I woke up with the sun barely rising above the horizon, its few early rays casting a halo around the head of Mathias who gently shook me awake. For a moment I believed I was still dreaming for he looked exactly like in my dream, but the hard surface of the forest floor covered with twigs and stones which stabbed in my back, quickly reminded me of the reality I was in. And the cold had been creeping in my bedroll, so I was shivering.

Mathias took the time to place a tender kiss on my forehead, lingering there for a moment, as if to take in as much of my taste and scent as possible. His breath was warm against my cold skin and when he got up to fetch me some breakfast, I almost felt disappointed about the loss.

I crawled out of my makeshift bed and proceeded to fold it back into a shape that was easier to handle. My limbs were stiff with cold and I had a hard time with the cords, my fingers were just too immobile at the moment to form any suitable knots.

Emil, who saw my futile struggle, came to my rescue, and together we were able to prepare a proper bundled up package, ready to be carried around. I used the opportunity to check on my little brother, asking him how he was doing and reassuring him that I would always be there for him. We both weren't the emotional type, getting all sappy and melodramatic, but still some things need to be said. And I could tell that Emil appreciated it, even though he didn't show it openly.

Only then did I notice that Berwald and Tino were nowhere in sight, and I felt a slight surge of panic. "Berwald went to find some fresh water, he took Tino with him. I think he's right, we should make sure that no one goes off alone, there should be at least always two." Mathias explained and tossed me an apple. "Sorry, that's what we all got for breakfast, no exceptions.

So basically everyone beside me had gotten up early, ate breakfast and prepare for departure and only then someone had thought of waking me? I bit into my apple, feeling incredibly useless, everything had been packed up by now and we only needed to wait for the return of the other two, and the only thing I had contributed was fiddling with cords.

A whistle echoed through the trees, and then we heard someone approaching. I tensed in alarm, but I was the only one. Apparently the whistle had been some kind of signal I figured, as Berwald and Tino stepped out into the lights, skins filled with water slung over their backs.

Tinos face lit up into a smile when he saw me, and he looked as if he would bounce over to me and hug me any second, but he decided otherwise, and instead settled for a cheery "Good morning!" I responded with much less enthusiasm and acknowledged Berwalds silent greeting with an equally silent nod. How could anyone be in such high spirits this early in the morning?

They distributed the water among our bags and soon we were ready to depart. I reached for my bag, but before I could grab it, Mathias had already taken it and slung it over his shoulder, where his bag was already in place. He flashed me a cocky grin and started following Berwald who had already chose a direction and led the way, Emil and Tino close behind. Was today some sort of 'treat Lukas special' day?

"I can carry my own bag." I called after Mathias, as I tried to catch up with his brisk pace. "Sure you can." He retorted, making no move to return my bag to me. I sighed and decided to let it go, this was not the right moment to make a point about principles. Tino feel back a few steps, now walking right next to me. "He's worried you know, your collapse yesterday really frightened him." "That was no collapse," I grumbled, "I simply stumbled and fell." Tino just shrugged. "That is love." I didn't answer to that; I still didn't feel comfortable with the topic, and I definitely didn't want to discuss it with someone who wasn't Mathias. But Tino wasn't deterred so easily. "You do love him right?"

What the hell does it look like?

I just let out an incoherent grunt, hoping he would accept that as whatever answer he wanted. He just chuckled. "You do love him I can tell." So why did you have to ask in the first place?

"You know when I first met Berwald he scared me to no ends. And it took me a long to time to come to terms with my feelings, but in the end I accepted that I loved him. That time will come for you too, I'm sure." Tino smiled at me, and it was impossible to be mad at him for prying into business that was not his.

So I turned my attention back to our surroundings, we were still trudging through the forest, but I had no idea where we were headed. Berwald walked ahead, Emil on his heels. Mathias walked between us, casting back glances every now and then, to make sure I was still there. Tino was walking silently besides me, content for the moment with just observing and sporadically pointing at something he deemed interesting.

After a while though he seemed to miss his boyfriend, so he hurried to catch up with Berwalds form, and continued to walk between him and Emil. That left me with Mathias who fell in pace with me, brushing his arm against mine until I grabbed his hand in light annoying. I could feel a blush on my cheeks, when he let out a soft 'whoop' and aimed his grin at me. But he didn't say anything, nor did he alert the others to what we were doing and for that I was glad.

Tino had got me thinking, and I felt that I needed to show Mathias, even if I couldn't tell him, that I loved him. Maybe one of these days I would be able to actually say the words. Mathias finger caressed the back of my hand and his grip was tight and reassuring. "I love you." He said quietly and my fingers curled around Mathias' in reflex.

And thus we walked, walked until the sun stood high above us, signaling the middle of the day, and we settled down for a rest and food, only to rise and walk again, until finally the sun sank down below the horizon and we stopped for the night to rest and to get some well needed sleep.

This time I had managed to walk the whole distance without falling, even though my feet hurt and were full of blisters. But I bit back my complaints, knowing that I was not the only one who had a hard time keeping up. Berwald had set a brisk pace, and Tino had stumbled behind him, grabbing on to the hem of his shirt. And even Emil showed signs of weakness, his mouth was only a thin line and his face was pale and beaded with sweat. But none of them uttered a word of complaint and so I too, bit my tongue.

Mathias on the other hand had carried two bags the whole time, the straps digging into his shoulders by now, yet he still managed to keep his wide green. But it was a tired grin, I could tell, his steps were less steady than they had been on the morning and even Berwald looked tired. And the capital still was so far away.

We found a nice little clearing for the night this time; the floor was even covered with grass, although it was thin and pale. A moss covered rock lied on one side, and would provide protection from the wind that had gradually picked up over the course of the day. There was even a small stream nearby, so we could resupply our water skins.

We decided that we had come far enough to risk a fire, especially when we could use the rock as a visual cover. So Emil and I went into the forest looking for firewood, and when we returned Berwald piled the wood on a spot where he had previously removed the grass. Then he took some dry moss and small twigs and sparked a flame with two stones he apparently carried with him.

According to Tino, Berwald loved outdoor camping.

We had a fire crackling in no time, and we all gathered around the warmth of the flames in the chilly night air. As the sins of nobles, Berwald and Mathias had been taught in the arts of hunting, and Berwald had managed to kill a pheasant with his sling on the way. So the fowl, albeit only a meager specimen, now cooked with some carrots and onions in the small pot, Tino had brought in addition to Berwalds equipment.

I was sure that without them, we would never had made it this far.

We distributed the food equally among us and added some bread to make up for the small amount of soup for everyone. During the meal I could feel that Mathias was restless, he kept throwing glances at the forest and furrowed his brow from time to time.

When we were finished, Emil collected the bowls we had eaten in, and proceeded to wash them in the nearby stream. What a diligent kid.

Mathias pulled me to my feet and proclaimed he had to talk to me and dragged me off into the forest. I struggled to keep up with his wide strides until we reached the northern edge of the forest. It would have been easier to leave the forest and use the trampled paths between the fields of hay and tall grass that waited to be mowed down, but we had decided that the risk was too big. There had been smoke in the distance, when we had once neared the edge and cast some glances on the lands beyond. There would be no hay harvest this year.

"Mathias, what-" But I was cut off by his lips crushing on mine. He was pulled me into his arms, hands roaming frantically over my body as if to ensure that I was real, his tongue pressed into me devouring as much of me as possible. Then he broke the kiss and just held me, face buried in my neck, his breath hot on my skin.

"Mathias," I tried again, "what's wrong?" His fingers dug into my sides as he painfully squeezed me closer. "You didn't look at me, the whole day!" I opened my mouth to respond, but the words died on my tongue. It was true. I had looked at the trees, the sky, my other companions, but not Mathias. It had been hard for me to see him carrying my weight, knowing that I had failed and still see the grin on his face, as if he were trying to say that it was alright. But it was not alright I should be able to contribute the same effort as everyone else. But I didn't, I was a burden. And the worst part was that I was afraid, that Mathias would sooner or later realize that I indeed was a burden, and would get rid of me.

I couldn't live without him.

"Don't leave me Lukas." Mathias whispered and my eyes widened in shock. "I know I'm not as skilled as Berwald, but I'll try, so please don't leave me." I could feel tears dwell in my eyes. How could he even think that? How could he think that I would ever leave him, when I loved him so much…?

I never told him.

I always thought that it would be okay, that he knew without me telling. But how would he know? And what if something would happen, if we got separated or worse, killed. And what if I had never managed to say 'I love you'? My hands clenched into fists, gripping the fabric of his coat, and I choked on the words but I pressed them out despite. Because it had to be said.

"I love you."

Mathias was still for a moment and then I could feel his breath against the back of my neck when he spoke: "Is that… true?" There was so much hope in his voice, so much longing and yet the fear of rejection still present.

I nodded and then I took his hands into mine and pulled him with me, out into the hay field, trampling down the stalks in our way. This was neither the right time nor place to do this, we were far from safe, but I didn't care. I didn't want to care.

I pushed Mathias down into the grass, kneeling between his spread legs, placing a warm kiss on his lips. His eyes were wide and reflected the pale moon; full of surprise and wonder. He lied there in the midst of this bed of hay, his hair a golden shade around his head. To me he was the most beautiful thing in the world.

I would have loved to bare his skin to the light of the moon, but it was too cold, so I touched him through the fabric of his clothes. "Lukas-" he started, but I gently laid a finger in his lips and kissed his forehead. My hands sneaked down to his pants, loosening the belt enough to fit in comfortably and take his limp form into my hands and stroke it. A soft moan floated through the night air.

I stroked until the confinement of the pants became too crowded, I pulled him out and leaned down to take his head into my mouth. The air was cold, but I could hear Mathias gasp as the warmth of my lips closed around him.

His hand was in my hair, as I began to move my head, taking as much in as possible then to release him again to the cold touch of the night, only to reclaim his length and flick my tongue against the hardened shaft. Every movement was accompanied by a loud moan or gasp and that only spurred me on more. I added a hand, the cold of my skin made Mathias shiver, so I quickly licked with my tongue over the spot to supplement warmth. I stroke a finger over the soft flesh of his testicles, pulling my finger nail over the sensitive skin. Again I was rewarded with a loud intake of breath and the slight movement of Mathias' hips, pushing him into me. I punished his illicit behavior with the grazing of my teeth over his length.

Mathias breath was ragged, his moans throaty and his fingers clung onto the stands of my hair, he was near I could feel it. I wouldn't have minded to see it through to the end and even swallow it, but Mathias voice held me back.

"Lukas… please… ahh… I want you…ah." His voice was deep with lust and I could tell that he had to restrain himself. I released him but continued to stroke him, while I pushed my pants down. I would have preferred to keep them on, but the position I was going to take wouldn't allow that, so I took them off completely. The cold air bit my skin, but I would be warm soon.

There was no better means of lubrication, so I licked my fingers until they were coated with saliva. I quickly inserted a finger, moving around while ignoring the slight pain the intrusion caused. I was impatient so I inserted the next finger, scissoring them, until I felt that I could no longer wait. Despite the cold surroundings, my own erection stood quite proudly, not as proudly as Mathias though.

I straddled Mathias, holding his member in place with my hands, and then lowered myself down on him. I hissed as the head pushed past my clenched entrance and tried to relax more. Mathias moaned, writhing beneath me and the sight made my erection twitch and swell to its full seize. I pushed down more, past the pain and until I was fully seated on Mathias length.

I sucked in air and began to move, trying to find that special spot and after some playing with the angle, I found it. My view exploded in white and I moaned loudly into the star filled night. My pleasure mixed with Mathias as I continued to ride him, hitting my sweet spot again and again, until I was almost screaming in ecstasy. Mathias hands were on my hips, helping me to move up and down and up and down.

And then suddenly I was on my back, Mathias on top of me thrusting into me with increasing speed. I pushed up my hips in order to meet his thrusts, intensifying the heat I felt in my body. I reached up, Pulling Mathias down into a heated kiss, while he kept slamming into me until I couldn't hold back any longer. With my lips still connected to Mathias' I came into the hand that had been stroking me through the last moments. Mathias broke from the kiss, throwing his head back as he screamed his orgasm out into the night sky.

Mathias rolled off of me, collapsing next to me on the hay, resting an arm over my chest. "I love you Lukas." He said and this time I could answer. "I love you too." The words still felt strange on my tongue, almost like strangers, but it seemed to be easier the second time and I was sure in time I would have no more problems saying it.

"That was amazing." Mathias exclaimed; we should do that more often. "What, the sex or the hay field?" I asked dryly. Mathias just laughed and rolled around until he lay on top of me, effectively pinning me to the ground. "Everything!" He kissed the tip of my nose.

"Get off," I growled, "you're heavy. Besides, my legs get cold. And we should get back, the others are probably worried." With another laugh, Mathias pushed himself up and on his feet. I scrambled to pick up my discarded pants and quickly climbed into them. I was pleased that Mathias had managed to catch all of my semen in his hand so nothing got on my clothes.

We walked back in silence, but it was a peaceful silence, our hands intertwined and fully satisfied.

The forest was silent, and if we hadn't been so high up in the clouds we would have noticed that it was too silent. Mathias squeezed my hand and I was looking up to him, smiling and he looked back, his usual enormous grin replaced by a tender smile, full of love. Neither of us was looking as we stepped into the camp.

It would have been better if we had looked. As I pulled my gaze from Mathias' face to look at our friends, I was instead greeted with the sight of a crossbow aimed at my head.

That couldn't be good.

...