As quietly as he could he shut the door so as not to wake the man curled up in his bed and leaned up against the scarred wood desperately trying to get his thoughts and desires into some kind of order. He could still feel the press of those full lips against his. The faint prickle of stubble on their edges as they cleaved to his. The tentative sweep of the tip of a tongue as the kiss had deepened into something more than just exploratory as his mind and body replayed the scene between him and the young doctor.

Ethan had felt himself get lost in the sensation of that beautiful mouth nipping at his, of the hard, young body pressing against him, the inquisitive hands roaming over his chest. His own fingers had sunk into the short, crisp slightly curled hair at the nape of the long white column of his neck. Without conscious thought he'd angled that head to better suckle at the lips mashed against his own, had forced his tongue into the warm cavern of his friend's mouth making it his. God he had wanted him then, wanted to push that lithe, pliant body back against the settle. To strip the layers of his clothes down to the purity of his skin. To lay claim to that skin with his mouth and his fingers. To taste the musk of his sex as he swallowed him down to the hilt and to bring him to sweet, shuddering climax.

A groan had torn from his mouth as he felt a gentle but ever emboldened palm rubbing against his erection that had been, since before the kiss, straining in his pants. He knew that only a layer of cloth and buttons lay between the silken stroke of that hand against his swollen cock and it was that knowledge that had finally broken through the madness that had come over him.

Without warning he shoved the young doctor back, away from his aroused body and stood up moving back towards the fire place. Victor looked deliciously mussed. His shirt untucked and half open allowing a glimpse of pale skin, his mouth swollen and red his own trousers showing ample evidence of his own want, his eyes glowing with a feral need that almost had him back at him.

'Victor wait, wait a minute." He held his hand out as the doctor had started too to stand. He knew that if he touched him again he might not be able to resist his innocent and yet knowing lure. He grabbed at the bottle and took a long swig then moved just close enough to shove it into the younger man's grasp watching as he brought it to his lips the long line of his throat pulsating as he swallowed a long draught. In his mind's eye he imagined baring that marble pillar to his lips and teeth bringing the blood to the surface, bruising it, and rapidly looked away pushing the thought down, pulling the oxygen into his lungs and with it the clean, salt smell of the man who sat only feet away radiating desire for him.

Fuck what was he doing, how had this happened and how had he let it get this far? His mind whirled with fractured images. Just hours before his thoughts had been full of Vanessa, wanting her, imagining her naked in his bed his hands and mouth moving over her and yet now his every sensation was full of the man who sat in front of him. The man whom he'd imagined over and over again beating to a pulp for denying him what he thought was his dearest wish and yet now his hands, those hands that had wanted to wound and hurt, wanted to touch in an altogether different way. He needed a drink but the bottle was clutched in the young doctor's hand and held between his legs; to approach Victor again, ripe with the scent of his arousal was too dangerous, too desirable.

"Ethan?" He looked up to see Victor learning forward his eyes still hot with want but now shadowed with confusion. "I'm sorry. I just have never felt anything like this before. Oh my God you think I'm disgusting." And to his horror tears began to flow down the flushed cheeks twisted with self-loathing.

He couldn't help it in three strides he was back over to the settle his arms enfolding the beautiful boy in his arms who clung to him like he was the only stable thing in his world comforting noises issuing from his mouth his hands rubbing circles into the shuddering back.

"Victor no, Christ no I don't find you disgusting, far from it." He had to hold in the chuckle that threated deep at the back of his throat knowing how inappropriate it would sound. Victor was anything but disgusting and if he was, what did that make him? As the sobs lessened he pulled gently back to look at the younger man his hands finding his face cupping it gently as he thumbed away the tears that stained his cheeks. The familiarity and irony of this gesture was not lost on him as he looked deep into the doctor's blue eyes marvelling that he hadn't ever succumbed before, hadn't ever realised the obvious attraction he had to the man sitting in front of him. He didn't know whether to laugh, cry or scream all the time fighting back the urge just to carry on where they'd left off. It would be so easy to pick him up carry him to his bed and there teaching him what it really was to love another.

He felt the doctor moving forward trying to increase the bodily contact between them. He moved his hands then to Victor's shoulders holding him back from surging forward the passion in his eyes building again at their proximity.

"Darlin' wait."

"Wait…" he intoned more strongly as Victor pushed forward again his lips open, trying to recapture that searing kiss. Ethan quickly grabbed the bottle of brandy and filled their glasses pushing an almost full one into the doctor's hands trying to ignore the jolt of want as their fingers brushed.

"Drink." He urged as he tossed a mouthful of the smooth liquid down his own throat.

"Are you trying to get me drunk Mr. Chandler? Believe me if really isn't necessary if seduction is your aim." The sad smile that stretched Victor's mouth at his weak joke made him long to reach out and brush his thumb over those full lips that moments ago had been almost the focus of his world but he resisted the urge watching as he emptied his glass and then himself refilled it to the brim.

"We need to talk Victor, and you need to think. You're a married man. Married to a wonderful woman, a woman that.." the 'we' almost slipped out, "that whatever you are feeling now are in love with. This urge is nothing more than a reaction to the situation you find yourself in. Marriage is hard and it's gonna be cooped up in that house with all its past looming over you. Our friendship is new and I can't deny there is something between us but you've misread more into it. You're drunk and tired and frustrated and you think that this…." He waved his hand between them, "will help."

He watched as Victor tossed back the liquid in his glass and then locked his eyes back on his although Ethan could see that the liquor was taking its toll as his eyes lacked clarity and seemed unfocused.

"So you don't want me then?" It tore from the younger man's mouth like an accusation slightly slurred with the amount of alcohol swimming round his small body.

Again he had to hold back the laugh that threated to tear from his mouth knowing this in his fragile state Victor would interpret it wrongly. Want him. Christ it was taking every ounce of his resolve not to throw him down and take his virginity. Sitting there, his clothing awry his, hair raked through by his own fingers his lips swollen and red as a result of his mouth on them, his eyes hot with desire and filled with confusion he was everything he'd ever wanted and more in a lover but he had to resist, he knew he couldn't give in. The mess, the anguish it would cause to all of them caught in this triangle of love, want and pain. Vanessa's face suddenly filled his mind. Her eyes intent with her love, her mouth stretched into that smile, the smile she only used for him with that tiny hint of ire at the corner. Whatever he felt for the man in front of him he knew that it was her he truly wanted, that burnt him soul deep and had brought him back over a cold sea. He had left her once to pursue his own path, he could not do so again. He could not betray her love and trust again despite his wants and needs or those of her husband.

"Victor all I want to do at this moment is to rip your clothes from you and lay my mouth and my hands on every part of you. I want you like no other man I've ever met. I want to take you to my bed, love you, fuck you and then hold you all night in my arms. But what happens in the morning? How do I,… how do you face Vanessa with that between us?"

Victor made to speak but he placed his hand lightly over his mouth feeling the softness of those lips against his palm and the hot wet breath.

"We can't betray her like that. I can't. I've hurt her so much in the past leaving her when she needed help and protection. Abandoning her to God only knows what until you saved her." He took his hand then from Victor's mouth poured and then pressed another large drink into his hands. He needed to remove the temptation of an awake and aroused Victor from the equation.

"I can't hurt her again. She's only just forgiven me for the past. I can't bring her world crashing down around her again because of my own selfish wants. I'm sorry Victor. I truly am. Christ if I were…., you were…., she was anyone else believe me darlin' tonight would have played out very differently."

He watched the young doctor struggle to drink the last dregs of his glass down. His eyes were struggling to stay open, his head lolling on a neck that seemed too weak to hold it up. As he began to fall into a drunken doze he pulled the young man into his arms allowing his head to fall into the crook of his neck holding him against him feeling his breathing slow as he drifted off. With genuine affection he held him caressing his back and arms and brushed a kiss across the smooth forehead. When he was sure he was asleep he picked him up his weight no issue for him and laid him on the bed covering his finally relaxed body with a blanket. For long moments he looked into the beautiful face below him and thought how it could be between them. Victor Frankenstein would not be an easy man to love, he would challenge him in ways that no other could but it would be a good love, passionate and fulfilling. He ran his fingers across the young face and then finally dropped his mouth to press a gentle kiss to the mouth of the man he felt not only a profound respect and affection for but now a deep abiding love.

As quietly as he could he had found his coat and hat pulled them on and left the room and the source of temptation behind.

And so he found himself leaning against the scarred door of his lodgings his mind and body in disarray. He'd returned to London all those months ago for one reason – to hurt. But the anguish he found that had crashed down on him was more than he'd ever expected. He had expected to feel pain had welcomed it but this was suffering beyond anything imagined and now he wanted rid of it. Two options sprung immediately to mind. The first to run. To run away from this anguish to leave it behind but he knew he couldn't, running had not worked before. The physical act of putting space however many thousands of miles between him and now the two people he wanted had not succeeded before. He knew beyond doubt that he'd find his way back and what then?

His hand strayed then to his hip to the heavy weight that was always present there. How easy to take that path to remove himself in the simple act of putting a bullet through his brain. It would no longer be his problem in that act he could truly walk away. But he knew that too was an impossibility. He needed to see her. He needed to look on her face one more time before he made any decision.

Somehow he knew despite the late hour that she was still awake that she would be aware of his torment and would be waiting for him.

He also knew that it was finally time for complete and transparent honesty.