It was childish, immature, stupid, and inconsiderate, but when my phone vibrated and I saw he'd sent me a happy birthday text, the rational side of my brain completely shut down. In its place, the vindictive part of me, that normally lay dormant, fought its way to the surface.

As simple as it sounds, I wanted to hurt him, because he'd hurt me.

There was really no other way to describe it or to justify the cruelness of my actions. Making him think that I deleted him from my phone, every text, picture, and video of him after only two months?

It was malicious! At least I thought it would be, though my heart constricted painfully in my chest at the mere consideration of not knowing if he would even care. Maybe he didn't remember my birthday until he saw it on facebook, then when he went to text me, he forgotten that he'd changed my name to something he didn't have the audacity to say in front of his mother. Seeing my response, he probably just shrugged and went back to hanging out with his new boyfriend.

But—

I knew Natsu better than anyone and he wasn't like that ! Sure, he'd changed slightly over the years, but my boyfriend was warm, like molten rock warm. His love flowed from the chasms of his heart like magma, the deeper I went, the hotter it was. There was a seemingly endless supply bubbling up from the depths of his soul and I'd reveled in the beauty of it.

Yet, sometimes his love hardened like cooling lava as it moved further away from the source. He always kept the things he valued close but if they drifted, he was the first one to forget about them. It didn't make him an uncaring person, Natsu just had a short attention span and was always looking ahead to the future. Being so far away, it was easy for me to understand why he'd eventually stopped talking to me.

Why things had progressed to the point where his volcano of feelings had gone extinct, or at least, for me.

I wasn't surprised when I didn't get a response from him. Shutting him down like that only proved that I was still angry, that I wasn't ready to move on.

I didn't want to get over him, didn't even want to try, which was hilarious considering I'd been the one who suggested we break up in the first place. It wasn't something I hadn't really wanted so when I mentioned it, I prayed he would fight against it.

But he didn't, he simply agreed, and I was heartbroken.

In my defense, I was stupid when it came to conveying my feelings! I could feel them down to my very core, knew the words to say, and then when I opened my mouth to speak it was like my tongue went numb and there was a sheet of ice between Natsu and I.

Before the distance had gotten between us, he'd sensed it, had melted it whenever he saw fit. He could say exactly what was on my mind by gazing into my eyes.

Which sort of made me wonder if he couldn't see anything, because he was so far away. He didn't realize that he had layers to burn through, chambers to fill, forgotten tunnels that stretched every which way.

What made me think that Natsu's love was extinct, when it could have just been dormant! The molten lava was present beneath the surface, swirling about as it waited patiently for the next opportunity to arise, for it to erupt!

I picked up the phone because I needed to know for sure. He needed to defrost before I put up enough walls that he could never get past all of them ever again.

"Hello?" answered his defeated, tired voice that I wasn't sure how to interpret.

"Natsu…" My mouth had gone dry after merely speaking his name and it choked me up slightly.

"Happy Birthday," he said before I could continue. It sounded genuine, but lacked the warmth I desired.

"Thanks, but that's not why I called."

Wait, what was the reason I called again? It had seemed so simple until I'd actually went ahead and done it. This awkwardness…this distance…why did it have to hang over us like this?

"I wish I could've spent it with you," he continued as though I hadn't said anything. "I miss you."

"I miss you too," I replied instantly without even thinking about it and a small smile spread across my lips. My phone pressed closer to my face as I worked up the nerve to say what was on my mind.

"Well, uh…how have you been?" he asked a bit timidly though it really was an innocent question. Still, it made me want to rip my hair out! If we went back to acting like this, with this terrible small-talk, then nothing could change and nothing would get better!

"I've been alright. School's kept me busy enough. What about you?" My hand fisted angrily in my shorts at the fact that I was just going along with it!

"Same, haven't met anyone worth hanging out with either. No one compares to…" he trailed off. My fingers uncurled at the volunteered information. The idiot was always such an open book, even on the phone.

"Natsu…" I tried again, though I still didn't get past his name. However, I think he imagined my tone as something else.

"It's okay, I get it. I want you to be happy Gray, even if it's not with me."

"I—" He cut me off.

"I know we had something great going, but I screwed it up and if I could I'd go back and kick myself for ever treating you like that."

He paused for a moment, though I heard him take a deep breath.

"I wish that I would've gone to the same school as you, because maybe I wouldn't have been stupid enough to let you slip through my fingers. Ah…" He laughed a bit awkwardly. "I'm sorry, I don't want you to think I'm trying to…with your current relationship….but…"

I waited impatiently for him to continue because each word he said seemed to get better and better.

"I never stopped loving you, not even a second. I'll admit that I got caught up in other things like classes and work, and you know I can barely focus on one thing at a time. It just sucks that we were together so long, beat so many odds, learned so much about each other just to break up because of a little distance."

"Please forgive me for saying all this on your birthday, I just never got closure you know? It's hard for me accept it and move on."

He stopped again though I couldn't be sure if he'd said his whole say.

"Gray? You there? Wait…did I just say all that to nobody?! Fu—"

"Shut up, I'm here. You done?"

"Uh, I guess," he said hesitantly but I probably would've been pretty unsure too if I laid my whole heart out on the line to someone that was supposedly taken by another guy.

"I don't want to move on," I admitted. "I still love you and I'll be damned if this is the end for us because you're not getting away that easily."

"What?" He sounded pretty confused which was to be expected.

"Do you need to clean your ears out or something? I said that I'm not letting you go, so you're just going to have to deal with it, even if I have to transfer to your university!" I had considered it several times anyways, his school was pretty distinguished but I certainly had the grades to get in if I ever felt so inclined.

"You…what?"

"I'm single still. Plus, it was my idea to break up so it's only fair that it's my decision to get back together again, right?"

He didn't answer right away, but I thought I heard a sniffle from his side of the line.

"Natsu?"

"…I love you so much."

"I love you too," I answered without thinking again, because that was the reason I'd called him up in the first place. He hadn't disappointed either with his sweet, warm words that melted any ice trying to hole up my heart.

What we'd needed all along was to talk it out, though breaking it off probably helped more than anything. We didn't know what we had until we were trying to life without it and it was just the wake up that both of us needed.

He didn't realize that he was letting go and I didn't know how to hold on.

Would we make the same mistakes again?

No one could say for sure, but that didn't mean we weren't going to try.

The distance between us was easy to forget when I saw his smiling face pop up on Skype every morning, when I changed my phone's wallpaper back to an embarrassingly sweet selfie of us, and when he saved up enough money to come visit me during the next winter break. We promised to pick up each other's calls or ring back, send stupidly entertaining snapchats, and text about anything and everything.

The distance between us, was only as far as we made it out to be.

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