I was about to make a very big mistake.
"Ya know Mistah J, now that we've robbed the bank, the owner is going to have to buy some cows to 'beef' up security."
J grabbed me firmly around the waist and roughly yanked me into his side. He plastered a strained smile on his face that did not reach his eyes at all.
"Well folks, that's all we have time for today, but you can catch us at the Bellagio next week!"
J pulled me along with him until we got outside at which point he grabbed one of my liliripes and savagely dragged me to the van. He literally threw me into the back and I fell hard on my hands and knees. He climbed in, closed the door and banged on the roof to signal Leo to get going. J was seething the entire ride home and I was afraid to ask what I did wrong until we were alone.
When we got back to the lair he stormed through the warehouse and up to our bedroom and I followed behind him trying to keep up. My heart was pounding in my chest, whatever I did that upset him, it was bad. I had never seen him so angry. When we reached the bedroom he pulled me in by my cowl and loudly slammed the door. Without warning he spun and backhanded me, hard. I fell to the ground. He pulled back his foot and kicked me firmly in the belly twice. Tears were burning my eyes and pouring down my cheeks. I wanted to ask him what I had done, why he was angry with me but the last kick knocked the wind out of me. Finally, he screamed at me.
"What the hell was that Harley? Did I not write down your lines?" I still couldn't take in a deep breath so I just nodded.
"What made you think it was okay to improvise you witless wonder? I tell the jokes around here! Not you! ME! THE JOKER!" He pounced on my prone body and straddled it as he throttled me about the head, neck and shoulders. He caught my right eye with his fist and I could feel it swell immediately. "You're lucky I deigned to give you a role to play at all and thisis how you repay me? That had to be the single most horrendous joke I've ever heard!" He clipped my chin with his other fist and my teeth came together with a loud click, puncturing the side of my tongue as pain shot through my jaw. I could taste blood in my mouth. "How many times do I have to tell you to leave the comedy to me before you learn, you useless, pathetic waste of space?"
I could feel his spittle spray my face as he shrieked at me. I was finally able to breathe again and I tried to pull him out of his rage.
"I'm s-sorry Mistah J. P-please. P-please s-stop. I w-won't do it again I p-p-promise!"
He grabbed me around the neck and savagely slammed my head into the floor as he growled loudly.
"You're right, you won't!"
He pulled my body upwards and shoved my face into the corsage on his lapel as it released a solid dose of Smilex. I coughed several times as I waited for the laughing to begin, to feel the corners of my mouth start to stretch into a rictus grin but after a few moments, nothing happened. I think it distracted Joker enough to pull him out of his frenzy.
"What the hell?" He got up off of me. "How can you be immune to my toxin?" he yelled.
I coughed, rolled onto my side and spat blood onto the floor. I wrapped my arms around myself and curled my legs up to protect my body in case he decided he wasn't done beating on me.
"Ivy." I croaked out between sobs.
Through my tears I could barely make out his form but I saw him grab what I assumed was his hat and watched him as he stomped out of the bedroom. I could hear his footfalls go down the stairs and faintly heard the sound of the heavy steel outer door slam shut.
I was starting to feel nauseous, I suspected Joker had given me a concussion when he slammed my head against the hardwood flooring. I lay on the floor for a good fifteen minutes bawling before I was able to crawl to the bathroom. I barely made it to the commode in time before the contents of my stomach spewed out of my mouth. I retched several more times. Once my stomach felt empty I flushed the toilet and leaned my head against the cool porcelain for a few minutes. I tried to stand but my knees gave out and I ended up sprawled out on the bathroom floor. I was so tired but I knew I couldn't sleep or I might not wake up.
My first instinct was to leave. To pack a bag and go to Ivy's place but I recalled the conversation J and I had a few nights ago. We discussed his insecurities about me leaving him the first time he hurt me. He was honest about revealing the fact that he would hurt me eventually. This was it. Did I keep my word and stay or did I turn tail and run? I was hurt and I was angry but did I still love him? Yes. Yes, I did and I would honor my words to him.
I slowly stood and walked back into the bedroom to remove my costume. When I was nude I stood and looked at myself in the full length mirror. My right eye was swollen almost completely shut and the left side of my jaw was swelling and turning an ugly purple. I had bruises around my neck and there was a very large bruise forming where he had kicked me in my stomach. My knees were also beginning to bruise from him throwing me into the van. I looked at the wound J had cut into me earlier that week. It was healing nicely but it was still a bright pink color where the skin was knitting back together.
I limped back to the bathroom and ran a bath. I made the water as hot as I could stand and eased my aching body into it. I scrubbed off the clown paint on my face. I hugged my knees and sat in the hot water until it eventually went cold then slipped into my pajamas and curled up in the bed we shared together. I lay there facing the wall with the blankets pulled up to my neck, trying not to fall asleep, for hours. Eventually the sun set and a few hours later I heard light steps coming towards the bedroom door. I knew it was him when I heard the door slowly open. I may have decided to stay but I certainly hadn't forgiven him and I didn't want to talk to him yet. I snapped my eyes closed and slowed my breathing to feign sleep. I heard him flip on one of the new lamps and I could detect the light from behind my closed eyelids. I heard him quietly step over to the wardrobe which he opened. I could hear him changing his clothing and then I didn't hear anything else until I felt his weight indenting the other side of the mattress. I didn't move.
"Harley, I know you're awake." He said softly. I didn't respond. "Kiddo, you snore when you're really asleep so why don't you just roll over and talk to me." I did roll over and glared at him.
"I do notsnore!"
The corner of his mouth twitched. He was in a pair of flannel pajama bottoms that were covered in smiley faces. His torso was bare.
"Yes, you do Pumpkin." He ran one of his hands through his hair. "I'm surprised you're still here."
"I told you I would be, didn't I?"
I rolled back over to stare at the cracks in the plaster wall. I could smell liquor on his breath which I assumed meant he went to Harvey's place or the Iceberg. He let out a harsh breath.
"Look Harley, you know I take my work very seriously. You were doing such a great job and then you had to go and ruin everything!" I rolled back over and gave him a sulky look.
"It was my very first job! Unlike some people here, I'm new to the costumed criminal game. How was I supposed to know you'd lose your shit if I told a joke? I was just trying to have a little fun with my role! Excuuuussseeeme!" He frowned and his brows drew together.
"Don't get cheeky with me Harley."
"Why not? Ya gonna beat me up again? Try to kill me maybe?" He grabbed my wrist hard enough to bruise.
"I am doing my best to restrain myself right now Harley! I suggest you not poke the bear or it might just bite your head off!"
His nostrils were flaring. I pulled my wrist from his grip and rubbed it with my other hand then sat up to scowl at him. His eyes ran over my face and he dialed his temper back a notch when he realized how much damage he had done earlier.
"Harley look, when it comes to the job, stick to your part, don't improvise and we'll be just fine, okay?"
"Is this your idea of an apology?" He threw his hands up in the air.
"What the hell do you expect Harley? I'm the Joker!"
"Are you gonna use that as your excuse for everything?" He gave me an impassive look.
"Probably." Well at least he was being honest. "Are you going to apologize for screwing up the job?" I sighed heavily.
"Yes. I'm sorry I made a mistake Mistah J, I didn't know any better and now I do." I looked at him expectantly waiting for his apology. He smiled.
"Good. Now things can go back to normal again." I was flabbergasted.
"Really? That's it? That's your big apology?" I made a sound of frustration in the back of my throat. He rolled his eyes at me.
"Okay, fine! I got a little out of hand earlier. I didn't mean it. Alright?" I crossed my arms over my chest.
"I suppose it's about as good as I'm getting so whatever, apology accepted." He reached over and gently turned my head so he could see my eye.
"C'mon Poo, I brought home an ice pack for you to put on that shiner." He tenderly grabbed my hand and led me to the living room. He walked back to the kitchen and when he returned he was shaking a medium sized ice pack and carried a thin towel. He wrapped the pack in the towel and carefully placed it over my swollen eye. I winced. "Did you watch the news yet Harl?"
"No why would I have?"
"Because we're the top story Pumpkin. Here check it out."
He flipped on the TV and turned it to GNN. There we were, larger than life on the screen. The headline read, 'Joker and Harley Quinn, Gotham's New Terrible Twosome!' I had to admit it was kind of cool. They played the video although they pixelated out the part with J shooting the bank manager. The reporter speculated correctly that we were romantically involved and they had a slew of experts commenting on the nature of our relationship. I had to laugh out loud at some of their assumptions which were so far off base it was ridiculous. J settled onto the couch and pulled me over onto his lap, wrapping his arms around me.
"So Poo, what do you think?"
"It's pretty amazing actually. Puddin, I really am sorry I screwed up today."
"That's quite alright sweetheart. I'm sorry I lost my temper with you."
I looked him in the eyes and felt my heart swell. Even after our fight I knew I loved him more than life itself.
"I love you Mistah J."
He didn't respond in words but let his lips do the talking for him. And just as quickly as our fight had started we were back in each other's arms again. It was crazy, we were crazy. It was a mad, mad love we shared and it suited us both. And I wouldn't trade it or him for the world.