Chapter Twelve: Im Falling In Love, And I Hope That You Want Me

He can't fucking believe it. As Dean walks into school the next morning, he can actually feel himself shaking. His eyes scan the hallways in search of Seth, because his anxiety over finding out who it was that he's gone on a date with the night before is sending tremors throughout his entire body. His teeth are clanging together in a way that's almost comical, causing him to clench his jaw.

I'm a fucking mess…

More than that, Dean's shocked that he even allowed himself to come to school today. After Seth left his house the night before, Dean couldn't stop thinking about who Seth could have been going to meet for a date. He sat in his bed for hours, afraid to lay down and fall asleep because he knew that he would only dream of Seth. He always did.

So he went to the garage and worked on a few cars. He worked until his fingers were numb and the sun was back up. He didn't have time to go home and change, so he came to school in his greasy, oil slicked clothes.

And although he would love to say that he came to school because he couldn't really afford to miss any more days, he knew why he really came: he had to see who this guy was.

But as it turned out, ignorance really is bliss.

When Dean reaches the hallway that his, Roman's, John's, and Seth's lockers are, he nearly chokes on his own spit when he sees Seth pressed up against the metal with… was that Randy Orton? Yeah, with Randy Orton's body pressed against him. Dean could feel his heart catch fire in his chest as he watched the two interact. It had crossed Dean's mind that maybe, just maybe, Seth didn't actually have a date. That maybe he had just said that in a fit of rage to make Dean mad or jealous. Or maybe Seth did have a date, but maybe he wouldn't actually end up liking the guy that much.

But now, it was starting to look like that had all been wishful thinking.

Seth is smiling at Randy, even giggling a bit, and Dean's starting to feel physically ill. How long has Seth even known Randy? How did they even start talking? When did…

Randy leans in and kisses Seth, cutting off any further thoughts Dean had.

And as quick as it happens, Dean can feel the bile rising from his stomach and to his throat. He takes off in the direction of the nearest bathroom. He doesn't notice it, but he runs passed John and Roman, who quickly take notice of his pale face and his hand over his mouth, and take off after him.

In the bathroom, Dean rushes into a stall and empties whatever could possibly be left in his stomach (he hadn't eaten since before Seth came over the previous day) into the toilet. Roman slowly opens the door and sighs.

"Dude, you okay?"

Dean shakes his head as he dry heaves a few time. He can't shake the fucking image from his head.

"What happened Dean?" Roman asks gently as he leans over and rubs circles over Dean's back.

Dean allows himself a few moments to collect himself: flushing the toilet, grabbing some toilet paper and wiping his mouth, and popping some gum from his pocket and into his mouth. He stands up and walks out of the bathroom, Roman following behind him. John is leaning against the sinks with a look of concern and confusion aimed at Dean. When Dean's sure he can open his mouth again without gagging, he replies, "Seth."

Roman furrows his eyebrows. "Seth?"

The dirty blonde nods. "And Orton. He was… They were…" Dean punches the tacky tiled wall. "When the fuck did they even start talking!"

Dean's voice echoes through the bathroom, causing John and Roman to jump. Dean punches the wall again with his right hand. And then his left. And when he goes for his right hand again, Roman grabs his elbow.

"Stop it, Dean. Just… slow down for a minute."

Dean pushes out of Roman's grasp and leaves the bathroom. John and Roman don't even think about it, but follow Dean out off pure instinct. Dean maneuvers around other students with a shocking ease. The couple following behind can vaguely hear him mumbling something under his breath, but both are too afraid to stop him or to even ask him where he's going, because neither of them really want Dean's already bloodied fists turned on them.

Dean turns down the hall where he last saw Seth and Randy and, thankfully, they're still there. He walks up and grabs Seth by the collar.

"Dean! Wha-"

Dean throws Seth out of the way before pulling his fist back, and delivering a punch to Randy that nearly knocked Dean himself off of his feet.

"Dean!" Three voices shout behind him, but Dean barley hears it. He straddles Randy's waist and attacks him with punch after punch.

"You don't fucking touch him! You hear me!" Dean screams. He's about to land another punch on Randy, but John pulls him up and off of the bloodied mess of a man. Dean kicks and screams, flailing his arms in a desperate attempt to free himself and get back to the beating. "He doesn't love you, you bitch! He never will! You don't mean shit to him!"

"Dean," John hisses in his ear. "chill, man."

A quick elbow to John's left eye is enough to free Dean of his grasp. He lunges himself at Randy once again, and this time decides to use his feet rather than his fists.

He's only able to land one kick, though, before Roman takes his turn at grabbing Dean and pulling him away.

Once again restrained, Dean starts yelling again, "You can't take him from me, Orton! I won't let you take him away from me!"

Roman hisses in Dean's ear, "You gotta get out of here before a teacher comes. Go!" He pushes Dean in the direction of the nearest exit, and Dean flees without a second thought. After watching him leave, Roman turns back around and looks at the carnage left in Dean's wake. Randy's on the floor still, a beaten and bloody mess, John's leaning against the lockers with his head back, probably trying to stop the blood from rushing out of his nose, and poor Seth is standing off to the side, eyes glistening and mouth half-agape in shock.

Roman doesn't even know where to start.

…

Dean drives himself back to the garage and picks up his motorcycle. He figures that he should probably go for a ride before he actually manages to kill someone.

He can't help but feel betrayed. He knows that its stupid and he knows that it doesn't make any sense but he does. This is exactly why he didn't want to get involved in relationships. They only ended badly. They only ended in someone getting their heart smashed into pieces.

But damn, Dean never thought that it would be his heart that got shattered.

Shit, he didn't know what to do. He couldn't allow himself to be with Seth, but… he couldn't allow anyone else to be with Seth either. But he couldn't actually do that, right? He couldn't keep beating up every guy that Seth talked to.

He didn't own Seth. But maybe…maybe it wasn't so bad that he wanted to.

Dean carefully takes one hand off of the motorcycle handle and palms the helmet on his head. A small smile slips through his angry scowl; the memory of the day he took Seth for a ride clouding his mind. Dean can't remember feeling quite as happy as he had that day. Seth clung to him like it was the safest place he could have been. Dean always loved making Seth feel safe. He sometimes felt as if his soul purpose on this earth was to protect Seth. To care for him.

Could he care for him in a way that was more than friendship? More than brotherly? He saw no point in denying his desire for it, but now it all came down to whether he would let himself. Whether he could actually face his demons.

…

The pounding on Dean's door break through his dreams and wakes him up with a start. A quick glance at the clock on his wall tells Dean that it's 3 in the morning. He rolls his eyes.

Mom forgot her fucking key again.

He rubs the sleep out of his eyes and stumbles to the door. But what he finds when he opens it isn't his drunk or drugged out mother, but a soaking wet Seth.

"John's in the hospital because of you!" Seth yells. From his voice alone, Dean has no problem drawing the conclusion that Seth's been crying. "And so is Randy!"

The mention of his name is enough to spark up a deep rage within Dean. He slams his door shut behind him as he joins Seth out in the pouring rain. "You think I give a shit where he is? Just because he's your little fucking boyfriend now, I suddenly have to care about what happens to him?"

"He's not my boyfriend!"

"Sure didn't look that way at school!"

"Fuck, Dean!" Seth hisses, running his hand through his drenched locks and turning away from Dean. They're both breathing heavily, and Dean can practically feel Seth's heart beating just as hard as his own. "Why are you doing this?" Seth's voice is much quieter now, and it forces Dean to take a step closer.

"Doing what?"

"Don't play dumb. You know exactly what you're doing! You make me feel like you're into me, but then you tell me that you can't be with me. So when I find someone who can be with me, you beat the shit out of them!"

Dean crosses his arms over his chest. "So what, you're over me now? Just like that? Not even a day goes by and you're already making out with some other guy?"

"That's not fucking fair Dean!"

"I just…" Dean sighs. He actually kind of wishes that he could punch something right now, but the last thing he wants to do is scare Seth off. "Seeing him kiss you today… I've never felt so angry in my life. I don't want him to have you. I don't want anyone to have you."

Seth frowns. "Do you even hear yourself? You don't make any sense, Dean. You don't want anyone else to have me, but you won't have me either."

"It's not that I won't…" He pauses, and frowns to himself. "I don't want you to love him… I want you to…"

Seth furrows his eyebrows and takes a step closer. Their chests are almost touching now, and despite it being pouring rain and freezing cold, Seth can feel the heat radiating off of Dean's body. "Want me to what?" When Dean doesn't answer, Seth uses a single knuckle to raise Dean's chin. "Dean, what are you talking about?"

Dean looks straight into Seth's eyes and lets out a shaky breath at the intensity he finds there. "I want you to love me." He whispers.

And now, Seth is crying again. He cups Dean's cheeks in his hands. "I do, Dean. I love you so much." He lets out a small laugh. "You were right when you told Randy that I'd never love him, because it's always been you Dean. I could never feel for Randy what I feel for you. How could you not see that?"

Dean lets out another strangled breath. "Seth, I…" But he can't find the words. He knows what he feels, he knows it, but he feel like he physically can't form the words. And when he feels Seth moving in closer and closer to his lips, Dean turns his head away.

Seth sighs and leaves Dean's embrace. "I can't do this anymore, Dean. I really can't."

"No wait, Seth, please-"

"I don't know what you want me to say." Seth raises his hands in confused exasperation. "You can't have it both ways. Either you take me, or you let me go. But I can't wait for you forever."

Dean can't tell the difference between his tears and the rain at this point. The sight of Seth walking away is enough to nearly drown him in both. But he knows that he can't let Seth walk away. Because if Seth walks away now, that's it. It's going to be over this time, and beating up other guys isn't going to make it better.

So he runs up behind Seth, turns him around, and crushes their lips together. Right there. In the pouring rain.

A/N: Title from the song The Way That I Am by Tove Lo

Also, sorry for the excessive use of the word fucking. But this was such an intense chapter and I really didn't know what other word to use. And I feel like it's kind of short, so sorry about that as well.