After we get back to the compound, we go to Tobias' room. Our room. I lay awake in bed next to him as he sleeps, completely wrapped around me. I want to know the truth, and I want to know why they would reward us after I had messed everything up for them. But asking questions lost me my memory. Asking questions lost me time with Tobias. Time that we could have been planning. Together. I hate it. I hate it so much.

My breath catches in my throat as the emotion threatens to take over and I feel Tobias shift.

"You okay?" he asks.

I swallow and nod, though in the darkness I'm sure he can't see me. "I'm scared," I say.

His grip tightens as he pulls me tighter against his chest. "Of what?"

"They know so much," I say. "They're so much more powerful than I knew. And I've been pushing them."

"We'll be okay, Tris," he tells me.

"That's what we thought before," I say. "And look where it got us."

"Hey."

I look at him and my eyes adjust to the lack of light and they focus on his face. He's staring at me intently.

"We're going to be okay," he repeats, his voice firm. "I need you to understand that."

He sounds so sure. And because of that, I can try to believe it. I mean, if I'm with him I can handle anything. The two of us can handle anything. We've handled it for a long time together. I nod and lean in, pressing my lips against his before resting my head against his shoulder. "I can't sleep."

"Then we stay up," he says. "I can't tell you how much I missed talking to you when I realized that I couldn't."

I smile. "You don't have to tell me," I say. "I went through the same thing. I'm sorry that I put you through that."

"Tris, do me a favor?"

"What?"

"Stop apologizing. About anything. Unless it's really your fault, like using all the hot water or something…"

I laugh. "Really?"

"That's the first thing I could think of," he says, his voice tinged with amusement "But please, stop trying to apologizing for things you had zero control over. No one holds it against you."

"What about everyone that died? A lot of that's my fault."

"You've already apologized for that. If you try it anymore, then it loses its meaning. And I know you don't have any false apologies."

"I have a lot to be sorry for."

"You have a lot to be grateful for," Tobias says. "No matter how it happened or why, your friends are alive. Your parents are alive. And you…Tris. You are alive. As selfish as it is, that's the only thing I care about."

"I think that's okay," I say. "That type of selfishness. In our case."

Tobias kisses me again and rubs my back. "Earlier, you said you didn't fully remember what happened back at the Bureau. Has any of it come back to you?"

I nod. "That's part of the reason I can't sleep," I say. 'I keep picturing it in my head."

He stiffens and I know that it's because he hates that he can't do anything about it. I think if he could, he'd go back and kill everyone responsible. He doesn't say anything, so I know that I can continue.

"I woke up strapped to a table with a gag in my mouth, and that video was playing. That's the only good think about their stupid experiment. I was able to see my mother in a different light. I was able to get to know her better," I sigh. "And they were telling me that they brought me back to the Bureau to wipe my memory to cover their tracks. They acted like they were doing us a favor by bringing us back to life, and I'm happy I'm alive don't get me wrong, but I want to know what they want. They have to be watching now and they have to know that I have my memories…but what if they retaliate?"

"Then we just don't give them a reason to," Tobias says, his voice even. He's trying to keep his temper in check but he's mad. I can tell. "We live out our lives the same way we were supposed to."

"You mean in factions."

"I mean, alive," he says.

I lift my head to look at him and his gaze his imploring. He's right. I don't know why I keep trying to fix things. "Alive sounds pretty damn good to me."

We move at the same time and kiss each other the way that I always want to kiss him, no matter where we are. I press my body against his and will everything away. The only thing that matters right now is me and him and that we're both alive and that we both know who the other is. My hands find the hem of his shirt as I tug it up, pulling away from him so that I can pull it over his head.

"Why are you even dressed right now?" I murmur against his lips, my fingers running down the firm ridges of his abdomen. He lets out a shaky laugh as his hands move under my shirt and warm my skin just with his touch.

"I could ask you the same questions, Tris," he says as his hands move lower. "We should remedy that," I say, my breath catching in my throat. "We should definitely remedy that."

"Whatever you say," he says with a grin as he kisses me again.

And this time, with our memories intact, we lose ourselves in each other. Again.

A/N: PLEASE DON'T HATE ME