I still can't even comprehend what I'm feeling with the most recent return. I still carry the weight of that day, when I saw Will collapse onto the ground, lifeless. Sometimes it still haunts my dreams. But now that he's back and now that's he here...how does one just let something like that go? How does one just move on from mistakes that had been made in the past? Sure, he seems like he has forgiven me, but how does someone just forgive being murdered? I try not to let the uncomfortable feeling show on my face because I don't want to make this about me, because it's not. This has never really been about me. I'm not stupid or naïve to think that about myself. I just...I punished myself for so long for Will's death that I don't feel like it's something that I could just let go. And I know that Tobias knows. He knows me better than anyone and by the way that he's looking at me...he can see it on my face.

I barely pay attention to what's going on with the group, I am so caught up in my own mind. I only fully understand when I see them all leaving the Pit and I look up at Tobias. "Where are the going?" I ask him.

"Lunch," he says walking toward me.

"Oh," I say. I must have spaced out longer than I thought. "Did they notice?"

"Nah," He says. "You were actually participating and talking. They don't know you well enough to know that something's wrong."

I sigh and move to go sit down. "I'm sorry," I tell him. "I just...I don't know how to handle this."

He sits next to me, reach out and taking my hand in his. "Normal people don't ever have to deal with something like this," he says. "People they killed coming back to life."

I nod and shake my head. "I wish that we were normal," I say. "How are you doing? With the whole Eric thing?"

"Killing Eric didn't exactly have the same impact on me that Will did for you," he says. "Besides, Eric knew what he was doing. Will didn't. There's a difference."

I close my eyes and move so that I'm resting against his shoulder. "What do I do?" I ask. "How do I do this?"

He squeezes my hand and presses a kiss to my head. "With me."

"What?"

"You do this with me," he says. "We can do it together."

I lift my head and look at him. "Kiss me," I say.

And he does without hesitation. His lips are soft on mine and his hands move to my sides to pull me up against him. I let out a sigh against his lips and he pulls back, his forehead resting on mine. "You going to be okay?" he whispers.

I don't answer because I don't have an answer for him. I don't have the truth, I don't have the why. I just have to believe that things are going to be okay. I don't know who is doing this and why, but hopefully we're all one step closer to figuring it out. Figuring out the truth and making sure that everything stays the way that it is. I don't want to lose anyone again, and I don't want Tobias to have to suffer losing me twice. I nod. "Maybe," I say.

He chuckles. "Come on," he says. "Let's go get some food."

He lifts me off of his lap and sets me on the floor and I am always hyper aware of our height difference and how much bigger he is than I am. In the beginning, it made me feel like a little kind compared to him, someone that couldn't be seen as something more than just that, but during our time together, it never mattered. It never mattered to him what I looked like; as long as I was safe. And with Tobias, I always feel safe. He stands and I hold out my hand for him to take and we leave the Pit to head back up to the cafeteria. As we're outside, about to enter, Eric comes toward us, wearing that smirk on his lips and I can feel my blood run cold. The hair on my arms sticks up and I'm sure that he's noticed.

"Well, well," Eric says, eying the two of us. I swallow and tighten the hand that Tobias isn't holding into a fist. "Isn't this sweet."

I glance up at Tobias, whose jaw is clenched and then I look back at Eric. I don't know if Tobias can even speak now, he looks so angry.

"What do you want?" I ask.

"I want in."

My eyebrows come together on my head and I shake my head. "In to what?"

"The meeting."

I swallow. "What meeting?"

He scowls at me. "Don't play dumb with me, Stiff," he snaps. "You know what I'm talking about."

"Don't talk to her like that," Tobias says. "Let's say we are meeting, why would we even let you come with us?"

"Because I want answers, too," Eric says. "Last thing I remember is you killing me. Then I wake in the infirmary a year later.. Tell me, does that seem at all logical to you?"

As much as I don't trust Eric, he deserves answers, just like the rest of us. It wouldn't be fair to keep the truth from him, even if we don't know what that truth is just yet. I sigh and Tobias looks at me. "You can't be serious," he says.

I lift my shoulders up and look at him. "If it were me, I would want to know," I say. "I can't keep something like this from him.." I look at Eric. "We're leaving tomorrow morning. When everyone else is sticking around for Family Day."

He nods. "Okay," he says.

And then he walks off, without so much as a thank you, but then again, I'm not really surprised that he didn't. It was Eric and from my experience, he wasn't really much of a people person. I feel Tobias still staring at me, so I look at him. "What?" I ask.

"You really are selfless," he says.

"Shut up," I say, shaking my head as I move to head into the cafeteria.

He grabs my arm and pulls me around to look at him. "If the situations were reversed, I wouldn't have let him come."

"If the situations were reversed, we wouldn't be having this conversation."

"I'm serious, Tris," he says. "You're a much better person than I am."

"No, I'm not."

"Yeah you are," he says. He leans down and kisses me again. "Trust me."

I bite my lower lip and brush my hair behind my ear. "Okay fine."

He kisses me again before taking my hand again and we walk into the cafeteria again. Twenty hours and counting until the meeting Tori set up with Jeanine. Twenty hours and counting until we get one step closer to figuring out the key to the puzzle. It makes me nervous. I barely eat during lunch and only because Tobias urges me to do so. I try my best to keep up with the conversation, but I can't. Because every time my eyes land on Will's face, he's looking at me and every feeling that I felt the first time I see him, overwhelms me, making me feel like I can't breathe. About fifteen minutes later, I have to excuse myself and I stand outside of the doors trying to get my heart rate back down to a normal level.

I expect Tobias to come after me, but that's not who comes through the doors. It's Will. And I freeze, not knowing whether or not I should run or stay put.

"Tris," he says, taking a tentative step toward me.

I take a breath and look at him, shaking my head. "How can you be okay with what I did?" I ask him, sinking down the floor. "I'm not even okay with it."

He moves to sit down next to me and shrugs. "When I was under the simulation," he says. "I killed people. I don't even remember how many there were, I just know that I did. And I have to live with that, Tris."

"But that wasn't your fault!"

"And this isn't yours!"

"How can you say that?" I ask him. "I shot you, Will. I knew what I was doing."

He pauses and licks his lips. "It's not about that," he says. "It's just...you're..." he stops. "If it makes you feel any better, because I was under the simulation, I didn't know what was going on. All I knew was that you were a threat. And I only remembered what had happened when I woke up in the infirmary. I didn't know what had been happened or even how much time had passed, but that I was alive. And whatever had happened, it's in the past. Regardless of what's going on now, I am alive, and you can stop punishing yourself, Tris."

I look up at him. "I don't know if I can."

He nudges me. "I'll help you," He says. "We'll all help you. Just like you've helped us."

I offer him a sad smile. "Well good,," I tell him. "Because I'm going to need all the help I can get."

He chuckles and gets to his feet, offering me a hand. "Come on," he says. "You've got to eat."

I stand up and we head back to your table. Tobias is looking at me, curiously, trying to make sure if I'm okay, I guess. And I nod. He takes my hand and presses a kiss to my palm. We're going to be okay, I think. We just have to figure out the truth.

And then...we'll go from there.