(Cain)

I can hardly move. I can hardly breathe. My skin breaks easy, I can't explain why. As each hour passes, my legs grow weaker and weaker, and my weight cripples them. I fall to the ground, and my skin opens and bleeds with each impact. I feel the blood trickling down on my face, as my heart works overtime to make up for it. There are stains on my outfit from the blood beneath them. My sides ache as if I've somehow broken ribs, and still, I walk on. Still, there are no signs of Dizzy. I know if I stop, I won't begin again, so I've been walking for a whole day and night. The sun is rising over the Capital Wasteland, and damn, it's beautiful.

I did see some traders, who asked if I needed help. Their free stimpaks did nothing, but they did tell me they saw Dizzy. Or at least, someone of semblance to Dizzy. In Paingiver armor, heading towards Megaton. The general direction, south. It gave me a fluttering hope that I may find her soon. I can't stop and think about myself until I do, because I can't stand the thought of her in danger. Ironically, the thought of her in danger, is the exact thought that makes me continue on, despite the sickness and pain I'm in.

This isn't a hangover anymore. Nor do I blame the liquor. Something tells me it's much worse than either one of those combined. A part of me thinks I caught something from Maria, or someone in The Pitt, but a sickness like this wouldn't spread as quickly. It gets harder and harder to breathe, and I practically gasp for air. It feels like I'm swimming to a surface that's too far away, and my lungs are about to burst. I don't know how much longer I can last, I just know I have to get home. Get to Megaton, where things will be safe. Where everything will turn out okay. But as time ticks by, I start to feel, as if this might be my last day here.

It makes me wonder, if it was my last day, what would I regret? Would I regret keeping my feelings from Dizzy? Regret the liquored-up argument we had? What about mom and dad? Would they know what happened? Would they come and look for me? I've been thinking it over, and…I decided that if I get to see Dizzy again, I'll tell her everything I ever meant to say. That beside her, is where I feel my purpose is. That it's all I ever wanted. That I'll stick by her, no matter what trouble she finds or what endeavors she seems to embark on. That…I love her, and only her, and I'd spend the rest of my life proving it to her.

I'd ask her, to run away with me. Somewhere far, where no one knows us. A secret place, for her and I to find our own adventures. To be reserved versions of mom and dad. Mom…dad…I wonder if they're worried? If Dizzy and I told them what happened between us, how would they react? Would I still be calling them my parents, or instead by their names? I know, due to how I came to be, mom and dad would want my happiness, and approve of Dizzy and I. But, I wouldn't want anyone to know. I would claim to be an orphan, and Dizzy is very close to me. Or simply say they adopted me, which in fact, they did.

Shit. Why do I have to be so close to dad? To his genetic makeup? It would make everything easier, if I was just…some random person. With no connection to Charon whatsoever. But I am, and I can't change my genetics.

I've been trying to remember my earliest memory, to pass the time. Mostly it's after I've met the other kids in my bunk. But, I've been seeing other things to. I can remember a blue-green liquid, and the feeling of weightlessness, as I was suspended in that liquid. An umbilical cord ran from my stomach, to the top of the tube, where I gained my nutrients from. An artificial womb and placenta. There were men in white coats, with clipboards, staring at me. Their lips moved, but I can't make out their words. It reverberates around me, and I remember, I learned the feeling of 'fright'.

I can't remember coming out of the tube, or much of what happened before being introduced to the other children. I remember being told I was special, and that's about it. For some reason, I have this urge to tell this memory to dad…Charon. To tell him that I remember where I come from, and that I'm not birthed by him, or mom. That it's an accident I came to be his genetic match. And it shouldn't stand in the way of Dizzy and I being together.

Sweat drips off of my hair, as it dangles over my eyes. I don't have the energy to produce sweat, but my body has it's own priorities. I look ahead of me, as the sun continues to rise. And I wish, with my whole aching body and soul, if I have one, that Dizzy was here to see it with me. Stopping for just a moment to soak it up, I feel my heart beating furiously inside my chest. The earth beneath my feet feels like it's moving, and I realize, that stopping probably wasn't the best idea. Suddenly, I find myself on the ground, and the pain from standing is replaced by the pain from the new and old cuts adorning my body. I fall on my side, and I feel comfortable. As if this bed of sediment, is the place I'm meant to lie forever.

I don't know what happens when you die. I don't know what you're supposed to see, or if you see anything. Before my eyes, I see Dizzy. She's laying beside me, and her warm hand covers mine. She smiles at me, with her short, dark hair blowing gently in the wind. There's not a worry in the world, when she's in front of me. My mind is clear, and I feel a painful smile creep across my face.

"Dizzy…"

I sigh, feeling sick, painfully sick. As soon as she appeared, Dizzy vanishes. I'm left staring at a rock, while my cheek presses against the small rocks and dirt of the Capital Wasteland. The pain is too intense for my weak body to react to, and all I can manage to do is close my eyes and wait for it to pass, while tears leak from the corners of my eyes. Breathing hurts more than I ever thought it would, and pain vibrates my entire body. Still, I wonder where Dizzy is. If she's safe, if she's alright.

Rolling on my back, I know I can't stand. Trying would waste any energy that I may need to stay alive. The sky above me is light with morning, and as tired as I am, something tells me to stay awake. Something, in the back of my mind, pleads with me to keep my eyes open. A part of my chest feels warm, but not with blood. With instead, hope. What I'm hoping for, is really foggy and unclear. Hoping to find Dizzy, hoping to get up, hoping for something, anything. It doesn't matter, because it's simply hope. It'll keep my heart beating, even after I close my eyes.

They feel so heavy, but closing them causes a sharp migraine, until I open them again. As if my own body wants to torture me one last time, before releasing me into sleep. It won't let me sleep. I haven't slept in…in twenty-four hours. And yet, as tired as I feel, I can't sleep. I don't know if I'll wake up, as I feel blood trickle from the back of my neck. Since when did my skin become so easy to slice? I hear whirring, and ticking, from somewhere in the back of my mind. And then…I feel alive again. I can taste…I can taste the sky. It's…it's raining.

Rain trickles down lightly, and into my open mouth. Replenishing me, just a bit. It gives me no energy, but it cools me down. The ticking and whirring in my mind can't be blocked. Is the machine that I was built as, overriding the man that I became?

"Dad…"

I say softly, feeling my fingers digging into the dirt, and blood, where small, sharp rocks pierce my weakened skin. A shudder travels down my spine, as I grip to reach the edges of my duster jacket. I blink my eyes slow enough, to keep the migraine away, and give myself a few short moments of sweet release. The dirt around me, is wetting, turning to dark mud. It was clear, just moments ago.

A cough tickles my throat, and forces my body to propel forward as it erupts. Blood comes from my mouth, but why? Why do I feel like this? What's so wrong with me, that even the smallest rock causes the deepest cut? What's happening to me? And…more importantly, more importantly than my own health, where is Dizzy? Dizzy, her name. Her name, and the memories I have, make my heart slow. Slow and quicken, as if I'm supposed to do something about it. But there's nothing for me to do, I can hardly breathe let alone move.

"…Dad…mom…dad…"

I breathe in and out, and try to close my eyes. Fighting the pain in my head, I focus only on the whirring and ticking of my mind. Focus on the comfort a sleep will give me. A rest. Maybe, I need a nap. A nap, and then, my strength will come back. And I can find…I can find her.