I am glad for the distraction when we get down to training. I am glad to have something to focus on other than myself. I have to make sure that these initiates get the right type of training so that Eric won't be right. We're not doing a bad job, no matter what Eric thinks. Even though I have only been trained the way that Eric prefers, I have a general sense of understanding of what to do and how to do it. I will do my best not to let any of them down.

So I'm a little disappointed when training is over for the day, I start to help clean up, but stop when I catch Tobias looking at me. He's been watching me with the same curious expression all morning and even though I have a feeling about what it's about, I can't help myself. I have to ask.

"What?"

"Nothing," he says with a smirk.

"There's obviously something."

"I'm just...wondering what came over you earlier."

"You mean with Eric?"

"Yeah."

"I don't know," I answer honestly. "I think maybe it was just the whole thing hitting me. And we've been under so much pressure and stress the last few days that Eric trying to control this one thing that I have, it tipped the scales."

He crosses to me and takes my hands. "You can talk to me, you know," he says. "If it gets to be too much for you."

I shake my head. "I can't weight you down with everything," I say. "It's not fair to you."

"You and me, we're in this together," he says. "You can tell me anything."

"I know...and I want to."

"Then why don't you?"

"Because there are just some things that I need to do on my own."

He raises a brow at me. "Last time you wanted to do something on your own, you nearly, no you actually died, Tris."

"That was a long time ago."

"Not that long ago, actually."

I let out a breath. "Can you just..." I stop and look up at him. He's waiting for me to finish my sentence, but to be quite honest, I have no idea where I was going with it. So instead, I just stand on my toes and press my lips to his. It distracts him for a few moments and he kisses me back, hungrily before he groans and pushes me away.

"That's not fair."

"What?"

He narrows his eyes at me. "Don't mess with me, Tris," he says. "Are you keeping things from me?"

"No!" I exclaim. "I promise. No secrets. Ever again."

"Alright," he says brushing some hair behind my ear. "So what's up? Who do you need to talk to?"

"Christina," I say.

He nods. "Okay," he says. "Go. I'll be fine on my own."

"I know," I tell him. "Just try to relax. Do something for yourself. Get another tattoo, something; anything."

He grins at me. "Don't worry," he tells me. "I can stay busy until you come back."

I stand on my toes and kiss him again before leaving the Pit. Part of me will always feel guilty, even when there's nothing to feel guilty about. Because the choices that I've made in the past, have led me here. They have affected everyone around me and by no fault of their own, they all stood by me. I don't know why they stick around when I make bad decisions, but they do. And I am so grateful that they love me enough to go through all of this shit with me. I head up to the cafeteria to find Christina. And when I spot her sitting with Will, I head for their table.

"Hey," I say.

They look up at me, in unison, and that's when I actually realize it. They are perfect together. Maybe before I didn't realize just how well they worked together, but they were just...good together. I wouldn't have thought that it was love because we didn't have much time together during training, but neither did me and Tobias, but we fell in love. Even before war broke out, I was in love with him. I can't keep the smile off of my face.

"What's up?" Christina asks taking a drink.

"Can we go somewhere? I ask her. "And talk?"

"Should I be worried?" Will asks.

"No," I say quickly, shaking my head. "I just want an hour or so to catch up with my best friend."

"Then by all means," Will grins.

"When?" Christina asks.

"Now?"

"Okay," she says leaning over to kiss Will's cheek. ."I'll see you later."

"I'll be here."

She and I walk out of the cafeteria together and she turns to look at me. "Where'd you want to go?" she asks.

"I'm not sure," I tell her. "I didn't really have a plan."

"Do you want to leave the compound?"

I shrug, I'm not even sure what I want to talk to her about. I just know that I need time alone with her.

"I feel like we could both use some fresh air," Christina says. "The train maybe?"

"Sounds good to me."

We head down the stairs to the exit, just catching the train as it's leaving. We jump on, and I don't plan to get off and actually go anywhere, so I sit down and rest my back against one of the walls. Christina sits across from me.

We are silent as the train rolls down the tracks, the monotonous sound lull my feelings of unease. Even if everything else falls apart in my life, I know that I will always have the train. The train will always run through the city. I turn to look at her. "How have you been?"

She smiles. "Good," she says. "I've been really good."

"Yeah?"

She nods. "Ever since Will came back..."

"I didn't know you felt that strongly," I say. "That the sight of Will could restart everything."

"Me neither," she says. "It was just...seeing him come into the cafeteria that day; everything came rushing back so quickly. I love him."

I don't have any doubts about her feelings for Will, or his feelings for her. I'm sure that if it wasn't real then her memories wouldn't have come back. Her love for Will was that powerful of an emotion. It saved her and it saved our friendship. I know how that type of love works. It's the type of love that I have with Tobias. But I never thought that it had happened between Christina and Will. But that's probably due to the fact I paid more attention to surviving and Tobias. I needed to be a better friend.

"I'm happy for you," I say. "I'm really happy for you."

Christina smiles at me before crawling to my side of the train and sitting next to me "How are you?"

"I'm fine." I turn to look at her. "Why would you ask?"

She raises a brow at me. "Don't try that with me, Tris," she says. "Talk to me. Isn't that why we're here?"

I sigh and rest my head on her shoulder. "Yeah," I say. "I just…it's hard to talk about."

"Just say something. Anything," she says. "We can always go jump off a building if you want."

I shake my head and laugh. "I missed you."

"I missed you more," Christina says. "When we lost you…"

"No," I say. "Don't go there."

"I have to say this," she says. "We were in a bad place. All of us. We didn't know what we were doing or what to do next."

"But you guys figured it out."

"I couldn't tell you what we did," she says. "I don't really remember much after I stopped Tobias from taking the memory serum. It's like I woke up here."

"Yeah," I say. "That's seems to be the general consensus. I don't remember much after David shot me."

"I don't blame you."

"But you promise you're fine?" I ask.

"I promise," she says. "Looking back, it was just weird to think that Tobias and I could ever be in a relationship like that. I can't image how you felt when you saw us together."

"Probably the way you felt when you found out about the two of us."

"Well that wasn't really me who yelled at you," she tells me.

"So you don't think that I've always been jealous of you?"

She laughs. "God no," she says. "If anything, it's been me who was jealous of you."

"Shut up."

"I'm serious," Christina says. "It was like nothing could bring you down. Hell, Eric kicked you out, but you refused to let that bother you."

"I couldn't let it end like that," I say. "It wasn't fair."

"Nothing Eric did was fair."

"I don't know if we can trust him," I tell her. "Sure he seems to be on our side now, but it's just…everything's changing and it's not like we can forgive what he did before. He did some terrible things."

"We've all done terrible things," Christina says. "But whatever this is, it gave everyone a second chance. Not just those who deserved it. Maybe it'll be easier now."

"When did you get so smart?"

She grins. "Must have been in that missing year or something."

"So what now?"

"Do you want to keep riding the train until we get back home?"

I look out of the open door and see that the Erudite headquarters are coming up soon. I feel a sharp pain as I remember Caleb. My brother; whom we've forgotten about, all this time. I don't know where he stands or what he remembers. But either way, I have to go see him, at least to give my parents some peace of mind.

"Can we go see Caleb?"

"Does he know?"

I shrug. "I don't know what he knows," I say. "But I have to find out."

"You don't want to go with Tobias?"

"We're already here," I tell her. "I need to know that he's okay."

She stands and helps me to my feet. "Then we go see Caleb."

I grin at her and take a breath before jumping out of the moving train.