Chapter 2

Another week had passed since Hank had confronted Erin in her apartment and he still had gotten nowhere with her. He kept asking what was wrong and she kept refusing that anything was happening. He was getting more and more frustrated that she seemed to be building up her walls faster than ever. So, one day at the district he eventually got desperate and decided to try another route.

"Halstead," Hank barked, "My office." Jay got up with a confused look on his face and continued towards Voight's desk. He was racking his brain trying to remember if he'd done anything wrong but couldn't come up with anything. Sure he and Voight were never overly friendly towards each other but it was strange to just be called in there knowing he hadn't done anything. As he was closing the door, Hank motioned for him to sit down, which Jay then did. After a couple moments of awkward silence, Voight spoke,

"Listen. I know you and I aren't exactly best friends, or really even close for that matter, but I need your help." Jay was even more confused at this point, since when did Voight come to him for help? "It's Erin. I'm sure you've noticed she's not herself lately and I can't figure out what to do to help her." The whole meeting made sense to Jay now. Of course he had noticed she wasn't herself, hell he wasn't himself either after the two of them had called it quits. But she was the one that couldn't face Voight and own up to their relationship so there was no way Jay was going to let himself keep falling for her while she wasn't going to put in any effort. All that would lead to is even more heartbreak than he already had experienced from her.

"I know you two are close and I'm all out of ideas. I would just really appreciate it if you could talk to her, try to get her to open up, you know?" Voight finished.

"Listen," Jay started, "I'm all for helping her, you know I will always have her back, but I'm just not sure that right now I'm the one—"

"Jay." Hank interrupted, "This is not a suggestion. This is an order. She is your partner and as long as she's unfocused the two of you are a liability day in and day out as far as I'm concerned. Understood?" Halstead could feel Voight's eyes burning a hole in his head as he shifted his focus to the ground.

"Understood." Jay gave in. He had already lost a relationship because of the man before him and he was not about to lose a job as well.

"Okay then. Glad we're on the same page now, keep me updated on what you find out. You're dismissed now."

"Yes Sir." Jay responded back. And with that he got up and retreated back to his desk. He sat down with a sigh and avoided eye contact with the other members of the team, especially Erin. Although that wasn't too hard considering they had avoided each other like the plague whenever possible since the breakup had happened.

By the end of the day Jay had come up with a plan. He'd invite her over to have a few beers and watch the game and just ask her straight up what was going on. Easy enough right?

Wrong. Jay had never felt so nervous in his life. He had gotten Erin to agree to come over fairly easy, albeit she was a little shocked he had even asked, and before he knew it, there was only 5 minutes left until she was supposed to be there. He looked at himself in the mirror and debated everything from the shirt he was wearing to whether or not he should have offered to get wine instead of beer. This was the first time they'd hung out in months outside of work and to Jay it was like a first date all over again. But as he heard a knock on the door he reminded himself that this was not a date. Hell he and Erin weren't even remotely close to being together and she was the one who couldn't commit to their relationship in the first place. So he got himself together and went to the door to let her in.

She was still beautiful to him, just as she'd always been. Sure there were obvious traces of lack of sleep and stress strewn about her face, but her dimples were there, cute as ever, as she offered up a small smile. He returned the gesture and lead her into his place. They cracked open a couple of beers and settled in on the couch as the game begun, and for a while it was like nothing had ever happened between them and they were just two friends laughing and having a good time together. But then all the sudden Erin got quiet.

She wasn't sure what it was, maybe it was the fact that as he was doubled over in laughter she realized it had been so long since she had heard that laugh or maybe it was the fact that after all this time the smell of aftershave and a slight hint of gunpowder that was so distinctly Jay could still make her heart swell. But regardless, it hit her all of the sudden that no matter how much she wished it was, this wasn't her normal lately. Her normal was drinking herself into a stupor so that she could endure another night without Jay by her side. Her normal was sitting in a car only a few feet from Jay everyday yet not being able to tell him how much she missed him. No, this was definitely not her normal, and it sucked.

Jay noticed how she became sullen all of the sudden, and watched as her brow furrowed and she drifted away into deep thought.

"You want to talk about it?" He asked

"Huh?" Erin responded, clearly missing what he had said.

"I asked if you wanted to talk about it. Whatever it is that has gotten you in this mood lately."

"No, I'd actually rather not." She shot back. And just like that Erin had become closed off again. It was like a switch had gone off in her head and any sense of ease that had been between them for the past hour was gone.

"Er, come on." Halstead began again, "I know something's up. We all do. You've been so distant lately with everyone and don't even act like it's not noticeable that you come in every morning late and hungover. I'm concerned for you, Voight is concerned for you, everyone on our team is here ready to help you just have to let us."

"Like hell I do," she responded as she got up, "You know what, I think I'd better go anyways it's getting late."

"It's 8:30 Erin. That's way earlier than you've been coming home from what I've been told." She looked at him and chuckled while clearly pissed off.

"Great so you've been talking to Voight? What'd he do? Make you come over here and try to talk to me? Well I can tell you that's not gonna happen buddy." Erin continued to gather her things and headed towards the door.

"Lindsay, come on!" Jay reasoned, "Okay so maybe Voight did tell me to talk to you but it doesn't mean I don't care! You're my partner, I'd do anything to make sure your okay. Just please at least stay for the rest of the game." He looked at her with pleading eyes and she knew there was no way she could say no. She'd missed looking into those eyes so much over the past months, and no matter how angry she was at him, or Voight for that matter, she longed to just sit with him for a couple more hours.

"Fine," She gave in, "But in no way am I discussing anything with you, you got it?" She stood waiting for his response.

"Okay," Jay answered, "That's good enough for now."

So Lindsay returned to her position on the couch, slightly farther away from him than she had been before and focused her attention only on her beer and on the game.

It had been an hour or so of them sitting there in silence before Jay realized how much she had drank. While he had been nursing a single beer for the majority of the night, Erin had been pounding them back.

"Er, you think maybe that's enough?" Jay questioned as he motioned to the bottles surrounding her half of the table, "We do have work in the morning you know."

"Screw work," Erin responded as she chugged the rest of one bottle and went to go open another.

"I'm serious," Jay countered, "The amount you've been drinking lately can't be healthy."

"Yeah well how I'm feeling lately can't be healthy either but whatcha gonna do" she spit back.

He looked at her as she said that. There was a fire to her tone but when he looked into her eyes he saw anything but. They were dull, the usual glimmer that was there when she cracked a joke or when she teased him was gone without a trace. He could tell now that she was really hurting. There was no way she'd be this upset over nothing so he took a chance,

"Erin come on, tell me what's wrong." She looked at him and the dullness of her eyes was replaced with hurt.

"You don't think I want to?" Her voice wavered. "I wish more than anything I could tell you Jay but I can't"

"Why? I'm here for you, you know that, you can tell me anything."

"Here for me? Don't bullshit me Jay" she responded to Jay as the slurring of her words showed a mix between drunkness and hatred. He sat quietly for a second before answering,

"You know I'd do anything for you Erin," he spoke, "Don't try and pretend like you don't"

"Stop lying to me and yourself Jay," Erin responded as tears began to stream down her face. He hadn't ever seen her this vulnerable before and it took him by surprise. Just as he was about to say something back, she continued, choking on her words as she cried.

"You try to tell me that you care but you don't. You try to tell me that you're here for me and you're not. You wouldn't even have been sitting here with me tonight if hank hadn't made you and you know it. You tell me you're here for me as you're partner and that's clearly true Jay. You'd do anything for me. As partner. You couldn't give a shit about me outside of work and you know it." She had reached hysterics by now and Jay sat there stunned. She spoke from a place Jay knew was not okay. She continued in a softer tone,

"I know you don't care because you didn't fight for me. You didn't fight for me all those months ago in the locker room when I said we should cool it you just agreed. You didn't fight for me in the weeks after and you didn't bother to fight for me when we started to drift apart. If Voight hadn't told you to come here you would've just left me alone to be the piece of trash that I am. And what hurts the most is that I have been dying here without you Jay" her voice continuing to crack, "I haven't been able to function, let alone even sleep without you, and you've been able to go on like nothing had happened"

"Er," Jay almost whispered, not even sure where to start. Could it really all be his fault? How could he not have seen that the strong and amazing woman next to him had been slowly falling apart for so long? And how could she not have seen that he cared immensely for her? All the space he had given her had been because she wanted it, she had suggested it. But before he could say anything else she started to speak again in one of the softest and most grief-stricken tones Jay had ever heard,

"But then again why should this time be any different. No one has ever cared about Erin Lindsay. I should've just stayed on the streets where I belong". And with that her words faded away, and she leaned onto Jay as sobs coursed through her body. He didn't know what to do, as her words carried hatred towards him yet here she was clinging to him for dear life. So he simply sat there and rubbed her back while she continued to cry and wondered how she could not see how much of an amazing woman she was.