Fili was most relieved to have his brother returned to him, and, after hearing what had happened and observing Kili's dark mood and increased anxiety in the aftermath, declared that, promising as Bilbo's scheme had initially appeared, it was clear that it would have to be abandoned. Kili brightened rather on hearing this - although he still remained rather nervous for the rest of the day, and had a most unpleasant nightmare that night - but Bilbo, though he held his peace, privately remained convinced that Kili must be made to take some decisions of his own as soon as possible. So he bent his thoughts to inventing some new method by which this could be achieved, and after a while grew certain that his original idea was still the most likely to succeed, provided some modifications were made to it. He explained these modifications to Fili, and, after some arguing, Fili reluctantly agreed that this new plan should at least be attempted. And so, two days after Kili's visit to the various living rooms of Hobbiton, Bilbo took him by the arm after breakfast and smiled at him.
"Time for a walk," he said.
This announcement - short though it was - led to a startling change in Kili's demeanour. One moment he was watching Bilbo with a look of curiosity, the next, his head was dropping, his shoulders hunching, and his mouth turning down. In short, he looked entirely miserable.
"Hmph," Bilbo said. "Well, I do not think it is as bad as all that! And your brother and I will go some of the way with you this time, so that you do not have to go visiting - unless you want to, of course."
This minor reprieve did not seem to have much effect on Kili's mood, but Bilbo was quite determined, and he tugged at Kili's arm until Kili stood and went to fetch his coat, looking rather like a forlorn little scarecrow. Fili gave him an uneasy glance, but Bilbo would not be moved.
"Come on, then," he said, in a cheerful voice that was perhaps a little too loud, and led the way out of the hobbit hole.
They turned left out of the gate, and made their way along the hillside quickly and quietly, avoiding the path down towards the village and the river. They saw a few hobbits in the distance, but met no-one on the path, and after perhaps a ten minutes of brisk walking, they came to the edge of a little woodland that was far enough away from Hobbiton, and far enough from the main paths through the Shire, that it was rarely frequented by any but hobbitlings and the occasional adventurous Took. Here, Bilbo stopped and turned to Kili.
"Now, then," he said, "now you can go for your walk in peace, and with no fear that you will have to go visiting. You do not have to stay out for very long, although you certainly may if you want to. But make sure you are back by lunchtime, or your brother will worry about you."
Kili glanced at Fili in some surprise, but Fili did not deny this. He put a quick arm around Kili's shoulders. "See," he said, "there is the path we always walk along. It is safe, and you know it well."
Bilbo found himself rather annoyed by this statement of Fili's, for he saw Kili's eyes go to the little track - barely more than an impression in the thick leaf-litter - and realised immediately that Kili would interpret Fili's words as orders, or at least instructions.
"Or you could go a different way, if you want," he said hastily, though he knew in his heart that Kili was unlikely to do so. But it could not be helped now, and so Bilbo waited until Kili had taken a few steps along the path, and then took hold of Fili's arm and pulled him firmly away, turning towards Bag End and carefully not looking back.
Kili came back before even half an hour had passed. Indeed, his walk was so abbreviated that Bilbo was not yet even looking for his return, and did not realise he had come back until he looked up from his book to find him standing silently just inside the living room. This rather startled Bilbo, and he jumped and let out a quiet oh!
Kili shifted uneasily. "Walk is finish," he said. "I can come back?"
"Of course you can come back," Bilbo said, pressing a hand to his chest to calm his fluttering heart. "Come in properly and sit down. Did you enjoy your walk?"
Kili went over to his chair and sat, still looking rather nervous. "Yes," he said, but although there were many feelings that Bilbo might have read into this reply, enthusiasm was not one of them.
"I see," said Bilbo. "Where did you go?"
"I go Fili path," Kili said, after a moment's thought. "Into woods. Then out. Go there, come back."
"Went, not go," Bilbo said, rather absent-mindedly, for most of his thoughts were occupied with wondering if Kili going along the path his brother had directed him to was much of an improvement over Kili not going anywhere at all.
"Yes," Kili replied. "I went Fili path. Went Fili's path."
"My path?" Fili asked, stepping into the room and smiling warmly at his brother. "Hello, you are back."
Kili glanced up at him and nodded. "Short walk," he said.
"Good," Fili said, and sat down, putting a hand on Kili's shoulder. "We can go for a longer one later."
Kili seemed to cheer up a little at this, and not long afterwards Fili began teaching him some new words of iglishmêk. Bilbo watched them, and supposed he ought to be content that they were both doing so well, that they were alive and cheerful (for the most part) and becoming brothers again, more so every day. But still.
But still.
After this, Bilbo sent Kili out every day that the weather permitted - accompanying him out of the village for the most part, for he had no desire to lose him once more to the lively visiting circle of Hobbiton - and every day Kili dutifully went for his solitary walk, and came back far too quickly for Bilbo's liking. Every day Bilbo asked him if he had enjoyed his walk, and every day he said yes, but he never sounded any more convinced of it than he had on the first day, and whenever Bilbo asked him where he had been, it was always the same answer: he had been along Fili's path, there and back again. Fili did not seem at all troubled by this behaviour, declaring that after all, he was walking out on his own, which was exactly what Bilbo had wanted, and if he went the same way every day, well, surely it was only because it was his favourite path. But Bilbo was not at all sure that this was the case, and when a week had passed and nothing had changed, he began to try to think of ways he could once more modify his scheme so that it would achieve the ends he had designed it for.
But no such modification occurred, or at least, not for many days. For one evening, when Kili was helping Bilbo make supper, poaching eggs with great concentration, he suddenly turned to stare at him.
"Hobbit," he said, "why I go walk alone?"
Bilbo frowned at him. "I have told you this before," he said. "I have told you and told you. It is so you can learn to make your own choices. Surely you have not forgotten?"
He waited rather anxiously for Kili's answer, for he had yet to learn everything about the holes that frequently appeared in Kili's memory, but he had told him only a few days before, and he had thought - hoped - that his forgetfulness did not act so swiftly as all that.
"No," Kili said. "I not forgot. But I not understand. I not make choose. I not choose go walk. You choose."
Bilbo's heart sank a little, for he had rather hoped that Kili would not notice the flaw in his scheme. "Well," he said, "I suppose I do choose that you should go. But once you have gone, you choose which way to go, and what to do."
"I go along Fili's path," Kili said, and then frowned. "I went. Or - go?"
"Go," said Bilbo. "Yes, you have always gone along Fili's path. But if you wanted to go a different way, you could. You always choose to go along Fili's path, but you could choose to go another way."
Kili did not respond to this, but only frowned, and then concentrated on fishing the eggs out of the water. Indeed, he did not speak for some time, and Bilbo let him be, turning away to make the toast. In the end, it was not until after supper was eaten and the dishes all put away that Kili took up the conversation again.
"What other way?" he asked.
By now, of course, Bilbo had forgotten the thread of the conversation - for he had had a number of discussions with Fili in the meanwhile - and it took him a moment or two to find it again. "Whatever way you choose," he said, when he finally understood what Kili was asking. "That is the point, you see. You can go anywhere you like."
Kili stared at him. "I not understand," he said.
"Anywhere," said Bilbo. "You understand anywhere?" When Kili nodded, he made a gesture, encompassing the whole kitchen, and therefore the whole world. "Anywhere you like," he said. "The Shire is full of beautiful places and beautiful things. Would you not like to go and see some of them?"
Kili hesitated. "Beautiful?" he said.
"Beautiful," Bilbo agreed. "Beautiful is when something looks nice, or sounds nice, perhaps. But not just nice, my lad. It is when something is so marvellous that it steals your breath and gives you a pain here." He touched Kili's chest, over his heart. "A good pain," he added. "That is what beautiful means."
Kili stared at him thoughtfully, and brushed his own fingers over the spot Bilbo had touched. "Good pain?" he said.
"Not like pain from punishment," Bilbo said hastily, feeling momentarily concerned. But Kili did not seem at all discomfited.
"Good pain," he muttered. "Yes, I know this. Like fiddle."
"Exactly," Bilbo agreed. "When Fili plays the fiddle, it is beautiful. But things can look beautiful as well as sounding beautiful, you see. And there are many places in the Shire that look quite beautiful."
Kili watched him for a moment or two, and then looked away. He seemed deep in thought, and touched his fingers once again to his heart. But he did not speak further, and Bilbo did not press him.
Bilbo had high hopes that his conversation with Kili would lead to some kind of change in his behaviour. And, indeed, it did - though not in the direction that Bilbo desired. For the next day, Kili came back from his walk after barely twenty minutes had passed, looking pale and shaken, and immediately hunched himself into his armchair as if trying to become so small as to be invisible.
"Whatever is the matter?" Bilbo asked in alarm, and Fili, too, rose sharply from his seat by the fire and crossed the room to his brother's chair in two strides, laying a hand on his shoulder and trying to brush his hair away from his face.
"Nothing is matter," Kili whispered, and that was all the sense they could get out of him for the rest of the day, though both Bilbo and Fili tried everything they could think of to get him to explain what had happened. After an hour of this, Fili stormed out of the hobbit hole with a face like thunder, apparently to go and investigate the woods and determine what had so upset his brother. But he returned with nothing further to report - the woods were empty and peaceful, and no-one he had spoken to in Hobbiton had seen Kili all day.
And so the mystery remained. Kili was withdrawn and skittish all day, and slept barely at all in the night, so that when morning came he seemed oddly sunken and sallow. And when Bilbo rose after second breakfast, at the time he was accustomed to tell Kili to go for his walk, the little dwarf actually shrank away from him, and buried himself in his hair, as if he somehow hoped Bilbo would forget he was there at all. Now, Bilbo had managed to overcome all of his guilt at Kili's unhappy reactions on previous occasions, but this time he found himself quite unable to do so, not least because he had not yet the first idea what had so unsettled Kili. What was more, Fili jumped to his feet, too, and shook his head at Bilbo, and Bilbo felt quite sure that, if he did try and shoo Kili out, he would be firmly opposed from that quarter.
"Why don't we all go for a walk?" he said instead. "I have been far too lazy lately."
Fili frowned at Bilbo, but Bilbo knelt by Kili's chair and peered up into his face - what little he could see of it through his hair.
"How is that, my dear lad?" he said. "Would you like to come for a walk with your brother and me?"
For a moment, Kili only sat perfectly still. But then he shifted in his chair, and Bilbo caught a glimpse of his dark eyes staring down at him.
"You not make me alone?" he whispered.
Bilbo's heart fairly broke at this question, and he was forced to sit quiet a moment and swallow down his disappointment and guilt, for it seemed to him that, whatever he had intended with his clever schemes, all he had achieved was to deeply distress his friend. He reached up and patted Kili's knee.
"No, we will not leave you alone," he said. "We will all go together. But only if you are agreeable." He glanced up at Fili. "Only if we are all agreeable."
Fili was still frowning, but after a moment he came forward and put a hand on Kili's shoulder. "If you would like to go out, I will certainly come with you, my brother," he said. "But if you wish to stay here, I will stay here with you, too. I will not leave you alone. We will do whichever you want."
This, though, seemed only to upset Kili further, and he shook his head violently and pulled his feet up into his chair, as if trying to make himself as small as possible. Fili cast Bilbo an alarmed look and dropped to the ground beside him, patting Kili franticly on the knee.
"No, it is not-" he said. "I did not mean - I do not know what I said that was wrong. Please, brother. Do not hide from me."
Kili sat hunched and silent for a moment, but when Fili patted him again he raised his head just a little.
"Not can choose," he whispered. "You choose, not can."
Well, this was an upset indeed to all of Bilbo's plans and schemes! That Kili should not only be deeply upset, but that he should have regressed so that he could not even contemplate the idea of making a decision for himself without terror - it was quite the opposite of everything that Bilbo had hoped for, and his heart sank into his hairy hobbit feet as he sat back on his heels.
"Now, Kili," he said, stumbling over the words a little in his surprise and disappointment. "Surely you do not mean that? It is only a tiny little choice, and your brother and I will be with you either wa-"
"Bilbo!" Fili interrupted sharply, and the words died on Bilbo's tongue when he saw the furious glare Fili was directed towards him. "We will not go out," Fili declared, still glaring at Bilbo, but then he turned his attention towards Kili and stroked his arm soothingly. "We will not go out, my brother," he said, in a much gentler tone. "The hobbit can do what he likes, but you and I will stay here until you feel better."
Bilbo felt rather hurt to be referred to in this dismissive tone, but he told himself it was only that Fili was worried about his brother. Nonetheless, he felt suddenly unwelcome, and a strange feeling it was indeed to be having in his own hobbit hole. "Well," he said, getting to his feet and dusting down his knees, "well, in that case I shall - see about -" And he fled to the kitchen, where he busied himself washing a stack of dishes that were already clean and humming loudly in the hope that it might drown out the thoughts of how spectacularly his plan had failed, and how much he had managed to upset Kili into the bargain. This strategy had only the most limited success, even when Bilbo redoubled his dish-clattering and humming, so that at last he found himself flinging his dishcloth into the water and shaking his head.
"Drat it," he muttered to himself.
"I can't say I disagree," came a voice behind him, and Bilbo started so hard he knocked a teacup from the draining board onto the floor, where it broke into three pieces. He spun to find Fili leaning in the doorway, regarding him without a smile and without apparently the least care for the state of Bilbo's crockery.
"How long have you been there, master dwarf?" Bilbo asked, bending to collect the pieces of china that now decorated his kitchen floor. "Sneaking up on a person is quite rude, I'll have you know."
"I did no sneaking," Fili replied. "It is hardly my fault if you are humming so loudly you cannot even hear a full-grown dwarf approach. Just think if it were orcs, you would be entirely helpless."
"There are no orcs in the Shire!" Bilbo cried. "And I don't see why I should have to be quiet in my own home for fear of losing my favourite teacup - why, it is absurd to even suggest such a thing!"
"Perhaps if you thought less about teacups and more about-" Fili started, but then he stopped and put a hand over his eyes for a brief moment. When he lowered it, the anger that had started in his face was gone. "Why are we arguing?" he asked, sounding suddenly very tired.
Bilbo stared at him, and then shook his head, setting the pieces of the teacup down on the kitchen table and gesturing Fili to a chair. "You are angry with me because I pushed Kili too hard," he said, sitting down himself. "I suppose that is why." Saying it out loud did not make him feel any less guilty, but something of the tightness in his shoulders was relieved nonetheless - for it is always easier to be honest with oneself, even if it is painful to do so.
Fili sighed. "I am not angry," he said. "Or - no more so with you than with myself. But we could not have known." He shook his head, pressing his hands flat against the table. "I just - wish I knew what had happened. Who he spoke to, or what he saw. I have not seen him so upset in months."
"Perhaps he saw nothing but the shadows in his own mind," Bilbo said.
Fili did not look very happy at this answer. "Well, at any rate, he is no closer to making his own choices than he was before," he said. "And we cannot send him out again."
"No," Bilbo said, though it was a rather painful thing to admit. "No, you are right, of course."
He contemplated the wreckage of the teacup for a short time, then heaved a sigh and got to his feet.
"Was it really your favourite cup?" Fili asked, sounding mildly contrite.
"Oh, that old thing," Bilbo said. "I did not care for it at all, to be quite honest."
And he threw the remains of the cup away, and thought no more about it.
Kili's nervous mood lasted for the rest of the morning and well into the afternoon, and Fili's surliness lasted almost as long, for although Kili sat perfectly still and did not flinch away from his touch, still he was tense indeed whenever Fili tried to put his arm around him. But for once, Fili was not the most strongly affected by his brother's unhappiness, for while Kili tolerated Fili's presence with only a tensing of his shoulders, he seemed to shrink every time Bilbo came near him, and although he answered when Bilbo spoke to him, yet it seemed to Bilbo that there was a spark of fear in his eyes every time Bilbo so much as opened his mouth. This was a new and highly unpleasant circumstance, and Bilbo did not have the first idea how to deal with it. At last, he became very close-mouthed, which was not at all natural for hobbits in general and for Bilbo Baggins in particular. But what else could he do, when it seemed that even the hint of speech from him caused his dear friend's heart to quail? Ah, it was a dreary day indeed, and it was not until late in the afternoon that Kili finally seemed to come to himself a little more, and uncurled himself in his chair. Still, they all passed an uneasy night, and were careful indeed with each other the next day, though Kili, at least, seemed a lot less out of sorts. And of course there was no suggestion at all that they might go out, and no attempt to ask Kili to choose even what they might have for dinner.
The day after that was Esmeralda's birthday, and naturally there was a party to celebrate. All the children of Hobbiton were invited, and not a few from Bywater and beyond into the bargain. Bilbo, Kili and Fili had been invited almost before the party had even been thought of, but now that it came to it, Bilbo was in two minds about whether it was a good idea to attend. Kili was not fond of large gatherings at the best of times, and given his strange behaviour over the last few days, Bilbo found himself greatly concerned that it could lead to disaster. But, after some discussion with Fili, it was decided that perhaps Esmeralda's cheerful presence was exactly what was needed, and that both Bilbo and Fili would keep a close eye on Kili's mood and be ready to take him home the moment he seemed to be growing unhappy. And so, on the day in question, the three of them crossed the river and made their way to Esmeralda's snug little hobbit hole, with Bilbo explaining to Kili all about hobbit birthday customs and, most importantly, all about hobbit birthday cake.
The garden was filled with shrieking hobbitlings when they arrived, but soon after this it began to rain, and Begonia shooed them all inside. A fierce debate then ensued regarding what inside-game should be played, which was ultimately resolved in favour of hide-and-seek. Esmeralda took little part in these arguments - for although she was perfectly talkative and even often loud in the presence of adults, around large groups of other children she tended to be quiet and rather on the outskirts - but when the bossiest of the group, a little boy of perhaps nine whose name Bilbo could not for the life of him remember, turned to Kili, things became rather different.
"Your dwarf will play with us, won't he, Esme?" he asked. "You're always saying how he likes playing with you."
Bilbo opened his mouth to intervene, but it seemed there was no need, for Esmeralda was giving the little hobbit lad a rather withering stare.
"Mr. Kili doesn't play hiding games," she said, as if it was perfectly obvious just by looking at him that such games were out of the question.
The little lad shrugged and ran off to hide, and Esmeralda climbed up into Kili's lap and whispered something in his ear. Then she kissed him soundly on the cheek, giggled, and jumped to the floor to join in the game.
"What did she say, my brother?" Fili asked, looking rather amused.
Kili frowned. "She said she not like other little hobbit," he said. "She said I must not talk him."
"Well, I shouldn't listen to everything Esmeralda says," Bilbo said. "She is only a very little hobbit, after all."
Kili looked puzzled, but not at all distressed, and so Bilbo and Fili settled down to enjoy the rest of the party. Although Kili was not directly involved in the game of hide-and-seek, nonetheless, Esmeralda came and crawled back into his lap as soon as she was found, and, when she was the seeker, she made detailed reports on the progress of the game every few minutes, until at last she came over with a most discontented look on her face.
"I can't find Fredo," she declared. "I've looked everywhere." And she folded her arms and looked most put out.
"You not looked everywhere," Kili replied, quite reasonably. "If you looked everywhere, you found her."
"Fredo's a him, not a her," Esmeralda said. "But I've looked everywhere, Mr. Kili! Will you help me look?"
"Now, my dear," Bilbo said quickly. "You know Mr. Kili doesn't play hiding games."
Esmeralda pouted for a moment, then hugged Kili's knee and stared up at him. "I can't think of anywhere else!" she said.
Kili frowned, but it was a thoughtful frown. "How many rooms in house?" he asked.
"It's not a house, it's a hobbit hole," Esmeralda said.
"Hobbitole, yes," Kili said. "How many rooms?"
Esmeralda counted on her fingers for a moment. "Seven," she decided at last. "Living room, dining room, kitchen, bathroom, mama and papa's room, boys' room, and girls' room." She held up seven fingers. "Seven! And I've looked in all of them already!"
"You are sure?" Kili asked. "No more rooms? Hobbit's house has many rooms, small rooms." By Hobbit's house he meant Bag End, of course, but no doubt Esmeralda took him to mean the homes of hobbits in general, and indeed, this was true of many hobbit holes, although of Bag End perhaps even more than most.
Esmeralda frowned. "We-ell," she said, "there's the pantry, I suppose. And the cellar. And the laundry room, but I saw a spider in there once. And the room where mama keeps the winter things, but nobody ever goes in there."
"Yes, this," Kili said. "Room, nobody go in room, is best for hide. Small room, it is good. Small hobbits go in small places. You look here, look for dark place, place too small for-" And here he suddenly stopped, mouth open, and then shook his head. "For big - for big -" he mumbled, and then ducked his head, causing Fili to put a hand on his arm.
"Never mind, my brother," he murmured. "She is not even listening." For Esmeralda had already run off to follow Kili's instructions, surely never once considering why he might be so confident on the subject of hiding places and their relative quality. And indeed, only a few moments later she came running back, having now found Fredo and bursting with pride and triumph.
"You did it!" she said to Kili. "How did you know he would be there? You're very good at hide and seek, Mr. Kili!" And she tugged at Kili's sleeve until he got down onto the floor with her, where she proceeded to show him some small game that involved colourful beads and a strange network or maze made out of dried straw. Kili seemed happy enough to listen, and Esmeralda refused all invitations to continue playing hide and seek, declaring that she was playing with Mr. Kili and they should all just go off and entertain themselves, or words to that effect. Bilbo smiled to see Kili so calm, despite the presence of so many loud little hobbitlings, and shortly thereafter he allowed himself to be drawn into a conversation with Begonia, who seemed quite relieved that there were adult guests at the party besides herself and Adalgrim. So it was that Bilbo rather lost track of what Kili was doing until he became aware that the conversation in that part of the room had become oddly loud and high-pitched. He glanced over to see Kili still seated on the floor, looking troubled, and Esmeralda standing in front of him with her hands on her hips, talking to the same young lad who had asked Kili to play hide and seek before.
"I'll teach you the rules, it's not hard," the little lad was saying, apparently to Kili.
"It's not because he doesn't know the rules," Esmeralda replied, rather tartly. "He's played before, haven't you, Mr. Kili? He's very good, better than you."
"He's not!" the hobbit lad said, looking outraged. "I'm the best! Everyone says so! I don't believe he's played before, you're just pretending because he doesn't know the rules."
"Mr. Kili's the best at everything," Esmeralda declared. "Tell him you've played before, Mr. Kili! He's saying you haven't, tell him you have!"
She turned beseeching eyes on Kili, clearly feeling that this was some important point of pride. Kili hunched his shoulders and nodded.
"I played before," he said quietly, not looking the little lad in the eye. "Many times."
"Well, then, why won't you play now?" the lad asked, as if there could be no possible other reason.
Kili opened and closed his mouth, then shook his head. "It is not nice game," he muttered.
"But-" the little lad started, and then suddenly Fili was there, striding into the middle of them and towering over the boy.
"That's enough bothering my brother," he said, and though his tone was not unkind, still the boy looked suddenly rather terrified. "If he does not want to play, it is none of your concern why." He shot a mildly irritated glance at Bilbo - who realised, belatedly, that he should probably have called a halt to the conversation rather earlier - and then took Kili by the arm and raised him to his feet, restoring him to his chair and out of the realm of the children. There was a brief moment of tense silence, and then Begonia stood and clapped her hands.
"Presents!" she cried.
The cry was taken up from all corners of the hobbit hole, and suddenly the room was full of eager-looking hobbitlings, with Esmeralda standing at the centre of all. Begonia brought in a pile of parcels, and the central ritual of hobbit birthdays began in earnest. Being, as she was, only seven years old, Esmeralda had not had the chance to accumulate a great stock of mathoms to give away as older hobbits do, so most of the presents she gave were things she had made herself (with the help of her parents) - there were many little bags of tiny cakes or biscuits, oddly-shaped teacups from an attempt at pottery-shaping that apparently had not gone marvellously well (and Bilbo had no doubt these would be quickly added to the Hobbiton circulating stock of mathoms, since they did not look like they would serve their intended purpose very successfully), and, once Esmeralda reached her own brothers and sisters, some more personal presents, such as hair decorations made of feathers and bright buttons. Partway through the proceedings, Kili turned to Bilbo with a small frown.
"What is happen?" he whispered.
"It's presents, Mr. Kili," Begonia put in. "Don't dwarves give away presents on their birthdays?"
Kili's frown deepened as he considered this question, and Bilbo watched closely to see what answer he would give, and wondered if he remembered his own birthday, which had passed while they were travelling and had thus been a very quiet affair. Begonia waited expectantly, but without pushing, and at last Kili shook his head.
"Dwarfs - presents - dwarfs not give, dwarfs, dwarfs - have? Dwarfs have presents?"
"Get," Fili murmured, and Kili threw him a grateful glance.
"Yes, get," he said. "Dwarfs not give, dwarfs get. At birthday."
"Good heavens, how peculiar," Begonia said, but she smiled fondly at Kili as she said it. "Well, hobbits give presents on their birthdays, and that is what is happening now. And I think-" and now she turned to the hobbitlings and saw that the last of the Took children had received their gift "-I think you will soon see how nice that is."
And now Esmeralda turned to Bilbo and proffered up an oddly-shaped parcel about six inches tall. "Mr. Bilbo!" she said, eyes shining with the joy of giving.
"Oh, now, you certainly did not need to get me anything!" Bilbo cried - for it was not generally custom for children to give presents to the adults who attended their parties. "What a generous little hobbitling you are." And he unwrapped the parcel to find inside a piece of wood that was shaped rather like a mushroom.
"I found it in the woods!" Esmeralda said. "I though you would like it."
"Ah, I like it indeed," Bilbo said. "How peculiar! Trees really are marvellous things." And he held the odd little mushroom up for everyone to admire, then set it on his lap and waited to see what would happen next.
"Mr. Fili," said Esmeralda now, holding out a much smaller parcel. Fili took it with a nod and opened it carefully. Inside was a child's bracelet made of simple, uncarved wooden beads, far too small to fit around the wrist of a grown hobbit, let alone a dwarf.
"Thank you, Esmeralda," Fili said gravely, holding the bracelet up for everyone to see. But he shot Bilbo a brief, confused look, as if asking if there was something about hobbit gifts he had misunderstood.
"It's for your hair," Esmeralda informed him, and when Fili turned to look at her, she nodded. "You can cut the beads off and put them in your hair."
Fili's face broke into a broad smile. "I can, at that," he said. "And I shall be proud to wear them." He tucked the little bracelet into his pocket and turned expectantly - as did all the onlookers - to see what Esmeralda would give to Kili. But she suddenly seemed uncharacteristically shy, and stuck her fingers into her mouth as she stared up at him. Kili stared back, and seemed not to realise that he ought to have a present next, for he suddenly reached out and patted her on the head.
"It is good - it is kind," he said. "Give many presents. Kind Esmalda."
"Esme, don't you have something else to give?" Begonia asked, and this seemed to be the impetus Esmeralda needed, for she reached down and picked up a flat parcel wrapped in the brightest wrappings that had yet been seen and tied with a pretty ribbon. She held it out to Kili without a word, and when he took it, she immediately started chewing on her fingers again.
"It is present for me?" Kili asked, and when Esmeralda did not reply, he looked at Fili.
"Yes, my brother," Fili said. "It is for you."
Kili stared down at the parcel in his lap, brushing his fingertips against the ribbon. "Thank you Esmalda," he said. "It is nice."
Fili leaned over and whispered something in Kili's ear, and Kili frowned and glanced at him. When Fili nodded and pointed at the parcel, Kili looked mildly upset, but a moment later he began - very carefully - to untie the ribbon. The process of unwrapping the parcel was nothing at all like the eager glee with which the hobbitlings had torn into their own presents: Kili took the utmost care, to the point where Bilbo began to feel rather frustrated and like he might snatch the parcel out of Kili's hands and finish the unwrapping himself. But at last, the coverings opened up, and the contents were revealed.
It was a picture. Not a detailed, careful likeness as Ori's pictures were, but a childish drawing, with shaky lines and malformed figures. Still, it was clear that a great deal of work had gone into it. In the centre of the picture stood two figures holding hands. One was enormously tall and swathed in dark scribblings that Bilbo surmised were supposed to be hair. The other was much smaller, wearing a triangle that Bilbo supposed was a dress, and holding a large sword in one hand. In the background were some much smaller figures, one of whom had an exaggerated beard, in the bottom left was what might have been a forest, and off to the right was a castle with what appeared to be another triangle on a stick standing on top of it. All in all, the paper was rather crammed with images which had no clear relation to each other, and Bilbo found himself very curious indeed to see what Kili would make of it.
Esmeralda was standing very still, a hopeful expression on her face. Kili stared at the picture for a long moment, then lifted his hand and brushed his fingers across the face of the small figure with the sword.
"It is you," he said. "Picture you in it." He looked up at Esmeralda and nodded. "It is good have picture you in it. Very good. Thank you Esmalda."
Bilbo frowned at the picture, trying to understand how Kili knew that the small figure was Esmeralda, but the hobbitling herself merely beamed. "You're in it, too!" she said. "We're going on an adventure!"
"Yes," Kili said, touching his fingertips to the face of the enormous figure surrounded by black hair. "I as well in it. And Fili." Here he touched the small figure with the large beard. "Fili also come - enture?"
"Adventure!" Esmeralda said. "Does Mr. Fili like adventures?" She gave Fili a rather doubtful look, though she appeared to be quite sure that Kili himself liked adventures, or, if he did not like them, he would nonetheless be happy to participate in them with her.
"Mr. Fili likes adventures very much," Fili said. He seemed quite taken with the picture, and pointed to one of the other small figures. "And that is Mr. Bilbo, is it not? He is very good at adventures, you know."
"Good," Esmeralda declared. "Mr. Kili won't want to come if Mr. Bilbo doesn't come, will you, Mr. Kili?"
Kili frowned at her. "No," he said, though Bilbo was not at all certain he had understood the question. "Who this?" he asked, tapping the last of the small figures.
"Mama, of course!" Esmeralda said, and climbed up into her mother's lap to give her a kiss. "We can't go without Mama."
Begonia looked as though she couldn't decide whether she was pleased to be invited or horrified to be coerced into an adventure. At last, she settled on something close to fond exasperation, and pointed at the triangle on a stick.
"And who is that, my love?" she asked.
"Gandalf," Kili said quietly, touching the triangle. Then he looked up at Esmeralda. "It is Gandalf, yes?"
"It's a wizard," Esmeralda informed him. "He's going to help us."
Kili nodded and looked back down at the picture. "Gandalf," he muttered.
"Do you like it?" Esmeralda asked, bouncing up and down a little on her mother's lap. "I drew it, Mr. Kili!"
"You draw?" Kili said, glancing up at her. "You are good draw. Good picture, thank you Esmalda."
Esmeralda laughed with glee and tugged on her mother's sleeve. "I told you he would like it," she said in a loud whisper.
"And I never doubted it," Begonia said, kissing Esmeralda on the forehead. "How could he not, when it is such a fine picture of him?"
"It's a picture of us," Esmeralda said, and then squirmed off her mother's lap and ran to Kili's side. She paused when she got there, staring up at him. Kili stared back down at her, and then a moment later he turned to Fili.
"You can take picture?" he asked, holding it out. Fili frowned and opened his mouth, most assuredly about to explain to Kili that it was his picture and he should keep it, but then Kili continued. "Esmalda want sit legs," he said.
Fili broke into a smile, and indeed, Bilbo found himself smiling, too, to see such a display of intuition from his friend. The picture was duly passed over, and Esmeralda climbed happily into Kili's lap and hugged him soundly, then curled up as if she planned to spend the rest of the day there. And Kili - Kili patted her on the head and then placed his arms in such a way as to form a protective barricade.
Fili turned to Bilbo, his smile growing wider still. "What excellent birthday parties you hobbits do have," he said.
"That we do, master dwarf," Bilbo said. "That we do."
That evening, Bag End felt very cosy indeed, with the memory of Kili's strange episode seeming much more distant now that there were new, much more pleasant memories to occupy them. After supper, the three friends sat by the fire engaged in their various pursuits. Fili was carefully carving out the inside of one of his new beads to make it large enough to attach to the end of a braid, Bilbo was reading, and Kili was examining his new picture with great care and attention. After perhaps half an hour of companionable silence, Kili looked up.
"Hobbit," he said, "when we go enture?"
Bilbo frowned at him in confusion. "Enture?" he asked.
"Enture," Kili said, and then glanced at Fili and pointed at the picture. "Esmalda said go enture."
"Oh! Adventure," Bilbo said.
"Adenture," Kili said, and then followed the short process of repetition until he had it right. When Bilbo was satisfied, he nodded, and Kili nodded back.
"When we go adventure?" he asked.
"Hm, well," Bilbo said, "Esmeralda's picture is not really supposed to be a picture of a real thing, you know. And at any rate, she is far too small to go on adventures for many years yet."
Kili stared at him. "Picture is not real?" he asked.
"No, it is not real," Bilbo replied. "It is not like Ori's pictures. It is something that Esmeralda would like to do, and so she drew a picture of it. But that does not mean you will never go on an adventure."
Kili nodded slowly. "Picture is not real," he muttered to himself. "Hobbit, where adventure is? It is in Shire?"
Fili snorted at this, and when Kili glanced at him he laid a hand on his brother's arm. "Adventure is not a place, my brother," he said. "It is like a journey where you do not know what will happen to you along the way."
"Like when we went to the Lonely Mountain," Bilbo put in, for that particular journey had become the very definition of adventure in his mind.
Kili's face grew disbelieving. "It is this?" he said, and then shook his head. "No, I not understood. Go to mountain? Go to mountain is adventure?"
"It certainly was," Bilbo said. "It is just as your brother said: a journey where we did not know what was going to happen to us."
This did not seem to relieve Kili's confusion. He pointed at the picture and shook his head again. "You - Esmalda want this? Go adventure, like go mountain? Why she want? It is - many bad."
"Oh," Bilbo said, suddenly understanding - for it is very easy to think of only the exciting parts of an adventure when you are curled up before the fire telling stories, and to forget all the misery and horror, and of course that is why those who have never been on an adventure wish to go so much - because they hear only the excitement and do not consider anything else. "Oh, well, yes, certainly some bad things happened to us." And here he paused and remembered Kili's knife against Fili's throat, and the dreadful gloom of the elvish dungeon, and how Kili stared at nothing after Laketown, and - and, oh, and the horrors of the battle with the orcs, oh, he was a fool! "Yes," he said again, "yes, yes, of course, I do not mean to say that all adventures are like that. No, I do not think - I do not think Esmeralda wants to go on an adventure like that one. I am sorry to have confused you, my lad."
"But Kili," Fili said, "that adventure was full of hardship, it is true, but that is not all it was. If we had not - if we had not gone on that adventure, we never would have found you."
Kili turned to stare at him, and Fili held his gaze, keeping a hand firmly on his arm. "We would not have found you, my brother," he said again. Kili looked down and away, but a moment later he raised his head and met his brother's eyes again.
"You found me," he said, so quietly that Bilbo was not entirely sure he intended for Fili to hear it. But Fili did, and he pressed his forehead briefly against his brother's.
"We found you," he agreed.
Bilbo cleared his throat. "Well, anyway," he said, "adventures are not always miserable, my lad. What about when we walked from the mountain to here? That was not so terrible, was it?"
Kili turned to look at him. "Walk to Shire was as well adventure?" he asked.
"It certainly was," Bilbo said. "Although a rather less fraught adventure, in general. And indeed, sometimes even stepping out of your front door for half an hour can be an adventure, especially when you are as young as little Esmeralda. Adventures do not have to be filled with peril and fear - they can be as simple as climbing a tree. It only means doing something different and new, really."
Kili considered this. "Climb tree is adventure?" he asked, turning to Fili.
"The way you climb, it is the greatest of adventures," Fili said with a smile. "We are always having adventures, you and I. Just as it was when we were children."
Kili sat back in his chair, his expression making it clear that he was settling in for a long period of reflection. Bilbo smiled at Fili, pleased to have at least diverted Kili's attention from the contemplation of their journey to Erebor, and more than pleased that the darkness of the previous few days seemed to have dissipated entirely.
And later that night, he had another idea.