H-Hi. Canada h-here, and welcome to the second day of my blog. Um... well it looks like my blog is d-doing alright, I suppose. I got my first letter! :D Big Smiley Face!
Dear Canada,
Hey there! Haven't seen you in a while! It's me, Ottawa! I'm using Vancouver's laptop to talk to you! When was the last time I saw you? At that get-together for what we capitols call "the FACE family", I think.
Anyways, I was wondering if I can bear-sit Kumajirou sometime. He's really adorable, and you know just how I love animals!
*hears Vancouver yell through the door* Uh-oh... got to go!
-Ottawa
It's been a while, hasn't it? We really do need to get together soon. You can bear-sit Kumajirou any day you want! Just come over for a visit, I love seeing everybody. Hm... Maybe we should have an All-Canadian reunion :) H-Hey Ottawa, this isn't... um... w-well remember that um... get together with Vancouver? The one where Papa was d-drunk and tried to r-rape that m-moose? T-That was kinda a f-f-fun p-party. Maple, I s-still get so embarrassed *blush*
Hugs!
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Anyway, I m-managed to talk to Papa at the conference today! He remembered who I w-was, which is a bit r-rare, but it's nice :) Maple, I think I'm f-finally g-getting the hang of this blog t-thingy. Oh, right, so about Papa's advice.
I was sitting there at the m-meeting, and I guess everyone was so busy, they d-didn't realize I was there. Mr. R-Russia must have been extra busy because he sat on me again. I don't mind, he's got more important things to do then n-notice where he's sitting.
The meeting went well, I guess... I couldn't really h-hear or see anything, but I'm sure Mr. G-Germany and the rest of the countries got something important d-done... maybe... p-possibly?
At the end, Mr. Italy took r-roll call, and um... I w-was ignored as usual, but then Kumohafa sat up and r-roared really loudly. It scared m-most of us, but Ms. B-B-Belarus took out her knife and t-threw it at Kumehoho. A-And t-then K-Kumisano s-s-started b-bleeding a b-bit... But Mr. Russia g-got up, and p-put a b-bandage on Kimohuru, and g-gave him a fish.
Kumorehaha asked Mr. R-Russia who he was, and Mr. R-Russia said that he was Mr. R-Russia. Alfred called Mr. Russia a c-commie... and then a r-really bad word-maple! Alfred stole my Kumosan and then everyone tried to f-figure out who he b-belonged to.
Eventually... I think Ms. Ukraine noticed me, and gave Kimofamo back to me. She's really really really nice! And kinda pretty too... *blush* Alfred and Papa talk about her having "large tracts of land," but I don't really get why Papa and Alfred have these c-creepy looks on their faces. I love my Papa, but he's... s-scary sometimes.
Um... Someone's knocking on my door... Sorry... :( Don't leave please! I'll be right back Mr. Computer People!
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It is I! The Fabulous France! Ma cherie, je t'adore all of my le sexy time fans on the Internet!
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Um... Papa is here e-everyone... I didn't k-know he was g-going to v-visit... (Help m-me p-p-please...)
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My little Canada est writing a blog? Papa France is here! Don't worry ma cherie, Papa will help! Ohohon, we'll need some naked men for all of the sexy fans out there. Ohoohohohon, très bien. Très très bien.
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Papa, I-I d-don't think people want to s-see that... *Blush* Can't you h-help me some other w-way?
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Non, it isn't so! Little Mattieu n'est pas interested? Papa can teach you many things, ma cherie... *Smirk*
Of course that asshole England needs to shut his goddamnned mouth and kiss moi already, of course I am the sexiest man alive as it was written by none other than moi but that n'est pas the point, is it not? That blasted limey needs to shut his cute little bouche and get his fabulous ass on my bed so I can impale-
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P-P-Papa... Please s-stop! *Blush*
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Je regret, ma cherie... I was in my dark place again, n'est pas? Of course, you'd make a fabulous replacement for my British toyboy, no? Come here little Mattieu... Ohohohohohohohon
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Ah! P-Papa, I think I need to call s-
someone... um... um... It's um... a-anyway I'll b-be r-right b-back P-Papa...
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Ohohon, it is très amusant to flirt with little Mattieu. His face becomes an adorable shade of red. Ohohohohohon, little Mattieu. I need to find you a woman... Or women...
Ohohohohohohon! Yes! I, the sexiest man in the world, will find ma cherie a partner! I think Monsieur Russia is having a party, no? Did Mattieu get invited? Hm... I don't believe so. He's so delicate, such a frail little country *tear*
I should pay Monsieur Russia a visit tonight, n'est pas? I think we could make an arrangement, no? I'd best be off then. Au revior! Je t'adore all of my fabulous fans!
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P-Papa? Papa? Oh, Papa is gone... I don't really know what to say now... Let's see. Oh right! That's what I was talking about!
Ms. Ukraine is really really really pretty! *blush* Oh wait, that's not what I was... um... ehehe... s-sorry! Maple, so embarrassed *blush* M-Moving on, um, Ms. Ukraine gave me Kimudawa back, and then Papa walked over, and said hi to me! He noticed me! Everyone else had already f-forgotten me though... Ms. B-Belarus gave me a really s-scary look when Ms. Ukraine handed me Kumijireb, I d-don't k-know why...
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My next letter is from a strange beast called a nightkitty... But he/she seems pretty nice!
Dear Canada,
I just wanted to start by saying that you and America are soooo totally awesome! \('u')/ But anyway, I always wondered, what do you and America talk about when you hang out and stuff? I mean don't the both of you have totally different interests? Or does America just dominate the conversation by speaking over you or something? Oh! And something else, if you want people to notice you, you should totally throw a super awesome party and invite a crap load of people! \('u')/... Or... at least that's what I would do... But then again, that sounds kind of childish doesn't it? And childish isn't your style, is it? .
From
-Nightkitty78
Well, Alfred talks a lot about h-hamburgers, and how much of a h-hero he is... I d-don't talk much, because I don't know all these things about DeathKnuckle Zombie Carnage 14, or a-anything r-related to um... Nude Shark Beach Bikini Babe Mutants From Planet Asuka vs. The Incredible Chainsaw man of Lazer Carnage and Super MegaDeath Explosio-rama in NEW! Hi-def 56D State of The Art Gore Cam-O-Rama...
Oh, and I d-did actually t-try to throw a p-party... No one but Mr. Russia and Mr. England showed up... And they only c-came because t-they thought the m-meeting for F-Future Polar Bear/Russia/England Campaigns of World Conquest! was in Kemosabe's room... I really d-don't know s-sometimes...
Hugs! And Maple Syrup!
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Well... I've had a long day... And I'm pretty tired, s-so I think I'll go to sleep now. Goodnight everyone! Oh... wait, Mr. Kerojumo wants to say hi...
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Hi! Who are you?
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I'm C-Canada... Those are the readers, Mr. Kompifarawa! They're nice :) Smiley Face!
On that note, I think I'm going to sleep now. Goodnight everyone! Have sweet dreams! Like Maple Syrup! Yay! Maple Syrup! Goodnight!
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Hello! This is Kumijiro here! Since Master is asleep, i can tell you this. If you ever hurt my Master, Canafafa, you can rot in the depths of hell. I will find you, and slit you throat. Then I'll kill your families and murder every person that's ever looked at you. Your corpse will be desecrated with the flesh of maggots, and your soul shall be boiled in acid, and dumped into the heart of the sun. Mr. Russia and I will destroy your life and give you a hellish nightmare from which there is no escape. Your eternal being will spend the afterlife as a slave to the Demon King Kumajirou. You cannot escape me. So, be nice to my Master! What's his name again... Canadia?
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A/N. (Read it all for a surprise)
Hehe, I love Kumajirou... :D
I just wanted to say thank you to all the people that are reading and reviewing (which can also be regular reviews guys, don't be shy now) this story, ESPECIALLY the reader from Poland! Polska bros! :)
A SUPER special thanks to my first reviewer HetaliaForever123 :D
A HUUUGE thank you to Page-Mistress for adding my story to the community, "Ask Hetalia" Check it out :)
Lastly, please read "A Modest Proposal" by Heartache 14. It's hysterical PruCan. Even if you don't like PruCan, read it anyway. Be sure to tell the author I sent you. Oh, and I get nothing from telling you this. I doubt the author knows I exist :/
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Spoiler Alert!
Canada becomes a pr0nstar!
On second thoughts... Probably not... Most likely not... No ;_;