For this chapter I ask that you try to put yourself in Phoenix's shoes, so you might get the full affect of this chapter I'm trying to make possible. -Warning: MAY GIVE FEELS- One more chapter is left in this series.
-Your pov-
That night that you returned from the battlefront you had a rather odd dream. You were recalling how you used to live on the streets. You never knew how you survived. In fact you never knew why everyone put their trust in you to get the food for them. Perhaps you were the only one without a disability. Or perhaps it was because everyone had faith that you would change their lives for the better and the worse. Either way you did not know and yet you continued to help them no matter the cost.
-Start of dream-
I opened my eyes and everything was dreary. I heard the sound of running gutter water and the stench of garbage. I looked to my left and I saw a starving dog. I looked to my right and I saw all of the first-tier members sitting next to me. This was four years ago. When you were 9 years old and the others were ranging from the ages of 7-15 "(F/n) you're our only source of food." Said Joker. "Why me? I know you're all disabled, but why me?" You questioned. "What if I let you down?" "Don't worry. I know you wouldn't do that." Said Beast. "Okay. I'll try." You said.
It was noon and you were about to get them some food. You stealthily snuck into the bakery with some parents without children. You pretended to be theirs and once they were looking for sweets you grabbed 3 loaves of bread and as many pastries as your little arms could carry. You thought you were in the clear until you were almost all the way out of the store. "Hey you little wanker! Get back here!" Yelled the voice.
You were just learning how to control your flight skills and so you were rather unsteady in the air, and yet you managed to get them the food. When you were near the alley where the were sitting. Soon the baker caught up with you somehow and beat you with a rolling pin at you. You turn around so you could protect the goods. Soon Jumbo saw what was happening and he came and helped you. Soon you brought back the goods even though you were wounded and hurting.
"I-I did it." You said. "What happened?!" Asked Dagger. "She was beat with a rolling pin." Said the younger version of Jumbo. "Oh my gosh! (nickname)! Don't worry, I won't let that happen to you ever again." Said Joker. "What matters is that you'll be able to eat." You said. "No, what matters in your safety!" Said Beast as she started to hug you. "Thanks. I'll just get used to it over time. If it means you'll be able to eat then it's worth it." You said.
For many many years after that you took care of them. You got them food. You made sure that they were able to survive. You cared for them and didn't want a single one of them to die. There were days that you were not able to get them a meal and there were days you were. No matter what happened though you were still loved by your family.
-later in the dream-
"Get under the blanket, (f/n)! It's raining." Said Dagger. "Okay." you said. You watched the rain pour down until something rather strange happened. A man in a two horse carriage pulled up. "A two horse carriage…" you breathed. "That means he's a noble doesn't it, brother?" You asked. "Yes. Stay back though. We don't know who he is." Said joker. "Kay." you said.
Soon the man got out. He was kinda large, he had brown hair, a moustache, a pair of tiny spectacles, and he wore rather bland clothing. "Who are you?" You asked. "I am lord Kelvin." "Nice to meet you lord kelvin. What brings you here? Why would you care to see us?" You asked cheerfully. "I would like for you to come live with me at my manor. It has many children like you and your other brothers and sisters here." He said. "Yes, but how can we trust you?" Asked Joker. "He's a nobleman. Can't you see that this might be our chance to escape this hellish place?" You said. "Yes, but what if this turns out to be a mistake?" He asked. "Trust me it won't be."
Suddenly the strange man spoke up once more. "Why you're rather special aren't you?" He said to you as he reached his hand out to touch you, but you stepped back and hugged onto Joker's leg. "Sorry, we don't let anyone touch her. She's rather shy." Said Joker. "It's quite alright. So do you accept my offer?" He asked. "Okay." said Joker.
-many months later-
You had been at the orphanage for quite a while, but you were still not used to it yet. You stood out like a sore thumb. You often helped with the doctors on sight with the patients, even though they said for you not to. You simply said it was to thank them. One day though you were forced to go outside and play with the other boys and girls who were your age.
You sat beside Dagger and Beast on the bench while he sat and watched the other children run and sing. He wished he could be able to join them, but wasn't able because of his disability. "Big brother! Big brother!" You yelled and hugged him. "(F/n)! It's good to see you outside!" Said Dagger once he hugged you. "What's wrong? You look so gloomy. You should go play!" You said. "I know it's just I don't think I can."he replied gloomily. "Yes you can." You said.
Suddenly Joker came next to you, dagger, and Beast. "What's going on guys?" Asked Joker. "Big Brother!" You said once you ran and hugged Joker. "Big brother, big bro's not happy. Can you help him?" You asked. "I tried to give hopeful words, but it didn't work." "Maybe I can help." He said as you let go of him. "Really?" You asked hopefully. "Really. Hey jumbo! Can you come here! This guy wants to play with them!" He yelled. "What?!" Asked Dagger. "C'mon Dagger! You need to have some fun! You should play with them." You said. "Yep. You know (nickname's right.)
Soon Jumbo came over and kneeled down so Dagger could climb onto his back. "Get on." Said Jumbo. "It's f-fine. Really." He said. "Quit resisting it. You should go have fun." Said Joker. "He's correct. Please bro. Go have some fun." You said. Soon he finally got on his back and started smiling. "He's actually smiling." You said. "That's something I haven't seen in a long time." You said. "Yeah. Hey! Why aren't you playing either?" Asked Joker. "Well I just want to be with you guys. I consider that fun." You said. "Go play. You deserve it. You've been working hard, day and night to thank them. Okay?" Asked Joker. "Ok." you said. "It's just that I don't know how to play." "I bet they'll teach you." Said Joker as he took you to the other children and made you play.
At the orphanage you made multiple friends and almost everyone loved you. You began to get to know people. You were kinda shy around newcomers though, but that's expected coming from a girl who was left in a gutter with her two brothers to die for most of her life so far. So you soon became the person you currently are. Until many years later did you return to london and actually get back to the place where it all started.
-End of dream-
You woke up with tears in your eyes and you noticed Ciel was holding you tightly and he seemed to be having a nightmare as well. You decided to take a walk into the garden around the back of the house to clear your mind. It was a cold, windy, and cloudless night and you were walked alone into the garden that you had never been in before.
When you took a right turn into the maze of flowers you saw white roses that were planted next to the red ones. When you were admiring them you didn't seem to hear the footsteps. As they got closer they soon stopped when they noticed that you were crying. "(F/n), what are you doing out here?" Asked the earl you were sleeping with. When he noticed that you were cold he gave the coat that he was wearing and gave it to you.
Soon the two of you sat down on a nearby bench and let the silence embrace you. You sat and looked at the stars that glistened above the two of you. You could see multiple stars since you were so far from the city. "Do you think they're happy?" You asked as you kept your gaze on the brightest stars above you. "What?" Asked Ciel as he looked at you questioningly. "Do you think they're finally happy? The first-tier members in the circus? Do you think they've finally found the happiness they've been looking for?" You asked. "Oh… Yes. I would think so. Free of worry and free of having to live with the question of how are they going to survive." Said Ciel. "That's good. If they're happy then I'm happy as well." You said with a smile on your face as the tears kept streaming down your face like a thousand waterfalls.
When you least expected it you were pulled into Ciel's lap and he held you close. "You had a dream about your brothers and family again didn't you?" He asked. "H-how'd you know?" You asked. "The only time you're sad is when you are talking about your brothers." He said as he tried to comfort you. "I'm sorry you have to do this." You said. "Why would I be sorry? I chose to protect you. It's my job to take care of you, keep you happy, and make sure that you're okay from now on. I will always be by your side." He said. "Really?" You asked. "Really." He replied. (dayum it. I just realized I just used a FIOF reference on accident :/ )
After the little talk you had with Ciel outside the two of you walked back inside and fell asleep once more. You held onto him tightly and he did the same knowing that he needs you as much as you need him.
-another dream-
You were outside playing again and soon Joker called You,Dagger,Jumbo,Doll, Beast, peter, and wendy to sit somewhere quiet so you could talk about an important matter. " 'Ey Big brother! What did you want to call us over here for?" You asked as you ran and hugged him. "(F/N!) It's good to see you outside again!" He said as he picked you up and spun you around a little. Since you were still quite little he was able to do that. Soon the others arrived we all sat under a tree.
"So I called you all here because Father told me some important news." Said Joker. "What is it Big brother?" You asked as you sat in Beast's lap since you were still a child and you considered her to be your big sister. "Father wants us to be a traveling circus." He replied. "What? He wants us to be a circus? I don't see that happening anytime soon" said peter. "No we can do it." You said as you stood up. "Don't you see… We can finally show people they were wrong. Show them they were wrong for thinking that because of our disabilities we were trash. We can show them that we are worth something and we have pushed past our borders that were holding us back. Trust me. We can do this. I have faith."
Needless to say all you got was astonished reactions. They all looked at you like you had made a big discovery. After a few minutes of silence Beast finally spoke up. "She's right. With our prosthetics we can finally do the unthinkable." She said. "I want to be a knife thrower." Said Dagger. "She talked me into it. Let's do it!" Said Peter. "I'm with him. We should do it." Said Wendy. "You did a good job (f/n). You actually convinced them." Whispered Joker into your ear which caused you to smile and giggle. "Alright now that you all are on board with this plan we need stage names." Said Joker.
"What'll they be?" You asked. "Well Jumbo, your name 'll just stay the same, Mally (If you paid attention you'll notice in 9th episode they mentioned Beast's name which happened to be Mally) You'll be beast, You'll be "Dagger" since you want to throw knives, you two will stay peter and wendy." Said Joker. "Please give me one too!" Said Doll as she stood up excitedly. "You'll be Doll." said Joker. "What?! That doesn't fit my personality at all!" She said. "Well, you're kinda cute like one." Said Joker. "Big brother! What'll my name be?!" You asked excitedly. "You'll be Phoenix. Since you have those wicked awesome wings that seem to allow you to fly." He said. "What?! No,no,no! Phoenix does not fit me at all!" You said. "Well I know you'll soar above us all with your talents. You're most likely the most able of us all." He said. Then he tussled your hair and hugged you. "Thank you for making us all believe. You're the best little sister I could wish for" said Dagger as everyone else joined the two of you.
-end of dream-
The next day when you woke up you found yourself hugging Ciel like you did when you were a child. The morning dragged on without many events that were exciting. Although that all changed when Ciel purchased a train ticket and had Sebastian drive you two to the station. "Ciel, I'm a bit curious about something." You said. "You can ask what you need." He said. "Well where exactly are you taking us?" You asked. "You'll know where we are when we get there, ok?" He said. "Alright, love." You said.
When you got to the station he apologized to you for not being able to get you a third class ticket. "It's quite alright." You replied. "I've never actually been on a train before,so I'm perfectly fine either way." When you and Ciel were boarding the train a little girl with brown hair and disheveled clothing came up to. "Excuse me Mister and Miss, would you like to buy some apples?" She asked. "Of course." You said as you gave him some of the money you saved from your old job and gave it to her. "Thank you miss." She said. Before she left you stopped her and gave her extra money for her cause. "Thank you so much! You just gave me enough money to give to my mother!" She said in excitement. "She's sick in bed and I have been trying to get enough money for her treatment. Thank you and may God bless you." Then she gave you a hug and left.
Ciel watched from afar with a genuine smile on his face. "I'm so lucky to be able to have such a kind lady in my life." He thought to himself. Once you boarded the train with him Sebastian was smirking at you and it kinda gave you the creeps so you asked why he was doing that. "I was smirking because of your generosity to the poor." He said. "Well I went through that form of hell as a child so I'm trying to help them." You said. Soon the train started moving and you watched everything go by in a flash.
When you were reading a book with your headphones on a question entered your mind. When you realized that Ciel was done talking with his butler you decided to ask the question. "Ciel, why did you burn those children at Father's house? I know it's random and a bit gloomy topic, I just want to know." You said. "Well, it's because they're beyond saving. They were tortured in a way that kills your mind and memories." He said. "So you're saying they're better off dead, my lord? How arrogant." Said Sebastian. "Sebastian, I don't think there is a human that exists who isn't arrogant." He replied.
You decided to listen to the conversation while you ate the apple the girl gave you. 'I'm not human and yet you knew you were arrogant too. Everyone is. It's just their nature.' You thought to yourself. "I guess you're right though. It takes a whole lot of power to ever regain everything like that. Especially for someone like a child." You said. "Sebastian, on that day… I was able to summon you before I snapped like a twig underneath their feet. You were the power I needed to be strong once more. You were the only person who answered my call for help." He said. "And now I own you."
"Ciel, I never knew you had to do that. You never opened up to me about your past. I knew it was a painful one, but I never knew it was that painful." You said. "Yes, that's why I have Sebastian. I will tell the rest to you later." He said once you laid your head on his shoulder. "Anyhow to continue I am in fact arrogant, but not arrogant to boast that I can save others." He said. "I see." Said Sebastian.
Before you knew it the train arrived at the station in a familiar location. "I know where we are…" you said. "Then could you please show us the way to the workhouse, Phoenix?" He asked. "Yes, my lord." You said. Soon you began to wander the dusty, dirt roads of your old home. "I'm sorry, but it's a very long walk. I hope you don't mind." You said as you looked over your shoulder at them. "It's quite alright my dear." He said. Once you were almost there you two little children were skipping and singing a familiar tune. "Tom, he was a piper's son." They sang. "Do you remember what joker said… He said he wanted you to take me over the hills and far away. It's almost as if that's exactly what we're doing now." You said sadly once you started to think of your fallen brother.
Soon you got to the foot of the hill and began to fly up it at the same pace that they were walking at. Once you got to the top you saw the workhouse was in shambles. "The orphanage… But Father said there were orphans still here." You said as shock started to over take you. "It seems as though Lord Kelvin was in fact telling a lie by saying the children were still alive." Said Sebastian. "And just by judging the look of this place it has been abandoned for quite a while now." "That's where we used to play. And that's where I used to watch them play because I was never one to play." You said as you went to the bench where you, Joker, and Dagger would always sit. "You might kinda find this kinda funny, but sometimes I think I can still hear them playing and singing here."
"I believe you, Phoenix. I believe that I can still hear the dying screams of the past owners of this ring." Said Ciel. "And just from the way that old loony doctor talked it seems as though the children were…" said Sebastian until Ciel started walking into the middle of the old yard. Ciel soon had a flashback of what Joker said. "Don't kill him. He's the only thing we have left. He saved us from that hellish place in the east end. Not only that, but we still have children like my brother and sister back at the orphanage." Joker screamed.
Before you knew it you were unconsciously crying. Although suddenly you heard an unfamiliar noise. "Ciel?" You asked as you wiped away the tears that were cascading down your face "Young master?" Asked Sebastian as he stepped towards Ciel while you did the same. Soon Ciel burst out laughing while you and Sebastian stood side by side with your mouth agape. "Nothing's left! Everything they lived to protect has been long didn't even know. They were just so desperate to protect what it was that- They all died!" Said Ciel.
What he said caused you to fall on your knees in shock. You actually started sobbing at what he had said. You put your hands over your face so that he could not see what you how bad in a state of despair you were in. While you were crying Ciel just kept laughing. Soon Sebastian knelt by your side and tried to comfort you to the best of his ability. "We actually mocked their wishes they once had and we killed them like insects under our feet. We are actually more evil than the devil himself." He said as he kept laughing. While you were crying you and sebastian just sat and watched.
"Ciel I don't understand what you find so funny. I personally find it very emotional. For someone to kill your family like they were just scum on the earth that you were trying to rid the existence of is actually rather sad for someone who had to help in the cause. I know that since I helped it makes me just as evil, but I still don't understand" You said. "You know, (f/n) I'm just like them." He said. "What?" You asked. "I'm full of the same ugliness that they were full of. Because that's just apart of the human nature. That's just how we are, Phoenix!" He yelled.
"Indeed the two of you are." Said Sebastian. Soon a strong gust of wind that blew Ciel's knot off of his hat. "The wind shall blow my top knot off" you said as you watched it fly out of reach. It was about sunset and it was a beautiful sight. When you looked to see where his top knot went you had another flashback. Everyone was standing in a circle and you were running towards them. You heard the words of your younger self resonating in your mind.
"I did it! I did it guys! I finally learned how to be an acrobat!" You said as you ran to them and they all hugged you, and we're proud of you as a family would be. Soon another one came to mind like this one. It was this year and you had just had your biggest circus performance ever and you had performed a new routine that you thought you were terrible on. "I did it! I finally did it!" You said as you ran to them and they embraced you once more.
"Unlike us humans are made with a. Complex personality. You have sorrow, you strive for power, even if it means that nothing will remain." Said Sebastian. Then you look into the sunset again you thought you saw their ghosts. They had all their limbs back, and they were gathered around you and we're trying to comfort you. " I'll always be by your side sis. No matter what." You thought you heard someone whisper. Then you saw them walking ways from you and we're going off into the sunset happily.
"Human's will steal and will be stolen from in order to gain power. You make excuses. And yet you still try to go over the hills and far away. and perhaps that's why humans are so interesting." Sebastian thought to himself. "We best be off, (n/n)" said Ciel. "A-alright." You said as you wiped away the remainder of your tears from your eyes. "I can't wait to see you once again… It's only a matter of time." You whispered to the fallen souls that once belonged to your family.
"Tomorrow is a big day and I cannot waste a second." Ciel thought to himself. "Tomorrow will either make or break me"