Chapter 2

It was well past midnight when Scarlett undressed and crawled into her bed. It had been exhausting standing in the sidelines, watching several families grieving around Ashley and India, whispering their words of comfort to one another and then collapsing into gloom again. And Scarlett had sat in a corner, alone and depressed with Beau on her lap. He was crying most of the time and finally fell asleep in her arms. Dilcey immediately rushed to put the boy to sleep for Beau had thrown a full blown tantrum to remain by Scarlett's side throughout the dreary evening. Scarlett felt strangely pleased that Beau should seek her presence like this but also a trifle annoyed since she was bring ignored by everybody else.

Thinking she would fall asleep right away, Scarlett wearily pulled the covers over her slim frame. But she was well past the initial tiredness and now her nerves were raw and alert to the faintest discomforts. And she thought of Rhett.

Scarlett pressed her face into her pillow and began to cry. She remembered his words about how he wanted to love her tenderly and pamper and spoil her. The first time when he had pressed her tear-stained face into his shirt and the comforting smells of brandy, tobacco and horses.. how he had carried her in his arms when she woke up crying from her nightmares and soothed her as a father soothes a child.. Tears poured freely down her cheeks and the pillow was damp. For the first time she realized that she needed someone to constantly love her, someone who gave her attention always and never grew tired of her. That was what love was. Love was constant attention and approval. Rhett had dared to love her and she had ruined it all.

Scarlett wept in desolation. The full impact of never being able to see those black eyes dance at her in merriment, those warm brown arms snaking around her body, the hot breath on her face and those lips which parted hers. How easily he could send her into that hot swirling darkness and how correctly he had judged that she would enjoy his kisses. At last she had found the man who could handle her wild temper, indulge her every whim, make her laugh with coarse, earthy humor and she had been so dense that she had rejected every attempt he had made to reveal his heart to her.

"Oh, such a stupid fool-", cried Scarlett, her words in a mangled cry. Her hand feebly pounded the bed beside her, while her body shook with emotion. She was lonely and frightened. She wanted Rhett. She needed Rhett. She had tried to think as much as she could about why he should desert her. But she couldn't anymore. Nothing he said mattered except that he didn't love her.

The cries, first heartbroken and frantic, lessened softer and softer with fatigue and finally ebbed away. Scarlett was at last asleep. Scarlett could not understand the words Rhett had spoken since she did not know his mind. And understanding was further made impossible by the fact that she did not know her own mind either. She could never explain herself, even if she tried. The truth was, she was incapable of explaining herself. Rhett said that he wanted her mind. But if she herself did not know her mind, how could she give it to him?

An extremely solemn, quaint old-fashioned service was held for Melanie the next day afternoon. During most of the prayers, Scarlett's eyes peered through the veil at Melanie's sweet heart shaped face, now gray and lifeless. Biting back tears, she diverted her gaze to the newly reconstructed church interior, the paintings, stain glass windows, wall hangings, the ornate statues. Yes, it had been a long time since Scarlett was within the walls of a church.

"A gentleman caught in a world he doesn't belong in, trying to make a poor best of it by the rules of a world that's gone-". Those were Rhett's words when he described Ashley. Scarlett began to understand this as she saw Ashley now. He was deathly pale but even in his grief, he followed every fastidious custom of the Old South. Scarlett peered around and saw several of the Old Guard in full attendance. Not one Yankee in sight!

Scarlett took comfort from the fact that Wade played extremely well on the piano after the service. She smiled and he flushed, happy that he had managed to attract his mother's attention. The time came for the family and friends to view the body one last time. Scarlett had her hands on Wade's shoulders as she followed the line that moved at snail's pace around Melanie's body. Mrs. Elsing was before her and although she had seen Scarlett, she turned her head away, refusing to acknowledge her presence. Scarlett was upset by this cold gesture but as Rhett had prophesied, she had made too many mistakes by supporting the Yankee government and then appearing as a Scallawag in the eyes of the Southern gentry. And although she regretted it now, the last person who could have believed that she had made an honest mistake, lay cold in the grave.

Melanie.. sweet, trusting, kind-hearted Melanie.. She had understood Scarlett and she had loved Scarlett.. Now she was gone, leaving Scarlett to face the old cats of her society. Scarlet could never get back to their good graces and soon they would all ignore her..

Just then, Scarlett reached the coffin where Melanie Wilkes's body lay. In a tumult of sadness, she cried, "Oh Melanie, Melanie.. I shall miss you so!"

Mrs. Elsing turned in shock at this outburst. But Scarlett didn't care. She didn't care if the whole world was watching. And even,if they did, let them see how much she loved Melanie.

"I could stand things before because I thought I loved Ashley.. but now I don't have anyone.. I might as well show others that I'm no braver than them-"

Scarlett kissed Melanie's cold forehead and again, she could feel the cold gaze of the Southern families, watching her.. judging her..

Wade took her hand in his, protectively and they made their way back to the pews.

After the service, Scarlett stood alone on the lawns waiting for Aunt. Pittypat and India. Mrs. Merriweather made a bee-line for her, her mouth set in a grim, disapproving line. "Good day, Scarlett, I was looking for Captain Butler, I don't see him amongst our crowd-"

"He had to go away rather suddenly on a very important business trip-"

"I see."

Two little words. But the tone of voice and the slanting of the shrewd old eyes conveyed so much suspicion and condemnation. Scarlett knew that now that Melanie Wilkes was dead, the entire matron circle of Atlanta eagerly expected the sensational divorce between Scarlett and Rhett and a whirlwind marriage to Ashley Wilkes who was now free and available. It was no secret that the marriage between Scarlett and Rhett had not been a happy one. After Bonnie's death, Rhett had the town's sympathy but Scarlett was despised as cold, cruel and having set her hooks on Ashley Wilkes. Now with Rhett's abrupt departure, it raised even more thrilling suspicions. Why did Captain Butler leave so urgently? What could be so important that he could not spend one afternoon, mourning for the loss of Mrs. Wilkes whom he had clearly respected as a fine Southern lady?

The thoughts running through Mrs. Merriweather's head, pounded and thundered at Scarlett. With a faint nod, full of meaning, she made her leave. Scarlett watched her bulky form disappear into the crowds with bitterness.

Before, she could stand the scorn and anger of the Southern society with the hopes of securing Ashley's heart. But now she no longer loved him and the one man who could have made her laugh at all this was probably in Paris or England. Now she was an outcast.. a betrayer who had fraternized with the Yankees and was a notorious Scallawag. Although Scarlett now understood the implications of her thoughtless actions, she longed to cry out that everything was an honest mistake. She had never meant to cut off her friends. She was only misguided enough to think that safety and security lay in wealth and power. But she was wrong. Oh, so wrong.. and the one person who could have believed her was dead.

"I'm sorry we took so long, Scarlett", said India, finally appearing at her side. " There is a carriage at the gate. We shall sit there and wait while they dig the grave.." India slipped an arm through Scarlett's and the latter shot a look of surprise.

They made their way to the gate and Ashley stood there, meeting and talking to distant cousins and friends whom he and Melanie had helped after the war. With her sweetness and generosity, Melly had helped many a soldier and now they arrived to pay their respects. There were so many flowers and candles. So much respect and affection.

When Ashley saw Scarlett, he inquired, "Where is Rhett? Is he talking to someone inside the church?"

Scarlett shot a glance in India's direction and saw her deep in conversation with some friend. In a flash of courage, she decided to tell Ashley the truth. The time may be inappropriate but Scarlett felt her head would burst if she kept her sorrows to herself. "He left me" she said, her green eyes shining brightly with tears. "Oh Ashley, he thought you and I were in love and he left me.."

Ashley listened to this with lack of surprise or shock on his weary face. Instead, he quietly turned away and stared afar. As Scarlett gazed at him, she realized that Ashley looked rather guilty..As if this news were no surprise to him. As if he expected it.

"Why, Ashley, did you suspect this would happen?" , began Scarlett, in shock. "You don't seem..."

"We mustn't speak of this now. This is hardly the time."

"But Ashley, did you.."

"Yes, I did-"

"But.. how?"

"It was something Melanie told me, a month ago.."

Scarlett grew frantic. "Oh, what did she tell you? What did Melly say?"

Ashley's eyes wandered to the gravel road and at the large carriage that arrived bearing the entire family of Benteens and Mammy.

"Dearest, you must wait. Your sister's family has arrived and we must attend to them or else they will think us rude."

Consumed by curiosity and angered by this interruption, Scarlett swallowed her frustration and followed Ashley to greet and mourn with her family.