disclaimer: i don't own Fairy Tail
Lucy used to dream about a princess, locked up in a high tower, with dragon guarding her and knight fought the monster to free her. It was a pretty dream, moreover, if the princess happened to be her.
Her eyes would sparkle every time Sister Mira recited a story about that. The imagination of the regal knight in shining armor taking down the big bad dragon was not a scene to miss, following the continuation of the knight climbing up the tower and took the princess away.
Back then, she thought it was sweet for the knight to sacrifice himself for the sake of a woman.
Back then, she wanted to be that princess–all beautiful and waiting for the one destined for her to come and save her. Back then, she hadn't learned the word 'damsel-in-distress'.
But now she knew, and it felt far from what she had imagined years ago.
It wasn't sweet.
the repentance
I counted the time remained. You opened your eyes and carried out your desires within the place you dreamed that day.
Lucy was usually loved the light. She liked sunlight the most, and if she was not, it was either because of its heat or the blinding beam that fell upon her face when she was asleep. Maybe that was why she liked sunflower–they stood tall and proud on their stem, always looking out to the sun, day in and day out. She admired them and she thought she could be like them, too.
The sunlight that entered her room through the window in the evening would be her favorite color, forever etched in her mind, never fade away. Against the light green wall, the shades of orange light radiated warmth. She found her peace there. She found solace.
That was why when the night fell, when the corridor outside her room would darken, she found herself unable to move, too scared to even step a foot out of her bed. She hated it when the rainy season came. The thunder would roar mercilessly and there would be an electricity failure. She would hide beneath the blanket and closed her eyes until Sister Mira or Sister Erza came to fetch her.
Darkness is always there, Father Makarov said one night–another electricity failure and she was crying because she was scared. It stands side by side with the light, always keeping the balance of the world.
The brighter the light, the gloomier the darkness–Lucy remembered how she would imagine the two elements as two knights in platinum white armor and obsidian night armor while standing back to back with spear in their hands.
Darkness wasn't an enemy, but it should not be embraced. Lucy didn't understand why back then. She just nodded shakily with eyes still wet from tears. The darkness was still an element she was afraid of.
But now–now she wasn't afraid of the darkness. She wasn't afraid of those imaginary monsters that lurked in the darkness. She wasn't afraid of feeling another presence in the darkness. She was now familiar with the darkness, too familiar.
Darkness was what would greet her when she woke up. It embraced itself around her, blanketing her like a cool refreshing wind. It woke her up more than the sunlight would.
Her dream about a princess locked up in a tower became her reality. She was happy that she was now being the princess. Being the princess meant all she had to do was sit back in her comfortable spot and wait for her knight to rescue her from the bad dragon. She should be happy with the scenario; it was, after all, a dream came true.
But it was not a dream came true. There was no bad dragon, there was no comfortable spot, there were no dreamy sighs and daydreams about her knight, and there was no tall tower where she should be able to see the land beneath her and watch the sun set in the horizon.
It was all just a dream, and a dream meant to be a mere dream. She should be sleeping quietly for dreaming, not crouching in the darkness, fumbling with the skimpy fabric she used as a blanket and biting her lower lips nervously.
Whatever she did now was a foul attempt of keeping her mind sane in the dark room.
But who would stay sane when you couldn't see anything. Lucy had survived the first week in that room with nothing but cry and multiple vomits. It wasn't because of the stench or the dampness, it was the darkness that made her nauseate and decided to spill whatever her small stomach had consumed several nights before.
Opening and closing her eyes would be the same. The darkness clutched her tight and she couldn't fall asleep even if she wanted, needed. Insomnia made her head aching and she couldn't eat without emptying her stomach again. The darkness suffocated her.
Blind. She was slowly becoming blind. Not blind of the darkness, but of the light. She would cringe and covered her eyes with her hand whenever the person in charge of delivering her food came to her room with a white lighter shot into the room. Her eyes stung and she thought they would melt.
Like a vampire to the sunlight, she would melt, or turn into ashes if the light touched her.
So she started to despise the light. She embraced the darkness willingly and she felt better. She was recovering within the darkness. She stopped vomiting, her insomnia disappeared–she felt healthy after a long time. Today is what? What day?
She questioned herself, sometimes, after finishing her meal of breads and water, why did she end up here, how did she end up here, how long had she been there. At first she tried to keep on track with the time, managing to count until the fifteenth days before she lost count. Time became a mundane thing eventually and she stopped thinking about time.
Lucy was unable to realize that she had spent more three years in that room.
One day, or night, she woke up to the darkness. There was nothing out of the ordinary except for the dull pain in her head. There was still a loaf left on her right side in the tray and a jug of cold water she kept for the next three days. Her blanket, a thin fabric ripped here and there, felt too small around her body. Maybe it was what made her head hurt–her sleep was bothered by the blanket.
She wondered if by the next time her food came she was able to ask for another blanket, preferably one that would cover her size. She didn't know her size or how big she was now, but she was certain that she wouldn't be able to talk. The darkness taught her to be a quiet person, she doubted she could use her voice chord again.
Regret came as she remembered she had torn some of the fabric to use it as a blindfold. She didn't know how big the fabric she tore was, which turned out to be bigger than she thought. It covered half of her face, spare her nostrils and her mouth. The excess torn fabric was used as a hairband. Her hair was too long for her liking, but she couldn't find any sharp things to cut with so she would either tie it into a bun or braid it.
Like a Rapunzel, she felt like a Rapunzel with the long hair and, if her memory served her right, with the golden hair. She doubted her hair would have the same golden color as it was with the lack of nutrition she consumed.
So she started comparing herself with Rapunzel. She had the same long hair, golden colored (hopefully) and brown eyes (if she remembered correctly). Her skin would be white since she never touched the light, perhaps even whiter than the Snow White. Sicken pale white.
The difference would be so many. Rapunzel lived in a tower while she lived in an underground room–she learned there were stairs out there. Rapunzel could sing while she would sing like a siren. Rapunzel had many animal friends while she was alone. Rapunzel had a knight going to rescue her while she had–
No one. She had no one.
Lucy let out a voiceless laugh, but she heard a crackling sound, like a wood in the fire. Ironic.
Rapunzel was charming, even though she was locked up by the witch, she still managed to get a knight, someone, to save her. While Lucy–she had nothing to offer. She had no looks, she had no voice, she was a mess.
No one would rescue her from this place. She had no intention of leaving in the first place. Darkness was the one that welcomed her and she had learned to embrace anything while she could.
Even if it was the darkness.
[To the God within, I pray –]
She remembered an old saying, something about the holy maiden's job.
The holy maiden has a job to maintain the balance. She holds the power of the light to create the balance in this world.
Well, if the holy maiden's power was the light, then hers would the darkness.
Another night, she was certain it was night, she woke up because of the headache again. It was the same dull sensation that slowly crept from the frontal lobe to the occipital lobe and nestled itself in the parietal lobe. Lucy didn't know how she managed to know the knowledge of a human brain–she even almost forgot her name–but she did. She just knew. It wasn't frightening, though.
She massaged her forehead, originally to ease the heaviness but only made it worse. So she leaned into the mossy wall, waiting until it went away by itself. She was still sleepy, though, and she didn't realize she was asleep while waiting the pain to pass.
That time, Lucy dreamed other than a princess, Rapunzel, locked in the high tower, or the black space that seemed to never end. She dreamed about a couple, lovers, laughing happily with tears staining their cheeks and she felt sad watching them.
She woke up later, greeted by the darkness and the unstoppable tears from her eyes, dampening her blindfold.
Lucy had a conversation for the first time after a long time that dawn. It was a tiny voice came from her mind. At first she thought she was too bored that her mind decided to play things with her. The voice, however, denied and told her things she couldn't understand.
It blabbered and Lucy had a hard time following the subject. She told it that she didn't understand anything it talked about and was about to fall asleep when she heard a startling sound. Something exploded, up there on the surface, but it repeated, again and again it left Lucy wondering what kind of explosive that able to explode multiple times.
She couldn't fall asleep as the sound was deafening. She covered her ears with her hand, but then she felt the ground shake. Silence fell and Lucy was grateful. There was a sound like a glass breaking and she jumped in surprise. She screamed a quiet scream of frustration. Whoever made those ruckus needed to learn the time and place to do it.
Warping the blanket, it got smaller again, around her torso, she closed her eyelids, ignoring the tiny voice that continued to yell her name and the exploding sound on the surface. She hoped that the room didn't collapse and actually bury her alive.
The morning she awoke, the exploding had stopped and the tiny voice no longer bothered her. She was getting ready for her meal. If she remembered and counted correctly, today was the day she got her bread and water. Lucy waited patiently.
But there was no sound. No heavy footsteps descending the stairs or the low grumble the person made. There was only the stillness.
Lucy rarely neared herself to the door, except for once when she was first put there she had been banging the metal door endlessly while wailing desperately. The metal door, its hinges should be rustic by now, Lucy found herself thinking. To her surprise, the door opened easily, even with her thin body. It creaked against the stone floor and she cringed.
She–She was free.
To her relief, outside was dark, but she could somehow see the lining of the objects around her. She could see the stairs ascending to the surface, she could see splinters of wood and broken railing. She was surprised to find herself already untied the blindfold. It now slung on her shoulders as she trekked the stairs.
She didn't make any sound under her feet, unlike the one who deliver her food. She became alert at the eerie stillness taste that hung thick in the air. She heard her thumping heart. Was she nervous?
Against the wooden flooring she winced, feeling sharpness on the sole of her feet. It was shards of glass, and she frowned as it pierced her skin open, blood dripped slowly. She had left her blanket down there and the only fabric she had was her blindfold. She sighed and tied the fabric on her feet and she walked rather limply.
She entered a room, or a corridor, feeling completely lost as to decide her location. She had been locked in that room for God-know how long and it wasn't like she remembered anything, any memories from when she was a child. The only thing she remembered was that she was raised in a church. She couldn't even remember Sister Mira's face even though she remembered her name.
Her feet took her wandering around the building. It looked like the building had been abandoned for quite a time. She could tell it easily by the thick dust under her feet and now it stick to her sole like she was wearing a shoe. She wasn't thrilled to find out that she was, after this long time, the sole occupant of the abandoned building. She wondered if there was any ghost around here.
Or not–she was the ghost here. She was very much alive, but a ghost, nonetheless.
Her mind imagined the corridor when the building was in use. The mosaic glass would surely create a nice color at the sunlight's touch. The room would be lit with light, not that she could imagine the light, but at least she could imagine the color, roughly.
She suddenly felt nostalgic. She felt like she recognized the way, but it was a stranger to her. Her feet led her to a room, dark as it was, she could still make out the sliver of a shadow. Something big, standing on four legs, brutally devouring something. Something with a head like an eagle–
SCREEEEECH
A giant eagle, standing with four legs–Lucy didn't know what to think. It screeched, its eyes were sharp as it turned on her. She smelt a tangy scent and saw something dripped from its beak. Her eyes found its way to its eyes, holding it in place as she approached, a hand stretched.
And her hand touched its head. It was warm and she resisted the urge to flinch as it pushed its head to her hand. She was surprised that she could tame it, whatever creature this was, easily. She would have laughed as its head snuggled into her neck, but then her sharp hearing heard a soft perching sound somewhere up.
She wasn't that surprised to see a shadow of a human standing on the balcony, a level higher than where she stood. Her hand trembled a bit as she saw a glint of his red pupils. He, she was certain it was a male, eyed her, scrutinizing gaze and she felt uncomfortable.
Her eyes locked with his, and she noticed how his eyes widened slowly. He leaped and she took a step back as he landed in front of her, soundlessly. His long cape fluttered and she could see his pale complexion amidst the darkness. His hair was an exotic color of pink, and she thought of spring. Cherry blossom.
"Lucy."
He said her name and her eyes widened. Her heart thumped faster, faster, faster. The darkness that enveloped her pushed her body to approach him and before long, her face was a breath away from his.
"Lucy."
He said her name again, and she shuddered. Their proximity was suffocating her. He leaned to her side, pushing her braided hair away, exposing a fragile neck and bony shoulders. She barely registered the pain on her neck. She started seeing delusion about a princess and her knight, a woman and a man–her consciousness started fading. Her eyes half-lidded, she opened her mouth in silent plea. Her hand gripped his coat, desperately clutching so she could stand.
"Lucy…"
He said her name for the third time in a mellow sigh and she collapsed. Darkness filled her eyes and the firm hand on her back told her to sleep. To give in to the darkness. How she did not when she had spent her life living in the darkness. Six years succumbed in the darkness.
She remembered the holy maiden's power of light. She would be a holy maiden as well, with the power of the darkness.
Her forehead touched his shirted chest as she panted in an attempt to stay awake. She craned her neck, flashing him the weak column of her neck–she didn't miss how his eyes glinted in need–and she voicelessly asked, who?
He scooped her in his arm, warmth spreading from him and she almost missed his reply in a whisper.
"Vampire."
Moving the stopped time, I come to meet you.
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