(Charon)
As my family and I walk back to Megaton, I explain to Dizzy the findings that Dr. Barrows brought to me. She listens, with silent tears falling down her face. Dezbe holds her hand, but, I can tell it brings her little comfort. If her eyes are not set ahead, they are on Cain. I wanted, to protect my children from this. Wanted to keep them in Megaton, so that this very situation could have all been avoided. I never intended, to allow them to feel even a fraction of what Dezbe and I did. I feel, as if I have failed them.
Cain's body is lighter, than what I would expect. I glance down at him, in breaks between explanations and silence. I can hear the whirring, that everyone knows is present, but does not wish to speak of. I can hear it, just as loud as if he was talking to me. His lightness, the mechanical noises…they do not point towards hope. My daughter cries for him, and as a parent, knowing there is nothing I can do, kills me inside.
"Charon?"
I look over at Dezbe. Dizzy walks with her head down, and face as hard as stone. Her eyes concentrated on her feet. I know that look, because I have had it upon my own face. She is planning. What she is planning, I cannot begin to imagine. Dezbe and I are invisible to her right now.
"Yeah?"
Dezbe aches, too. Although she did not birth Cain, she loved him just the same. Loved and cared for him, as her own firstborn son. To Dezbe, losing Cain, is the same as losing a child. I share her outlook on that. Inside, I am hurting, too. But, I have a family to be strong for. A daughter, my only daughter, to support and pillar. A woman, wife in all but law, to hold close and comfort when the sun sets. Myself, is comforted, by being there for them.
"Do you remember, how when I began to…when things got hard, and you lost yourself…do you remember that?"
"That is many instances."
"I can't pinpoint the one. But I was in an underground tunnel. I told myself, I wasn't with you, that I had been through it all. And still there were things I hadn't felt. But, each hardship, made me stronger. Made us stronger. I think, this is one of those times, moments that will bring us down. But, it'll…it'll make us strong."
"Or tear us apart. The Capital Wasteland, is not a place, for our children."
"He's not your son."
Dizzy says, and Dezbe and I look at her in shock.
"He's not. He's not your son."
"Dizzy, it doesn't mean we don't love him like one."
"He's not yours! He's…he's…"
"He is yours, Dizzy. He is his own person, and he is every part yours."
I tell her, knowing where she is coming from. Knowing what she needs to hear, what she is saying. Dezbe looks at me, and we share a knowing look. She is not offended by Dizzy's outbursts, and like me, understands. Dezbe and I have suffered enough, to have such empathy. To have such conviction, and knowing for our children. Our child, Dizzy.
"…If he wakes up, I won't leave him again. Even if we fight, and I want to run away. I won't. Because…I don't ever want to feel this way again."
She reminds me so much of her mother. But her tone, the looks, the ruthlessness she has no idea she is capable of, are all from me. Dizzy has not experienced the Capital Wasteland to the full extent yet. She has yet to be placed in such a life-or-death situation, and let the strength I passed on to her come out. Her tactics, her way of making plans last minute, even her skills of manipulation, are a stronger version of both Dezbe and myself. Dizzy simply has no idea, the power she possesses. The strength, and determination, she is capable of. Yet, despite all these positive traits, I worry. She is emotional like her mother. I worry, because I do not wish to lose both of my children. There is no doubt in my mind, that Dizzy will act impulsively, out of pain, if Cain cannot be saved. The future, does not look bright.
When we arrive home, I bring Cain to his room, and lie him on his bed. All of us are tired, and want to rest, but there is no time for it. Dizzy busies herself, unlacing his boots and taking them off while Dezbe and I watch.
"In case he wakes up."
She tells us, monotone and blank. We decide to leave her be, beside Cain, where she should be. Dezbe and I close the door behind us, and head downstairs.
"What do we do now, Charon?"
I sigh, and light a cigarette, and Dezbe and I come to the kitchen. We turn on the lights, it is late at night. The papers Barrows brought to us, lie still on the table.
"We read what we can, and hope to find something."
"And what if we don't find anything?"
"Then we give it three days."
"And after that?"
I exhale smoke, as the events in my mind take a turn for the worst. Seeing Dezbe, and Dizzy, cry and mourn as they will…angers me. Yet I have no one to be angry at. For the first time, there is no rightful blame to place. This happened, because of unknown information, and miscommunication. There is no enemy, only ourselves.
"…There is nothing, after that, Dezbe. Only…"
I cannot finish my sentence, as I look into her eyes. Those deep, brown and sorrowful eyes. I cannot tell her that…we will have to bury Cain. I will have to dig the grave, and place his body inside of it. Cover him, with the soft soil of Megaton, and hope, that my family can recover from it.
"She won't…she won't recover from this, Charon. He's…her first love."
"I know, Dez."
"I'm scared, Charon."
Dezbe steps into my arms as I put out my cigarette. I entangle my fingers into her hair, and hold her close.
"I am, too."
Kissing the top of her head, I know there is no more comfort I can offer. There is nothing more I can do for my family, except find a solution.
"Let's read."
I say to her, and she steps away from my arms. Nodding, Dezbe walks over to the table and sits down. I follow her, as we begin to pour ourselves into the yellowed papers and files.
"If all else fails, tomorrow we will bring Gob and Barrows here."
Barrows is still in Megaton. He said he would stay with Gob until Cain and Dizzy returned, in case they had any questions. I glance up from a piece of paper with diagrams of Cain's design.
"Why? Charon what good would a doctor do? Cain…human as he acts, bleeds, and is, he isn't."
"No, but he is a man. And Gob is a machinist. He can help."
"Gob doesn't even know about Cain, Charon."
"Then I feel we should tell them. A doctor, and a machinist, can accomplish great things together."
"It's worth a shot. I just don't want to give Dizzy false hope. She's hurting enough as it is."
"I'm aware, Dezbe, but we have to try."
Shuffling through papers, I separate the diagrams and text into two different piles. Gob may need the diagrams, and Dezbe watches me.
"You're hell-bent on helping this family, aren't you?"
I look over at her, the stress apparent in her still youthful face.
"Of course. You are my family."
"So when does it stop? You've protected and provided for us, our entire lives. For me, even longer."
"It never stops, Dezbe. Even when I am gone, it will continue on. It is what a family does."
"…I never knew, what it was families were supposed to do. There was always something more important."
"Now, you are my priority. The children, are second. It is cruel of me to say, and I understand that. But, it is simply how I feel."
"Given the choice, who would live, me or Dizzy?"
"Both."
"Charon you can't pick both, and I want Dizzy to live."
"Both, because I have done the impossible before to save you. I can do it again, to save my family."
She smiles at me, and reaches over. Her hand rests on mine. Even after so many years, when I look at her, I wonder how such a beautiful being can still love a monster like me. I am not a monster inside, but I know outwardly, I look like one.
"Even if you can't save Cain, it warms me, knowing you're trying so hard. I love you, Charon."
"I love you, too. My daughter asked me to do the impossible. It is going to take a while."
"You're planning, aren't you?"
"Yes, I am."
Dezbe sits back in her chair, and starts to sift through the papers. I go back to reading the one in my hand. She has a precarious smirk on her face. One that tells me she knows the inner workings of my mind, more than she lets on. Dezbe is a smart woman, and she knows that I will exhaust every idea in my mind, before admitting defeat. That, and the love that I hold for my family, is what makes her smile.