For a moment he'd thought he'd imagined the sound. It was so faint, tentative that deep in thought as he was, he could have missed it. But the fact it had intruded on his contemplations suggested that it was somehow linked to them. And the last time there'd been an unexpected knocking at the door he'd opened it to her. The hope that she could be on the threshold, waiting for him, wanting him maybe having thrown caution to the wind was a pull he could not ignore. Whether for one night or for eternity, he was helpless against it. As he walked to the door part of him hoped it wouldn't be. The conflict of that which was surely to ensue as soon as she entered his rooms in this, the dead of night, with him, full of lust and longing. He could almost see the claret of her dress like a bloodstain on his floor and her body, skin gleaming like ivory twisted in his sheets.

He yanked on the handle and looked down into blue eyes but a pale copy of those he'd ached for but had been terrified to see.

"Victor? Christ man what are you doing here? Is everything alright? Is…," he paused fighting down his immediate response to ask about Vanessa, his guilt making the question almost a confession,"….Sir Malcolm okay and Vanessa?"

"They are both fine and as far as I know both asleep and do not know that I've gone." He smiled then but Ethan noticed that it did not reach his eyes. "I find myself in need of company, unable to rest, hence why I am here but I also need to talk." Ethan could sense something in the young doctor's presence, a conflict of sorts, the need for companionship and something else but it was fleeting and gone as Victor dropped his eyes towards the wooden floor boards of the hall.

"May I perhaps come in?" He asked after a couple of moments.

Ethan inwardly cursed himself for his lack of manners and threw open the door to allow the younger man to pass apologising for his rudeness, "I just wasn't expecting company."

He could only wonder at the unexpected visit, but part of him dreaded the explanation that surely was to come. Maybe he'd not been as subtle as he'd hoped and maybe his young friend had not been as drunk as he'd thought, he certainly seemed sober enough as he stood on the faded rug in front of the fire place where only weeks ago had sat his wife her sodden hair drying in his hands.

The silence lay like an embarrassment between them as Victor turned to stare at the liquor stained wall that slight smile still stretching his mouth.

"I'd offer you a drink doc but… I had a bit of an accident with the bottle. Anyway it was filthy gut rot." Ethan tried to keep his tone light desperate to break the desolate silence between them.

"Well Mr. Chandler, it is lucky perhaps that I took the opportunity to liberate this from Sir Malcolm's copious stores." and from the inside pocket of his great coat extracted a bottle of Sir Malcolm's finest brandy, the same as they'd been drinking earlier. The sight of the rich, tawny liquid was a temptation too far. Ethan knew he should be careful but craved the numbness that would come in imbruing decent liquor.

Quickly he found a couple of clean glasses and went to sit in the armchair, Victor having taken the settle. However he was stopped by the flash of irritation that crossed the young doctor's face and his words confirmed what he'd seen.

"Not very conducive to sharing a bottle if you're going to sit all the way over there. We'll be forever up and down. Why don't you sit here next to me then at least we can put the bottle in easy reach of both of us?" He smiled then and Ethan noticed something that had never struck him before how a true smile such as the one that graced his face now made him look younger. Took away the tight look of serious professionalism that so often lined his visage. In that smile he noticed how attractive he was, how a woman or a man might succumb to his charms. He was no novice when it came to dalliance with his own sex. Lust and want was something that Ethan Chandler had found in both men and women and had actively pursued in the past. He hesitated for a moment. Was the young doctor making a seductive play albeit a clumsy one? He'd never seen any indication before of anything other than someone interested in friendship, the male companionship that had always seemed to allude the younger man. He quickly pushed the idea away. Victor was an innocent and probably had no knowledge or idea of the act of love between two men, let alone long for it or suggest it. Of course, it made sense to sit together to share the drink. Surely his mind full of lustful thoughts of this man's wife had somewhat stained his clear view. Christ he was seeing sin in the simplest of suggestions.

He joined Victor without further thought his larger bulk filling the majority of the space on the settle but the young doctor was slight. Silently he filled their glasses and then raised his to his young friend.

"To…?"

"To love." Victor intoned and they both tossed back the liquid. Ethan felt the welcome mellow warmth flood through him only present in spirits of quality so different from the harsh burn of the whiskey he'd smashed against the wall earlier. In silence he filled their glasses again and both drank deeply and for a few minutes the two men sat in silence staring in the fire alone with their thoughts.

"I can't make her happy." The words cut through Ethan's train of thoughts like a brand and he tore his eyes from the flames to stare at the man sitting next to him clutching a glass, his knuckles starkly white against the glass.

"What? What ya mean?" He knew it was a stupid question but it tore out of his mouth before he could catch it.

"Vanessa. I can't make her happy. Christ Ethan I've tried but I'm not enough of a man, I'm not the man she wants or deserves."

Ethan felt his stomach swoop and he didn't know if it was with joy or dread. Did Victor know about his and Vanessa's feelings for each other? Had he noticed? He could hardly been surprised, the intellect of the young man was vast although at times his common sense at times was frighteningly lacking, or had he underestimated him in this as well as in other things?

"Why do you think that doc? She loves you, surely you can see that? For Christ sake man you're the best of us."

The laugh that tore from the younger man's mouth was bleak and full of self-hatred.

"Then why can't I make love to her? Why do we… have we slept separately for God alone knows how long if that's the truth?"

Ethan felt his body go cold and a sheen of guilty sweat bead under his shirt. Was this the confrontation he'd been half longing for and half dreading? Was it now that he could divest his pain, step into the light, release them all from the half-life they'd been living?

"God I love her Ethan. Who wouldn't? I mean she's beautiful, everything a man could ever want. Intelligent, passionate, kind and it's not her fault. She's never denied me but I just can't. I look at her and I…." his voice faded then. He was sitting hunched over his head bowed but he raised it and looked straight into Ethan's eyes.

What he saw there almost floored him. The cool, grey blue eyes of the doctor were hot with desire and that desire was directed straight at him. His breath caught in his throat. It was so unexpected. Never in a million years would he have ever thought that this young man of science could ever long for more than what was considered by the majority what was natural. That his tastes and desires varied from what he'd always supposed was intriguing to say the least. Why had he never seen it? Surely this was something that although only just admitted had been evident before? And the fact that his want was directed at him was not, he was surprised to find unwelcome. Even though they had built a friendship he'd never considered it could be anything beyond that, had never wanted more but now looking into those eyes full of previously undisclosed want, he felt his own body respond.

Before he could do anything the younger man had moved towards him grasping his shirt front and clumsily his mouth found his.