Chapter Three
xXx
He ruffled through the darkness, comfortably touching the warmth around him, finally letting himself calm down. There was no light, and for some reason, he was happy for it. Maybe that was because he wouldn't have to see what they'd done to him. Maybe it was because, more than anything, he felt ashamed. He listened to the nothingness, and almost smiled. It was… nice, not to have to feel too much. It was nice, not to have to think of-
They crawled up his skin, their very touch causing him to murmur out something incoherent. They'd already done their brutal job, and he was left, bloody and torn on the ground, his hands still pinned above his head, his legs still stuck in their original position. Every breath he whispered aloud, every time he opened his mouth, he could only whimper. It hurt so much. Everything hurt so much.
He tried to arch his back, to relive the pain in his lower body, but all he got in return was the tightening of claws on his wrists, which were already red with his blood. Was Megatron planning on making him bleed to death? He coughed, trying to hold back his breath again. Above him, Megatron cackled, enjoying his agony, basking in his apparent glory.
"Oh my, Sam… It appears you are a very dirty little fleshling. You seemed to enjoy that, didn't you? Maybe a little more? Would you like that?" His taunts mixed darkly with the small fingers, as they poked their way through his bloody jeans. He found it miraculous that they weren't ripped as badly as his skin underneath. He tried to buckle away, his strength gone, his fervour gone with the wind. He whimpered, and whispered out pleas.
"Please, no more-"
"Why, what was that Sam? More?"
One of those things scratched his skin, right on his thigh and he flinched. They were creeping closer, ever closer, cold and wet with his blood. He whimpered again, knowing the torture was coming again. The onslaught was going to feel worse this time. His legs tried to pry away from their merciless holders, but his lack of strength caused him to feel dizzy. He felt the heat crawl up his cheeks with all his energy, and he decided to give up.
They were on him, they were pulling, poking, shoving and the agony was mounting as they tore through flesh. He screamed when it started to become too much, when he felt his skin ripping under those claws, and he begged louder, but what he said, he couldn't hear. He was breathing fast, but not from bliss. He wanted to get away from here, he wanted to be pulled out of this hellhole. He yelled and howled when Megatron was grunting, apparently not becoming tired. Each small carress for the bigger 'Con was too much for Sam to bear- This wasn't goddamn rape: this was something a million times worse. This was torture, this was what happened to spies in freaking prisons when they wanted information-
"You must be enjoying this-"
"! STOP PLEASE! STOP!" Sam screeched at the top of his grainy voice, trying to pull his arms off the vice grips, which were biting into his skin again, and again, and again-
He screamed as another push from one of the fingers made their way into him, and then he felt nothing. The pushing and the shoving and the loud grunts had disappeared, and all he could hear was his wheezy breathing, his cries and moans, his pleads for mercy, please, mercy-
"He appears to want more, Megatron-"
"Hm, I think I shall leave it for now. The boy will surely overload if I indulge myself too much. Besides, we already have done what we needed to do. Sam's punishment has been given… however, I would like to do more with the boy, just before we give him back to them-"
Sam sat bolt upright, his trembling hands fishing for ways out of the tight material around his body. At first he was disorientated, and he couldn't tell where he was, but as he looked around, he noticed he was in the medic bay area of the base. Was this another dream?
"Primus, you scared the spark out of me!"
Sam's heart jumped out of his ribcage, and he nearly bolted out of the bed, except as he fished his way out of the sheets, he saw an almost see-through hand on his shoulder, and he turned, yelping, until he saw-
What?
Bumblebee?
What in God's name was happening here?
"Hey, you're finally awake! I hoped you would wake up soon… 'cause I was really worried, you know," the British accent rang in Sam's ears, and he sighed in relief, before settling back onto the bed covers. The blond hair shone in the light, and from where Sam was sitting, he could make out tiny glints of black. Ironic, Sam thought, considering Bee was a yellow and black Camero. Those blue eyes bore into Sam's, and in them, Sam saw the truth: Bumblebee didn't know what had happened.
He felt grateful to Rachet for not saying anything, although he couldn't be too sure when it came to Optimus. In fact, he wouldn't be surprised if Optimus did know.
Bumblebee smiled, and touched Sam's shoulder. It took Sam a lot not to flinch from that touch. Even though he knew this wasn't a dream, and Bee would not turn into Megatron any second, even though he knew this was his best friend, he still couldn't quite hang on the idea of touching. Instead, Sam gulped, tried and a smile, and looked away, hoping he wasn't hurting Bee's feelings. However, not even Bee could mistake the rising tightness building in Sam's arm, and he frowned.
"Hey, are you okay? Does it hurt?" The worry in Bee's voice made Sam wince and he shook his head, a little too tightly.
"Nope, nothing hurts… Hey, what does Rachet have me on, anyway? I was, well, in a bit of pain earlier, and now I can't, well-," Sam smiled nervously, trying not to sound crazy, "-I can't feel anything, at all." He laughed shakily, and Bumblebee detected the pitch in his voice, the flow of his pulse, intensifying. Bumblebee moved his touch down Sam's arm, and Sam nearly hollered at the feeling of creepiness it gave him, as it made it's way to his hand, cold in his warm one.
"You sure? You are a little uptight. Bad dream? You were shouting in your sleep, you know," the serious tone in Bee's voice caused him to look at the mech again. Sam couldn't deny it: Bee could smell a fish. But he shook his head, chuckling under his breath.
"I'm fine, Bee. Really."
Bee tisked, looking away frustratedly, and Sam recalled that conversation when they were in the Camero, and he winced inwardly.
"Um, what I mean to say is.. Well, I'm not fine, of course I'm not fine-" he felt the tears prick behind his eyelids as he told the white lie,"-But I'm… I'm better than what I was before. Anything is better than not being with Megatron, right?"
Did he give too much away? Sam could almost feel the tautness in the air building up around them, and he wanted to forget everything, and throw his arms around his mate, tell him what was exactly wrong, and how he wanted to just be held, even if just for a second, before he launched out into the world again. But then, he shook his head, knowing Bee wouldn't feel the same way. Bee couldn't. No. Besides, he didn't want to ruin their friendship.
Bumblebee looked into his eyes again, and faintly smiled. "Thanks for telling me. Now I won't have to go and, what did you say, go kill myself slowly, or something?" The smile Bee gave him caused Sam to melt slightly. It was full of light, hope, something innocent-
And he was dirty-
Dirty-
Dirty-
Dirty-
Sam stopped then, and momentarily wondered why on earth he hadn't asked yet. "Hey Bee? How, um, are you-"
Bee smiled cheekily. "Who said I was really here?" He pointed behind him to the yellow Camero, headlights turned on and facing them. "Headlights are powering the projection."
"So you aren't really here? You are just a projection?"
"Uh huh. Like I said, we can't come outside our skeletons, geddit?"
"You never said anything about skeletons, but I understand," Sam laughed, feeling relaxed and calm. "You still feel real, though. I could feel how cold you were." Bumblebee looked at him, seriously, before turning his head away.
"Maybe that's 'cause you wanted to feel it, Sam." Sam couldn't believe his eyes: Bumblebee was… blushing! Sam smiled in return, before fidgeting with his hands, unsure of what to do or say next. He didn't want to make Bee uncomfortable over such a silly thing. When all was said and done, he heard another set of footfalls coming toward them, and Sam flinched, squeezing the white sheets painfully.
Those footfalls sounded an awful lot like-
He squeezed his eyes shut and tried not to think. Breathe, just breathe, just breathe-
"Sam? Sam, can you hear me? What's wrong? It's only Rachet," Bumblebee murmured, eyes widening, watching his friend shaking. "Sam?"
Sam put his face into his hands, his pulse pounding in his neck. Don't think, don't think, as long as you don't think, you'll be fine-
"How is the boy, Bumblebee?" Rachet asked, coming closer.
"Um, Rach? Something is up, and I don't know what- Sam's awake," Bumblebee squeaked, trying to calm down his friend by placing both hands on his charge's, and prying them away from his face. Under them, Bumblebee was very sad to see, were tears. Already, Sam was hastily trying to dry them up, but to no avail. There were more streaming down his face, making small droplets on the white, pristine sheets. Rachet came closer, and peered down at Sam.
"There is no need for tears, Samuel. No-one, and I mean no-one, is going to harm you like that again. I swear it," Rachet was trying to keep his voice as level as possible, but not even he could keep the underlying sternness away from the anger he felt. He really was going to find that bastard and rip him to shreds. Who would do that to a child, and a human one at that?
"Yeah, we'll make sure you stay safe forever. We promise, we solemnly swear it!" Bumblebee joining in, before wrapping his arms around Sam's shoulders, not touching his hands, only pressing him slightly into the projection. If only Sam was in his car, the he'd be able to do it properly, but he wouldn't be allowed to move Sam for another while. But it was the thought that counted most, and not even Sam could keep from wanting to return the hug, the small gesture. He felt his heart melting, and tried his best at squeezing back at the air, nearly laughing at the absurdity of it. He was only hugging air.
"Thanks, Bee, Rachet," he mumbled quietly, letting the last of the tears fall.
Next thing, Rachet was taking out another needle, and aiming it towards Sam's IV drip. All of a sudden, Sam arms went up, and he started begging no no no! Rachet looked down confusedly.
"Can I just fall asleep myself? Please?"
"You can't honestly tell me you are afraid of needles, Samuel," the Autobot replied sarcastically. Sam shook his head.
"No, I just want to fall asleep by myself, thanks."
He didn't want to be the one to tell Rachet those things were the reasons for the nightmares, which were steadily spiralling out of control whenever he drifted through that darkness. Those nightmares, he knew, wouldn't leave him for the rest of his life, but Sam knew he could get used to them if he forced himself to sleep naturally, without the use of something that seemed to promote everything dark in his sleep. He laughed at the weird logic he was using, but for some reason, or another, he knew it was true.
"Samuel, you need to rest, then. You've only been out for the past two days," Rachet tutted, and Sam blanched.
"Only? That's a long time for us humans, in case you haven't noticed, Rachet!" he sighed, before settling back into the sheets, head resting against the pillow. The radio in the Camero came on then, and Rachet gave Bee the most severe look Sam had ever seen. It was something techno, something Sam wasn't usually one to go for, but when he heard the drumroll play, he could instantly see why Bee would've picked it.
"Searching the rain I see only shadows, You've got to show me your face—Remnants of you are burning inside me," the radio sang, and Sam chuckled.
"So we've become completely smitten with the t.A.T.u. girls, have we?" he asked.
"When everything feels like the movies, yeah, you'll bleed just to know you're alive—I just want you to know who I am," the radio crooned back.
"Great. Now we are going for Goo Goo, are we?"
xXx
His hands clenched the soundless air, smooth silk passing through fingers, his sighs the only undertones he could hear, his eyes searching through the dense shadows. He knew he had no control over the dreams: they weren't the kind you could throw away with a simple gesture of the hand, yet if they came, he knew there was nothing he could do about it. He could already feel them pulling him down, the tendrils of nightmares dragging his reluctant body down, down, down to the ground below, where he knew he would be held, fastened there, where his shrill screams would no longer be heard by the people he knew could save him.
He waited, he wondered, he hoped they wouldn't come.
However it became obvious, that not even he could stop the onslaught this time.
It began again, each fluent movement he tried to feel becoming more and more restrained, the grips he was once under tying him down again, the steel in them scarring his wrists, making him scream.
Dirty
Dirty
Dirty
"You must be enjoying this-"
"Punishment—More to come—Already done what we needed to do—"
"Why, what was that Sam? More?"
"You seemed to enjoy that, didn't you?"
No, he didn't. That didn't mean he was… dirty, did it?
He could see his body trembling underneath Megatron. This time, he wasn't the one under the torturous spell. This time he was the one watching every painful movement his own body jerked against. He listened to each shrill cry, each beg and each plea. He couldn't do anything to save himself from this: it all happened days ago. It was too late to change his past now.
He closed his eyes against himself, and cried along to his own self, left unmercifully on the table, shaking, traumatised by what had occurred to him.
A/N: I'm sooo sorry! I have had NO TIME whatsoever to keep up with my final year in school, and all the extra study and piano I have to keep up with... It's like a bloody juggling act, I must say, although it is my last year, so I won't have to deal with it next year... (phew!)
Anyways, I'm terribly sorry for the blocky updates... But I wish to give a HUGE, MASSIVE, GIGANTIC HUG TO ALL OF YOU GUYS! YOU'RE THE REASON, THE ONLY REASON, WHY SORROWS OF THE DAMNED IS ALIVE! Thank you sooo much guys, and I love you all!
Catch ya when school isn't crawling up my legs! hahaha!
xoxox