(Cain)
For the next two months, Dizzy and I do nothing but explore the Wasteland. Between the city and the desert, I get lost as to what she has more fun doing. So far, despite all the people we've met and fought, she's asked no one to join us. After saving her from the river, and returning to Grayditch, she's changed. It seems, that she cares less about her internal battles, and more about the world around her. She shows kindness to some, and anger for others. We haven't spoken about anything, but it doesn't mean I haven't thought of it. For the most part, we've grown closer, and the habit of calling mom and dad 'mom' and 'dad' is broken. Dizzy understands this now, and responds when I say Dezbe or Charon.
I've been thinking a lot, too. Between Raiders, Super Mutants, and meeting people, there's a lot of time to think. Long droughts of silence sometimes plague us, when there's nothing to talk about, or when Dizzy sleeps beside me. I've been thinking about everything that's happened. The incidents between us. With each passing day, I find more and more reasons to be with her. More and more reasons, to look past our upbringing, and tell her to me, she's beautiful.
She hasn't been feeling attractive, due to a new array of small scars. Nothing like Dezbe, but Dizzy is vain, and they affect her. She doesn't want to look as battered as Dez does. She wants to look how she feels. Which, I'm not sure about, really. Either way, the words are always on the tip of my tongue. There just never seems to be a right moment. And when there is, either she falls asleep, or I chicken out. It's frustrating, but I'm patient. I keep her safe in the meantime, by sunlight and moonlight. On more than one occasion, he gun has run out of ammo, and she's sought safety and comfort within my arms, as I finished off what remained of the enemies.
I can't tell you, how right it feels, to hold her. How I feel my purpose is to be with her, to protect her. I understand I am designed to protect an individual, in this case, her. However, I'm not designed to feel anything for them. I've given up, on why I love her. I can't tell anyone, not even myself, why. I've just accepted, that I do. That Dizzy possesses something no other female has. At least, in my eyes. At night, sometimes with the help of liquid courage, she says when she thinks of me, she doesn't feel alone. I would tell her she's not alone, and never will be, and she always replies saying that it's okay with her. That she'd have it no other way, even if we weren't bound by the way we are.
A downside, to all of this, is that Dizzy convinced herself, that I'm only so caring, because I have to be. Because she has to stay near me, or I'll die. It isn't true. I'm with her because I want to. Because I love her. It doesn't matter to me, that without her I'd die, and to be honest I never think of it. I only think of her, and how each night when the stars kiss her to sleep, how much I want to take her in my arms, and make her my own. I hardly remember my life before. Remember what it was like with Erin, or anything. I only remember her. She hasn't held my hand like she once did, and I'll admit, I miss it. I miss the closeness, we once shared, unknowing and naïve.
Right now, we're closing in on the Super Duper mart, just south of Megaton. Dizzy wants to go home. She wants to see her parents, and stay there for a bit. She talks of going to New Vegas, after meeting traders from there. Dizzy has it in her head, that she's going to be some crime-lord-New Vegas-gangster. The traders filled her head with glamour and wonder, and I don't want to argue it. Before she was so against New Vegas, and now it's like a child chasing after a dream. I'd feel guilty, arguing against it.
I'm okay with going home. At least, for a bit. Out here holds so many wonders and freedoms that Dizzy and I had no idea existed before. However, I know my time limit is running out. We've been close these past few days, with no arguments. Finding a tender moment is easy, and I know once we get back home there'll be no time to be alone. Since Dezbe, Charon, Zack and Gob will all want to hear of everything. They'll hog us, until we venture off to New Vegas, and by then Dizzy will be too tired to want to hear anything. It's just trying to conceive a perfect moment, and the perfect words. To tell her I'm sorry. That I'm a complete idiot, and will spend the rest of our lives together making up for the mistakes I made, if only she'd let me.
As our feet carry us past the Super Duper Mart, I sigh heavily in the silence. Dizzy looks at me, and in the back of my mind, I know it's now or never. A leafless tree dies in the background of the night, and I know, I have to take this chance.
"Dizzy?"
She's still looking at me, when my eyes meet hers. I look up, and the stars seem…just a bit brighter, on this moonless night.
"What's up?"
I watch her light a cigarette, and take it from her. I need it more than her. Nonchalantly, she lights another one for herself.
"You know…you'll never be alone, right? Because I'm beside you."
"I know. What else is new? We're stuck with one another for forever and ever."
A shooting star passes above my head, as I stare upwards. But walking, is a distraction. So I stop, with my back to Megaton I face her, dropping our small pack to the ground.
"I have to talk to you."
It comes out faster than I can process it. Dizzy cocks an eyebrow, and nods.
"About…?"
"About us, Dizzy. I have to tell you…things."
"Well if they're bad things can they wait till we get home? We're almost there and I'm really tired."
I shake my head, and stop her from walking past me.
"No, Dizzy they're not bad. Please just listen."
As I collect my thoughts, and try to apologize, try to say what I've always wanted to say, Dizzy's eyes peer off and look at something. She has a strange expression on her face, and I try to ignore it as the words in my mind, form a paragraph of things to say and more. I have to summarize it, somehow, anyhow. I just know I have to say it.
"Hey…Cain, what's that?"
Dizzy says from nowhere, raising her arm to point. I turn around and look. In the near distance, an ominous orange glow emits towards the sky. Smoke billows out, like thick black clouds overhead, and I frown.
"…Fire…it's fire, Dizzy."
"That's…that's Megaton! That's home! Cain! Mom and dad! That's Megaton!"
There isn't room for argument or words. She's right. It is Megaton, and it is home. Coming back to reality, and out of shock, Dizzy and I begin to run as fast as we can towards the glow. What happened? What happened to Megaton? It's all I can think of, as we race towards it, not thinking of anything else except arriving.
When we reach Megaton, the citizens are all crowded away from it. Fire and flames reach up higher than I've ever seen before, as people stare in shock and awe. My home is on fire, and I feel numb. Looking over at Dizzy, I see terror and horror across her face. She looks at me, pained.
"Who did this? Where's mom and dad?"
She yells, and people look at us. Quickly realizing who we are, the crowd begins to chatter. I shake my head, telling Dizzy I have no idea and I don't know anything. I know as much as she does, as my eyes scan the crowd looking for her parents. Looking for anyone, a familiar face.
"Cain! Dizzy!"
Gob's voice echoes over the crowd of horrified people. I turn around behind me, and see him staring, wide-eyed and exhausted. Zack isn't too far behind, and I can tell something is wrong. Terribly, terribly wrong.
"Where's my mom and dad?"
Dizzy asks, tugging at Gob's arm. He looks at her, and then to me. I know it's bad. I can feel it.
"Mercenaries came from Littlehorn and Associates. They came, and set fire to everything. They took Dezbe, and…I don't know…I don't know where Charon is."
Littlehorn and Associates? Who are they? What are they? What do they want with Megaton? With Dezbe? All of these questions can't be answered. Dizzy looks at me, scared, before running off, yelling that she has to find dad. She runs towards the flames of Megaton, pushing through the crowd. I go to chase her, but decide to plan it out first.
"Gob! I need water!"
I say, tossing him my duster jacket. He nods, knowing it's better to let us go, than try and stop us. I follow him to his truck, which is parked near a small, irradiated puddle. Radiation burns me, but it won't kill me. With no hesitation he soaks my jacket in the puddle, and tosses it to me.
"Bring the truck as close as you can. If we find Charon, he's going to be inured. We need a way to transport him."
Gob doesn't flinch at me calling him Charon instead of 'dad'. I know it's not the time or place to think of this, but I can't help it. Thinking about everything else, except what I'm doing, while I run towards the fires is all I can do. I can't see Dizzy, but I know where she went. The only reasonable place to look at this time of night, would be home. Would be the burning building that once was home. The heat is bad before I even get close to anything, so I throw my jacket over my body and mouth. Using it as cover, and filter, I'm able to breathe, but barely see where I'm headed. Sight, doesn't matter. I was raised here, I know it like the back of my hand. Finding Dizzy won't be hard. I can feel her all around.
As I reach the house, my eyes burn in the thick smoke. The door is open, as flames spill out. I can't call to her, she wouldn't hear me, but I know she's here. It's like I've walked into hell. As if I've done something terrible, and this heat is my punishment. But I can't turn back now. Charon, and Dizzy need me now more than ever. My jacket is still wet, but it's drying quickly. As I enter my home, all I can think about is if I'm given one more second chance, how right I would make everything. How I wouldn't waste it, being scared and pitiful again.
"Dizzy!"
I call, coughing on smoke as I remove my jacket sleeve from my mouth. Through the hot steel that melts my boots, and the noise of falling planks, I hear a small cry. It's in the living room, the stairs are burned away, too hot to climb.
"…Daddy…"
I hear, hardly able to see. I almost trip over Charon laying on the ground, and slip in the blood coming from his head. Dizzy lays next to him, under the smoke, crying and scared.
"Come on!"
I yell, tossing my jacket over Dizzy. She stands, with tears and smoke fogging her vision. Pressing the cloth to her face, I make her breathe before reaching down and grabbing Charon's arm.
"Go tell Gob!"
I choke out through the thick smoke. Dizzy nods, running out of the burning home. With all my strength, I lift Charon up, his arm around my shoulders. He's heavier than me, with all of his leather armor on. His side is hot to the touch, and I know the leather armor probably worked against him.
"Come on Charon, you can do this help me!"
Some of his weight is taken off of me, as he comes to, using his feet best he can. I remember how Dezbe would say 'that's an order' whenever she wanted him to do something. I remember where he came from, where I came from, and something clicks.
"Let's go soldier! Let's go that's an order! You cannot fail! Move, move, move! On your feet!"
As if he's a machine, his life comes back to him, as his feet shuffle with mine over the burning floors of our destroyed home. Through the smoke, I bark orders at him until I can breathe. There isn't time to stop, but I take in giant gulps of air as if it's my very life. Charon still hangs on to me, but walks on his own. I know if I let him go, he'll fall and not get up.
"Cain! Cain!"
I hear Dizzy calling me over the crashing noises. Over the crackling fire. As we emerge from it all, she rushes towards me with Gob and Zack.
"Get him into the back of the truck!"
Gob orders, as the three of us work to support one man's weight. Successfully, we lay him down, and the crowd cheers. This isn't a time for celebration, as I jump in the back with Dizzy.
"Dad! Dad! Wake up! Dad!"
She yells, crying, covered in soot. Charon's eyes open, just barely. He breathes, shallow and quick. His neck is burned badly, while his head bleeds violently. It kills me inside, to see the man I call 'father' in such a condition.
"Dezbe…Dezbe…"
He says, his eyes rolling around in his head.
"She's not here, Charon! She isn't here! Stay with us!"
"Where's my mom? Where's my mom?"
"Not now Dizzy! Gob! We have to get to Rivet City!"
Gob and Zack nod as they get into the front of his truck. Standing up I close the back, so Charon can't slide out. Gob starts the engine, and the truck moves. People watch us, as we pass them. They move out of the way, as we leave the burning remains of Megaton behind, and hope to get to Rivet City quickly, and safely.
"Who did this…who did this…"
Dizzy asks, and I shake my head, wrapping Charon's head in my jacket to put pressure on the wound.
"Gob said someone called Littlehorn and Associates. They took mom. I don't know why, Dizzy, but this isn't the time to panic. We have to stay calm."
She shakes her head at me, crying silently, while she holds Charon's hand. He breathes, he's alive, but I don't know for how long.
"I know them! I heard of them! They're in the Scrapyard! That's just north of here!"
Dizzy, what are you thinking? She looks around, and I fear the worst. Reacting before her, I hit the top of Gob's truck. Zack looks back at me, I point to Charon, I point to Dizzy, he nods. He says something to Gob, who slows down just enough, and just in time, as Dizzy jumps out. I have no choice. As much as I want to stay with Charon, I have to follow her.
Hitting the ground hurts. We roll in the dirt, our faces and bodies scraping against the hard ground. Gob doesn't slow down, but instead speeds up, and I know it's the right thing for him to do. When we're able to regain ourselves, we stand, and without any explanation Dizzy is off. Heading north towards the Scrapyard. We've encountered it before, only passing by, but it was enough for her to remember it.
"Dizzy wait!"
I say, running to catch up to her. She doesn't slow down, and makes me walk beside her. Her face is set in something I've never seen before. A strange, and twisted determination that lacks any unreasonable thought. It's a look Charon would get, when asked what he would do, if his family was in danger. I know that look all too well. And it scares me.
"We have to get mom. They took her there."
"How do you know? Dizzy we have to stay with Charon!"
"We have to get mom! I just know!"
There's nothing to argue about. Dizzy is going to go regardless if I try and argue it or not. With her determination and anger on high, there's no stopping her. There's no slowing down, or even preventing anything.
"Cain, I saw the strongest man in the world crumpled on the floor. In the middle of his burning home. Dad wouldn't…dad wouldn't have gone down that easy. Someone had it out for him. Someone purposely waited this late at night to do it. Someone wanted mom."
They had a lot of enemies, but I thought most of them were taken care of.
"As rational as that sounds, Diz, how can you be so sure they…they planned this?"
"Because they knew where mom and dad lived. Nobody else was hurt, Cain. Everyone got out. Dad was the only one left to die."
She's right. He was laying there, unconscious, and if not for her would have burned to death. I don't want to admit it, but it's true. All of it. I shake my head, as my heart continues to race as my adrenaline hasn't worn off. Or, maybe it has, and I'm just working off of what Dizzy's feeling.
"What do we do when we get there, Diz?"
She shakes her head, balling her hands into fists. I wish we could stop, just for a moment. I want to comfort her, make everything somehow alright. But I know that won't happen. I know that we won't stop, because Dizzy won't stop. She's on a mission right now. She's never been more serious about anything before. I feel bad, for whomever we run into out here.
"We get mom back, and hope dad's alive to see her."
I hadn't thought, that the possibly of Charon dying, was high. But it is. He could very well die in the back of Gob's truck. It hurts me, to think of such a great man dying alone, in the back of a pre-war vehicle. But he isn't that weak. He'll hold on as long as he can, and Dr. Barrows is in Rivet City. He and Charon are good friends, and I know he'll do anything to save him.
"I'm with you on this."
Dizzy nods at my words, not hearing the sincerity.
"You have no choice. You have to jump, if I have to jump."
"That doesn't mean I wouldn't anyways."
My tone is a bit more stern than usual. Dizzy senses this, and looks over at me. We don't stop walking, but we slow down a bit. I guess in her mind she figures Dezbe isn't going anywhere, and we'll get to the Scrapyard one way or another.
"You say that, but you don't mean it."
"Diz, I don't think this is a good time to pick a fight."
"No it's the perfect time! Goddamned Cain! Mom and dad are in trouble the last thing I need is you…is you fucking with my head. Just shut up. Shut up."
I don't know what I did, but I listen to her. She's right. They are in trouble and we're the only ones batshit insane enough to help them. Then again we're probably the only ones that can help them. After all they've done for us our entire lives, it's the least we can do. If it all ends well, if by some miracle there's a happy ending, maybe Dizzy and I, can find a place for ourselves out in New Vegas.
I shouldn't be thinking of things like this at this time. The sun is going to rise soon, and exhaustion will quickly set in. But with how Dizzy's going, I don't think that'll matter much. I think it'll just be a slight annoyance to her. Dezbe said she had a nasty habit of blowing things up when she was angry. However Dizzy is a product of both Charon and Dezbe. Her reactions, are going to be much, much worse. A tactical strike. Dizzy won't plan it out, she'll plan it as she goes. But her mind is more twisted than I've ever realized.
Out here, I learned that. She would laugh manically, killing people. Torturing them, almost. Her methods were slow, painful, but very effective. It was like by instinct she knew what she was going to do, and how to do it. When I asked her, she simply said she killed in whatever way she felt fit. It was never quick. It was never painless. Granted she never killed anyone innocent, yet, she was still harsh on the enemies. Be it Raiders or Super Mutant. One mutant she crippled his legs, and blew off his limbs one by one with her small gun. It was almost as if she enjoyed it. But I suppose that's a mixture of Charon and Dezbe. Wanting to cause the most harm, and knowing how to cause the most harm. Sick as it is, out here, you can't say it's something you've never seen before.
"…Are you alright?"
I ask her, realizing that…she must be upset. Her entire life, she'd always thought Charon was some invincible being. That nothing could hurt him, or bring him down, or anything. Now she's just seen him half-dead, and I wonder, what's going through her mind.
"…I just found my dad dying, Cain. I'm not really a big ray of sunshine."
I walk closer to her, wanting to offer some sort of comfort.
"You know, he's going to be really proud, and really pissed when he gets better."
Playing it off like the chance of him dying is slim to none is probably the best thing I could do for her.
"Why in the fucking hell would he be proud, Cain?"
"Because his daughter saved his life, and her mother's life. That's something that would make him proud. And he's going to be pissed because someone messed with his family. You know how he gets."
"Your casual tone isn't helping. I know dad's near death. Don't pretend like he isn't."
"I was trying to help. Charon's…he's a lot stronger than you know, Diz."
She shakes her head, wiping tears away from her face. Her entire body is covered in dust and soot. When she wipes at her face, the wet tears make a clean mark, and she looks spotted.
"I know that! But it's still scary, Cain. It's still…he's my dad!"
Dizzy was closer to Charon than Dezbe growing up. To us, he was playful, and Dezbe was simply 'mom'. We loved and respected both of them differently. Dizzy, never really expected anything to happen to them. We both didn't. As dumb and naïve people, sheltered, we thought everything was okay and there was nobody left to hurt our parents. I guess that kind of belief system is what got them hurt in the first place. Everyone simply got too comfortable.
"Dizzy I want you to know, that even if something does happen to them, nothing will happen to you."
She looks up at me as we walk, ignoring our sleepiness. Confusion falls over her, and she looks away from me.
"What the hell do you mean?"
"I will die, before I let anything happen to you. Losing them is too much as it is. I won't lose you."
There's determination in my own voice. She hears it, and looks at me.
"You really mean that, don't you?"
"I do, Dizzy. I mean…everything that I say."
If right now was perfect, I would tell her everything. But it isn't the time or place to. I can't distract her, or put my emotions on the frontline. Right now it's about saving Dezbe. It's about making sure she gets to Rivet City, to be beside Charon, where she's always been, and where she's meant to be. Just as Dizzy, is always meant to be next to me.
Stubbornly, I grab Dizzy's hand, and squeeze it. Without looking at me, she squeezes back. Her black hair coated with dust, she sniffs her nose.
"Just breathe, Diz."
I hear her sigh, as we press onwards. If there's any threats in the area, we pay them no mind. My hand holds hers tightly, and I hope she understands. I hope this silence is an understanding. That I'm with her until the end, until there isn't anything left to explore. And not just because I have to be, but because I want to be. Because she's the only one, I want to fight the world with.
"I want dad to be okay…"
Dizzy pulls her hand from mine. I don't know why that sends me over the edge. Jealousy, anger, lust, love, frustration, adrenaline, it all just boils up inside. I just watched the only home I know of burst into flames. Helped drag one of my primary caregivers out of a destroyed building. Leapt from a truck travelling to Rivet City, after being away for weeks chasing my partner into the city and desert. I just can't take it anymore. Grabbing Dizzy's shoulders, I pull her close to me, and press my face close to hers. Not in romance, or lust, or anything, but in seriousness. So she knows I'm wearing thin. So that she understands, you cannot blindly and stupidly run into something like this. Especially, when you've never done it before. She isn't her mother, and she isn't her father, and she needs to remember that.
"Just. Stop. Walking."
I seethe at her, before letting her shoulders go. She listens, looking up at me, a bit scared. Running my fingers through my hair, I light a cigarette to try and calm my nerves. The moon is full and bright tonight, but it gives me no comfort.
"Cain?"
"You can't listen can you? Dizzy you just…you just can't do these things without thinking about them. How hard is that really to understand? How? Can we just stop for one fucking minute and talk about this?"
Her eyes widen as I talk with smoke coming from my mouth. Dizzy has never seen this side of me. But she's never really been in this situation before. She has to think it out. I hate to be so mean to her, but it's the only way she'll listen.
"…What's there to think about? Dad's injured and mom is kidnapped. We have to go get her, Cain. Dad might die."
"I know that! I know…okay? Look. Just stop and think. This…this obviously is what whomever took Dezbe wants. If not, they would have left her to die with dad."
"How do you know?"
"Dizzy is that so hard to get? They could've killed Charon then and there while the raid was going on but they didn't. They left him barely alive. Obviously someone wanted to send a message. They want Charon to come after mom. The whole thing is a trap. And we're not going to do any good getting ourselves caught in it."
She's quiet as she mulls over my theory. It might be a lot for her to understand, looking at the situation from an objective point of view, but for the most part, she seems to understand where I'm coming from.
"What do we do then?"
She asks me, and I sigh as I inhale on my cigarette. Shaking my head, I look around at the dark and barren Wasteland.
"I don't know, Diz. I really don't. But heading in there blindly, isn't going to get us anywhere. We'd more than likely get caught up in it ourselves."
"But we can't just stand here waiting. We don't have many options."
"You're right, we don't. But we can rest. If we're tired, our reactions and senses will be dulled. We know nothing of Littlefield and Associates. Not who they are, what they are, or what they do. Only where they are."
Dizzy seems to give up. She sits down in the dirt, folding her arms in front of her chest. Tossing my cigarette to the ground, I sit across from her.
"I'm just saying we should make a plan."
I tell her, feeling tired, stressed, and overwhelmed.
"A plan? About something we don't know? How?"
"I don't know, Diz. I don't."
"…Fine."
Angrily she lays down, her back to me. I know that's the end of our conversation, the end really of anything we're going to say to one another tonight. Dizzy has a way of just shutting down. Of shutting people off. Tonight is one of those nights. I know deep down she's upset over everything. Anyone in their right mind would be. She just doesn't want to talk about it.
Laying down myself, I decide it's best not to press her any further. I know, that Dizzy is a complicated woman. Most of the time, to get anything out of her, you have to pry. Try to rip the words from her mouth. This time, though, it's different. This is something new. Something we've never been faced with before. Something I'm not sure she's good with dealing with. It's been a long night for both of us, though. Tomorrow, we can wake up refreshed, with a better idea of things. Tomorrow, we can go get Dezbe.