(Cain)

She brought that annoying piece of shit with us. I can't believe her. She really did it. I'm not sure if she brought him along out of spite, or if she actually likes him. Although I can't figure what she sees in him, dad says a woman's heart is deeper and more vast than the Capital Wasteland. Good luck figuring it out.

Another thing dad told me, before leaving, bothers me. It clogs my mind as we enter Grayditch, and in a haste to avoid these huge fire-breathing ants, find an abandoned home to reside in. While Dizzy sets her pack down, and Travis looks around, I take a seat to let dad's words of the morning sink in. Since leaving it's sort of been go-go-go, so there's been no time to think. Dad told me, that eventually Dizzy will move on. I mean, he didn't say it so bluntly, but that's what he meant. I wanted to tell him that's exactly what I wanted, but I did well in keeping my goddamned mouth shut.

Maybe that's why Travis is with us, though. Because Dizzy likes him, and wants to move on. It's hard, to move on when the person of your interest is constantly around, but, that's how it is. For her entire life, I'll be with her, and she with me. If I die, though, Dizzy lives on. For the past few days, I've been thinking maybe that'd be best. If I died, and all. Not that I'm suicidal or planning to off myself anytime soon, but in general if I died in fight or something, would it make everything better in the long run? I mean, Dizzy wouldn't have to worry, and she could lead a semi-normal life without me. For a while, I thought that was a grand idea.

But then I thought of her sad. I remembered…how upset she was, during the time I was 'broken'. For lack of a better term. It kills me to remember her voice. I could hear everything, feel some things, but I couldn't respond. The pain in her voice, the sincerity…it bothers me. I mentioned it to mom and dad last night, but, they said it was because Dizzy truly cared for me. Immature in her ways and actions, she has a lot of growing up to do. Mom says that's normal, but also says Dizzy's infatuation is more than just puppy love. I think they encourage the relationship so much, because of how hard it was for them to be together. They want Dizzy and I to know, that we can be together whenever we want. That we have freedoms and liberties they didn't. I'm not sure. I don't know.

Looking at her, while she pokes and prods every nook and cranny of the house, I feel warm inside. But it's a painful warmth. Because I know how dependant she is on me. I know how she truly feels, and how she hides it just as well as I do. I'd give anything to be with her, I would, but…I'm not sure if it's my own fears, morality, or something else that holds me back. In the meantime, I have to do all I can to push her away. To make her fall in love with someone else. Even if that thought bothers me to no end.

Rain starts to fall heavily outside, but in the abandoned home, we're save. Hissing sounds from the fire-breathing mutant ants stirs us, and we look towards the boarded-up windows. We can't see through them, but the hissing sounds tell us that the rain bothers them. Well, they do breathe fire, and the rest is left up to logistics.

"When is this rain going to stop?"

Dizzy whines, as she makes her way to the front door. Like a dog she sits in front of it. I know she's eager to go off and find some whirlwind adventure. She's been waiting forever to do it, and it seems the rain is a temporary setback. She's sad, and disappointed. Her hands lay on the door, while her head hangs. Her pants are low enough, so when she leans over I can see her lower back. Still wearing that same tank-top Raider getup, I shake my head at Dizzy.

"It might be all day. It's not so bad."

I say to her, trying to just be a bit nicer. She sighs, and the smell of nicotine soon fills my nostrils. Didn't she just have one?

"Says you. You didn't even want to come out here."

"Hey guys! This bed is huge!"

We ignore Travis, well I do. Dizzy just chooses not to respond.

"Look, I never said that."

I tell her, rubbing my temples. I hear Dizzy get up and rummage through her pack. Opening my eyes, I see she has a bottle of vodka in her hand.

"Hey where'd you get that?"

"Mom gave it to me. Shut your face I don't care how early it is. I'm going to drink until the rain stops."

"Dizzy…you can't go into the Wasteland drunk."

A loud clap of thunder echoes overhead.

"We're not going anywhere anytime soon, idiot."

Travis comes back downstairs as Dizzy takes a swig from the bottle. His eyes light up and he goes over to her. She hands him the bottle, and they begin to pass it back and forth. When Travis goes to hand it to me, I shake my head and push it away.

"He doesn't want to drink because he's a stupid ninny."

Dizzy says, while I lean back in my chair. I didn't sign up to come with this circus. But I have no choice in the matter. Even if I did, I'd probably still come. Because there'll be a time, when Dizzy needs me. And then I'll have to be there for her.

"I'm going upstairs."

Removing myself from the situation is better than dealing with it as a whole. I know in pre-war homes, the upstairs holds bedrooms like the homes in Megaton do. I waste no time in finding one and laying down. Although I'm not tired, I feel exhausted. Staring at the ceiling has been my favorite pastime these couple of nights. Even though we're out of Megaton, I feel like I'm doing just what I did back home. Avoiding Dizzy, while aimlessly staring at nothing, and doing nothing. More thunder echoes outside, and laughter carries up from downstairs.

"We can't!"

Dizzy laughs, and I can only imagine what's taking place below me. I don't even want to imagine it. I don't know if Travis and Dizzy have slept together, and I don't want to know if they did. Maybe if he wasn't here, things between Dizzy and I wouldn't be so strained. We'd only have each other to talk to, and eventually we'd have to find a common ground. The problem doesn't lie with Dizzy, though. It's with me, and my hesitant nature to avoid talking about what she wants to talk about.

"Hang on! I have to talk to Cain!"

Dizzy yells. That's sort of a telltale sign she's tipsy, when she yells instead of talks. I hear her feet slamming up the stairs, and down the hall. Eventually her head pokes through the open door of the bedroom I'm in. Our eyes meet, and I feel my heart race. I hate when this happens.

"Hey watcha doing?"

Raising an eyebrow, I sigh at her. She pokes a cigarette out on the door.

"Laying down. Go back downstairs, Dizzy."

She ignores me, and comes in, closing the door quietly behind her.

"I don't want to. I have to talk to you, and…know something before I make a mistake."

I sit up, wondering what's causing the serious tone in her voice.

"What is it?"

I ask her, as she stands at the foot of the bed.

"…You've been avoiding me since…since you woke up. And I want to know…if…anything has…if…"

This talk was inevitable.

"Dizzy, just go downstairs, okay? Have fun with Travis."

"I'm going to sleep with him if you…if you don't answer my questions."

"Wait, why?"

"Because someone out here has to love me."

"Dizzy, love and sex are two completely different things."

"I know that, stupid. Look, I mean. What I meant to ask you was…I know we're stuck together, but I have to know, are we going to be stuck together like this, or will something more ever…"

She trails off. I have a short time frame to think about this. In my silence, Dizzy sits down, and starts to talk again.

"We could run away together. I know, you still see me as your sister. I've stopped seeing you as my brother, because, you're not. But, if you can tell me that there's a chance, I can just leave Travis here and you and I we can…we can run away, you know? Make…make some sort of pact and run away. Find a place, where we can be happy. Over the mountains. Somewhere."

"I don't know how to answer you, Dizzy."

And I don't. Thinking of her with Travis, with any man, makes my blood boil and stomach twist. But she's right. I do still see her as my sister, and that's probably what's holding me back from…doing such things.

"Was what happened between us…nothing? Was it just lust? Because…I thought I knew the difference, between sex and love. But if what we had was just lust, then, I don't know anymore."

"We didn't have sex, Dizzy."

"We almost did."

I sigh, and suddenly feel like throwing up. I love her. I love her more than the sun loves the moon and all else in the world. But I can't tell her. I can't overcome what's holding me back.

"…I don't know what you want, Dizzy. What you want from me. Just…just go downstairs. Have fun with Travis. Do…whatever makes you happy."

"But…"

She has nothing else to say, and I can't think of anything else, either. Standing up, Dizzy looks at me, and shakes her head. Rain falls hard against the walls of the house, and I notice she's hiding tears.

"We've got our entire lives together…and it's not looking so good."

"We can do this, Diz. We just have to figure out a way to make it work."

"You don't want to make anything work."

She's wrong. I want to make everything work. If I could, I would be with her. I would do everything I wanted to do, and everything she wanted me to do. I just can't, though. I don't know why, but I can't keep her in limbo, either.

"…Travis was right. You haven't danced in a while."

I want to keep her in this room as long as possible. I want to keep her away from Travis. Maybe, if I do that, we can make it off of square one and get some sort of decent relationship going. And, I don't want her being with another man. I can't give her what she wants, as much as I want to, but I can't stomach her with someone else right now.

"There's nothing to dance for. And that's not the point of this conversation. If…if there's nothing between us, then I don't understand why I'm here. You…you probably just didn't want me going back to the Raiders. Or something."

"That's not the case. What the hell are you talking about?"

"What happened between us. It wasn't once, Cain. If it was once, I could understand that, but it wasn't. And then you go off and lie to me and yourself about everything. What the hell is wrong with you? Just…talk to me. Tell me the truth, please?"

"What do you want me to tell you?"

"Do you still feel the same way? Was it…did it mean anything?"

I close my mouth and look away from her. I can't answer her. She takes my temporary silence as a resounding 'no' and I hear her leave the bedroom. I watch the door, in hopes it'll open again, but it doesn't. These past few weeks, feel like one big bad day.

Standing up, I make my way towards the boarded up windows. There's nothing to see out of, I know that, but I just want to imagine. Imagine a life, a world, where Dizzy and I can simply be together. Where there's nothing holding her back. Downstairs, something slams against the floor. A table or something, I don't know. As much as I want to go down there, and stop whatever's taking place, I can't. Because what would I say? What would I do? Dizzy would demand an explanation, and I can't give her one.

After a few long moments of self pity, the noise from downstairs bothers me. It makes me angry, as if giant waves are ripping me apart. I want to scream and under my breath I curse the facility that made me. Mom told me, up north, there's a place called the Institute. That it's in Massachusetts, a pre-war state. She said they make androids like me there. Only, I'm probably the most advanced thing in the world, and they'd only enslave me. They wouldn't be able to tell, unless I told them, but still. She said there was a place, and maybe if I went there, I could get information about myself. Maybe even, find a cure to what bonds me to Dizzy.

"No…don't do that."

I hear Dizzy say downstairs. Hearing her voice, strained in pleasure, makes my stomach churn and hurl. I may not be able, to tell her how I feel. I may not be able to give her what she desires, but there are more men in the world, than Travis. Someone better, someone more deserving of her. Someone who'll treat her right, with smarts and wit about them. Not…a bumbling idiot. My mind tells me to stay, so I'm not sure, what's telling me to go.

Prying open the door, I walk loudly down the stairs. I reach the living room to find bare-bottomed Travis atop bate-assed Dizzy, but nothing really taking place. Dizzy's hands are on his chest, like she's pushing him away. It might not be true, and probably isn't, but the thought of him taking advantage of her sends me into a frenzy. I don't hesitate to grab him, and pry him away from her.

"Hey!"

Dizzy yells, while I do my best to avoid looking at her naked body as I hold fast to Travis' arm.

"Get out."

I tell him, stern. He smirks at me, that cocky bitch.

"What? You upset over something, huh?"

With more anger than logic, I pull him to the door.

"You can be dinner to the ants."

Opening the door, I shove him out, naked, and slam the door behind me. Outside, he laughs and tries to get back in, but I hold the knob and put my weight against it. Soon his laughter stops, and his voice turns from sarcastic to serious, as hissing grows louder.

"Cain! Stop it! Stop it! Let him in!"

Dizzy gets up and runs at me. Her bare body a distraction, but not one enough to make me move. Her small fists begin to pelt me, but I know she's holding back. If she wanted to, she could easily pry me away from the door. It confuses me as to why she's doing this. Why she's acting this way.

"Go get dressed!"

"If you didn't want me to fuck him you should have told me so!"

"I don't care what you do!"

"Then why are you doing this?"

Her voice is more pained than angry. I realize, for the first time, I'm seeing Dizzy in the most vulnerable way. She's naked, a bit drunk, with nothing to hide behind. She shows no shame in having her breasts and thighs out for the world to see, but her mind isn't set on that. There's tears in her eyes, and she searches my face for some sort of answers. The pain across her face causes me to let go of the door, but it doesn't matter. Travis' footsteps can be heard running through the mud and dirt miles and miles away.

She's beautiful. A scar here and there, from minor injuries add personality to her skin. Her skin that's becoming tanned. She's petite, but perfect. Damn near perfect, with curves in all the right places, and an air of innocence about her. Her eyes are wide, tearful, and I look away from them.

"…I don't know."

I reply, letting my hand fall from the knob. Maybe, I'm just as vulnerable as her.

"We're alone now. I have nobody to…to keep me distracted from you…"

She says while silent tears fall to the ruined carpet below her feet.

"I know."

Nervously I run my fingers through my hair. I want nothing more than to kiss her. To wrap my arms around her and finish what we started on our journey to The Pitt. But instead I stand still, embarrassed and ashamed. I should have stayed upstairs.

"I don't care about the rain. I'm getting dressed, and we're leaving. I'm going…I'm going to find someone to come with us. Someone to keep me away from you. Because…I know, why you're here."

"…Why?"

"So you don't die. If you had it your way, you'd be back home with mom and dad. You wouldn't have come here."

That's not true. Nothing about that statement is true. But no amount of talking with convince her otherwise. I know this, and she knows this. Even if I wasn't forced to be with her, I still would be, because it's where I want to be. It's…it's where I feel I have to be.

"You should wait until you're sober."

I tell her as she turns her back to me.

"I'm sober, Cain."

"Dizzy just stay until the storm passes. Then…we can find Travis."

"I don't want to."

"We'll find whomever you want, Dizzy."

"It doesn't matter if we do. You won't like them."

She picks up her pants, and shakes them out. I walk over to her, and pick her shirt up for her.

"I'm sorry."

I say.

"No, you're not."

Yes I am. I'm sorry, that I can't be who she wants me to be. That I can't tell her how I feel, and that I've chased away someone who could have made it easier for her. But she wouldn't understand, the anger that blinds me, when she's with someone else. When she's in trouble. When she needs me, and I'm not there to protect her.

"Just give me time, Dizzy."

"You've had enough time. Dad was right. He was right."

"What did dad say?"

Dizzy slides on her pants, and starts to put her top on.

"That you're a coward."

"Dad didn't say that."

"No, he didn't, but compared to him, you are. Because dad went through so much more to be with mom. He went through everything horrible and imaginable, and you…you won't even try."

How she came to realize that about her parents I don't know. I can't call them my own parents anymore, if I want to make any progress with Dizzy. In my mind, they're always going to be my mother, and my father, but I can't address them as such anymore. Because Dizzy is right. I am a coward. But I can also try.

"I…I'm sorry, alright?"

"I didn't grow up alongside you, feeling okay with my feelings about you, Cain. It was hard for me, too. But I accepted them. And this is where it got me. But at least…I want something. At least I'm not still running from them."

I say nothing. She finishes getting dressed, and her eyes burn holes in me. Dizzy takes a few steps closer to me, and her scent fills my senses.

"It's…it's going to be alright, Dizzy."

Trying to comfort her…it fails. She looks up at me, the tears gone dry.

"No, not for us."

"Let me make it alright."

"You wouldn't know how if it slapped you in the face."

That's probably true. Dizzy pushes past me, and puts her hand on the doorknob.

"Are you coming?"

Grabbing her pack and the bottle of vodka, I nod.

"I have no choice."

She nods and opens the door. The rain still falling hard. It doesn't matter to her, though. She presses onwards, our feet sinking in the mud. We say nothing, as I walk behind her. She's heading towards the city, and with each step the pressure in my chest deepens.

Hoping the rain will lighten, I say nothing as I follow Dizzy to the river. It hasn't lightened, and is down pouring.

"Shit."

Dizzy says, and when I catch up to her, I realize why. The river is high, rushing. We're only a few feet from it's rising current, and Dizzy backs away, a bit scared.

"We should head back. It's cold, and raining bad. The river is too violent to cross."

She ignores me, and slips a bit in the mud. Fearful, I grab hold of her arm and pull her back up. She isn't a strong swimmer, and falling in at this point is certain death.

"There's got to be a way across."

"Dizzy we can't! It's too harsh! Look we have to go back."

"You're not the boss of me!"

Pulling away from my arm, Dizzy takes a wrong step, and it all goes wrong. I can't catch her in time, and the mud is too slippery and thick to move quick enough. Before I can prevent it, she slides in, her nails gripping at the mud. It falls in her hands, as the current pulls at her body.

"Cain!"

She calls, and I reach towards her, taking advantage of the precious few seconds. Our fingers graze, but I lose my balance on the incline, and fall backwards as my feet slide from under me. Before I can regain my composure, Dizzy is being swept away.

"Cain!"

The current is smooth, but fast. She tries to get closer to shore, as it pulls her along downstream. Gathering myself, I run after her along the shore. I keep one eye on her, and one eye ahead, hoping to spot something she can grab on to. But there's nothing in sight.

"Help me!"

She screams, before going under. Mirelurks. I remember their existence, and decide running isn't the best strategy. With nothing ahead, Dizzy has a small chance of crawling out. Making a split second decision, I dive in.

The water is icy, and I wouldn't mind if the sun was out. But we're being pelted with chilly rain, and as soon as I surface I feel the cold wind hit my face. The current is strong, but I'm stronger. I can make it to Dizzy, as her arms wave above her head. There's a slight bend in it up ahead.

"Swim to me!"

I yell as the current pulls me closer. I see she tries to kick against the current, but it doesn't do anything, and drains her energy. Holding my breath, I push myself under the water and swim with the water. Opening my eyes, I see her legs kicking violently to keep her afloat. I know I'm close, because it's too murky to see very far away.

Surfacing, I reach forward, and feel my fingers touch the strap of her tank top. With no hesitation, I grab it, and pull her close. Panicking, she wraps her arms around me and holds on for dear life. Coughing, sputtering, she tries her best to breathe.

"Hold on, Dizzy."

I start to swim diagonally towards the shore. Although we're being pulled, and Dizzy's added weight makes it harder, along with my clothes and pack that I didn't think to leave behind, I can do it. Kicking, stroking, I finally feel the soft sand beneath my feet, and drag us onto the mud of the shore. Dizzy lets me go, and crawls away from the river, spitting up water and catching her breath.

"I told you."

I tell her, angry at her choices. She shakes, as I stand. Staying on all fours, her eyes are closed as water drips from her mouth. The rain still persists, with no sign of letting up. Defeated, Dizzy looks up at me.

"This is why you're here, isn't it? To protect me?"

I frown at her, and push down the anger I feel. After all that, we're still on the same side of the river we began on. A bit further from Grayditch, but not too far.

"Come on, get up. You're a mess. We're going back to wait out the storm."

Walking away, it takes a few yards before I hear her sloshing footsteps in the mud. She could have easily drowned back there, I know it, and she knows it. Still, she stupidly holds on to her anger and spite. A simple 'thank you' would have been nice. Something to at least show some appreciation. She was calling my name in despair moments ago. I guess, no matter how angry I am at her, or how upset we are with one another, I'll still do anything I can to save her.