I wake in the middle of the night, wrapped in Tobias' strong arms. His head is resting above mine so I can feel his breath on my hair. I take in a breath of my own and smile. I didn't think that I would be getting this again. I knew what I would have with Tobias wihtout his memories, but Tobias with his memories is far better than I could have imagined. Waking up here, alone, confused, unsure about everything that was happening around me...I didn't think that I could handle it. Especially when I thought that I had to do it on my own. When Uriah showed up, I thought that I had some semblance of hope that could help me through...everything. Knowing that I had lost Tobias was one of the worst feelings that I could have ever experienced. Thinking that I was alone...I had come to terms with that. That was it. This was how my life was going to be. There was no going back, no reset button...nothing. I was stuck here. And suffering because David wanted it to be so.

But then Tobias sought me out...made me explain because he was feeling it too. And I knew the confusion, the overwhelming sense of doubt that something was wrong...it keeps you up at night. So I couldn't just let it be. I couldn't just stay away from him, even though that was what I knew I needed to do. I had to be selfless for Christina. But I couldn't do it. I love him too much to see him with my best friend. Or ex best friend. I don't know what we are to each other anymore. She hasn't spoken to me since that day she bombarded me in the bathrooms the other day. And to top it off, she's been hanging around Peter. Of all people, Peter. Crazy, maniacal...not the same Peter I knew back the Bureau. The Peter who had saved my life at Erudite. The Peter who had told me what time it was...because I had asked. The Peter who had started to become...my friend. The Peter I had known is gone now. Just like the Christina that I knew is gone.

I don't know what the state is of my brother...but unless he had died after I had died, then he wouldn't have memory of what happened. He wouldn't know everything that we'd been through. For him...a year had gone by. And none of this had happened. We were still taking in initiates...which meant that the Choosing Ceremony and the testing...it was all still happening. For Caleb...an Erudite who was not allowed to see his Abnegation parents, they were still alive to him. They were still here. But for me...they're gone. They've been gone. Something clicks in my brain and I shoot up in bed, tugging on Tobias' arms. He jerks to attention and he's up and looking at him, his hands on my face, eyes searching mine. I can barely see because tears have started to form.

"Hey, hey," Tobias' voice soothes me as his hands brush my hair out of my face. "Tris, what is it?"

"They're coming back," I say, my voice cracking on the last word. "We're all coming back."

"What's going on?" he asks, still not following me.

I look up at him and shake my head. "My parents," I say. "What if they're back too?"

He stares at me and then he comprehends. "Let's go."

He doesn't hesitate pushing the covers off of us. I shake my head. "We can't just go." I emphasis the last word, biting my lower lip.

He looks at me. "Why not?"

I stand with him and draw him into a kiss. "As much as I love you for wanting to go right now to see if I'm even right, we have training this morning."

Tobias sighs and rests his head against my own. "Shit," he mumbles. "I forgot about that for a moment."

I smile. "We can go right after," I say.

"You sure you can wait that long?" he asks me.

I shrug. "I don't really have much of a choice."

He kisses my head. My stomach is pulsing and I don't know if I can make it through the rest of the day. But I have to. I have to be strong and I have to be brave. I have to lose myself in training today. Lose myself and in turn forget...just erase it away for a few hours and then I'll be good to go I take a deep breath and shake off the feeling.

"Shower and then breakfast?" I ask, holding out my hand for him to take.

He smiles. "Good plan."'

The hours pass slowly. Almost too slow, but I get through it. It's easier to do when I know that Tobias is looking out for me. By the time lunch hits, I have started to calm down a bit and that nervous feeling in my stomach is gone. I stretch my arms above my head as Tobias comes over to me with that smile of his. "You hungry?"

"Starving," I answer.

He grins and we leave the Pit and head for the cafeteria. When we turn the corner I see Christina coming our way and my body tenses. At least she's not with Peter. The closer we get, the more obvious the marks on her arm on. Bruises. My body is tense now for a completely different reason. We stop right in front of each other, not saying anything and I feel Tobias standing a few feet behind me, unsure of what to say or do. I look at her.

"Christina..."

"I'm sorry," she blurts out. "I turned on you and I'm sorry."

I shake my head. "No, it's okay, trust me."

"I didn't believe you when you told me about Four...and seeing you guys together the past couple of days, I just...I realized that I was wrong to stand in the way of that," Christina says. "And then I make the stupidest decision and went off with Peter of all people. Crazy, psychotic Peter..."

"What did he do?" I ask, my voice coming out harsher than I had intended. She bites her lip and I tug her hand to pull her down an empty hallway. "What did he do?" I ask again.

"He was...he was just Peter," she tells me. "I'm fine," she says. "I was able to take care of myself."

"This is so messed up," I say.

"He shouldn't even be here," Tobias says from behind me. "I sent him to the fence."

"Well someone obviously changed those orders," Christina says.

I straighten and turn to look at Tobias. "Eric maybe?"

He lifts his shoulders. "I wouldn't put it past him."

I look back at Christina. "Are you okay?"

She shrugs and shakes her head. "I should be fine," she tells me. "I just...Why is everything so messed up, Tris? What did I do wrong?"

I shake my head and pull her into a hug. "Nothing," I say to her. "It's going to be okay. We're working on it."

I pull away. "Come and eat with us, please?"

She hesitates, glancing behind me at Tobias. I can tell that she's still a bit uneasy given the fact that in her mind she had been in a relationship with Tobias up until the past few days. I bite my lip, waiting for her response. "Yeah," she says. "Okay."

I let out a breath I didn't know I had been holding and we head down to the cafeteria to eat. I am glad that Christina and I are talking again. Even if it's uncomfortable for now, I'm glad that she's not with Peter anymore. I don't even know what their relationship was made up of, but I'm glad that she's safe. Christina is as tough as nails. When Tobias and I are in training with the initiates, I know that she'll able to take care of herself. We can't watch her all of the time.

When we sit down, Lynn, Marlene, and Uriah come to join us. I can't help but notice that Uriah sits closer to Christina than Marlene and I'm not surprised, given how close they were in the past. Sure, they told us that they were just friends, but I didn't think that it was all that was there. I wonder how that's going to work out with everyone. I don't want to ask...or be pushy about it. Things must be awkward with Uriah and Lynn after she had told him how she felt about his girlfriend. So I'll keep those thoughts to myself for now. We each lunch chatting about random things, Dauntless things, things that don't' really seem to matter that much to me given everything that's gone on. But I should start making them matter. I need something to distract me and give me hope and peace and just a way to start over. If that's what this is, then I'm taking it for all it's worth.

When Christina is busy talking to Lynn about something, I lean over and look at Uriah. "I need to you look out for her," I tell him in hushed tones.

He narrows his eyes at me. "Why?" he asks. "What's up?"

"Peter gave her those bruises," I tell him. He glances at Christina's arms and I can see the agner building inside of him. The muscles in his cheek tense and he turns back to look at him. "And he's not stable, you know that. I don't know what Peter is up to, but I just want to make sure he's taken care of."

He nods. "Done."

"Thank you," I tell him. "I just...I can't watch her all of the time and I'm nervous about Peter."

"No need to explain," he says. "I fully understand."

After lunch, Tobias and I head back to the Pit to do the last bout of training for the day. We're throwing knives again, because as I know, it comes it handy to be able to throw a knife directly at your target. And then a few hours later, the day is over, and my nerves are back. I have that nervous feeling in my stomach again and I bite my bite to keep myself in check.

"You okay?" Tobias asks me as I starts to gather the knives.

I nod. "No," I say. "But I will be. I don't even know if this theory of mine is right."

"Well it seems to be working out that way," he says. "For the most part at least."

"What if I'm wrong?"

"We'll talk about that when we get there," he says. "Right now, we've got to go get our stuff and take the train. It leaves in twenty-minutes," he adds, checking the clock.

I follow his gaze and I nod. "Yeah, you're right," I say. I set the knives on the table and he comes toward me, taking my hands and pressing a kiss to my temple. "It'll be fine," he tells me.

"Does this make me less of a Dauntless, because I'm going to see my family?" I ask.

He shakes his head. "We both know that you're far more Dauntless than anyone here," he whispers into my ear.

I smile. "Alright, let's go."

After heading back to the room to grab our jackets, we run outside and catch the train just in time. We hop on and my heart is pounding in my chest. And not just from the running. I'm nervous. Because what if I'm wrong? What if I go to my parents house and find nothing there. What if there's another family living in my house? My room, the place that I had been raised. I rest against Tobias' chest and he can probably feel how hard my heart in beating through our jackets. He presses his lips to my head. "Just breathe, babe," He tells me. So I do. I close my eyes. In and out. In and out. I close my eyes and just keep breathing until he's shaking my shoulder. "Almost there," he says.

I pull away from him and I nod, preparing myself for the jump, so I run and land on my feet, stumbling a bit to get my balance again. As I wait for him to join me, I wipe my hands on my pants before offering my hand. My palms are sweaty, but I need the support. And he knows it. He squeezes my hand as we approach my house and I look at him as we stand outside. I take a deep breath and shake my head before lifting my free hand to knock on the door.

I hear shuffling from behind the door and my stomach is in knots and I feel like I'm going to be sick. Then the door opens and I see my mother. Her eyes go from concerned to surprised all at once.

"Beatrice," she whispers and throws herself at me. I pull my hand from Tobias and hug my mother back.

I am selfish in this moment.