Chapter 38
"It's nice." Anya said after taking a sip of her coffee.
"What is?" Clarke asked more than slightly confused.
Anya laughed with the shake of her head. "You and Lex being friends."
Clarke's eyes widened a little. "It's not like that, I mean we are friends but that's it."
"Friends who occasionally sleep together."
Clarke sighed. "Once in awhile but it's not, we're not, she's not…"
"I'm sure you're both not, but what if you are?"
"I'm not sure I want to think about it any differently. I don't know what I'm ready to put my heart back out there. Anya she crushed me, and we both know that is not something I have ever let people do. It took me a long time to be okay, and now that I am I don't know if I want to risk it."
Anya smiled. "Here's a little secret for you. She's never been okay, not since the day it happened, that is until now. Clarkester I haven't seen her this at peace in a long time."
Clarke smiled. "New York can do that to you. As fast paced as it is, it's an amazing city for helping someone find themselves."
"Keep telling yourself that, maybe one day we'll both believe it. Better yet maybe one day, you'll tell me that I was right."
"You're loving this a little too much." Clarke informed her friend as she pushed her sunglasses back down from atop her head.
XOXO
"So you and Clarke?" Elizabeth smiled at her daughter from across the table in the restaurant.
"There is no me and Clarke mom."
Her mother nodded. "Not yet, but there will be and when there is, if you break her heart again Lexa, I will not be happy."
Lexa smiled with the shake of her head. "I swear she is more your daughter sometimes than I am. What if I don't end up with Clarke, what if I end up with someone else entirely."
"Then your father and I will support your decision."
Lexa raised an eyebrow. "But you'll support it more if it's Clarke."
Her mother nodded. "She makes you happy Lexa, in a way no one else ever has, as a parent that makes me happier than anything else."
"Is that why you were always indifferent with Costia."
"I wasn't indifferent."
Lexa gave her mother a look. "I tried sweetie, I really tried but I knew how upset Clarke was and then I saw her start to move on and I missed her. Her and I stopped talking as much, she distanced herself from us because we reminded her of you. Costia is truly lovely but she never brought the pure joy out of you. Your eyes never lit up when she walked into the room. I'm not saying you didn't love her Lexie, I'm saying she wasn't the one."
"And you think Clarke is?"
"I think we both know Clarke is." Without meaning to her lips turned up into a smile and she knew she couldn't deny it.
"It might be too late for us but I'm going to try my hardest to prove to her that I'm not the girl I was then. I've grown up, she's grown up, our lives are different now but when we're together the feeling is the same." A pause. "No, it's better, it's so much better mom. I appreciate how hard she's worked to get where she is. I'm proud of her for following her dreams and now deep down all I feel is joy, not some hidden place of resentment that she left."
Her mother smiled at her and put a hand a top hers. "I hate to be the one to tell you this but this world has always known that. I'm just glad that you're finally figuring it."
"I'm taking her on a date when we get back to New York." Lexa finally spit out, causing her mother to put down her fork and smile at her triumphantly.
"You know I love you Lexa but you better not fuck this up." Was all her mother said, nearly causing her to spit her food out of her mouth.
XOXO
"I need help, I don't know what the hell she means by a New York date?!" Lexa huffed as she sat down across from Octavia at the dinner.
Octavia shook her head. "She says I'm not allowed to help, but you're thinking about this too hard. How did you manage to ask her out the first time."
"She sort of handled most of that."
"Okay." She paused and had some more of her waffles. "How did you manage to be a 'player' then?"
Lexa huffed as she pushed her briefcase across the seat so she could get comfortable. "It's always been easy with other girls, with Clarke, I get like this!"
Octavia laughed. "No wonder you freaked out when you were going to propose, you're a wreck now."
Lexa looked at her room mate and shook her head. "I really need my place to hurry up so I no longer have to live with you!"
"What's wrong with living with her? I miss living with her." Clarke smiled as she pushed Octavia over and slid into the booth next to her.
"See, at least someone loves me." Octavia said through a mouthful of food before Clarke grabbed her fork and took a piece of her waffle for herself.
"Women!" Lexa huffed.
"You're still in scrubs." Octavia pointed out as Clarke unzipped her jacket.
"Thanks tips, it's really a wonder how any criminal activity happens on your watch. I'm just taking a quick break then I have to get back to the hospital, hence the scrubs." Lexa could only sit there and smile as she took in Clarke's appearance. She truly did love when the other woman was in scrubs, her hair up in a messy bun. Maybe it was because she remembered when the blonde used to study in sweats and a messy bun and now she was living her dream in almost the same fashion. "So let's order some food because I am so hungry!"
XOXO
"Hey, thank you so much for coming. I definitely owe you now since I had to rush out on New Years, which by the way Octavia is furious about, and rushing out on dinner the other day but I wanted you to see why." Clarke smiled as she met Lexa in one of the hospitals many lobbies.
"It's okay." Lexa smiled. "I understand being busy at work and what work means to you, no need to apologize."
Clarke couldn't help but blush slightly. It wasn't that Lexa had said something overly romantic, it was that she could tell that she got it and that meant more to Clarke than anything. Lexa understood work, she understood her in a way no one else really did.
"Follow me." She said as she led Lexa towards the elevator, a giant smile on her face.
The elevator didn't stop until they got to the tenth floor. Once the door opened, Lexa's eyes widened. She had never been on this floor of the hospital, with it's bright colours and kids roaming the halls.
"Welcome to peds." Clarke said as they exited the elevator.
Lexa kept quiet as the she watched the kids wave hi to Dr. Griff. Lexa was in awe at the way Clarke seemed to own the whole floor with how she walked it and the way all the nurses lit up when they saw her.
"I thought peds was your least favourite?" Lexa whispered into her ear once they stopped outside a door. She remembered vividly the long nights of Clarke explaining to her in detail how much and why she didn't like pediatrics.
Clarke shrugged. "Funny you should say that actually. A couple years ago, I was in the E.R. when this little girl came in and she sort of changed the way I viewed it. Which brings me to why I asked you to come by." Clarke knocked softly on the door before opening it to reveal a little girl no older than seven lying in bed. A stuffed turtle tucked securely under her arm. "Hey Charlotte, how's it hanging today?"
The little girl turned her head away from the television and smiled as she sat up in bed to give Clarke a giant hug. "Not too bad, just watching the waves."
"Oh yeah, where are we watching today?"
"Huntington Beach, in California." The little girl smiled before realizing that Lexa was standing in the doorway.
"Charlotte, this is Lexa. Lexa this is Charlotte."
"O-M-G you're Lexa Callaway! Dr. Griff how do you know Lexa Callaway? She's like the most amazing woman in the world." Clarke feigned hurt for a moment. "Except you of course, since you're putting me back together and all."
"You know who I am?" Lexa questioned as she moved closer only to find several business magazines sitting on the table by the girls bed. "Do you understand these?"
"Not really but Dr. Griff helps me sometimes, she said her friend used to explain it to her." It was in that moment that realization struck the girl. "You're her friend? You're friends with Lexa Callaway, the Lexa Callaway."
Clarke could only laugh. "I didn't realize I was so popular." Lexa let out as she pulled a chair closer to the girls bed.
"Lexa and I grew up together," Clarke couldn't help but smile over at Lexa, "Charlie here is going to be a big CEO someday."
"Really? Should I be worried about my job?" Lexa joked as she looked back at Charlotte.
Charlotte nodded and sat up a little straighter. "And I'm going to be a pro surfer just like Kelly Slater. Do you know how to surf?"
Lexa nodded. "I do, I'm from not too far from Huntington Beach, have you ever heard of Laguna Beach?" Again the girl nodded. "That's where we're from, I used to get up and surf every morning."
"Every morning?"
"Every morning, but you have to get up really early to catch the best waves."
Charlotte smiled as Clarke continued to watch the exchange. "You mean like 8 am?"
Chuckling, Lexa shook her head no. "8 am? All the good waves would for sure be gone by then. I used to get up at 4 in the morning, and I was on the beach ten minutes later."
The little girls face looked shocked. "The sun isn't even up yet at that time!"
"Nope, just me and the waves. Do you know how to surf?"
"No, but one day. Do you know how to surf Clarke?"
Clarke shook her head as she looked back at her little patient. "I've tried but it's not really my thing. Lexa is really good though."
"Are you two dating or what?" The question caught them both off guard, neither expecting them conversation to take that turn.
"No we're not dating." Clarke shook her head.
Charlotte shrugged and leaned back. "Why not?" She looked over at Lexa as if she was going to give her the best answer. "Clarke is really pretty and she's putting me back together like Frankenstein."
"Getting a new heart is nothing like Frankenstein ya goon." Clarke laughed, saving Lexa from having to answer the question. "How about you ask some business questions while I check on some of our other patients."
"Seriously? You'll answer some questions."
Lexa nodded. "Absolutely, what do you want to know?"
With that Clarke got up and exited room, mouthing a thank you over her shoulder at Lexa would smiled before turning her attention back towards Charlotte. "I'll call you later." Clarke threw over her shoulder as she closed the door behind herself.
XOXO
Later that night Lexa was lying awake in bed, staring at a ceiling she had come to memorize many years ago. A smile crept over her face as she started to remember all the times she would lie awake in this very bed. Not because she couldn't sleep but because she wanted to remember the moments of holding her girlfriend close and listening as her breath evened out.
"Fuck it." She said out loud even though she hadn't meant too. Rolling over she climbed out of bed and put some warmer clothes on.
It took her twenty minutes but there she stood, her hand knocking on Clarke's door. It took another five minutes for the door to open.
"Lexa, what the hell?" Clarke asked as she tried to rid herself of the sleepy daze she was in.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you."
Clarke waved her hand. "It's okay, are you alright?"
"I'm good."
A pause and a nod. "Do you want to come in?" Lexa shook her head no. "Not that I'm complaining but if you're okay and you don't want to come in why are you knocking on my door at eleven o'clock at night?"
Lexa blushed slightly, thankful that the rosey complexion of her cheeks thanks to the cold hid it. "Will you go on a date with me, whenever your next available night is?"
"You came all this way to ask me out on a date, I've already agreed too?" Lexa took a deep breath and nodded. She could tell Clarke was thinking and she had never been so nervous in all her life.
"I want to take you on a New York date, I want to get to know you in a romantic way again. I want to do it here in New York City, under the lights and the noise and more than anything I want to prove myself to you. Spending time with that little girl today was amazing, and all it did was make me want to take out even more. You're amazing Clarke Griffin and I want to do right by you."
Clarke chuckled in only the way she could after Lexa rambled on. "You couldn't have called and asked that?" Lexa again shook her head no. "Thursday night, I'm free Thursday night."
"I'll pick you up at six." Lexa grinned as she moved back down the stairs, nearly slipping on the icy steps. "Should get some salt down on these bad boys." She chuckled nervously.
Clarke just nodded with a laugh as she watched Lexa start to walk down the street before walking back inside to the warmth of her bed.
XOXO
"I am so sorry, I'm terrible, I'm probably the worst date you've ever had already!" Clarke let out in a sigh as she walked up to Lexa outside the Ninth Street subway station.
All Lexa could do was laugh as she held her jacket close to her chest. The cold weather really wasn't sitting well with her, especially as it got increasingly colder. "It's okay, really. I only got here about five minutes ago myself. I was rushing to get out the door when you messaged me, I suppose we're both terrible at this." She saw the blonde in her cute little knitted hat relax.
"So where are we off to?"
"Always so impatient Griffin." Lexa grinned and put her arm out for Clarke to take a hold of. "How was work?"
"It was a good day, you?"
"Long, very long." They both laughed knowing all too well about those days. Once Clarke had a hold of Lexa's arm they started walking.
They walked for five minutes before Clarke realized where they were. "The Guggenheim! Really?" Lexa looked over at Clarke's smiling face as she held the door open for her.
"When you first moved here I remember you telling me how much you wanted to take the day off and come but that you were always so busy. I'm sure you've been since then but I thought you could explain this stuff to me and it's a good way to stay warm."
Clarke smiled from ear to ear and grabbed a hold of Lexa's arm again, dragging her further into the building.
XOXO
"That was amazing, and I can't believe you got reservations for the restaurant." Clarke beamed as they put their coats back on.
"I was hoping you had time for one more thing." Clarke looked over at the brunette standing next to her with a questioning look.
Twenty minutes later Clarke found herself walking through Central Park, her nose pink from the cold. She still wasn't sure what they were doing at the park but she trusted Lexa and so far their date had been really good.
"No, seriously?!" She asked once she saw exactly what they had been walking towards. Lexa nodded. "I haven't been able to go all year."
"Let's go rent us some skates then."
xoxo
"Please don't laugh at me too much when I fall on my ass multiple times."
Clarke laughed as she and Lexa stepped onto the ice. "This is amazing so I promise not to laugh. There's nothing like skating on a beautiful night." Clarke started to skate and Lexa attempted to keep up with her. She had been skating few times but she was more of a non-frozen water child.
"Can't we be all cute and hold hands while we do this?" Lexa tried with a smile.
"You surf all the time, you should be able to balance yourself on a flat surface."
Lexa stood still, hands on her hips. Clarke rolled her eyes before moving back towards the other woman and taking her arm once again.
xoxo
"Charlotte, she's why you came back to New York?"
Clarke nodded. "I like to see things through, and to be honest I feel more comfortable here."
"It's your home now, that makes sense."
Clarke was about to say something more but stopped herself. "I suppose so. I feel like I grew up here, became a woman here, it has a special place in my heart."
"It looks good on you."
"What does?"
"New York. It suits you, not that Laguna doesn't."
Turning around and skating backwards in front of Lexa, Clarke took the brunettes mitted hands in her own. "It suits you too. Bad ass Lexa Callaway, CEO of a fortune 500 company, kicking ass and taking names."
Lexa smiled as she watched it start to snow, a single flake landing on the tip of Clarke's nose. Without hesitation she leaned forward and kissed it softly causing Clarke to crinkle her nose.
They spent another hour skating, even though they couldn't really feel their toes. Just as they were about to leave, a group of teenagers sped by them knocking Lexa off balance. Before they knew what happened they found themselves on the ice. They started to laugh as they realized just how close their bodies were pressed together, with Clarke breaking Lexa's fall.
"I'm so sorry."
"It's not your fault."
"I should really have better balance considering everything."
"It's nothing." They were still on the ice causing Clarke to groan. "You know I enjoy having you on top of me, but it's cold down here."
Realization crossed Lexa's face. "Shit, sorry." Lexa stood up before helping Clarke up.
XOXO
"What?" Lexa asked as she caught Clarke looking over at her during their cab ride home.
"Nothing, I was just admiring."
"Admiring?"
A breath. "You have changed, but you're still the person that has always made me feel like a little school girl."
"I feel the same way about you."
A few mintues later they found themselves standing on Clarke's doorstep. "Thank you for tonight." Lexa whispered as she moved in to hug the blonde.
"No, thank you. Tonight was absolutely perfect and I almost wish I would have agreed to this date sooner."
"You agreed to it exactly when you were meant too, you had to take your time but I would really like to take you out again sometime."
"I'd like that." Lexa smiled before sniffing slightly. "I should let you go before you freeze out here, you're going to get sick, that coat isn't nearly warm enough."
"Goodnight Clarke."
"Goodnight Lexie."
They let go of each other's hands as Lexa moved down the stairs and pulled her coat closer to her chest. Turning her head she saw Clarke pushed her door open and in a split second decision she raced up the stairs and put her hand out on the door as it was about to close.
Clarke opened the door and before she could speak Lexa took her glove off and softly took a hold of side of Clarke's neck. Leaning forward she kissed her, still standing on the doorstep as the snow fell, while Clarke stood under the protection of her doorframe. They kissed for a long moment before Lexa finally pulled back.
The blonde stood speechless as she watched the snow start to cover Lexa's head. A million things crossed her mind in that moment. Reaching out she took a hold of Lexa's hand and pulled her inside the warmth of her apartment.
TBC…